Valentine's Day, an instant star fanfic

A/N: Hey all. I know I know, I need to work on other stories, and I'm trying. I've been really busy and really blocked. This idea just plopped into my brain Valentine's Day around 7:00, while I was eating pizza and listening to "Valentine's Day" by Linkin Park. And I got a really crazy idea. I wrote this in around a half an hour, so if it sucks, please let me know. But don't be too tough. Anyway, I do not own anything in relation to Instant Star, or Valentine's Day. Linkin Park owns the song, and I don't own the day either. LOL! Umm, yah, I hope everyone's V-day went awesomely though. Mine went horribly until I got home. My parents got me this enormous box of chocolates and other things, so they really made my day. Anywho. Umm, yep. This has no particular setting, except long in the future or so and after season three. There is some Patsy-death mentioned. This is really sad, especially for Valentine's Day. It's really messed up, but for those who've heard the song, you know what I mean. Um, yeah, so it's in Jude's POV, because I always write in her POV, 'cause I wish I was her. LOL! JK! Actually…lol! So, italics will be lyrics. In fact, they're italicized and bolded. They're also away from actual paragraphs. There are barely any vocals; it's mostly Jude's thoughts. Anyway. Also, sorry this is posted late, I was grounded on actual Valentine's Day. So…on with the story.

Valentine's Day

I stood back and looked at the hollow shell of what used to be Jude Harrison. I could feel the numbing blackness drape its ugly body around me, in me…consuming me.

My insides all turned to ash, so slow

And blew away as I collapsed, so cold

Hiding back tears I needed so badly to fall, but I couldn't cry. I couldn't. I was too numb. I pulled the black veil over my face, to disguise my sadness.

A black wind took them away, from sight

And held the darkness over day, that night

My sister, Sadie, her boyfriend, Kwest, my dad, Spied, Karma, Jamie, Wally, Kyle, Paegan, and myself all sat relatively close together in the large chapel. The endless rows of pews were as silent as old ruins in an ancient city. I could literally fell my insides crumble. I couldn't even focus properly for the ceremony. I just wanted it all to end. This wasn't his scene, anyway. He'd hate it. It was all black, cold, hollow…and filled with tears everywhere.

Before I knew it, Sadie was elbowing me, along with sending me a tear-filled, concerned look. I looked at her through the veil, closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and nodded to her. The congregation all stood up and walked to the door; the only noise heard was the shuffling of feet, and the occasional sniff. We stood outside and the weather seemed to be complying with the event. I looked up at the dark clouds. The wind was picking up, blowing the clouds away, shooing them off.

And the clouds above move closer

Looking so dissatisfied

They seemed upset, for the wind was chasing them off, refusing to allow them to spill their own tears. The tears that they should be shedding. How dare they not cry…for him.

But the heartless wind kept blowing,

Blowing

The minister spoke up again, but his words were lost before I could begin to comprehend them. I was lost in thoughts, and memories. I used to shield myself from pain, or so I thought, even when Patsy died. I tried my best not to get too torn up. I mean it hurt, a lot. But I still shielded myself from it. I shied away from…death. This time, I couldn't. I was wrong…all along.

I used to be my own protection, but not now

'Cause my path has lost direction, somehow

I was finally beginning to understand. He was really gone. He left me…all alone. NO! He would never leave me; not like this. He was stolen from me. Who could be so cold, so cruel?

A black wind took you away, from sight

As the minister closed up, I could feel the lump at the back of my throat and a burning at the back of my eyes. My chest compressing, and I could finally feel the tears. I was no longer numb; I could feel.

And held the darkness over day, that night

And the clouds above move closer

Looking so dissatisfied

The wind picked up its pace as they lowered the smooth, black casket into the Earth below us. The ground got colder, harder, and began to move farther from my feet and closer to my knees and hands. I'd fallen to the icy, black soil and kneeled by the gaping hole that was now holding my life.

