Ch. 1: Discovered
"They're looking for more Titans?" The mere thought worried me. It was just a rumor at this point, but I still didn't like it. I could easily see them searching towns, poking and prodding its citizens in search of another like Eren Yeager. I was just a cadet, so I wouldn't be the one searching. That wasn't necessarily a relief, though.
"You would think they'd give the innocents inside Sina a little while to recover from the shock," Dean muttered. The innocents; they were the ones who were too rich to see the Titans, to experience the horror that came with the man-eating goliaths.
I grinned a bit, "You're saying that you give a damn about them?"
"I never said that!" Dean protested, "If their masses are searched, they'll complain. Those inside Sina can't possibly have a Titan among them." He spoke with the spoiled, condescending tone of most innocents.
"Dean, I like the way you think," I said.
"Kat, I like the way you think, too," he replied.
"I wish I could have seen their faces that day," I mumbled, taking a swig from my mug. I slammed my boots onto the table and shook my head in dismay, "That would've been a sight to behold."
"You mean the gentleman gawking in fear from behind their spectacles and top hats?" Dean asked. I laughed out loud.
"Exactly!" I pointed at him, "I like you! Where were you from again?"
"Trost," he replied, "But I got out before all that. You?"
I sighed, "Shiganshina." He stared at me. He slowly set his cup down.
"You've seen it all, then?"
"I've seen more than my fair share, but I intend to see more."
"See more? You mean you're joining the—"
"Scouts? Yeah." We were quiet for a moment. The noises around us didn't stop, though. Glasses clinked together. People chattered around us about meaningless gossip, just as we had been a few moments earlier. The other cadets sure were loud.
"Well, you know what you'll be facing better than any of us here. To each his own is what I think," he said, "I respect you."
"Respect is more than a compliment," I said with a smile, "So thanks."
"Anyway, about this titan thing. Do you think they'll find more?" Dean asked.
"Of course not!" said an easily recognizable voice behind me. Arms encircled my neck, but I didn't bother to shrug them off. I knew by now that Marco was way too clingy to let go, even if you flip him and break a table with his body, (I did do that, in case you were wondering). I still wonder how he managed to hold onto me through all that.
"That Yeager kid was just a freak of nature," Marco said, resting his annoying chin on my shoulder.
"Get off, Marco," I said, full-well knowing that he wouldn't comply.
"Ah, but you're forgetting! There was another one, wasn't there? What was her name again?"
"Annie Leonhart," I said. I'd grown more than familiar with her name. I wanted to know as much as I could about the titans that walked among us.
"Right, the one that went crazy and attacked the innocents…I like her," Dean said.
"Don't be such an idiot," Marco said, sitting beside me and slinging his arm over my shoulder. I dug my elbow into his rib cage and he slunk away. Once he was over the pain from my elbow stabbing, he spoke again, "These titan people are dangerous. I don't see why we even let them live."
"Maybe because they're major assets and can help us win against the titans," Dean mumbled.
"You can't win against the titans. Our biggest hope is reclaiming wall Maria," I pointed out. My voice sounded grim.
"What are you talking about? Of course we can win," Marco said. I stared at him, suddenly wanting to rip his perfect, silky blond hair from his skull. I quickly stifled the desire.
I leaned forward instead, "Tell me, Marco. Have you ever seen a titan?" He blinked and I could see that false pride in his eyes.
"Just because you haven't seen something doesn't mean you can't kill it!"
I sighed. I'd better not talk down to them. I had no intention of alienating myself any more than I already had. Plus, there was that. That sort of made me the odd one out, I suppose.
"Whatever you say. I'm gonna hit the sack. I'm weirdly exhausted." I yawned even as I said it, stretching my arms above my head and standing.
"You need me to walk you back?" Dean asked. I grinned.
"Please. I could kill you with my pinky," I said. I winked at him and headed for the door.
