Super Mario Rewritten: Chapter 1
"And in other news, Mushroom Kingdom officials will be addressing widespread concerns that Bowser and his minions are prepping for an attack on Toad Town. According to Bowser's spokesperson, Kammy Koopa..."
Mario sighed as he pressed a button on the remote in his hand, changing the channel.
'Mama Mia-, it's-a always the same' he thought to himself. 'Peach gets taken away by that overgrown turtle and I go through the hassle of getting her back. And for what? A kiss on the cheek and a birthday cake'.
Mario continued flipping through the channels until he settled on an investigative report on the inner lives of depressed Koopa Troopas. He leaned back on his orange sofa, helping himself to some Chomp-seasoned chips. An interview with a particularly depressed Koopa started playing on the television screen.
"I've attempted suicide by spinning into a block twice now... but each time I do I just keep bouncing back and forth off of it..." the Koopa in the television report stated. Mario sighed.
"Mama Mia Mario..." came a voice from outside of the room. Mario turned over to see his slightly taller brother walk in, donning green overalls and a signature green hat. "This report is-a too depressing for me. Daisy already dumped me yesterday. Switch to something happy!"
Mario, too tired to risk an argument, decided to flip through the channels again. As he went through them, he quickly checked in on the television report he was first watching.
"AND ITS HAPPENING FOLKS! BOWSER IS ATTACKING TOAD TOWN AND KIDNAPPING PEACH! AHHH! HELP US MARIO!" screamed a Toad reporter on the news.
Mario growled as he got out of his sofa. "Mama Mia Luigi. Mama Mia" he said, dejected.
Luigi, sensitive to his brother's bad mood and to the sad feelings of creatures all around the world, decided to step in. He reached his green sleeves out towards his brother, placing a hand on Mario's shoulder.
"Sit-a down Mario! Today, I'll save her for you. I'll do all of the press interviews after too!"
Mario's face lit up slightly.
"You would-a do that for me Luigi? Even after willingly playing second fiddle all of this time?" asked Mario.
Luigi nodded. "OH YA!" he replied. Mario gave his brother a reassuring nod, before crashing back onto the sofa.
"There's a warp pipe in World 2-2 I think. Take that to Bowser's castle" said Mario as Luigi walked out of the door.
Luigi nodded once again, before flying out of a glass window in the room. As he plummeted a couple floors down, a Goomba was there to break his fall. As the Goomba screamed in agony, Luigi slowly got up off it. Luigi took in his surroundings. A straight and narrow path among a giant grass field. He turned back towards the Mario Bros. (TM) house, nodding one last time for cinematic effect, before running down the path. The Goomba slowly unflattened itself, coughing up a few coins in the process. It continued walking straight until it fell off a cliff near the Mario Bros. (TM) house.
"Bwahaha! We were able to steal the precious Princess once more! And all we had to do was snatch her away like we always do! Bwahahahah!" screamed Kammy Koopa, as she sailed alongside Bowser's iconic Koopa Kar (Copyright Nintendo 2013) in her broomstick.
"Shut it, Kammy! Gwahaha!" yelled Bowser. Kammy looked down, disappointed in herself.
Inside of Bowser's flying Koopa Kar were a mix of Goomba's and Koopa Troopa's, along with a tied up Princess Peach in the back. Steering the Kar with precision, Bowser turned back towards the Princess.
"Sorry for the bumpy ride Princess Peach! Gwahahaha, but don't you worry. The worst is over. I got you away from that pathetic creep Mario. And now all we have to do is... well, if I told you now, that would ruin the fun wouldn't it? Gwahaha!" Bowser's minions started laughing with him, as they continued on their Koopa Kar ride.
In the distance, through the thick and dark clouds of the storm-filled night, Bowser's ominous floating castle started to appear. They started closing in...
Down in the Mushroom Kingdom, Luigi continued on his adventure. And while he contemplated taking a mushroom to 'power up', he decided that he wouldn't follow the path of his drug-trip obsessed brother, Mario.
After a long and arduous journey through a generic and boring Forest World, he arrived at Toad Town. As he walked through it, he noticed that the entirety of the Town was filled with Blue, Yellow, and Red Toads running in a panic. After a few minutes of trying to catch a word with any Toad, he decided to just trip one in order to stop it for a conversation.
"Ahhh... why would you do that?!" yelled the Toad that Luigi had tripped.
As it looked up and made eye contact with our mustachioed hero, the Toad's expression changed from frustration to surprise.
"Luigi! If you're here, that must mean that Mario is on his way, right?!"
The red spotted Toad quickly brushed itself off and stood up. Most of the other Toads stopped running around for a brief moment as well, having noticed Luigi's presence.
"Hey everyone!" yelled the Toad. "Luigi's here! Mario's coming! Everything will be alright! We're gonna get Peach back!"
