Title: Come to me my sweetest friend, this is where we start again
Summary: Andy finds out she's pregnant directly after the season four finale.
Pairings: Traci + Andy friendship (mentions of Sam/Andy & Andy/Nick)
A/N: This started out as one of my Breakup Buddies drabbles, but the tone of it felt a little different to what I was going for in that series so I decided to make this its own one-shot. Been working on it for the past three hours and wanted to post it already, so excuse the mistakes. Title comes from "Come to Me" by The Goo Goo Dolls. Enjoy!
EDIT: Yes, there is some Nick in this story, you know since he and Andy were canonically in a relationship, but he isn't the focal point. There's also Sam and even a Luke mention, so if you don't like Nick or can't separate your feelings towards him to read this objectively, please just stop here.
The timer goes off on her phone and she looks down at the thin plastic stick, a happy face mockingly staring back up at her. Earlier she had done the math in her head and after realizing she was six weeks late, quickly went out and bought a pregnancy test.
Six weeks. Right now the fetus could be the size of a sweet pea, but to Andy it felt more like the size of a bowling ball. She lowers her head between her knees and takes in a ragged breath, now realizing that the nausea she's had for the past week must have been morning sickness rather than something she ate or stress.
"Andy, you okay in there?" Her hand snaps up when she hears Traci's voice, probably coming to check up on her when she didn't reappear in the hospital's waiting room.
"I'll be right out." Andy puts the cap back on the pregnancy test before stuffing it in the inside pocket of her jacket. Flushing the toilet in a show of normalcy, she opens the stall door and comes face to face with a very worried looking best friend. Andy brushes past her and takes longer than necessary to wash her hands, feeling Traci's inquisitive gaze on her back the whole time.
"I'm okay Trace. I'm not gonna drown myself in toilet water." Andy lamely jokes when she catches Traci's eyes in the mirror. Traci folds her arms across her chest and raises an eyebrow, clearly not buying what she's selling.
"If your hope was to make me less worried, you failed."
"I'm-"
Traci holds up a hand to stop her, "Fine? Yeah. I didn't believe you the first hundred times you said it and I don't believe you now. You've been in here for over half an hour."
Was it really that long? An irrational tide wave of worry crashes over Andy, like something bad might have happened in the thirty minutes she's been away from Sam's side.
"Is Sam okay? Did something happen while I was in here?" She can hear her voice turning manic but she doesn't care.
"Andy, he's fine. Nothing's changed. He's the same as he was an hour ago, stable but critical." Traci answers softly, compassion weaving through her words. There's a look on her face like she's about to start a serious talk and Andy feels all panicky.
"Have you heard from Marlo?" Andy evades, desperately trying to get out of talking about her feelings. She hasn't really been able to think about everything that's happened in the last four days, what with Sam's shooting and Nick's sudden silent disappearance from her life, let alone the ticking time bomb currently stuffed in her pocket, and she prefers to keep it that way.
"I haven't seen her for two days. I think she took a leave of absence once she found out Sam was out of surgery."
The remembrance of Sam surrounded by doctors creates knots in Andy's already troubled gut.
"Nick's been not so discreetly asking me about you."
And the knots multiply.
Traci's voice holds knowledge of what he's been to Andy, and when Andy stays silent despite the hint, Traci gives a small disheartened sigh. "I know we haven't been close for a while, especially with me trying to get my bearings as a detective, but I'm here for you Andy. You can always talk to me." If there's one thing Andy can't stand, it's Traci trying to make their lack of communication her fault. So she opens up.
"You don't have to apologize for anything Trace. This one is on me. The past few weeks have just been crazy busy, and then the whole Nick thing is new and…"
"You needed to be sure."
"Yeah."
"And are you?" Andy bites her lip, taking a moment to get her disheveled thoughts in order.
"I thought I was. Things with Nick are easy; easy like breathing. I never thought being with anyone could be so uncomplicated."
Traci waves a hand forward prompting her to continue. "But…"
"But then I heard the gun go off and watched Sam fall, and the thought of him dying reminded me of how I never stopped loving him." Words bubbled in her mouth, crawling over each other in an effort to come out. Seeing Sam on the ground, blood staining his shirt, brought all of Andy's feelings back. Feelings she thought dead and gone, suddenly open and bleeding like a wound that never quite healed properly. Traci's next words cut through the fog Andy can feel closing in around her.
"What else aren't you telling me?" Traci knows and can sense when something deeper is buried beneath the surface. Andy knows better than to try and lie, so reaching into her pocket, she pulls out the pregnancy test and places it on the counter. Looking down at the positive test result, Traci's eyes widen in understanding.
"So, what are you gonna do?" Always direct and never one to skate around an issue; that's Traci. Andy realizes with a heartfelt pang that she's missed the impartial honesty that comes from talking to her best friend.
"I don't know." When Andy's hands were pressed against Sam's wound, desperately trying to stop the hemorrhaging, she felt like history was repeating itself; like it was Luke bleeding out all over again. Was she doomed to watch the men she loved dying in front of her? Would the best thing be to cut Nick loose before he too got hurt?
And how would a baby fit into all of this?
With a start, Andy feels Traci's hand wipe a single tear that has fallen down her cheek. She hadn't even noticed her eyes getting misty and already starts cursing the hormones. Exhaling with a little self-conscious smile, Andy pulls away from Traci's touch and reaches for a tissue. Another emotional conversation in a bathroom, one strikingly similar yet crucially different, flashes through Andy's memory. It wasn't too long ago when they were in the other's shoes, and the ghost of Jerry suddenly hangs between them. Andy sniffs, trying to rein in her emotions.
"How are you? I know this has to be hard for you too." Andy asks, feeling slightly guilty for being so self-involved, not once bothering to think about what memories this shooting was triggering in her best friend, especially with the anniversary of Jerry's death coming up. She couldn't even imagine the sort of emotions Traci must be going through, having lost the one person she loved with her entire heart, other than her son. For a moment, unshed tears fill Traci's eyes and Andy wishes she never brought it up. But after taking a steadying breath, Traci smiles tentatively. "I'll be okay. I'm more worried about you though."
A well of affection overcomes Andy, and this time she doesn't blame it on hormones. Sometimes Andy wonders what she ever did to deserve a friend like Traci Nash. A woman with buckets of courage and even more heart.
"I love you Trace." The words leave her mouth without a second thought.
"I love you too babe." Comes Traci's immediate response and two watery smiles meet. The next thing they know, their arms are wrapping around each other and they are hugging and crying and laughing at themselves for doing all of this in the middle of the ladies' bathroom.
In that moment of friendship, the world doesn't seem as scary and Andy knows she'll be okay as long as she's got Traci by her side.
Carving out some time to do more writing is definitely one of my resolutions! Hope your holidays went well and happy new year! =)