And the ground below grew colder

As they put you down inside

But the heartless wind kept blowing,

Blowing

I'd finally given in to the pain, breaking free of the awful, black emptiness I'd been suffocating in. I never knew this could happen to me. How could I ever lose the one I'd loved so much it hurt? How? Why me? What'd I ever do wrong, to deserve such a fate? I used to think it would never happen to me. I used to think I was invincible to death, as were my loved ones. I was wrong. Was I ever wrong? Thrown into one hell of a rude awakening, I'd lost my soul. My life, my love, my everything, and I wasn't read to let go. Not now, not later, but never.

So now you're gone

And I was wrong

I never knew what it was like

To be alone…

They picked the worst day for me to have to say goodbye to my love. Happy Valentine's Day, right? Memories of previous Valentine's Days flashed through my mind. Memories filled with love, passion, and happiness…with him. I'd never had to spend one alone…ever. Memories, I'd wanted to make millions more with him, but now I'll never know. Never know what would've happened, what would've become of us.

Everyone's gone now, and I sit alone, staring blankly into his grave. I shiver and let one, lone tear escape. My breathing has become tough; it hurts to take one gulp after another, knowing he'll never taste sweet air again. It hurts to be without him. I am truly alone.

The wind ebbs down to a dull breeze, but still, it sends a shiver through my entire body. I kiss my fingers and gently place them onto the headstone. My other hand clasps onto my heart, before I finally break down.

On a Valentine's Day.

I can finally say, "I'll always love you, goodbye, and…Happy Valentine's Day, baby." I sniff, before standing up. I stand up straight, almost defiantly. The breeze ruffles around me, and the almost-black clouds coagulate above my head.

On a Valentine's Day.

There's smeared makeup on my face, along with the dried tears. One final tear makes its way down my cheek, before I turn to walk away, leaving behind my everything.

On a Valentine's Day.

I stop at the entrance, listening to the wind, whistling at me. Before I take my final step out of the silence of the cemetery, I swear I hear something.

On a Valentine's Day.

In the wind's lullaby, a voice shoots through like a ray of sunlight in the midst of a rainstorm.

There, in the cold cemetery, amidst an incoming storm, on Valentine's Day, Tommy's voice echoes one last time.

"Happy Valentine's Day…I love you."

On a Valentine's Day.

I smile, and a few stray tears escape, before I turn and leave. All the way whispering, "I love you, too, Tommy."

On a Valentine's Day.

FIN

Okay, so I hope it wasn't too horrible. I know, it's sad. I would recommend listening to this song while reading it. LOL! I should've typed that before. Umm…thanks guys. For reading and hopefully, you'll review. Those are like, my online chocolates and flowers. LOL! So, please lemme know whatcha think. Thanks again. I really hope I didn't disappoint. I am usually really good at writing sad things. I am a pretty depressed person, and most of my friends say things like, "Oh, my god! That's really good, sad but good." Lol. Anywho. Also, my other stories...really, I am working on them. And I'll try to have updates ASAP. I posted this really fast. I am still grounded, but parentals are out momentarily. I will post them either when I am ungrounded or when they are gone for a lot longer period of time. Thanks. Happy Valentine's Day to all, hopefully your actual V-Day is nothing like this.

Much love, always.

XoXo,

LeeCee

P.S. If you guys liked this one, I was debating whether or not I should write one (like this-depressing) based on Carrie Underwood's "Just A Dream". Yes, that's the same title as my other story, but the song is different. For those who've heard it, you know how. Those who haven't, it's a really sad song. My views on it are different. It's in a girl's POV, after her (suggested) fiancé is killed two weeks after her eighteenth birthday. There are some differences, which I may exclude from the song so it would fit. For instance, her fiancé is in the war as a soldier and is killed. Well, Tommy's not, so yeah. But in the first verse, it says something about "all dressed in white, goin' to the church that night" suggesting she's getting married. Instead, she is going to his funeral, but it says "this can't be happening to me, this is just a dream" so it's kind of like she's wishing the wedding was real and the funeral was a dream, when it's like the other way around. Very sad, the first time I hear that song, I cried. Anyway, if it's requested, I would love to do a short, oneshot, songfic on that. Please review and yah. LOVE YOU GUYS!