Brace Myself For The Goodbye
Summary: A new school year is starting, and while Brittany will redo her senior year at McKinley, Santana will leave to start on her future. The distance will change their relationship, but will their feelings for eachother be strong enough to get through this? - Based on Glee's Season 4.
Rated M for smut.
Contains SPOILERS of Season 4 of Glee. Note that not all events in this fanfic are spoilers from the upcoming season. I wanted to base this story on season 4, so I couldn't not put in some spoilers of events that according to some sources, will occur in the tv series.
Enjoy reading!
Chapter 1: Summer
_
Santana lay on the bed staring at the white ceiling while absentmindly stroking her fingers through Brittany's blonde locks. Brittany had fallen asleep with her head on her chest and teary eyes.
Teary, because Santana would leave.
It was inevitable. She would either go to Louisville or to New York, and Brittany would be staying right here in Lima.
Santana was terrified. She was scared of being away from Brittany. Her whole life had been built around her. Being without her would be such a change, and she didn't know if she could handle it. She had only started realizing how much she depended on Brittany when she realized she would be leaving.
She still had some time to figure out where to go, but she already knew it wouldn't really matter. She would feel lost wherever she went, because Brittany wouldn't be with her.
_
New York.
Everything about the city screamed her name, but it was also unfamiliar and scary. Her dream was New York, but going there would be a bold thing to do, because she didn't know what the future there would bring.
Louisville.
Louisville was unfamiliar too, but somehow she felt more home there than she did in New York. Louisville gave her a reassuring future. She would go to the University, and she could build up a life afterwards with a degree. If she went to New York, she wouldn't have that.
Besides, Brittany picked Louisville for her. It was her that had gotten her into the University. Cheerleading was familiar, and it felt like a safe choice. She knew staying a cheerleader for the rest of her life wasn't her dream, but frankly, she did like cheerleading.
So ultimately, the question was, would she follow her dreams and be unsure of her future, or would she settle for doing something she liked, but what wasn't her dream, and have a reassuring future?
Would she make the bold choice or the safe one?
_
Santana smiled with adoration at the look of utter concentration on Brittany's face. Her tongue stuck out from between her lips as she looked at the grass in front of her.
She finally leaped forward and threw her hands down, placing them on the grass, shifting her weight onto her hands while throwing her bare legs up in the air into a cartwheel. As soon as one of her feet landed on the ground, she placed her hands on the ground again, horizontally this time, and jumped up again in a swift movement. When her feet were high in the sky again, she pushed her hands away from the ground, flipping her legs further, and just when Santana thought she would land on her feet, Brittany's feet glided over the grass, parting her legs further until she landed casually into the splits.
The wide smile that washed over her face as she turned her head to look at Santana over her shoulder, checking if she had been watching. The slightly astounded and proud look on her face told her she had been, and Brittany's smile grew, almost making her cheeks hurt as she gracefully stood up on her feet again, bouncing a bit on her heels.
And right at that moment, she knew what her choice would be. Seeing Brittany do what she loved, cheerleading, just made her so happy. Louisville was what Brittany would choose, and it was what Brittany had chosen for her. She couldn't choose between Louisville and New York, but only realized now that Brittany had unconsiously helped her make that choice already. Her whole highschool life she had been on the Cheerios with Brittany. She had so many good memories of cheerleading. If she could hold onto that just a little longer, she would.
"I think I'm going to the University of Louisville," she said as Brittany approached the sun lounger where Santana was resting on in a simple black bikini and aviator sunglasses. She tilted Santana's legs up and sat down before placing them back on her lap.
"Yeah?" She smiled broadly, tickling Santana's creamy legs with her fingers.
"Yeah, I mean, New York is really great, but if I go there, nothing in my life would be solid. I wouldn't go to college, and I would try following my dreams while scrambling by. If I go to Louisville, I'll have some reassurance. I'll go to University, and I'll be able to think about my future more. It'll be easier to succeed," she explained.
Brittany nodded with a soft smile on her face and looked at her with proud, bright eyes.
"I know that you'll succeed in whatever you do, San." She gently squeezed Santana's calves, sending her an affectionate smile.
"You make it sound like I'm some sort of amazing Godess that can do anything," she chuckled.
"Mhmm," Brittany grinned, "you are kind of amazing," she said playfully as she leaned closer and removed Santana's sunglasses, placing them on the grass next to them. She rested one of her hands next to Santana's head while she tilted Santana's legs up a bit with her other arm so that she could scoot closer, and was able to reach her lips.
