written on March 23, 2010 by K-chan the Epic
He's so beautiful. My God, he's so beautiful.
You promised yourself, you swore to yourself that you wouldn't look at him and you're screwing up again but you just can't help it because God is he beautiful.
You're sitting there on a log in the middle of the damned woods and it's your fault you two are so lost because you couldn't let him go for one moment, you couldn't just let him get broken and end up like you, and you want so badly to hold him in your arms and promise him that everything will end okay, but you know that he'll only push you away if you try. You just now realize that it would be stupid to make such a promise anyway, seeing as everything is your fault to begin with. You try to speak anyway, wishing that you knew just what to say, that you could make each and every word sound like poetry, and everyone would think you were so perfect and wonderful that they would actually look twice at you for once, and then maybe Demetrius would love you again, just like he used to.
"I'm sorry…" God, you're brilliant, absolutely fucking brilliant, aren't you, and why does your voice sound like you just woke up? It's better to close your mouth now, you idiot, before you start babbling again like you always do in his presence.
He turns to look at you and his glare is so full of contempt that it pains you to meet his eyes any longer and you are forced to look back down at your scabby knees, the way you were sitting before you opened your mouth and ruined everything. You don't understand why he can't just look at you and fall in love with you and kiss you so tenderly and forget all about stupid Hermia and stupid Lysander and stupid Egeus and stupid everything and just take you and leave.
You watch him turn his head away from you in the edges of your peripheral vision. God, that's all you're able to do, just watch him while he tramples your life and all the surrounding vegetation and he doesn't even know, he'll never know how much it used to hurt but now only a dull ache remains because, between the two of you, you've been stabbed so much that you can't really feel it anymore. His eyes have just said "I loathe you." and that is enough, that summarized this whole goddamned situation, and you barely even feel it anymore, you don't even notice that you're breaking all over again because you've done this so many times and you've cried so many tears that nothing is left and he hates you he hates you oh my God he hates you and you hate you too and everything has gone to shit and you can't even remember why you love him anymore.
You can't remember why anything is the way it is and suddenly your heart is on the ground and oh God, it's in pieces just like the rest of you and it's entirely your fault, everything is your fault, and Demetrius is walking away again.
So you pick yourself up and follow.
experimenting with a new style.
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