Disclaimer:SM owns everything.
A/N So I wanted to have a take on yet another story of our fav heroine Bella. This was something that sat in the corner of my mind for a little while.
Given that I'm a team Jake and Bella was stupid in the books I wanted to write a little one shot on her feelings after a many years. The only changes are that Jacob never imprinted on Nessie, because I'm against pedophilia, he imprinted on Bella, but knowing she was a leech he given her up, stopped phasing and he is long dead now. Sorry about that though. In fact none of the pack is alive.
This little story will be about Bella and her regrets at the obvious. Though Bella's behavior will be somehow occ I figured that this is how she would feel eventually. So Jacob was right, he would have been a better choice after all.
So I loosely used some words from the song Frozen by Within Temptation, I don't own that either.
On with the story.
It was one of those dark a dreary January days. After a hundred years we were finally going back home. To Forks. Well, not all of us. Nessie and Nahuel were traveling the world taking the advantage of the fact that they didn't need to hide from the sunshine in public.
Tomorrow would be January the 13th, exactly twenty five years earlier my best friend finally let go of me.
The death did us part. Though I was married to Edward, when I held Jake's hand for the last time I understood what a mistake my life was.
There in his eyes I finally saw the depth of the love, devotion and the strength of the imprint he held for me. It broke my heart when I realized that he was giving it up. That he wasn't fighting anymore. That I made him give up with my stupid choice.
Listening to his weak breaths and heart beats I let myself wander to that day in the clearing before the newborn fight.
I went back to the kiss we shared and the life I've seen I could have had with him.
Life is a bitch and the you die. Only Jacob was on his death bed and I wasn't following him. I would led that pointless existence knowing that little over a century earlier I've made one wrong choice and there was nothing I could do about it.
Now more that ever I understood the words Rosalie once said to me: 'I wish there was someone to vote no for me', they were biting me in the ass now. She was right and I was wrong, it was as simple as that. And nothing else.
I was frozen now and contrary to what I said in the past I could not find my soul again. I wish I could cry now, to let it all out, but I couldn't.
We were near the Forks now. The Cullens would take the residence in their old mansion.
Over the years I mastered the way of vampire life. I could lie, I could hide my true face and nobody, even Edward could tell I wasn't being honest.
They knew that something was off with me. Ever since Jake let the last breath out I was a shell.
I was withdrawing myself bit by bit.
To my surprise my shield came in handy. I discovered it had many more layers to it. With time
I learned how to block Alice and Jasper too. Even Nessie could not reach me any more.
I had that constant wall around me now.
I knew that there was no werewolves in La Push now, hell there was no really any Quileutes left there either, but the blood was not lost.
I made the Cullens promise to stir as far from La Push as possible. I would made one last trip over there tomorrow, just like I've done for the past twenty four years.
"Are you all right love? You didn't say anything the whole trip," Edward said to me as I exited the car in front of the house. He didn't know, he never would know.
Rosalie gave me a pointed look, she was the only one who understood, who knew.
I didn't say anything. I was not his love, I spat the word mentally. I hated him and what he did to me. It was a worthless trance I managed to fall into. Too late now...
The thing I was glad of was that none of my true family and friends, and most importantly Jake, would see what I was going to be. As much as I hated that life I was not ready to end it and follow Jake wherever he might be.
I heard a faint howl in the air and my heart was filled with longing over for the life I never have and the love I so recklessly lost. I knew that the wolf was nothing I wanted it to be, it was a regular wolf after all, but the sound brought up the warmth my body and soul was yearning for.
The warmth I would never feel again.
The warmth had died twenty five years ago and was not coming back, no matter how much
I wanted it too.
I wanted to crumble and hold myself together like I used to.
There was no Jacob to fix me up now.
I had to learn to put my best face forward and I learned to fool everyone.
I could feel a small hand on my back as someone passed me on the porch steps.
Alice.
Oh Alice.
We used to be friends once but becoming her sister only showed me how empty hers and everybody else life has been. All the things they've done was a charade to fill the void the living death left in its wake.
Ever since I blocked her visions completely we lost that connection we once shared. She become what Rosalie used to be in a way.
It was the same with the rest of the family. I pushed everyone away, even my daughter.
Then came Rosalie. She was my true friend in all this. She understood me and I her and though the words I told you so we hanging in the air between us, the sisterly love there was true.
