Viola?, a chaos walking series fanfic

(Note- This all belongs to Patrick Ness. I do not own Todd or Viola or any of the characters in this fanfic. Because it's a fanfic)

I feel the rifle, feel it slam against me, and watch.

Watch the Mayor fall, fall, fall.

I did it.

I killed.

I don't feel it, feel numb, only watch as the Mayor falls, backwards, and his body hits the dirt.

I killed.

Viola falls, too.

Viola.

Viola

VIOLA

There was another shot.

He shot her.

I shot her?

VIOLA

I hear her gasp. I think-

She said-

Todd?

I killed. I killed.

And then-

Viola falls.

She falls, and I don't see her face, just see her fall, fall, fall, endlessly, when-

She hits.

Thud.

And I know.

She's dead.

Numbness washes over me. Nothingness.

She ain't dead, she ain't, she ain't, she ain't, she ain't, she ain't dead.

But I know. No matter how many time I repeat it I know, and it's running through my my mind, and all I see is her dead, right there, and no she can't be, but oh yes she is, and Vi, oh vi, you ain't dead, oh please don't be dead, don't leave me-

I don't see Davy's body. I don't see the Mayor's.

All I can see is the unmoving Viola.

And then her eyes.

Her eyes.

VIOLA

My noise. I can't hear anythin' else, just the Noise. My Noise.

There ain't no silence.

There ain't no Noise.

Just Me.

And then I see her eyes, open and they are unseeing, ain't looking, just staring, staring, staring, and the numbness falls away, and all I can think is-

VIOLA

Viola

Viola

She's gone, and I fall, I watch my self fall, falling, kneeling over Viola, and then I just sob- I ain't cryin' I'm sobbing, and she's dead, and all I can see is her dead, she's dead, I know it, I saw her, she's dead.

What's the point? I ain't never goin' ta see her again.

She's dead.

Her eyes.

They watch me, open and unseeing and unblinking, and I can't help but keep on pouring my soul out, and I can't see anymore, can't breath, can't hear the voices coming, can't hear my one keening wails.

She's gone.

Dead.

Viola?

My noise whispers, and I'm startin' anew, and again, and I can't stop seeing her fall in my noise, the picture, her astonished look- determination, and then she looked shattered.

She is shattered. The hole is in her stomach, blood, red, red blood., blood, wet and red, and still dripping out, spluttering. She. She. The Answer. The Ask. It all was just for her.

And now.

My Viola.

Split and shattered she is.

The gaping hole in her stomach. And the blod that seeps out from underneath her. And the redness that fills the hungry ground. And the white, ashen face.

Dead. Gone.

Viola.

I reach for her, fall to her, and just feel the heat. She is still warm, the blood is still warm, and it is coating me, and the blood, and the blood, Her blood, her blood, and I am covered in it, and her blood, her blood, her blood.

I succumb to emptiness.

I am the Circle and the Circle is me

I am the Cicle, and the Circle is me. All I'm thinkin', othwise, I'll be thinkin' 'bout her, 'bout Viola, and Viola.

Dead. Gone.

I don't know nothing about how I got here- just see four walls, four gray walls and a door. There ain't no knob inside.

Viola.

And I can't stop screaming, ain't stoppin' and I keep on screaming and wailing, and all I can think of is how I shot him…

I killed. He killed.

I killed. Viola died.

I killed, Viola died.

I killed Viola.

And my noise, and I can't stop thinking about her, can't stop seein' her, can't stop, but I want to, I want to be numb.

Dead like I was before. Like I'm wanting to be now.

Why can't I be dead now?

Dead like Viola.

Dead like the Mayor.

Dead like Davy.

Dead like I was.

I let exhaustshun pull me back into the void.

I lay still on the cold floor, trying, (don't think it) trying, (no, no, no) to forget.

