Disclaimer : I do not own any of the characters as they are the property of J.K. Rowling. No copyright infringements are intended.

Trigger warnings : Self harm, mentions of suicide.

Chapter 1

I'm not okay

The room was dark; Harry could barely see anything but a light moon ray landing before his feet. He was sitting alone on the floor of an empty classroom, his invisibility cloak next to him. Outside, the snow was becoming thicker on the border of the windows, shining under the moonlight.

It was Christmas holidays and honestly Harry didn't feel like celebrating. He'd stayed at Hogwarts while Ron and Hermione went back to the Burrow. It was his choice, of course. Molly had told him that he would always be welcome in the Weasley's house, but he'd declined the invitation with a faint smile on King's cross platform back in September.

He didn't deserve all this. He didn't deserve people's friendship and he didn't belong in the Weasley family, not after Fred's death, not after one of Molly's son was gone because of him. Even dating Ginny didn't make Harry feel like he deserved a place in her family. She had gone home too for Christmas, trying to convince him to join her.

"You need your family more than I do, Ginny, go home, don't feel bad about me I'll be fine I promise. I just need a bit of time alone"

Indeed, he needed to be alone. His seventh year at Hogwarts was mentally draining, not only because of the load of homework the N.E.W.T.S year required, he was tired of everyone looking at him with pity. Even his friends Ron and Hermione were too much presence sometimes.

Harry intended to spend the whole Christmas break alone, allowing himself to dwell on his sadness without having to deal with the worried looks that usually came with it.

That's why he was sitting in this room, to be away from the few Gryffindors that stayed too. The common room was way too cheerful for his taste with all the Christmas decorations anyway.

Harry stretched his arms, which caused a moon ray to land on his right hand, where faint letters shone, reminding him of Umbridge's quill. He wished he had the quill, he would write over and over, until the words I am sorry were covering his entire body. Then maybe he would feel better about himself.

Harry's thoughts were interrupted by footsteps nearby in the hallway. He quickly covered himself with his invisibility cloak, in case Filch decided to check the classroom. His intuition seemed quite right as he heard the door opening silently, then saw a silhouette sliding into the room.

Harry froze instantly, startled, and held his breath. What was Malfoy doing here ?

Draco stayed his back against the door for a few minutes, drawing in sharp breaths between his teeth, his hearth pounding in his chest. The piece of parchment in his shaking hand was crumpled. He couldn't believe it. Draco unfolded the letter to read it again. Lumos.

Mr Draco Malfoy

This is with great regret that we are sending you this letter to inform you that Mrs Narcissa Malfoy, born Black, passed away this afternoon in her bed at St Mungo's hospital.

Sincere condolences

St Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries.

Mother was gone, just like father. Draco tried to fight back the tears in his eyes in vain, and found himself collapsing to the floor, his knees to his chest, his fist clenched around the damn piece of parchment.

He'd thought the fall of the Dark Lord would be the end of all his troubles, but he had been highly mistaken. Draco's mother never recovered from the loss of her husband during the battle of Hogwarts, and had let herself die a little bit more everyday ever since, ending in a bed at St Mungo's when she became too frail to even eat.

You're alone now, said a vicious voice in his head, everyone knows you were a Death Eater, your name is stained and all the people you ever cared about are gone. Face it Draco, you'd better join your mum and dad.

Shut up. Shut up. "SHUT UP !"

The words burst out louder than he had expected, echoing in the empty room.

"I didn't say anything" answered a voice.

"Who's there?" asked Draco, startled by the fact that he'd let himself cry in front of someone else. He was already on his feet, his wand out and ready to strike.

Footsteps echoed toward him, but he couldn't see anyone.

"Expelliarmus"

His wand flew in the air and landed about ten feet away from him, leaving Draco vulnerable to whoever was with him in the room.

"Sorry Malfoy, I can't take any risk of being jinxed" said Potter's voice, although it didn't sound sorry at all.

"Is lurking in the dark one of your new hobbies, Potter ?" spat Draco.

"I happened to be here first, Malfoy. Go find yourself another corner to cry", said Harry Potter as he revealed himself, his wand still pointing at his chest. He looked skinnier than usual, noticed Draco, with huge dark circles under his eyes. "What are you doing here ?"

