"That movie we watched last night...what was it called again?"
The Doctor's brow knits as he eyes Donna over the rim of his teacup, "King Kong," he says flatly.
"Right, that one," Donna says, taking a bite of jam-smeared toast.
"You seriously couldn't remember to the title to King Kong?" he asks incredulously.
"So?" Donna says, retrieving her own teacup from the table between them.
The Doctor blinks. "Well, it is a rather famous movie Donna," he says simply.
"What am I, Alfred Hitchcock?" Donna demands. "Anyway, the last line bothered me."
"It was Beauty killed the Beast, you mean?"
"Exactly," Donna says. "It isn't as if Fay Wray…"
"Oh Fay Wray, her name you remember," the Doctor murmurs, amused.
"She wasn't a claymation action figure," Donna counters, "besides her name rhymes. Fay Wray didn't ask to be chained up and forced to be a sex toy for a giant horny ape. It was the beast's lust for her that killed it, not her beauty."
"Well, I suspect the screenwriter was trying to be poetic," the Doctor says thoughtfully, sipping his tea,
"Like beauty hath charms to soothe the savage beast?"
"Music."
"Pardon?"
"It's music has charms to soothe the savage, breast actually," the Doctor explains.
"Really," Donna says, her eyes narrowing skeptically, "I always thought it was beauty." Her nose wrinkles. "Are you sure?"
"Music has charms to soothe a savage breast," the Doctor recites, "to soften rocks, or bend a knotted oak, William Congreve."
Donna pulls a face. "What about the fairytale? That Beauty certainly had charms to soothe her savage beast."
"Right, well you've got me there," the Doctor says, scratching his chin. "Although I believe that story was supposed to be more of a metaphor for the transformative powers of love rather than some sort of bondage tale."
"Whatever, she still married a bison," Donna says flatly. "The point is, it's all so one-sided. You never see a man chained up to Jabba the Huttess do you?"
"There's another version of the story you know," the Doctor says mildly, "an older version."
"Oh?"
"Same basic premise, only instead of marrying a monster, this beauty is betrothed to a god in hiding, completely unbeknownst to her of course."
"Who was he hiding from?"
The Doctor blinks. "Do you know I'm not really sure, although I seem to recall it had something to do with his mother."
"Oh brilliant," Donna says rolling her eyes, "because Mummy's boys always make the best boyfriends."
The Doctor grins. "Anyway," he continues, "she was lavished in every luxury, her every desire fulfilled, except for one of course. She was never allowed to gaze upon her husband's face."
"What never?" Donna frowns, "How'd he pull that off?"
The Doctor shrugs. "Stay out all day, then return home after dark when the candles have gone out and Bob's your uncle," he says, "but after a while she began to wonder whether he really was the god he claimed to be, or just a beast hiding his true face. So she crept from their bed one night, returning by candlelight to see for herself. The man she beheld was so perfect, so angelic, that it took her breath away. She was so transfixed by his beauty, she failed to notice the drop of melted wax falling from the taper in her hand. It fell onto his bare chest, startling him awake and he flew from the window in a fury, never to be seen again."
"Like I said, Mummy's boys," Donna says dryly. "So, what happened to the girl?"
"Oh she wandered the world for the rest of her days, searching for her lost lover, but she never found him. Finally the pain of her broken heart became too much to bear and she threw herself off a cliff."
"Really," Donna says flatly, "she threw herself off a cliff. All beauty then and no brains at all."
"Don't cast stones," the Doctor says, "there was a time when you might have thrown yourself off a cliff for Lance."
"Yes, but that was before I decided the story needed a rewrite."
"Oh?"
"Only in my version, Beauty isn't tethered to a beast who locks her away from the world, she meets a madman with a box who shows it to her instead, and the only transformation that takes place in the end is hers, when she becomes the person she was always meant to be."
The Doctor breaks into a sudden grin. "Take that King Kong," he says.
END