"That's an awful lot of confidence you've got there, Klaus!" Dean called after me.
"It's true, McAlester!" I yelled over my shoulder. I could hear him chuckling as if he thought it was a joke. Little did he know, I was serious. I could easily make good on my claim. I would never tell anyone that, though. That was how I'd always lived my life. That was how I intended to live the rest of it as well.
I yawned yet again as I slammed open the door. I flopped down onto my bed and kicked my boots off. I let out a lengthy sigh and closed my eyes.
"Kat, you seem more exhausted than usual," said a sleepy voice. I groggily cracked my eyes open.
"You seem more upside down than usual," I shot back. Katie's head was hanging down from the bunk above, her short black hair falling down over her head. Her face was starting to turn red from her unusual position.
"Any particular reason?" she asked.
"Not really, Katie," I mumbled, "Just…tired." That was true in more ways than one. I was exhausted mentally and physically. You may not think training to be a cadet is mentally exhausting—or you would expect me to be prepared for such trials—but I had a bit more on my plate than your average cadet.
"Well, get some rest. I'm sure you'll be alright by tomorrow's training. You always are," Katie said, her trimmed hair disappearing behind the bed frame.
"Thanks," I said, shutting my eyes. It occurred to me before I fell asleep that I was the only cadet who hadn't cut her hair. I guess I was too fond of it. I wanted to keep it for as long as possible, clinging to the remnants of my old life until I was forced to let it go. That wouldn't be long, though. Our training was almost complete, and that meant we were to be assigned to our respective branches and my life would start depending on little things such as visibility…having long hair wouldn't exactly be beneficial when it came to that.
"Kat! Wake up!" shouted a voice. My eyes snapped open and I sat up so suddenly that my forehead slammed against the wood above me.
"Oi! Double K's! Get out of there! Everyone is lining up already!" shouted a voice from outside. I'm pretty sure it was Dean, but I was too groggy to know for sure.
"Double K's? Since when did they call us that?" I asked her.
"It's been going on a while now. They didn't want to call you that in front of you for fear of your wrath. I'm pretty sure Dean just risked it because you're sleepy," Katie said with a smile.
I hauled my legs over the side of the bed and smiled, "I'm still wondering why we ended up in the same barracks and the same bunk."
"Maybe it was some cruel joke," she said with a small laugh. I stood up and stretched my arms above my head.
"Alright then. You know what's going on?" I asked her. She shrugged.
"As far as I can tell, it's something to do with an inspection. Anyways, are you really going to go out like that?" I paused at her question. On further inspection, I realized that I looked no worse than a mess, but also no better. My clothes were rumpled and my hair was tangled. I quickly ran a brush through my long, reddish locks until they were satisfyingly straightened.
"Come on. We don't have time for me to change," I said, hauling her out the door. I silently thanked my subconscious for letting me fall asleep last night in my uniform. It meant I didn't have to waste time with clothes.
"Cadet Klaus! Cadet Black! Why are you tardy?!" Man, that guy's voice was less than pleasant in the morning; let's leave it at that. I feel compelled to mention that, momentarily, thoughts of forcibly shutting his spit-spewing mouth crossed my mind. I didn't indulge my imagination, though.
"Sir, Cadet Black was taking responsibility for my inexcusable irresponsibility and I would request that you not punish her for my mistakes," I said sternly, facing straight forward. I heard boots crunching against the stones beneath us and then felt his hot breath on my face.
He made sure to whisper quietly so as not to upset the obviously important individuals that were watching. I'd taken note of them earlier. They were hard to miss. They were most certainly higher ups. "Watch yourself, Cadet. You ain't above anyone here, not even your fellow comrades. Just because you've got some moves don't mean you shouldn't mind your superiors." He spat as he spoke and I fought the urge to wipe off his saliva. "You'll be punished later tonight."
"I will gladly receive full punishment," I said quietly.