Santana grinned widely before their lips touched and brought her hand up to run over Brittany's bare waist. She moved her hand upwards, tracing her fingers over the thin lace of Brittany's yellow bikini.
"You know," she mumbled against her lips before breaking away, a smug smile on her lips, "you look incredibly sexy in that cute bikini of yours."
Brittany chuckled shyly, grazing her nose over the dimple in Santana's cheek.
"But you look even sexier out of it," she whispered playfully against Brittany's hovering lips.
"Oh really?" she said grinning contently, closing the gap between their lips again. She slowly dipped her tongue out, running it over Santana's puffy lower lip, while brushing her hand up her thigh towards her hip, creating a trail of tingles on the soft skin.
"Mhmm," Santana hummed, trying to preserve her tone, but sounding somewhat desperate for Brittany's touch. She was already breathing heavily as she tried not to focus too much on Brittany's hand brushing from her hip to her inner thigh and back.
"Well then I suggest we go back inside so you can help me get rid of them," she purred against Santana's lips.
"Why bother going inside?" she breathed, taking Brittany's lower lip between her own, sucking briefly before releasing it with a small popping sound. "Nobody's home and these hedges are high enough to keep dirty neighbors from perving over two hot girls."
"Two hot naked girls," Brittany corrected as she reached behind her own back with a playful smirk and pulled on the laces there, freeing the tied knot of her bikini. Meanwhile Santana untied the other one around her neck and quickly discarded the item, flinging it across the backyard.
"You're so sexy, Britt," she muttered as she moved her hands over the curves of Brittany's waist. She kissed Brittany again, feeling the soft hums coming from the back of Brittany's throat vibrate against her tongue as she pushed it inside Brittany's mouth. Her hands trailed further upwards, thumbs brushing over the round curves just under her breasts.
Brittany's breath hitched when she cupped one of Brittany's breasts, slowly flicking her thumb over the hardening nipple. Brittany let out a moan that pierced right through Santana's body, increasing the throbbing feeling between her legs.
Brittany broke the kiss to try to catch her breath, but everytime Santana teased her nipple with her fingers, her breath hitched. Santana smirked satisfied as she moved her lips towards Brittany's jaw, kissing and sucking her way there.
She kept kissing and flicking her thumb over Brittany's hardened nipple, loving the uneven breaths Brittany sucked in every time she did so, until Brittany suddenly broke away.
Santana was confused for a moment when Brittany lifted her legs up from her lap and stood up from the sun lounger, but then she watched as Brittany shimmied out of her yellow bikini bottoms, stepping out of them before climbing back onto the sun lounger, straddling Santana's hips.
Santana let out an uneven breath when she felt Brittany's soaking sex touch her lower stomach. She clenched her muscles as she immediately brought one hand down, eager to touch her. She ran two fingers through Brittany's folds, her eyes flickering over her face, watching her reaction.
Brittany let out a low, desperate moan, slightly tilting her head back in her neck, her blonde hair tickling her own bare shoulders and back. Her face showed a certain determination that turned Santana on even more. She ran her fingers through her folds again, this time caressing Brittany's clit gently with her thumb.
Brittany let out a strangled breath, her body curling forward. She moved her hands to both sides of Santana's head to prop herself up as her head fell forward, her hair keeping Santana from being able to see her face.
She moved Brittany's hair away with her free hand, holding it behind her neck. Brittany had her eyes squeezed closed in utter concentration, and Santana could feel the throb between her own legs tighten when one of Brittany's hands descended downwards. She felt fingers curl around her own, guiding her towards Brittany's entrance before slipping them in.
They both moaned at the sensation. Brittany placed her hand beside Santana's head again, shifting her weight as she slowly started rocking back and forth on Santana's hand.
"Oh God, you're so hot," Santana murmured as she watched Brittany move on her hand. She started canting her own hips forward against her hand, the friction against her clit making her soaking wet. She moaned as she watched Brittany starting to rock faster, pushing herself up and down on Santana's fingers.
"Ungh..." Brittany cried out, biting her lip and moving her head closer to Santana's to rest their foreheads against eachother's. She slowly opened her eyes and blinked a few times, locking gazes with Santana's dark, lustful ones.
