"Look! Up there! It's Venus! Do you boys know what Venus is?"
When they were just little boys, Kuon Aikawa and his two brothers often went to the backyard, where their mother would sit on the grass and pull Towa, his youngest brother, onto her lap. Without further ado, Kuon and Nagahisa, the oldest of them, would sit next to her and stare at the sky.
Then, their mother, a woman who looked too young for her age, a woman who died before her time, would point at the sky, showing them the stars they'd never seen and smile. Her smile was the most beautiful thing Kuon'd ever seen, just like the stars she was pointing. Then Nagahisa would answer, Towa would laugh, and Kuon would nod, and their mother would kiss their cheeks before pointing to the other stars.
Kuon would never understand why those beautiful moments were over so quickly.
His childhood changed drastically when he was eight.
Nagahisa—he was just twelve, a mere kid!—suddenly stopped going to school, even though he still wore his uniform every morning and dropped his little brothers to the grade school nearby. Kuon wasn't that oblivious, even in such a young age. He knew something had happened... something bad.
His older brother was strong and smart (despite popular belief) in his own way. He succeeded in hiding the fact that their parents were killed for five years—five years!—and left them with monstrous amount of debts. It was thanks to an article from an old newspaper that Kuon'd accidentally found, not from Nagahisa himself. Kuon doubted if he would tell them anytime soon. However, he had no heart to confront his older brother, who at that day came home with some money and his favourite fish, face sweaty as if he'd run for miles.
That night, he walked into his older brother's room, and sat next to his sleeping form. Nagahisa looked normal, but when Kuon squinted and looked carefully, he could see faint scars on his cheek and arms. He frowned.
What kind of work a seventeen year old boy can do to make such scars?
Kuon only bent down and kissed Nagahisa's brown locks. "Thank you, Aniki."
That was when he realized that he had to help his brother. He couldn't just sit by and see Nagahisa struggle by himself. Another accident happened not long after, a good one. He found Nagahisa's letter with a card attached to it. The words 'you still work here' intrigued him, and he decided to go to the man whose name was printed on the card.
It turned out that he was the man who had helped Nagahisa all those five years.
He went by the name Sazuku Satonaka, and the first thing he said to the boy who had just turned thirteen was, "Would you like some tea, Aikawa-kun?"
That man talked a lot afterwards. One of them was: "Your brother is a good kid, but he's such an angel! I've trained him, and he does good, but it'll take too much time. Five years and he's still sick at the sight of blood." He shrugged. "He's one of my best snipers, and the youngest, that's why I keep him around."
He was kind of witty with some odd jokes, but Kuon never minded.
"I can take over." As long as Aniki can go back to school. "I won't get sick."
"I can see that." Satonaka leant against his big chair as he sipped his tea. Sometimes, when Kuon thought about it, Satonaka and tea were really inseparable. "I have to tell you, this kind of training wasn't something to be taken lightly. You're physically smaller than Nagahisa-kun, and not to mention that you're barely older than him when he started, but I can see your strong will. I wonder if I give you a chance..."
"I'll take it." The image of Nagahisa wearing a high school uniform with a laughing Towa in his arms made him root in his decision. His brothers' happiness was the sole reason of him accepting the twisted offer. "I have one condition, though."
Satonaka looked genuinely interested. "What are they?"
"Let him go back to school, and don't you ever go near him again."
"It was his choice to drop school, and if you want to take your chance and continue until high school at the same time, it's okay with me. But, my, my, you're such a stubborn kid," Satonaka replied with a laugh. It didn't sound cruel, somehow. "Deal."
That was when Kuon lost his childhood and care towards someone's life.
.*.
*.*
*.*.*
Warui Koto Shitai series (c) Sakuraga Mei. I own nothing but the story.
Rating: R
"In which Kuon Aikawa is good with his starry knives, Nagahisa used to be a great sniper, and Nanao loves economics and stargazing."
Stargazer
Seer M. Anno
Pairings: Kuon Aikawa/Nanao Shirahane, minor!Mikado Shirahane/Towa Aikawa, minor!Atsushi Kiryu/Nanao Shirahane, dan minor!Sazuku Satonaka/OC.
Genre: Assassin!AU. Romance.
Warnings: Slash, possible OOCness, badass!Nagahisa, assassin!Kuon, mentions of lemon and character death(s).