"I could ask you the same question." Retorted the dark haired man in front of him. "But from what I saw I can tell you needed a quiet place". There was almost sympathy in Potter's voice, and Draco didn't like this at all. His pity was the last thing he needed.

"Save me your thoughtful comments and leave me the fuck alone, Potter"

"Fine, just leave then, the door is this way".

Draco made a few steps to retrieve his wand and was about to turn away and leave, when his eyes fell on Potter, who had sat on the floor in the middle of a moonlit square, with his jaws clenched. He seemed to have already forgotten that Draco was still here. He looked incredibly sad.

Suddenly, Draco realized he was an orphan too, now. Just like Potter was.

'Must be the only thing we have in common, thought Draco.

"What ?"

Shit did he just say that out loud ? The look on Potter's face was quizzical, as if he actually was interested in what Draco just said.

"Nothing" Draco snapped.

"Well if we do have anything in common, I'd rather do my best to not share whatever it is with you anymore" said Potter.

"Good luck on bringing your parents back to life then."

Harry stoop up so quick his head felt dizzy. He was staring at Malfoy with his fists clenched and a murderous look in his eyes. Then, what Malfoy told him settled in his head and he fully realized the meaning of what that meant.

His expression softened slightly. As much as he hated the git, Harry had lost too many people he cared about himself to not empathize with him.

"Your mum—?" he muttered.

"I. Do. Not. Need. Your. Pity. Potter." hissed Malfoy slowly between his teeth, which reminded Harry of Snape. He then took a few steps toward Harry with his wand pointing at his neck. Harry could see Malfoy was shaking and his eyes were still red.

The tension in the room was so thick you could cut it, only Malfoy's angry breaths could be heard. Harry's mind was racing, trying to decide of the wisest thing to do in his situation. Malfoy's wand was digging into his neck, making it difficult for him to breathe correctly but he didn't dare to move. The boy attacking him was in a really fragile state of mind and Harry was pretty sure the killing curse was on the tip of Malfoy's tongue.

He decided to put his pride aside and surrender, dropping his own wand on the floor and raising his hands. Dying wasn't much of a problem for Harry, in fact the idea seemed sometimes appealing to him. He just hated Malfoy too much to accept dying by his arch-nemesis' hand.

"Here, just calm down Malfoy."

The blonde's eyes darted to Harry's left wrist which had been revealed when he raised his hands.

Shit, thought Harry.

Draco frowned, looking at the faint pink scars on Potter's forearm.

The pressure of his wand on the dark haired wizard softened, not totally withdrawing from his neck. He knew better than to lower his attention while confronting Potter. So The Boy Who Lived And Saved The World From The Most Evil Wizard Ever was having trouble celebrating the end of the war?

Draco knew there'd been losses during the war, one of the Weasley twins was gone, as well as his cousin Nymphadora and her husband Lupin. Draco himself was still mourning some fellow slytherins. He even missed Crabbe, despite the guy's allegiance to the Dark Lord until his death. And Father.

Don't go there. Don't think about it.

Draco forced himself to breathe, his thoughts refocusing on the present situation.

He had expected Potter to be bragging about his victory like the Gryffindor he was. Instead, Draco was now staring at what obviously looked like self-harm scars on Potter's wrists.

He quickly glanced at Potter and was taken aback by the defiant look in the boy's green eyes who, noticing the blonde's hesitation, took advantage of it and freed himself in a quick move.

Draco's wand was thrown on the floor once again and his arm found itself locked in his back, unable to move under Potter's firm grip.

"Don't you fucking dare say a word about this to anyone Malfoy or I'll make you regret it" hissed the Gryffindor in his ear. The cold tone was nothing like Potter's usual snarky remarks to Draco's provocations.

He really means it.

Potter suddenly released him with a thrust and gathered his belongings in a hurry before storming out of the room, leaving a wordless Draco in the room.

Thanks for reading !

English isn't my first language so please let me know if there's any mistake. I'm also possibly looking for a beta reader so let me know if you're interested :) Reviews are also really appreciated.