"Listen up!" he said, clearly ignoring my words. I made momentary eye contact with Katie and she smiled. I could detect a little guilt in her eyes, but I grinned back. I wanted her to know that it was better that I get the punishment than her. My body had always been especially resilient.
"You Greenies'll be undergoing an inspection. Don't whine like the little babies you are. Man up!" I wanted to deck him and remind him that I was, in fact, a woman. I, yet again, didn't indulge my impulse. "I leave the floor to you!"
"My name is Hange!" shouted a woman from the platform above us. In one uniquely fluid movement, she launched herself from the platform and landed in the dirt, causing a plume of dust to flare up around her ankles. "You can call me Hange!" she said cheerfully. She was annoying me. "I'm here for one reason and one reason alone," she said, kicking the dirt whenever she said the word 'one.'
She stared at us, waiting. No one spoke up and I was starting to get impatient. "And that one reason would be?" I asked, obviously annoyed. Shit. One glance at the blond guy up on the platform and I knew my punishment was getting greatly extended.
"I'm glad you asked!" Hange said happily, like she had just been waiting for someone to speak up. "I'm looking for titans!"
My breath caught and a lump formed in my throat. She was looking for titans. "I don't suppose any of you would like to step forward and get this all out in the open right from the get-go, right?" She looked around eagerly. Like anyone would be dumb enough to actually do that. Considering the uproar surrounding Yeager, no one would willingly lower himself or herself to such a status. Titans were monsters. Everyone knew that. I, for one, didn't want to lose my humanity.
"Fine, then. It seems we'll be testing each of you individually. You should be aware that if you attempt resistance, you'd look even guiltier. Also, should you actually be a titan, we are more than capable of subduing you. Don't bother to fight us." I clenched my teeth and glanced around.
No one looked particularly worried except for the few who were looking around as well. I could tell that they were just scared. They looked like they were about to wet their pants just thinking about the possibility that a member of the 105th could be a titan. A goddamn titan. This was really a mess.
My mind was reeling as I attempted to think of a solution. I tried to maintain my cool as, one by one, my friends were forced to self mutilate and then attempt a task. It was simple. Reaching a spoon from an impossible distance. I wasn't sure why it was a spoon, but the type of utensil was the least of my worries. I started nearing the line and my heart rate increasing. I didn't want to admit it, but I was scared. Just as scared as last time. My usual confidence and strength withered away whenever I thought about it.
"Next," called a voice. Katie stepped forward and her hand shook and she slit her hand open with a small yet sharp blade. I could see Dean on the sidelines, pressing a sterilized bandage to his palm. He'd passed, obviously. I suddenly caught me staring and waved at me. Careless as ever, Dean. Clearly, the guy had some problem with picking up in other people's vibes. I turned away to watch Katie reach for the knife. Nothing happened. There was no burst of yellowish light or shockwave. It was quiet, only the chattering birds and cadets could be heard.
"Next," Hange called. I forced my legs forward. I could run away, but then I wouldn't ever be able to join the scouts. I could do the test, but then I'd have to change again. I hated changing. My hands were shaking, so I clutched them into fists. There was no way out of this. I was trapped. How could I have been so stupid? As soon as I heard that they were searching for titans, I should have known that they would search the recruits as well. I'd been foolish. I looked up at Hange, who was staring at me.
One of her eyebrows was raised and a hint of excitement gleamed in her eyes. I glanced at Blondie up above and saw him lean forward expectantly. Crap, there was no way out. I sighed and looked back to Hange. I unclenched my fists. "Please don't make me," I said quietly.
"What was that? I couldn't hear you?" She stepped closer and peered at me. A subtle smile started to creep along her face.
"Please don't make me," I repeated. I glanced at Katie and Dean who were looked at me worriedly.
