Just a little one shot. I just couldn't help it. Got this idea while folding laundry.
3rd Floor Ladies Lingerie
It was late in the day as M was finishing up the mountain of paperwork that had been occupying her desk when she heard a knock on her door.
"Come in" she said not looking up from the last page of the truly butt numbingly boring report she was reading
"Ma'am"
'Oh, Bond.. what are you still doing here" she asked "I thought we finished your debriefing hours ago?"
"Yes we did but it seems that your body guard has taken ill and since I was still in the building I volunteered to escort you home" he replied
"That's very kind of you but I think I can manage to get from here the there by myself" was her answer
"Though I am quite certain you could it is procedure that you have an escort." he replied with a smile "Sorry I don't make the rules, which you are so keen on following I might add" he said with a slight laugh
"Oh alright...Just give me a few minutes"
James waited patiently for her to finish her paperwork and get her coat
"Shall we" she said motioning toward the door
"After you"
The ride down to the car was uneventful as neither had much to say
"I thought we would take my car if you don't mind" he said 'It saves me the trouble of returning later to retrieve it"
"Fine...by the way I need to stop at Harrods" she said as she climbed into the passenger seat
"Why if I may ask?"
"Well if you must know I need to buy a pair of tights and they happen to carry the brand I prefer" she replied sounding a bit annoyed at the question
"As you wish"
They entered the store and headed straight to the lift
"So where exactly are these tights located?" he asked
"On the 3rd floor of course" she answered "Ladies lingerie"
"Oh" this could be sort of fun he thought
When they stepped off the lift Bond's eyes grew wide with amazement as he began to look around the room. Never in his life had he seen so many pairs of women's knickers. M headed straight for the rack of tights while Bond kept staring almost in disbelief. As she was thumbing through the rack Bond picked up a package handing them to her
"Here you are one package of ladies tights" he said almost proud of himself
She took one look and handed the package back to him.
"Those are the wrong ones" she said as she continued looking
"What do you mean...tights are tights aren't they?" he asked sounding a bit confused
"No these require a garter belt" she said looking up at him
"What is a garter belt?" he asked knowing full well what it was he just couldn't help wanting to hear her explanation.
"Well it's a rather medieval contraption designed by men to hold up women's tights. I haven't worn one in years and I don't intend to start now" she said
He wondered around while she continued looking and came across row after row of knickers.
"Why are there so many different styles" he asked sounding rather puzzled
"Different knickers for different occasions" was the response he heard as M came to stand next to him.
He held up a rather fancy pair made of satin
"For instance what about these?" he asked
"Those are for if you don't want lines to show through your trousers" she answered as a smile started to form
"And these" he said holding up a pair made of lace
"Those would be for if one wanted to look sexy" she said trying her best to conceal a laugh
Then he held up a pair of cotton briefs
"And these?"
"Those are for comfort" she said turning away as she could no longer contain herself
When she had managed to compose herself she turned back around to see him holding a thong
"And this?" he said with a total look of bewilderment on his face "What's this for?"
"To be honest I'm not really sure what that's for. I never could understand why anyone would want to have the equivalent of dental floss between their arse cheeks" she said with a laugh.
"Just how many types of knickers are there?" he asked
Never in a million years could she have imagined having this conversation with James Bond
"Well let's see" she started "There's ones for being practical and comfortable, ones for being sexy, ones that hold you in and make you look thinner and some that serve no practical purpose whatsoever"
"I never knew" he said shaking his head
"Contrary to popular belief Bond what you discard in a matter of seconds actually takes a lot of careful planning" she said sarcastically
"And what are those?" he said pointing across the aisle
"Those my dear man are bras and that is an entirely different matter all together" she said sounding rather amused
"Are there as many choices with those as well" he asked
"Of course. Some are designed to push your breasts up where God never intended them to be, some strap them down so they couldn't move even during an earthquake. some are designed to make you look larger and some are designed to make you look smaller"
When she had finished Bond just shook his head
"I never knew choosing women's undergarments could be so complicated. Men really only have 2 choices. Boxers or Briefs"
"If you think this is complicated you should see what happens when we have to pick out shoes!"