Killed In Action
Chapter 1. Quarrel
Arafura sea
Flatfoot wait
The patrol was boring.
Since two weeks they haven't seen one single FFV. It looked like they knew the Hammersley was in the neighbourhood. Today it was an extremely hot and muggy day. It was one of those dog days. No wind and the sun stung. A perfect indication for the huge thunderstorm that was announced later today. Making all the crew grumpy, they had stopped making jokes. Sweaty overalls stuck to bodies.
Kate to suffered from the climate. She entered the bathroom of her cabin and looked in the mirror.
Damn heat and moisture. Theses bloody overall stick to my body. I'll pull out that stupid T-shirt. The guys wear their overalls on their bare skin, so why shouldn't I? Hopefully it will give me some refreshment.
She pulled out the grey T-shirt and splashed some fresh water on her face.
Then she pulled on the camouflage jacket again.
Ouch, the material is rougher than I thought. It sands my skin. Now even that again. Why can't everything go smoothly? Grrr. And Mike, why is he ignoring me?
She sighed.
I'm irritated by the smallest things. I feel like I want to shout and cry, but I don't know in which sequence.
She left her cabin and took her place again behind the radar screen. She watched the meteo info with a face like the coming storm. Sweat pearls stood on her forehead.
"X, how's the air pressure?" asked Mike.
"710 MB and it still decreasing" she said neutral. Kate gave no sign of a non-verbal communication.
Somewhat later.
"X, everything ok?" Mike said again.
"Yeah, I'm fine", she answered dull.
"I'm just asking because the whole afternoon you have walked around with a face like this coming storm."
"Very funny and yes, I'm fine," she answered again, now somewhat irritated.
A bit later.
"Actually, can I have a word in private … Sir?"
"All right, X, to my cabin then. Dutchy you have the ship," Mike said and he got up from his chair and headed to his cabin, followed by Kate.
Oops, this isn't a very good sign when she leaves a pause between her words and sir. Hopefully the storm isn' that heavy as the one we are going to have soon.
"Buffer has the ship," Dutchy confirmed.
Mike let Kate enter his cabin and followed. He closed the door and sat down at his desk.
"Well X, what's up?" He said a bit concerned.
"What's up?" "Well, this is exactly what's going on! Sir! I'm just wondering sir if I still have a name. X here, X there, X somewhere else. I just have the feeling that I'm just one of the crew, even less than them, because they often get a chat. But not for me. You avoid me unless strictly necessary. We have a relation, but I don't feel much of it. Nothing to be precise. I'm just wondering if you still feel something for me," she said firmly.
"Yes, but we can't do anything here? The rules won't allow it."
"Well, you apply them more than strictly, isn't it? Even not something off-the-job. I'm your executive officer and that's all? It's like that huh? Keep distance. And when we are in Cairns, then I'm your play to what ? Do I still mean something to you? You were appointed back to the Hammersley and that should have been for a couple of weeks. Now its been a couple of months and nothings happened . I'm wondering what you really love. The ocean or me? And if I can talk to you about the future on a rare occasion then you fob me off, " she continued annoyed.
"X, … uh Kate, I …"
Shit, I can bite on my tongue !
"X. Again ! Now it's very clear to me ... Sir ! I need some space," she answered angrily and she turned to leave.
"Kate, I … listen…" The door slammed in front of his nose.
Ouch, the heavy weather is here quicker than expected. Pfft
How can I get out of this again?
Mike went back to the bridge with the same mood as the coming storm. "Captain has the ship" he said calmly.
"Captain has the ship. Nothing to mention, just only the heat," Dutchy answered.
"Comfort yourself. Later today we will get a solid shower," Mike replied, trying to be a bit funny.
After Kate had slammed the door of Mike's cabin she entered her own cabin and closed the door. She looked aggressively around to find something to throw but she couldn't find anything that would not be broken afterwards. Then she plopped down on her rack.