Hange gasped, "Does that mean you're—"
"I'll go with you. Just please. I have friends here," I said, hugging myself. I didn't want them to see me like this. My eyes welled up. Clearly Dean wasn't the only one who couldn't detect other people's vibes, because Hange attacked me, her arms encircling my neck. My air flow was cut off as she hugged me tightly. "Ah! I knew you just had to exist! Tell me, what's your name?"
"Ekaterina Klaus."
"I have to keep testing, but I have loads of questions to ask you. Go with this man, he'll see to you." Before she let me go, she kissed me on the cheek and squealed. I grimaced and the tears threatened to fall. Did this mean I wouldn't be part of the 105th any longer? Would I lose my friends? My future? Most importantly, would I lose my free will?
An almost bald man took me by the arm and led me up onto the platform. "And who might this be?" Blondie asked.
"Name's Kat," I said as calmly as I could. I'd shown respect to Hange, but somehow I could tell that this man wasn't nearly as friendly, so to speak. I tried to get my usual flippant attitude out, but the watery eyes probably made that impossible. It was worth the effort, though.
"Ekaterina Klaus, Cadet of the 105th. Top of her class. Excels in all areas except teamwork."
"Teamwork? A valuable trait."
"Obviously, not to me. I have standards," I mumbled.
"Standards?"
"I don't work with bad people."
"And what qualifies someone as a bad person? Weakness?"
"It's got nothing to do with weakness. I could care less about how strong someone is."
"Then, what is it?"
"What business do you have asking me, Blondie?" I finally looked up and the expression of utter shock on the guy's face surprised me. Was this guy really so important that he was shocked by my nickname?
"My name is Erwin Smith, Commander of the Survey Corps. I suppose this might be an assumption, but I would think it reasonable for me to know the details of one of my most important soldiers." My jaw dropped. I was about to salute him when something distracted me.
"Kat!" someone shouted. I looked down and saw Dean waving to me. Katie was off talking to Hange, looking confused and worried. Turning my head so quickly was probably a bad move. The tears that had been welling up finally fell when I turned and saw Dean staring up at me. I'd lost and there was no denying it.
"What's happening?" Dean yelled up to me. I looked away. I won't say I wasn't ashamed.
I angrily wiped the tears away, "I apologize. I didn't know. Thank you for having me." That was all I could manage. I'd forced the words out and managed to hold in the bile that I could feel rising, and that was an accomplishment.
"You may say goodbye to your friends if you'd like, but, judging by the look on their faces, they'll be following you," Erwin said with a slight amusement in his voice.
"That's alright. I'll see them again, probably when I'm more prepared to explain to them why I've been lying to their facing from the day I met them." A small part of me didn't want to see them again. They must have figured everything out by now. They probably thought I was just as much of a monster as I did. I took a deep breath and ignored the nausea I was feeling at the thought of transforming again.
I used to do it all the time, determined to master my newfound abilities. Sneaking out of the wall at night and practicing with my titan form was probably really idiotic. Actually, forget that 'probably'. It was most definitely idiotic. Later, the titans broke through the wall. I learned how useless I really was. I'd decided I wouldn't ever turn into the same sort of monster that killed every single person I ever knew.
"Where will you be taking me?" I asked, looking up.
"I won't lie to you. We're going to evaluate your mental state to be sure."
"I guess I was expecting that. You should know, though, I don't like changing."
"You mean into a titan?" I nodded.
"I don't like becoming a monster, but if I must, I will. I'm scared and angry. Honestly, becoming a titan is what scares me most in this world. That's why I don't want to. But I will, because you're asking me to."
"I'd apologize, but that wouldn't be fair to others."
"You mean Eren Yeager?"
Erwin smiled subtly, "You've learned a lot about them?"
"How couldn't I? I'm one of them, after all."
"You're very honest."
I took one final glance at Dean before I was whisked away. I hadn't expecting him to be staring at me like that. I'd expected disgust or horror as soon as he understood why I was being taken away. Instead, though, he showed me a different face. He looked at me with only worry…concern. I wanted to be happy that he cared, but it also made me a bit angry. Why did he care about me, a titan? I was the enemy, they were just going to use me as a means to an end. Dean shouldn't have cared.
