Well, here's the story. I was halfway through making my eggs, fuming about the accusations of moi copying from stories. There was only one, and I thought "Why do I have to be on trial for this?" Then it all just came from here. I quickly sprinted down and fired up the computer. I'd better hurry though. Smells like my eggs are done…
Disclaimer: I do not own C&H or Simpson characters, no do I own my FF.Net "chums" (chums. That's a funny word! HAHAHAHA!) Elvenking, Tashlan, or any other characters mentioned.
Jhomeboy- as himself
Elvenking- as himself
Lionel Hutz- as himself
Calvin- as himself
Hobbes-as himself
Richard Jones-Mel Brooks
Tashlan-as himself
Chic-as herself
Judge Smith-Sam Neil
Moe Sizlack-as himself
"All rise. The honorable Judge Smith residing."
The court rises as Judge Smith walks in and sits down, simultaneous with the crowd.
"The plaintiff: Calvin and Hobbes, represented by Richard Jones. The defendant: Jhomeboy, defended by Lionel Hutz. And a note from Hutz… "I also do surgery."
Lawyers take there seats as the defendant and the plaintiffs stand at their pedestals.
Smith: Alright, plaintiffs. I am ready to here your case now.
Calvin: Your honor, my friend and I come before you today to sue Jhomeboy. Price, twenty million dollars.
Smith: That seems a bit high.
Calvin: Oh, don't you know? This is a class-action suit.
Calvin regards to the crowd, where a sudden wave of torches and pitchforks are raised.
Jhomeboy gulps.
Calvin: We are suing Jhomeboy for the unlawful use of our names and the names and ideas of other fanfics.
Jhomeboy: That is not true, your honor! I always write a disclaimer that says 'I do not own C&H'! That makes it alright!
Jones: I'll admit he does do that, although he puts my clients in odd stories they rather don't like. And it's not just our name he's using wrongly.
Jones holds up a laptop. On the screen is the FF.Net Calvin and Hobbes section, to the story
Death of a Fanfiction Writer.Jhomeboy: (pulling on collar) Guugh…
Random person from crowd: Hey! That's from the Simpsons!
Jones: Now, the defendant claims he's never read Truth or Dare, or says he never got as far as to chapter thirteen, and yet one scene seems to be real familiar. A light saber duel takes place toward the end of Mr. Homeboy's story, Death of a Fanfiction Writer. Now, is it would appear, there just so happens to be a lightsaber duel in chapter…oh no! I can't find it! Where's Truth or Dare?
Jones starts scrolling up and down the screen.
Jones: He deleted it…good Lord noooooooooooooooo!!!!!
Turns to Jhomeboy.
Jones: You…this is your fault…you die now!!!
Jones launches himself at Jhomeboy, who whips out a lightsaber and attempts to half Jones.
Hobbes: There! He did it again! He pulled out a lightsaber!
Jhomeboy: Wha-?
Guards rush in and start to pelt him silly with their bats, and then pull out their tazers.
Smith: Now, if we're finished, can we proceed with the trial.
Jones: Yes your honor. Now, Mr. Homeboy, you claim that all of your stories are original, albeit you took a few liberties on Death of a Fanfiction Writer. Now, what about characters? Hmm? Are these all one hundred percent original too, or are they cheap knock-offs from old C&H fanfics nobody has read in months?
Jhomeboy: (cowering on floor of the stand in pain and fear) Yes…*cough cough* they all are.
Jones: I see…I would like to call to the stand, Moe Sizlack.
Simpson's Moe Sizlack walks up to the stand, pushing over Jhomeboy's charred body.
Jones: Mr. Sizlack. In the date of 8-23-02, Mr. Homeboy came up with the idea to go around and question C&H characters. When interrogating Calvin, he hooks up a polygraph and gets the information from him. Calvin then claims he only tapes the heads of Susie to the bodies of Victoria's Secret catalog models, and then after the lie detector reveals that is a boldfaced lib, Calvin then says, and might I add, against his literate will, a Sears' catalog model. Now, Mr. Sizlack, does that sound familiar to you?