Damn, why does he react like that? What am I doing wrong? What have I done wrong? Nothing, I hope? It's like that. He doesn't see me. Not even a kind word, not even a sign. Nevertheless I could be Charge or Swain. Is it maybe me? Is he tired of looking at me and he dares not to say it. I know, he's not a bright light in talking about feelings. Or maybe, I'm not attractive enough?
Kate covered her face with her hands and sobbed.
After a few minutes she forced her to pull herself back together.
Come on, Kate, girl, take a deep breath. It will be the weather. A bad day. Go back to the bridge and observe the weather conditions.
Kate left her cabin and went back to the bridge where she took her place again at the radar and the navigation screen. Mike saw that she had red, puffy eyes but he didn't say anything.
A bit later he was looking at her without her noticing it.
What have I said wrong? I don't know. We're on business. We're professional. Did I screw it up by her now? I can't even talk about it because we're not in the position to do so. Everybody can see or hear us.
She felt he was looking and looked up at him. Instantly he turned his head back to the wind screen.
Afterwards she was also looking at him without him noticing it.
Did I screw it up with him now? I shouted at him. Was I wrong? Yes, no? But why does he ignore me? Not even a whispered cute word. It's like I'm a complete stranger to him.
But just like she felt it, he felt also knew she was looking at him and he looked at her and she turned automatically her head to the radar screen.
Later that day, the sea had become more rough.
Kate sat in her cabin and Mike got two mugs of coffee and was on his way to her. He knocked on her cabin door.
"Uh, come in." He heard through the door.
He fiddled with the crank of the door to open in and got inside. Her laptop was open and there were files open, but apparently she was side tracked by the events of the afternoon because he saw that she shoved something under her laptop and she wiped tears away with her other hand.
"Uh, Kate, I thought you would like a brew?"
"Yeah, thank you, … sir," she answered.
"Come on, don't be odd now."
"Odd? Who's doing odd," she asked firmly. "Are you so afraid of those rules that you can't even be friendly and be just only businesslike?"
"Yes, but we have to take care?"
"I know that god, but there are always moments that you can pass them? Little things, but that's not even possible. Or are you tired of looking at me and you can't say it?" she snapped at him.
"But no, that's not true," he answered hurtfully.
"Yeah, that's easily said, but is possible, huh. I'm not attractive enough, not sexy enough."
"Don't say that like this. You should know better," he said uneasily.
"Yeah, but you don't let it feel," she said with emphasis.
Meanwhile they heard RO's voice through the loud-speakers. "Captain to the bridge."
"Yes, uh sorry, but I really feel for you." He tried to convince her.
"Hmm, go now, they are waiting for you."
Mike was already halfway through the door.
"Mike?"
He poked his head back in, "Yeah?"
"Thanks anyway for the brew!" she said with a faint smile.
"Pleasure", he replied, also with a faint smile.
He closed the door and she stared blankly to her screen. Finally she took the mug and took a sip. Then she pulled the photo back from under her laptop. It was a photo from them both, taken at the terrace of his parents. Both were in evening dress, ready to go to a show in the city. She turned the photo and read the text she had written on it. 'Once we will be together !'
When will that be? It's now further away than ever.
Then the words became blurry for her eyes again. She stood up to put the photo back in her locker and she took a tissue.
Mike took the staircase to the bridge.
Oops, the storm is not over yet. I hope I can convince her. It's not easy to resolve this here.
Dutchy was waiting for him at the bridge.
"Boss, the air pressure has decreased again and the storm increased. I think it would be interesting to change course with these shallow waters in front of us…"
A couple of days later the Hammersley returned to the base in Cairns and the crew had shore leave. Mike and Kate had avoided each other after the storm unless it was necessary for the job. They had looked at each other not knowing how to start to resolve the problem.
Mike stood at the gangway when the crew left the boat. Kate had packed her stuff in a huge sports bag and she too left her cabin. At the gangway they stood together.
"Sir, that's it for this time," she said, while she saluted him.
