5 October 1859

Today marks the ten year anniversary of Mother's death. Ten years without her laugh; her kindness; her safe arms- ten years without her.

I lost the one person that kept me from falling, that treacherous October night, and I broke; horridly so. A part of me had died; a part which held sympathy, kindness, joy. They all were taken from me, never to make their way back into my life. On October 5, ten years ago, I damned myself to a life of misery. I pushed aside all that reminded me of her. Mother had told me multiple times that I was congruent to her in every way. With the thirst for adventure, the craving to be loved unconditionally, the hunger to let every joy of life, no matter how small, sink in completely, and the urge to feel sympathy for each and every misfortune of everyone around me. I tore myself to pieces, banishing all of our similarities, so her memory could not haunt the Salvatore plantation. I did it for little Stefan who was only two at the time, I did it for Father's sake and sanity, I did it for myself. The more I tore from myself, the stronger her memory became. I could not get her from my thoughts. I was worried that my actions were too akin to hers, I worried that I was forgetting her too quickly. But I continued relentlessly to not let her shadow hover over me.

Father still despised me, though. I daresay that is what broke me. Two years after Mother's passing, I could no longer convince myself that Father just had a unique way of showing his love for me. The truth was, in fact, there was no love for me in his heart. My hatred for him grew rapidly after that epiphany. I recalled all of Mother's traits and exaggerated them, just to torture poor Giuseppe Salvatore and my God, did it work. I relished in his pain, for karma is the most unholy of tortures. Stefan still asks me to this day, why I torment Father the way I do. He wants to hate me for doing so, for he is swiftly becoming number one admirer of Father, but he cannot. Stefan looks up to me in awe, for I am so different from him and Father. I am still a mystery to Stefan even though he has been my brother for all thirteen years of his life. But I presume that is my doing. Stefan embodies Father flawlessly and I loathe everything that is Father, these days, so how could I ever let Stefan fully into my heart? Truth be told, I cannot. I have created immunity to my father, and in turn to Stefan, and I refuse to let down my walls to that virus. Admittedly, I have created a soft spot for Stefan. Slowly but surely, he is tearing at my wall, and by God, he's almost crumbled it down completely. I am still debating on whether this is good or bad. Ah, the joys of love and hate.

Elena stared at the page before her. She hadn't intended on finding this book in her search for… what had she even been looking for, snooping around the Boarding House? Elena didn't have the slightest idea. But there she sat, on the floor of Damon Salvatore's room, reading his journal from when he was fifteen. Elena ran a hand through her hair, letting out a shaky breath. The spidery black writing seemed to burn into her head, every word Damon had written, swirling in the depths of her mind. Her emotions were all over the place. Realizations hit her like a thousand knives stabbing her all over her body. She couldn't breathe, she couldn't think; all that was on her mind was the pain and sympathy she now had for Damon Salvatore. His heart and soul was within the pages of the book that now sat on her lap. Elena was starting to peck at why Damon is the way he is, and she wasn't going to stop, until she had reached the bottom of it. The investigation of Damon Salvatore was officially opened. She shoved the journal into her bag to read later. Her head shot up when she heard the slamming of the front door.

"Shit", she breathed as she scurried quickly out of his room and leaned against the wall opposite of it. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath to compose herself, before walking down the stairs. Her clenched body relaxed when she saw Stefan in the parlor.

"Hi, Elena, what brings you here?" he questioned, cocking his head to the side.

"Oh, uhm, I thought I'd surprise you…"

"You're too sweet Elena," he smiled lightly kissing her on the lips.

"Ugh, you two and your sweetness," a voice came from the front door, "I might actually get a cavity from it," the couple turned to find Damon leaning against the doorframe, his arms and ankles crossed.

"Ha ha ha, Damon, you're so funny," came Elena's voice. It was hard for her to be mean to him now. Damon shook his head smirking, and pushed off the doorframe, closing the door, and walked into the room.

"Have I ever told you, Elena, that you suck at comebacks?" he inquired, raising a dark eyebrow.

"And have I ever told you, Damon, that your sarcasm is a nuisance?" she gave a slight smirk. Damon clapped his hands nonchalantly and sauntered closer to Stefan and Elena.

"Bravo, Elena, that wasn't half bad. Though we all know my sarcasm is irresistible," he gave Elena a flirty look. Elena rolled her eyes at him.

"Okay, guys, banter session officially over," Stefan said, trying to hide his jealousy. Damon gave him an annoyed look.

"Stefan, why don't you just go brood somewhere where you can't be a buzz kill to the rest of the people around you?" Damon asked tiredly. This conversation was way past the point of entertaining. Stefan glared at him, and Damon returned the look.

"Uh, well, I take that as my cue to leave," Elena said. She gave Stefan a light kiss, "Bye Stefan," she turned to Damon, "Bye, Damon" she couldn't stop the smile that came to her lips. She quickly walked out the door before either brother could mention anything about it. Elena walked briskly to her house, eager to read more of Damon's journal. She reached the front door, and headed straight for her room. She opened the book and began to read:

25 October 1859

My apologies for the long twenty day break. I have had nothing to write, no feelings I have the need to release. The situation with Father has been on my mind lately, though

. I am beginning to almost feel remorse about my actions toward Father. I kept waiting for Father to see I have been treating him in such a vulgar manner to display to him how I feel when he does such things to me; but it has never come. I am waiting for a hug, an 'I love you'; an absolution which will never come to my ears. My feelings are spinning an uneasy web in my head. The fine line between love and hate has dulled even more, and I haven't the slightest idea how to darken the line once more.

Elena was broken from reading the entry when her phone vibrated. She had a text message. From Damon.

You know, there, Elena, snooping and stealing isn't very nice ;)

~Okay, so, that was chapter one. I know it was short, but I don't really know exactly where I'm going with this. I was thinking maybe involving Bonnie and a spell that transports Elena into 1860's Mystic Falls, before Katherine, but I'm not too sure. Please, PLEASE give me your ideas! I'm open to anything at the moment. And thank you to those that read, and an even bigger thank you to those who also review~ ;)

Remember, reviews are love, people!