I knew that Esme and Alice were jealous but I could not help it.
It was just before dawn when I left the house. Everyone knew where I was going to be and nobody ever tried to stop me. Even Edward.
Little did they know that it was the last time everyone would ever see Bella Cullen...
I reached the tribal cemetery just as the sky begun to lighten. The passing years have done a lot of damage, not only to the tombstones but to the people around. There was no longer a council in La Push which would make sure to take care of the dead. There was no longer people there who remembered them. For the past twenty five years only twelve graves were taken care of.
I read the names as I caressed every and each cold stone with mu equally cold hand.
Embry Call...
Quil Aetara Jr...
Paul Long...
Samuel and Emily Uley...
Leah Clearwater...
Seth Clearwater...
Collin Jones...
Brady Smith...
William Black...
Sue and Charlie Swan...
Jared and Kimberly Hawkins...
and Jacob Black...
My dead heart broke into million pieces again. I inhaled the crispy air once again. Even after all those years it smelled like home, it smelled like Jake...
I slowly made my way back into the forest and retrieved my small cell and dialed a number. The voice answered on the first ring.
"Yes I will be right there. Be ready," with that I crumbled the device in my hand.
I was a fast runner. It only took twenty minutes to reach Seattle airport. The private jet was waiting just as was arranged.
The black figure descended the stairs and greeted me like a long lost daughter who was finally coming home.
"Ah, welcome Isabella. I'm glad that you've made the choice, the right choice," he said.
"Yes Aro, it took me long enough but it had to be done the way it was. It will be the only right choice I would ever make," I chuckled.
I didn't feel bad that I left my family behind. It would be as if I never existed I wrote it on the note
I left for Edward. I knew it was a low blow but I did not care any more.
I died again those years ago with the last sweet breath of my best friend.
I ceased who I was then and now I was going to live my life in the way I wanted to. Without restraint, charade and pretending to be someone I would never be.
…
…
...
I only met the Cullens once after I left them. It was a forty years later. The Volturi liked to pay a visit to the larger covens from time to time. Standard precaution.
It was a short trip this time, they were leaving in northern Scotland. Aro requested for me to go since I could block Alice and be sure that they didn't run, not that they had the reason to. Aro promised that as long as I lived they would be safe. I didn't care beyond that, not anymore.
It was Jane, Demetri, Felix and I who went this time. The surprise and fear on Carlisle face when he opened the door was priceless. He didn't know I was there yet, I made sure that the hood of my cloak was doing the job.
We entered the house just as all the Cullens settled in the living room. Even Ness...
Felix squeezed my hand as we went in and sat on one of the sofas. When I finally took my hood off there was a collective gasp.
"Momma!" Nessie shouted and ran towards me but stopped short when I looked right back at her with my crimson eyes.
No, she wasn't expecting it, nobody was.
The hurt was evident in their faces. The disappointment was most pronounced in Carlisle face.
Edward was trying to say something but he was gaping like a fish out of the water instead.
All the questions were written on his face.
I would give him what he wanted. I cast my shield aside and let him know all the pain I suffered because I was to weak and stupid to choose right.
He crumbled on the floor from the sheer weight of my memories, decisions and feelings. He could see for a first time what kind of person I was now.
No I wasn't that, I was a shell, a walking dead shell ever since my imprint gave me up and left...
Yes, though I wasn't a werewolf I imprinted on him too, he was my everything and only his death opened that door in my heart and let it all out for me to realize...
I told you so never hurt so much like in that moment...
…
…
…
It's a hundred years to the day since I last looked in those gorgeous brown eyes.
It's a hundred years to the day since I said I loved someone for the last time.
It's a hundred years to the day since a death did us part.
I took one last breath and looked at the overgrown and cracked tombstone. The sun peaked through the thick clouds and decided to illuminate Jake's name in a warm, golden light.
I knew I was ready then to follow, to be where I was always suppose to be.
"I love you Jake," was my last words as the lighter flicked and I managed to see a purple smoke rising straight up.
Then it all went dark...
Then it was nothing more...
Then I was warm again...
A/N ok so that was it. Tell me what you think. I wasn't sure if Bady and Collin were siblings or not, So I made up the names. Sorry if I'm wrong.