Everytime Brittany picked up her pace and pushed down into Santana's hand, the back of her hand rubbed against her own clit, increasing her own pleasure. Her hand was stuck between their hips, but she occasionally curled her fingers inside Brittany. The sounds that escaped Brittany's body everytime she did so made herself come closer to the edge already.
"Fuck," Brittany breathed, "I'm gonna come." She started moving even faster, eventhough her body was exhausted.
Santana whimpered, canting her hips forcefully against the back of her hand, desperate to come with Brittany. She was so close, but she just needed an extra touch.
Brittany sensed her struggle and moved one of her hands down Santana's body, shifting her weight onto her other arm. She squirmed her hand behind Santana's hand, slipping it inside Santana's bikini and immediately pushing two fingers inside of her while pressing down on her clit.
"Brih-" She desperately buckled her hips forward as she felt Brittany do the same on her own hand. They panted heavily, their breaths mixing between their faces, gazes still locked.
After just a few thrusts, they both tensed as their inner walls contracted on eachother's fingers. Brittany kept rocking throughout her orgasm, letting out uneven gasps, while Santana was frozen, mouth agape as she tried prolonging her climax. After a while she started rocking her hips again in the same manner as Brittany was, letting out gasps as she was still clenched around Brittany's fingers.
Finally their bodies came down from their highs and they relaxed. Brittany removed her hand from Santana's bikini, pulling her hips up from Santana's so that she could do the same.
Santana wrapped her arms around Brittany's waist as Brittany dropped herself down on top of her, sliding her arms around Santana's neck as she rested her head on her shoulder.
They both panted heavily, their hearts beating eratically in their chests, their bodies still tingling from what had just happened.
"That," Santana started, taking another deep breath, "was amazing."
Brittany simply smiled, turning her head to press a delicate kiss to Santana's shoulder.
_
"Catch," Brittany pulled a white tanktop from her closet and threw it at Santana.
She caught it and absentmindly pulled it over her head, covering her bare torso that had only been covered by her black bikini. She pulled on some black shorts that were lying on the floor before dropping herself on the bed. Her feet dangled off the edge, while she spread her arms vertically over the sheets.
After a moment she felt the bed dip next to her and Brittany's smiling face appeared in front of her, pressing a quick peck to her lips.
Santana smiled and pulled her hands up to pull Brittany in for a deeper kiss, cupping her neck. She hummed contently at the sensation of feeling Brittany's soft, sweet lips massaging her own.
When they broke away, Brittany laid her head down on her shoulder and shifted a little to get comfortable. Santana remained silent, staring up at the white ceiling that she had stared upon so many times the last few weeks, thinking about the future.
After a moment of comfortable silence, Brittany finally spoke.
"What are you thinking about?" she asked, turning her head a little so she could see Santana's face.
Santana hesitated. So many things were going through her mind. Problems and fears of what could happen to them if she left. She felt the questions slowly starting to eat on her, and they clawed their ways deeper into her heart every time she thought about them.
"What if the long-distant relationship thing doesn't work for us?" she asked with such a tiny voice, that it was almost inaudible.
Brittany heard the words loud and clear though, and popped elbow up on the bed, resting her head on her hand to look down at her scared expression. She ran her other hand over Santana's abdomen, finding her hand there and slipping her pinky into Santana's.
"We love eachother," she stated with a soothing voice as if it was the most obvious solution to this whole problem. "As long as we keep reminding eachother that, we'll be okay."
Santana nodded, but continued staring at the ceiling with a small crinkle in her forehead. She wasn't the best with words. Their relationship was built more on actions than on words, and she was scared that if she couldn't show Brittany how much she meant to her with her actions, she wouldn't be able to convince Brittany that she loved her more than anything.
"What is it, San?" Brittany asked her with a soothing voice, running a finger over the crinkle in Santana's forehead.
Santana sighed and moved her glance away from the ceiling, fixing her eyes on Brittany's. She sent her a worried glance.
"I'm not good at expressing my feelings through words," she admitted.
Brittany remained silent for a while, carefully choosing her words while still running her finger over Santana's forehead soothingly. Finally she spoke.
"Remember that time I asked you to talk about our feelings, and we talked to Miss Holiday?" Santana nodded, of course she remembered that. "Then we sang that song in Glee club, and you outted all those feelings that you never showed me before. You didn't show me with your body, but you showed me with words," she explained. "That was the first time I really knew how you felt about me. It was so overwhelming at the time, but at that moment, I realized I loved you, too."
