Stay
"Brendan…"
My voice hitches as I continue to feel my body being taken beneath his. Nails dig deeply into the expanse of Brendan's back and rake over his upper arms. He grunts at the burning sensation, seeing how I try to regain composure while being pounded into, and pins my wrists above my head with one large hand.
Each thrust makes my eyes roll slightly into the back of my head, face turned so that it makes contact with the pillow. Brendan takes advantage of the fact that my neck is exposed. He always does, actually. It is like that one special place he explores the most. He grazes his lips over the quickening pulse and bites down, his tongue darting out to lick wet trails up under my jaw and suckle tenderly along the slender column of skin.
Every part of my body is his to keep, but there is something about my neck that he loves. Brendan has given me some of the biggest hickeys even when I told him not to, but of course he never listens to me and I can never tell him to stop when he's touching me like that. At least this time those blotchy red and blue marks will just be a result of our lovemaking.
Not that he has hit me recently, no. I wasn't trying to defend myself. I'm telling the truth. Brendan hasn't laid a finger on me for a long time now. But I can't help but reminisce about those first few months of the relationship whenever we are together like this, intimate and closed off from the rest of the universe. He is such a different person now, so much different than before.
I used to bring up certain things he would rather not talk about and, despite seeing his fists begin to clench, I would drive the knife in further. I pushed him until he snapped. I made excuses for him every single time he hit me because I knew that he didn't mean to do it. Brendan would grab me roughly and speak to me as if I was the smallest person in the world. Brendan had used fear as his way of keeping me under control, but he eventually drove me to my breaking point.
I remember those awful bruises that splashed across my ribcage and the sinking feeling in my chest whenever I stood naked in front of the mirror. I felt humiliated knowing my confession of love had been to someone who did this to me.
Brendan was a man capable of loving and being loved, but it was buried beneath layers and layers of anger and confusion and hurt.
I understood that.
The hitting, the yelling, the threatening though had become too much, but I still went back to him. I don't know if it was for the sex or if I truly believed things would turn to normal again once it happened. All Brendan had to do was look at me or whisper those sweet nothings into my ear and my knees would barely be able to hold me up. I drifted back into his atmosphere because mine had run out of oxygen. I felt helpless and needed him so badly. I could barely breathe on my own.
You will come back to me though…you always do.
I didn't want to admit it to him because of how hard I was trying to hold in my tears, giving Brendan the pleasure of being right would make me look weaker than I already was.
The way Brendan said those words sent shivers down my spine, they still do when I think about them. He had the nerve to say it the day after he punched me in the mouth and knocked me to the ground, the blood from my lip leaving a stain on that dirty bathroom floor.
I was sure that I had walked out on Brendan for the last time.
The crazy thing about those words is the fact that they didn't become a reality for a while. I had gone off with Noah for a couple of months to try and cleanse himself of Brendan. I tried to convince myself that it was over and that I needed to move on to someone who wouldn't hurt me anymore. This was difficult considering Brendan already made his way into the depths of my heart. He was caged in there like some sort of animal and made it beat wildly whenever he felt like it. He consumed my thoughts when he was gone and took over everything else when he wasn't.
I realize I am diving too far into another dimension, especially at a moment like this. It's just the two of us entangled with one another.
Brendan has me practically folded in half; one of my legs draping across his shoulder and the other hooked around his waist, heel pressing firmly onto his ass.
"Go harder, please…fuck" I moan into his ear, nipping at the lobe.
Since being with Brendan, I've learned so many things about what really turns me on. Brendan has taken me to those places I never knew existed and it is this incredible kind of high I never want to come down from, not ever. I love the feel of being taken from behind, with my body arching as my hair gets pulled and neck attacked by that luscious mouth. I love how we are right now, with me on my back and Brendan between my legs. This way, I can see all of the expressions on his face as those moans and pants pour out endlessly.
"You're so fucking tight...and warm mmm," Brendan whimpers as he hides his bottom lip behind his teeth and furrows his eyebrows. The sweat on the bridge of his nose travels downward and falls onto my chest.
Two bodies rock in perfect synchronization, the light of the candles in the room give our skin a soft orange glow alongside powerful movements.
