Magnus stared across the room at Alec. Alec has fallen fast asleep in Magnus's king- sized bed hours ago. Magnus, though, had not been able to fall asleep. He turned away, swiveling his head to face his cat, Chairman Meow. He lifted his hand, as if to pet the cat, but then put it back into his lap. The cat wandered out the open door. Magnus didn't have the energy tonight.
He turned his head back to face the bed, staring once again. He had spent the last two hours doing this. His thoughts were overwhelming. Every time he looked in the bed at the person sprawled in those blankets, he saw a new face. It was never Alec that he saw. He saw past girlfriends and boyfriends, faces blurry, some deformed. He saw Camille, Will, and tons of other faces mixed into the bunch. All people whom he had cared about in the past, had a relationship with, or just knew. It caused him great pain to see that over half of these faces were deceased.
Magnus walked over to the bed and sat on the edge. The comforter was a dark purple, with matching pillow cases. He stuffed his legs underneath the comforter, still thinking, as he lay his head against a pillow. He loved Alec... right? Then what was the problem? He had been having terrible thoughts like this for the past few nights, not being able to catch any rest. He knew the problem; he just didn't want to admit it to himself.
The problem was that he didn't want to love and lose someone again. He didn't want to spend the rest of Alec's life loving him, watching him grow old, and then dying only to leave Magnus alone. But if you truly love someone, that shouldn't matter, right? Magnus had no idea. What he did know, was that, Camille or even himself could make Alec immortal, if that's what they wanted. Magnus knew that Alec would do anything to be with him forever, even if it meant losing the title of Shadowhunter. But Magnus didn't want to make Alec go through that; the humiliation he might receive from his family.
Magnus rolled over onto his left side. He felt a great deal of pain, every time he thought about Alec. Alec had a tricky family: Jace who was extremely sarcastic, but also didn't know other's limits, Isabelle who would probably be the most accepting, but still disappointed, and his parents, who lived for the Shadowhunter name. Would Alec purposefully disappoint them, and for someone like Magnus?
Magnus shook Alec awake. "Hmm... what?" Alec moaned.
"Can we talk?" Magnus wondered, feeling a bit insecure about the incoming conversation.
Alec sat up, stretching his arms, "Sure... did I forget to feed the cat again? I'm really sorry it's jus-" Magnus cut him off.
"No. No, it's not that. I just... I've been contemplating things lately... like our relationship."
"Oh." was all Alec could get out.
"I really want this to work out, I do, but there are a few problems with our situations." Magnus continued.
Alec gave him a weary glance, "Problems?"
"Yes. You see, my big one is... how do I word this? I don't want to lose you like I've lost the rest of my loved ones, just to be left alone. You will grow old, and I..."
"I see. We could always cast some spell to make me immortal. I'm willing to do that for you." Alec set his hand lightly on Magnus's arm, trying to be reassuring. Magnus understood that Alec was also trying to show that he cared.
"But are you willing to lose your title of Shadowhunter?" Magnus stared into Alec's face. Alec saw and glanced away quickly, trying to hide his emotions of pain and sadness. Magnus hated thrusting this upon Alec at 2 in the morning, but they needed to have this conversation.
"Magnus, I love you. I want to be with you forever, even if it means... not being a Shadowhunter." Alec sent Magnus a smile that held tons of pain within it. Magnus knew that Alec hated having to make this decision.
Magnus found the nerve to speak, " Of course you say that now, but could honestly be able to stand me for eternity? Would we still be together, traveling the world, at the young age of 1,000?"
"There is so much I don't know about you, so much I want to learn. I want to see the world with you, hear every story you've had from each place we go, create my own stories that involve you. I want to be able to dance, and sing, and read with you, and learn every little thing about you. And that, my love, may take longer than eternity."
"I will talk to your family tomorrow then." Magnus decided.
He smiled. Alec set his arms around Magnus's body, gripping him hard. Neither of them wanted to let go of the other. Alec pulled away a bit, but still kept a firm grip on Magnus's waist. Alec stared deep into Magnus's cat green eyes, and kissed him gently on the nose.
"Magnus Bane, I love you, and it's about time you realize it!"