(Viola's dead)

No, no, she can't be, she ain't-

(She's dead)

No, no, she only fell, Mistress Cloyce can help her-

(She's dead. They both dead)

No, she fell, it's like before-

No. (shut up) No, cuz (no) shut up, cuz she's (dead) no, no she ain't, she's (dead) it ain't like last time, and-

I quit my noise, have to stop thinking bout Viola, 'bout here falling, 'bout the blood, and it's pouring, and pouring, and (shut it) it's falling, and she's (no) falling, and she's (shut up) and-

A creak, a ker-thunk, and the door swings open on creaky hinges. But I am numb. I feel nothing.

It's-

It's a stranger.

And in her hands she carries a rope.

I sit there, limp, as she binds my wrists together.

Viola-

No, there's no hope, but-

No, not Viola-

Dead, not-

Alive-

"Come," the woman says, and I follow. Docile like a lamb, but really numb and cold.

Through the door.

Through the halls.

Through the strange rooms.

And there she is.

Mistress Coyle. The one that tried to kill me.

But instead I killed Viola.

My noise turns red and violent, all to cover it (stop it, don't) cover Viola, and then she fell, fell, fell, and (don't think it) I- (No, no, no) I killed her.

I killed Viola.

The realizashun finally fills me, and it crowds out all other noise, and then, I killed- I killed-

I killed Viola I killed Viola I killed Viola I killed Viola

Viola I killed Viola I killed Viola I killed Viola I killed Viola I killed Viola I killed Viola I killed Viola I killed Viola I killed Viola I killed Viola I

killed Viola I killed

Viola I killed Viola I killed Viola I killed Viola I killed Viola I killed Viola I killed Viola I killed Viola I killed Viola I killed Viola I killed Viola I killed Viola I

killed Viola I killed Viola I killed Viola I killed Viola I killed Viola I killed Viola

I killed Viola

Mistress Coyle flinches, then regains her composhure, and she's talking to me, saying how I can't be trusted, and sayin how it's all fallen, the Spackle are dead, they're all dead, and now she's the Tyrant, but she don't call herself that., she's just the President now, and she's just talking and talking, and then I hear her say it- "…Viola…"

And now I'm listening, and I hear her but I don't listen, and then again, it's her name,

"…Viola…"

And now I'm still standing there while she sits in her chair, something resting across her legs, her lap, and then She's standing, standing over me, and I'm crouching, kneeling, unable to understand, still moaning over (no, don't think it)

(But I did)

No, no, no,

(Then I did)

(He died first)

He shot first

(No He didn't)

He shot first-

(You did Todd)

And then I can't stand, and even though I am ashamed, I'm still crying in front of this woman, without a blow, and I can't stop thinking about her, as she fell, as she fell, falling, dying, when I shot her (the Mayor did) but I did it

(No)

No.

And Mistress Cloyce still stands over me, and watches and watches with the thing in her hand, and she raises it, bringing it down, and I flinch, still , still crying, so ashamed, and she stops, uncertain, and-

And-

She leaves.

I hear their voices, not certain if I can hear them, still so numb and scared and uncertain and-

(you killed a man, Todd)

(shut up)

(you killed Viola, Todd)

(shut up, shut up)

(You ain't Todd Hewitt anymore)

(shut up, shut up, shut up)

(Viola wanted you to be Todd Hewitt. But you ain't him anymore)

(Shut up!)

And I ain't thinking when I moan, when I realize again and again, and it keeps on hitting me like it wants me to fight back, but I can't, I can't, cuz then I'd be fighting Vi, and I can't fight it no more, and-

(You killed a man, Todd Hewitt)

(Yes)

No no

(Yes, yes)

"No!" I shout and I'm lying flat on my back as some one comes in, two someones, and they pin me down, hold me down, then they stab my arm with something, and I'm fighting, fighting, cuz I just need to get away and I don't, can't, ain't going back to sleep…

And the injecshun's working it's way through me, and I can't fight no more, can't move my arms, can't keep my eyes open either, and this time-

This time there are no dreams, just Vi's eyes staring at me for all of eternity- and- and

(No you shut up)

and and-

(shut up, idiot)

and- and-

(No, no, no)

Those eyes that I killed.

I Killed.

I killed.

I killed Vi.

Viola!

I killed Vi.

Vi.

I killed Vi.