Brendan's tongue pokes teasingly at my lips and I open my mouth to try and meet him halfway. Brendan pulls back and smirks. The bastard. I desperately grab the back of his head and crash our mouths together. Brendan slips his tongue inside and kisses me fervently. It's all open mouthed and passionate and just…I don't really know how to describe it. I have never been kissed so hungrily by anyone before and those butterflies start to tickle me down there. I am close, on the edge and about to jump. My senses don't make sense at all. It feels like I am floating and falling simultaneously.
I lost count as to how many times Brendan made me come tonight. He fucked me against the wall, on the kitchen counter, on the floor, in the shower, and every single time I saw these tiny stars explode when I closed my eyes.
Brendan has this ability to push all of my buttons, even that special one deep down inside me. I only let Brendan touch that spot and it drives me insane when he does.
Brendan suddenly pulls out and grabs my waist, bringing me up until our chests meet, turning us over and laying onto the sheets with me sitting on his lap.
I grin at the fact that Brendan is letting me take over. He looks a bit tired anyway, trying to level off his breathing. He deserves a break I guess.
Brendan puts one of his arms behind his head and makes me blush as he marvels at my body with heavy lidded eyes. If there is anyone that can make me quiver with arousal, it's him.
"Come on then," he says lightly slapping my thigh
I wouldn't have to be told twice. I get a hold of Brendan's dick and guide it to my hole, lowering myself all the way down.
God, this is an amazing position. It's incredibly sexy and my spot is rubbed with that right amount of friction, it almost makes me squeal. I have never been so willing to give into gravity.
I lift my body up off of him and then go down while clutching at Brendan's chest. I am inches away from orgasm; it's as if I might die from ecstasy.
Brendan glides his hand over to a bony hip, his thumb circling around the little tattoo there. He lets it dance up my taut stomach, over my nipples, and up to my throat where he applies a gentle pressure and makes my head roll backwards. I take one of his fingers between my lips, moving it in and out, coating it with saliva. I mimic what I did to him earlier. My vision blurs to white as Brendan begins to pump me swiftly.
"I'm gonna…I-," I can barely speak as I feel the rush of heat surging through my body, rushing to the surface.
Brendan notices that I am almost there and sits up so we face one another.
"What? You're gonna what?" He asks, nuzzling my cheek with the tip of his nose, knowing damn well he is close himself. He continues to fist my dick and I feel my whole body begin to tremble.
"I– I'm gonna come"
"Come with me, Stephen"
I hold onto his shoulders to slide up and down with greater intensity, my walls squeeze around him. My moans are louder than they have ever been. I wish Brendan would come bare inside me. We would be so, so, so complete if he did, but of course Brendan has never allowed it to happen despite how many times I begged.
Bren, please. You want to…
Stephen, I can't, no.
This disappointment is quickly erased from my mind as I grip Brendan and feel my come hit in-between our bodies. Brendan lets out muffled grunts against my neck and finds his own release.
We both remain motionless and quiet. The room is freezing, but our bodies remain hot and glistening, an exquisite contrast.
The pace of things slows by a tenfold as Brendan puts his hands on either side of my face and stares deeply. Every time he holds me like this I get lost in his eyes. They are so blue. They express so many emotions, some of which he was never capable of feeling.
"I love you, you know that right?" Brendan whispers against my lips ever so softly while still inside me.
I nod and feel tears welling up, but I don't let Brendan see them, he can't see him. I wrap my arms around him and place my head on his shoulder, playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. The embrace is returned and I need it to last an eternity. If only.
Brendan eventually removes himself from me and cleans up, laying both of us down. I rest on my elbow and simply watch Brendan watching me from his place on the pillow. I can't help but feel a giant smile spread across my face. This makes him smile as well, something rare I see Brendan do, but lovely nonetheless.
I always adore this part. After we have finished enjoying each other our spent bodies lay in a comfortable silence. We seem to stay like this forever.
Brendan takes one of my hands and interlaces our fingers together.
"Marry me," Brendan says it faintly, but I don't even pretend as if I didn't hear, "Please".
Finally, the tears stream down my cheeks and Brendan leans up to wipe them away, then looks up at me, searching for his answer and hoping it is the one he wants to hear.
"Of course I'll marry you," I say breathlessly.
Brendan brushes the hair away from my forehead and kisses me as if it is the last one we will ever share. It is pure and reassuring.
You came into my life really fast and I liked it.
My heart beats wildly for him, like it always has since he first kissed me.
Everything we have been through together has given me all the reason to stay, not be anywhere else but here.
I promised him this.