Still, as I walked away, I caught him smiling. It was like he was telling me, "Don't worry, Kat. I'll see you soon." That one smile seemed to give me strength enough to push forward...to walk on.
"Rise and shine! Welcome to the special forces of the Scout's Regiment!" The voice was so cheerful. It made me want to kick out at the person it belonged to. Of course, my eyes were still closed so I'd most likely miss. No matter, I could still try.
I lashed out, "What time is it? Damnit!" I opened my eyes and sat up to see an unconscious person on the floor. "Oh, damn. I fully acknowledge that the fault is mine."
I launched myself out of bed and yanked on my clothes. The novel wings adorned my uniform, which was unfamiliar. I looked at the lady who was unconscious on my floor. "Crap," I mumbled as I leaned down and slung her over my shoulder. I kicked the door open and started downstairs to where I knew food was waiting for me. I slammed open another door to see several surprised faces looking at me and one very neutral one.
"I accidentally knocked her out. Sorry," I said, dropping her into one of the chairs at the table.
"You accidentally knocked her out?" asked one of my superiors.
I sighed and flopped down into the chair beside my unconscious comrade, "Yeah, well, she tried to wake me up with her annoying voice. Granted, I shouldn't have kicked her. Honestly, though, I didn't think I'd actually hit her. Shouldn't she have better reflexes? I mean she does fight titans."
"Not titans like you, apparently," mumbled the expressionless guy. I growled. "And you'll be examined today." I could feel myself pale.
"Yes, Sir," was all I said. Judging by my uncomfortable stomach, I decided it'd be better not to eat.
"Kitty!" called an agitating voice from behind me. I whirled around and slammed my fist into the wall where Hange used to be standing. The boards shattered and some splinters were embedded in my knuckles. I silently cursed.
"Don't call me Kitty," I growled, sitting down and picking up a fork. I angled it towards my hand and moved to dig out the shards of wood in my flesh.
"Stop! What are you doing?" I paused and looked up at the guy who was standing over me. I felt the sharp coolness of a blade against my throat.
"You seriously think I'm about to turn into a titan?" I asked with a slight chuckle. The blade pressed a bit harder. I sighed, "Look, I don't turn into a titan unless I want to, and right now…I don't want to. Actually, I never want to. The only reason I'm here is because you forced me to be here."
"Oluo," Hange warned. I could only guess that Oluo was this guy's name. Kind of a weird name if you asked me.
"You've been with Yeager for a long time and you still worry about this stuff?" I asked.
"Once, when Yeager shifted into his titan form, he attacked his childhood friend," said one of the men at the table.
I scoffed, "Right, I forgot. He's a newbie." I turned my attention back to my hand, but Hange stopped me.
"Let me," she said. A weird delight shone in her eyes like she was looking forward to digging around underneath my skin. It sort of creeped me out a bit. I didn't argue, though. She whipped out a needle and some tweezers from her pocket—god knows why she kept such tools in her coat—and started to work. I winced as she removed the wood from my hand.
"What does that mean?" asked one of the men.
I sighed again. It seemed like I'd been doing that an awful lot lately. I was seriously going to have to explain a lot to these people. The only resource they had was Yeager, and that guy had recently used his titan for the first time. He couldn't even control his titan body at this point. He really had no idea what he was doing. If I was going to do this, I was going to go all out. I would ignore the subtle nausea in my stomach so that I could train the hell out of that guy. "Anyone who's just used their titan form for the first time will have a smaller stature, usually a fifteen-footer, and not have complete control over their movements and mind. They'll probably forget what they were doing the first time or act on an impulse or extreme desire to do something."
"How do you know this?" asked expressionless-man.
"Because I've been using my titan form since I was six," I said. They gawked at me. "Of course, it's been a while since I've used i—ow!"