"Yes X, indeed," he answered her salute.
They didn't move, their eyes locked.
"Do we do something?" Mike asked prudently.
"Tomorrow? As usual?" she answered while she shrugged.
"Ok, I'll be there," he said.
She left and greeted the flag. At the quay she looked back to him and he nodded to her.
Hmm, the door is not completely closed yet. But she didn't seem very enthusiastic. Anyhow, it's not totally screwed up.
Kate drove as usual straight to her house and entered.
Her habit was that she pulled out her boots in the vestibule. Then she usually walked to her washing machine with her sports bag where she put everything in the machine that belonged together. Normally she undressed herself there and she put her uniform and socks also in it. When she activated the machine, she used to walk in her underwear to the bathroom to take a long shower. Afterwards she went to the supermarket to make purchases for the shore leave, depending from the time they arrived at the base.
Now Kate dropped the bag in the hall and went straight to the living room, poured herself a small glass of Whisky, the one she has for Mike. She put the glass on the table and plopped down at her couch. She sighed and pulled out her boots and socks and sat sprawled dropped at her couch.
She took a few sips and started to talk to herself.
"Damn, I'm tired. What do I have to do? Why doesn't he say a single cute word to me? I love him, but does he? I still hope it is, otherwise I don't know what to do.
Then it would be the second time it should overcome me.
What could be the reason? I'm nice to him.
Would it be the way I'm dressed?
My figure? "
She sighed again.
The whisky did not what she hoped, cheering her up, but it made her gloomy and sad.
"I'm convinced I'm not attractive enough.
Mike what have you done to me?
Am I just the next toy? Just like you did to Maxine, years ago? You can't deny it. Ryan is there.
Damn, Mike, how can I win you for me?"
A lump was forming in her throat.
She swallowed a few times, but then she gave up.
Who cares ! Nobody can see me here. I can let everything out.
She started crying.
"Oh God, I wished I could talk about this to someone ! I've always been alone and I still am. I'm sick of playing a role. I'm doing that already for whole my life. Playing the strong, fierce officer, cool and straight forward. I want to be myself with Mike, tender, soft, cute, romantic. I wished Nikki was still here, then I could talk about it. She would understand."
She was not aware that a kilometre further someone else was pacing through his living room, also with a glass of whisky in his hand wondering how he could convince her that he loves her.
Kate stayed on her couch for a couple of minutes till she calmed down. She got upright, wiped her tears, picked up her boots and socks and went with the sports bag to the washing machine. She was so far distracted with thinking how to convince Mike that she undressed her completely. All of a sudden she realised it.
"Damn, I've got nothing on now.
Nah, I'm alone, nobody can see me."
And she walked nude to her bathroom.
Here she stood in front of the mirror and looked at herself.
"Hmm, I'm ok." Then she looked at her boobs. "I'm not a Bomber, but he has to be happy with it, nah!"
After a long shower she went to her wardrobe.
"Let's have a look, do I have something attractive for him?"
She shoved things from one side to the other, pulled other items out looked at them, put them back and sometimes she laid them on her bed. Then she held the selection one by one in front of her for the mirror and shook her head.
"Too dull."
"Too classic."
"Too virtuous."
Finally she put everything back in the wardrobe and plopped on her bed and lay down.
"Lieutenant Kate McGregor, you're 35 years old. You're lying in your underwear on your bed, staring at the ceiling, not knowing what to put on to convince your lover. You're as dull as on board. Great! Oh God, what a crazy situation !"
She got upright .
"Right !" she said convinced, "Tomorrow I go shopping, a dress, shoes, some make up. Now I'll see I go to the supermarket to get something fresh otherwise I'll have to dive in my fridge."
She put on a jeans skirt and a T-shit and had a quick look at the mirror in the hall before she left for the supermarket. She looked at her face with red puffy eyes.
Hmm, I'm looking attractive that way. Great! Luckily it's only for the supermarket.