Moe: Yeah, it does. A few years back, when our show was takin` off, we do this episode, 'Who Shot Mr. Burns?' In it, as I'm a key suspect, I am asked if I shot Mr. Burns. I say no, and the polygraph sets me free. Still hooked up to da machine, I stupidly said I had a hot date, then the machine beeps. I say then I was really going to stay home and ogle over Victoria's Secret catalogs. The machine beeps, and then I admit to Sears catalog. He stole my bit and gave it to shortstack over there.
Jones: I see. You may go sit down now, Mr. Sizlack. I call to the stand, Chic.
Chic walks to the stand and sits down.
Jones: Now, Chic, when were you first introduced on Then Fall Hobbes?
Chic: (slow, sexy voice, as always) Well, it was in the second chapter, about two weeks ago, I think. I was rather exciting, being in a great story and all, written by the best fanfic writer on FF.Net.
Jones: How much is he paying you?
Chic: A good tiger never reveals the size of the bribe. But he was good at writing, I'll admit. And a few other things too.
Jones: Ugh.
Chic: I meant at snowboarding, wise guy. The story takes place in the winter, and of course he is a snowboarder.
Jones: Right. So you claim that you are an original character though?
Chic: One hundred percent.
Jones: Alright. You can go sit down.
Chic walks down and turns to Calvin.
Chic: See you in chapter five.
Jones: No further questions.
Lionel Hutz walks to the stands where Elvenking is waiting.
Hutz: Now, Mr. King, would you claim that my slime-ball of a client stole your story, or are you going to buy into that crap he calls an excuse?
Elvenking: I can't talk. This whole thing is really a story by Jhomie, and if I say too much, he could get sued.
Hutz: Alright, how about you Mr. Tashlan? In a review, you claimed that his work was said and that a Simpsons joke degraded the story. You think that's funny? A Simpsons joke is suddenly too good for a writer such as yourself to
Hutz launches himself at Tashlan.
Smith: Mr. Hutz, unless you want my to contact a one Matt Groening to have you removed from future Simpsons episodes, I suggest you stop.
Hutz: I'll give ya your removal…alright, Tashlan, Elvenking. Take your seats. Would Calvin please take the stand?
Calvin walks up to the stand.
Hutz: Mr. Calvin, how do you feel about having your life liabled in front of millions by my client? Does it feel good? Cuz it seems like it would be real cool to be…er, I mean, what kind of rage do you have toward my client?
Calvin: Well, I would think he could at least show some respect for us for once! He acts like we're his own, even though he writes his 'disclaimer' to rightfully protect him! Here, gimme, that lightsaber real quick.
Calvin leaps out of the stands and ignites his saber. The weakened Jhomeboy quickly ignites his own saber and flips over backwards into the crowd and slices several members of the class action suit who have pitch forks. Calvin follows.
Calvin and Jhomeboy tangle as Hobbes quickly joins and the guards approach with their tazers. Jhomeboy halves a guard and dodges a blow from Calvin but takes a blast from Hobbes.
Calvin reaches over the cut guard's corpse and takes his tazer and quickly fries Jhomeboy over and over again.
Jhomeboy: Uncle…uncle...ugh…
Smith: Mr. Homeboy, this is highly unorthodox. I will keep your sentence low if you stop this at once.
Jhomeboy throws down his saber and the guards quickly swarm him with tazers.
Smith: Now, Jhomeboy, you are to pay a fine of one gajillion dollars.
Jhomeboy: (weakly and defeated) There is no number gajillion.
Smith: Let me guess, you plagiarized that out of a math book, didn't you? Make that two gajillion dollars. Dismissed.
Smith bangs on the gavel and the tazers ignite once again simultaneous with Calvin and Hobbes' sabers.
Fin`