The grim mood in Toad Town had quickly turned upside down, as Toads of all shapes and sizes started frolicking through the green grasses of Toad Town. Young children ran out of their bright-colored houses, speeding through the streets and jumping over gates to join the crowd of Toads already crowded around Luigi. A voice over the speakers in Toad Town started blaring...
"TOAD TOWN RESIDENTS! PANIC NO MORE! MARIO IS ON THE CASE! AND JUST LIKE LAST WEEK, AND THE WEEK BEFORE, AND THE WEEK BEFORE THAT ONE, MARIO WILL FIX EVERYTHING!" yelled the voice over the loudspeaker.
Before Luigi could even take in the huge commotion his arrival had created, a chorus of Toads started chanting his name.
"Luigi! Luigi! Luigi! Luigi! Luigi!"
Luigi was taken aback by the positive reception. Although he was both nervous and jittery on the inside, he relished the attention and was ready to say his words.
"It's-a me, Luigi..." he started. The Toad Town residents quickly started quieting down as Luigi started speaking.
"It's-a me and uhh... This time Luigi will save the day! Luigi number one!" yelled out Luigi.
The initial response of cheers from the Toad Town residents quickly burned out. A single Toad spoke out from the silence.
"So you're saying... that Mario isn't going to be the one saving her this time?" asked the Toad.
A smile made its way onto Luigi's face, as he shook his head and pumped his fist into the air.
"Nope, this time Luigi save the day!" Luigi yelled out.
All of the Toads momentarily paused and looked at each other. They then all headed back into their homes, single-file, with their heads hung low.
As Luigi realized that he was just about the furthest thing from a hero in the eyes of the people of Toad Town, he decided to continue on his adventure.
'As long as my brother can rest for-a once, I will go on' Luigi thought to himself.
A few Toad children peeked their heads out as they watched Luigi stray down the lonely path out of town.
"Gwahaha!"
Bowser let out a laugh as he watched his minions take Peach out of his Koopa Kar (Copyright Nintendo 2013). Kammy started swirling around her as the minions started carrying her away into the castle.
"Why are you doing that Kammy?" asked Bowser.
"Kwee-hee-hee!" replied Kammy.
Bowser sighed. "We really need to take you to a doctor someday".
As rain fell from the skies of the Mushroom Kingdom, Luigi made his way through yet another secluded forest on the way to Bowser's castle. Fatigue started to set in for Luigi.
'Mama mia... so tired' he thought to himself. 'Should have taken hallucination-inducing Mushrooms like my brother...'
As he felt the crunch of leaves under his giant boots, he rhythmically went on his steady pace, until he found a rock on the side of the path. Letting out a slight yawn while stretching out his harms, Luigi decided to take a small rest on the rock.
Clack!
"Yes! Continue to spin her! Gwahahaha, feel the pain yet Princess Peach?!" yelled out Bowser.
Peach was strapped to spinning chair, with three tired Goomba's surrounding her. The chair was spinning at a snail's pace.
"...So... are you trying to interrogate me now or something?" asked Peach, somewhat enjoying getting pushed around in a chair.
"Gwahaha! Foolish Princess. I'm letting you know that this time, things are really serious. No more games Princess Peach. Now, per tradition, I'm now going to tell you my entire brilliant plan!" yelled out Bowser.
"YEAH! TELL HER THE PLAN BOWSER!" yelled out his three minions.
Peach sighed. "Sounds interesting Bowser. Why don't you go and... WEEE!... why don't you go and tell me your plan..." she replied.
Bowser approached the chair that Peach was being held in.
"Well for starters Princess, at this point in time... we're more interested in finding out where Mario is, than we are in keeping you hostage" replied Bowser.
"WAHHHHHHH!" yelled Luigi.
Having jolted up from his rest, Luigi was shocked to notice that the rock he had been lying on had in fact been a spiny. The spiny got up from its resting position.
"You... you alright pal?" asked the Spiny.
Luigi looked down at the spiny, still in a bit of shock, but composed himself. "Luigi's a-ok!"
The Spiny looked at Luigi in disbelief.
"Uhh... just so you know, there are puncture marks in the back of your shirt. And I'm seeing a lot of blood!" replied the Spiny.
Luigi slightly turned his head back to see if he was in fact bleeding. He tried to hide his expression of shock when he noticed tiny streams of blood going down his arm.
"L-Luigi's okay. Luigi isn't hurt too bad..." Luigi replied
The trees in the forest started rumbling ever so slowly. The rain started getting heavier, and as the whistling sound from the trees brushing against each other intensified, the Spiny and Luigi both started looking around the forest.
"W-w-what i-is that sound?" asked Luigi.
"B-beats me" replied the Spiny.
The rumbling started getting louder and louder, and a few trees started snapping out of position. Branches and leaves started flying all over the empty forest, until something emerged from the shadows.
"Heh Heh Heh... there you are Mario..."
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