"Sorry," Hange said apologetically yet delightedly, "I just wanted to see if your tendons worked the same way ours do."
"Stop being creepy," I said, yanking my hand away.
"Aw, but I'm not done yet," she whined.
"Don't care. It'll heal on its own anyway," I mumbled.
"You've been using your titan since you were six?" asked one of the guys.
"I suppose that means I've got to teach Yeager, don't I?"
"Where did you use it? How? Did you go outside the wall? How did you discover it? Do your abilities differ from Eren's? How about the colossus and armored titans? Can you—"
"Quiet, Hange," said Expressionless. I took a deep breath.
"I did go outside of the wall to use it and to practice. I discovered it just like anyone else would have, just like you were trying to test us. It was accidental. My 'abilities' would obviously differ from his. I'm a different person and I've got a different titan. Plus, I've had much more practice. I know you're also going to ask me about why I don't like becoming a titan, but I think the answer is fairly obvious, isn't it?"
"What's that supposed to mean?" asked Oluo.
I leaned forward and flexed my fingers, making sure there wasn't any wood left, "If you had a choice between turning into a giant monster, the same kind of monster that killed every single person you ever loved and staying the way you were, what would you choose?"
Oluo didn't waste time, "If it meant saving lives I would do it."
"That's why I'm here, genius. I don't want to be, but I am."
"That's a noble choice, Klaus," said Expressionless.
"Nobility has nothing to do with it," I said, standing up, "Am I going to learn your names anytime soon?"
Expressionless was the first to respond, pointing to each respective person, "Eld Jinn, Gunther Schultz, Oluo Bozado, Petra Ral, Levi Ackerman." He pointed to himself with the last name.
"Well, Levi, when am I being 'examined'?" I asked.
"That was your examination. Temporarily. Get outside," he said. I didn't bother protesting. A thought occurred to me as I neared the door.
"Someone should…make sure she isn't dead," I said, pointing to Petra. With that I stepped out the door and into the hallway. I passed several dust-coated, crooked picture frames on my way outdoors. Seeing the faces of most likely long-dead warriors was a bit unnerving. I had a creeping feeling that their eyes followed me as I walked past. I paused in front of a certain picture that showed a group of scouts smiling together. Why were they smiling? I couldn't help but think that smiling in such a situation was foolish.
"Klaus, you alright?" I started and turned around quickly. Gunther was staring at me curiously.
"Fine," was my answer. With that I shoved the door open. Warm sunlight flooded inside and slid over my skin like silk. I sighed and took it in, enjoying the breeze on my face.
"What do you think you're doing?" I reluctantly opened my eyes and broke my trance.
"Enjoying life," I said, "You should try it sometime. Maybe you'd even smile."
"We don't have time to enjoy life," Levi deadpanned. I stared at him and smiled.
"Didn't you know? There's always time to enjoy life."
"That's a childish way of thinking," said a voice behind me. I turned and saw something I should have been expecting, but hadn't been.
"I can practically feel the hate oozing off of you. You know that, right?" I remarked. Eren Yeager pushed himself away from the tree he'd been leaning on.
"I have a reason to hate," he mumbled. His eyes looked distant. I frowned.
"So do I, but that doesn't mean I have to shackle myself to my past. And yet, it seems I still do." I waited.
"Then you're even more foolish than you initially seemed," Eren mumbled. He was quite the mumbler. It pissed me off. Before he had time to react, I stepped forward and backhanded him across the face.
"What are you—" Petra began.
"I expected more from you, I suppose. I'm disappointed. Still, I have to teach you, don't I? If you want me to help you, maybe you should try to figure out which one of us is really the foolish one," I growled. Before my stupid tear ducts started acting up, I launched myself into the air and landed on a tree branch above. "Idiot," I breathed when I got to the top.
The wind was even stronger above the treetops. Where the wind usually soothed me, now it only served to agitate me more.