A/N: So, obviously I don't own Twilight or the characters. But I hope I did them justice. Everything in italics is a flashback. And just a hint, reviews make me happy. Flames will be used to make marshmallows.
She didn't really know exactly what happened. She didn't wanna tell her parents or her family why she couldn't look at them anymore. She didn't want to explain why she kept dying her hair and putting in colored contacts. Why she put on a shit ton of makeup, so much that she couldn't recognize herself anymore. She didn't want to have to deal with the memories that explaining would bring back. She didn't want to tell them that she just couldn't look in the mirror and see any traces of that innocent, naive little girl who'd been shattered beyond repair. She didn't want to see the empty shell of who she once was. So she pretended to be ignorant to their worried looks. She didn't need them.
She missed him. She missed him so fucking much. She missed his cold skin against hers and his laugh as he made fun of her for being so clumsy. She missed his ruby red eyes and the way she held her. She missed the way he said said her name. She even missed the cruel smirk he would wear when torturing someone with his sister. She missed all of it. But she should have known. He was loyal to his masters, his sisters, his family. He had never really been hers.
Her being half vampire and half human, she wan't sure if smoking would appeal to her. So you can imagine how relieved she was to find that it did. She knew it tore everyone apart, seeing her do this to herself. But it made her numb to it all, and that was all she cared about. She couldn't deal with with pain of emotions anymore.
"Alec?"
"Hmm?"
"Do you ever think that maybe we could make it?"
The question was left unanswered. She should have known right then to turn around and go back to the people who really cared.
"I love you..."
"Ti amo troppo, bella."
"It's not enough, is it?"
They both knew it wasn't.
She should have known right from the start she couldn't predict the end. It killed her, watching him walk away from her. From them. Like it was nothing. Of course, she knew now that it probably was.
Sometimes, she wondered what it would be like to feel again. But then she reminded herself that it just wasn't worth it. She had her colored contacts and a pipe in her hands. She had everything she needed in the lifespan, except a hole in her heart, where he'd left his mark.