Santana breathed softly, shifting her eyes between Brittany's lips and eyes, hanging onto every words she said. At that time, Brittany had chosen Artie, but Santana had begun to understand why a few months after Brittany and her got together. It was scary, and new. Realizing about their feelings was so sudden, eventhough they knew the feelings had been there for so much longer than they had known. Like Brittany said, it was overwhelming.
"What you said to me at our lockers that day meant everything to me, San. They changed our lives," she ran her finger from Santana's forehead to her cheek, slowly caressing the soft skin there. "So yes, I do think you're good with expression your feelings with words."
Santana finally smiled softly, cupping her hand over Brittany´s that was resting against her cheek.
"Then I guess we'll be okay," she said, feeling relief flood over her when Brittany's words settled down.
"Of course we will be," Brittany smiled broadly, leaning down to peck Santana's lips once again.
_
"It bounced two times!" Brittany called elated, jumping up and down once in excitement before turning her gaze to Santana, who had her legs stretched in front of her as leaned back on her hands in the grass.
She sent Brittany an adoring smile and nodded her head.
Brittany picked up another flat pebble and swung her hand back and forth as she leaned back a little, sending the pebble towards the silent lake. It bounced over the water three times this time before it disappeared underwater.
"Nice one, Britt," she said as she ran her eyes up Brittany's long legs. Brittany was wearing denim shorts, so she had a nice view. She continued her eyes up, over her slim waist, over her back, over her neck, and finally rested her gaze on the visible side of her face.
Brittany looked so happy. She was showing off her white teeth in a broad smile. Her eyes were twinkling excitedly, and her nose was slightly scrunched up.
Santana smiled contently at the sight. She wished they could stay like this forever. Happy, and together. Her smile fell when she thought of what would happen when summer was over.
"Come sit." She patted the patch of grass next to her invitingly.
Brittany dropped herself down and immediately scooted closer, twisting her body so that her knees were pressing against Santana's thigh. She quickly pecked Santana's cheek before resting her head on the girl's shoulder.
Santana wrapped an arm around her waist, holding her close to her as they both stared at the slowly moving water in front of them. The sun was slowly disappearing behind the trees, but the air was still thick and warm.
They sat in silence for a while, until Brittany let out a deep sigh and tilted her head from her shoulder.
Santana turned her head away from the red sky to look at Brittany with a solemn look on her face.
Brittany's face was blank, and anyone else probably wouldn't have been able to see all the emotions running over it, but Santana could. She could see every single emotion on Brittany's face. Maybe it was easy for her to read because she had known her for so long, or maybe it was because she felt the exact same way.
Torn, lost, and scared, but accepting the fact that things would change.
Seablue eyes pooled into dark ones, and they both savored the feelings and memories that ran through their bodies with the familiarity of just locking gazes.
Finally they both leaned in and tilted their heads to the side, noses grazing, but their lips remained unmoving and untouched. Santana sighed against Brittany's smooth lips, letting her eyes flutter closed, but still not closing the last inch that kept their lips from connecting.
Brittany moved her hand up to softly touch Santana's cheek, trying to rub some of the heaviness away from her with her thumb. She took a deep breath in before letting it out again. She slowly moved forward, finally wrapping her lips around Santana's upper lip.
Santana instantly melted into her touch, leaning closer as she captured Brittany's lower lip between her own lips. The feelings that speeded through her body were always suprising, no matter how many times they had kissed before. Each time felt just as good as the first time. But this time the kiss was different.
Eventhough they still had two weeks of summer left together, somehow the kiss felt like a goodbye. She didn't know if the feeling was caused by herself or by Brittany, but she knew Brittany could feel it, too. The feeling scared her, but she didn't want to stop. She felt desperate to continue this soft, delicate kiss because she was afraid of the ending.
So they continued kissing in the same slow pace while the sun fully disappeared and the sky grew darker. They continued kissing until they both started shivering when she night-air finally hit them.
Brittany broke away with a small squeeze of her hand on the back of Santana's neck. She leaned back to catch Santana's gaze, giving her a reassuring look. Her eyes said everything. Santana then knew this wouldn't be the ending.
It would only be the beginning.
A/N: Please let me know what you think so far by leaving me a review. Should I continue on this story? I have some good ideas for what might happen in the future for this fic.
Thank you!