A/N: Translation (and addition) of 'Penatap Bintang' (thanks a lot for Hermina05 and Alooey-chan who asked me to post this translation so I can have more motivation!). Kiryu and Satonaka actually have no first names, I came up with 'em (thought I saw Satonaka's but I forgot where). Different summary than the original one. Unbeta'd, sorry! Hope you enjoy!
*.*.*
*.*
.*.
"What can I do for you?"
"Do not humour me right now."
"I'm not. Enlighten me, boy."
The voice hitched suddenly, cracking with love and desperation. "Please! I'm begging you! I don't want him to keep being like this! Does he—do you—think I don't have any idea about this?! I know, okay?! I understand what's happening to him! I understand why he does this for us!"
"He chose this—"
"And can't you see?! Nothing remains in him but people's—!"
"You guys do."
"No, no, no! I want him free, you hear?! FREE! Free as a bird! What can I do to let him go? I know you'll die soon, but you're the one who has control over him! You're the only one who can do this! It's all up to you!"
"Please." The exclaiming voice suddenly turned weak. Pleading. Sad. "Please."
A long silence, followed by a harsh cough. "I have to admit, he has done so much for me. I guess I'll just have to give him a final task."
*.*
"I'm home."
Kuon, after nine years, turned into what Satonaka had predicted. A young man in his twenties he was, one that had become an attractive one, while dangerous at the same time. Gorgeous, fearless, and stoic, he had become the best assassin Satonaka had ever trained.
He looked around the empty, small apartment he lived with his brothers, realizing that Nagahisa was still working. It was long since they let their family house being taken away, and it still wasn't enough to cover the debts. He still remembered that eventful, depressing day.
He remembered repressing the urge to kill everyone who ferociously mocked them as they carried all the furniture away, leaving them with only a small suitcase of their clothes. He remembered glancing at Nagahisa whose hands were shaking as if he wanted to search for his guns and shoot every single one of them. He also remembered Towa crying in his arms after they all left and Nagahisa looking like he wanted to as well, but refrained as he took the remaining money they had and went into a very cheap motel.
It was the hardest time in their lives. Then Kuon remembered kissing his sleeping brothers' foreheads before contacting Satonaka, wanting to know what he could do if he got his first victim.
No. Not victims. 'Stars'.
Kuon shook his head, trying to banish the bloody images of his current vic—stars. There was no way he could think about them at home, the place he was supposed to feel the safest. He sat on the couch and turned on the TV, which showed him the news program.
'Bodies of the owner of TYX Constructions and her son are found today... star marks on their shoulders... most probably victims of The Stargazer Killer...'
Kuon turned off the TV, trying so hard not to throw the remote control to the now grey screen in front of him. He leaned against the comfy sofa—Nagahisa had fainted when Kuon gave this as his 23rd birthday gift—and tried to think about something else.
After finishing college (something Kuon would never do, for he could hardly finish high school back then), Nagahisa was able to work in a company. Towa now entered Teacher's College in the neighbouring town, and took a PE Teaching as a major, something he really liked. He even had been chosen as a PE teacher in a rather prestigious school after he graduated later, which made Nagahisa cried in pride and joy. Kuon wouldn't want to admit it, but he had been close to crying as well.
Kuon was happy. With what he was doing now, his family could be content and live normally.
He stood and walked into his room. It was rather cramped with the three of them sleeping there, but now since Towa was off in the college dorms, it wasn't that bad anymore. He pulled a small book from the drawer, along with a pen. Opening and flipping some pages, he finally saw the rows of stars he was familiar of. He drew two small stars next to the last one, a thin smile stayed on his lips.
'19: Taurus' main stars.' It was what he wrote next to the stars, the only thing he liked after he was done working.
Now, already freshened up, he opened his shirt and hid the knife and gun under the bed. He never really used the gun, even though it was untraceable, unless there was an emergency. It wasn't his best, unlike Nagahisa. He'd secretly seen the videos of Nagahisa shooting practices, and from the news he knew about the deaths from a 'mysterious shooter'. He was so amazed that he didn't want to overshadow the older brother he loved so much. Satonaka also praised the way Nagahisa shoot, despite his very young age, and Kuon realized Satonaka understood why he only wanted to use knives instead of a gun or a rifle.
Well, May 5 was getting closer. He would turn twenty-three soon. Maybe he could take his brothers to the onsen Towa always talked about. He smiled thinly again, remembering the amount of payment he'd receive tomorrow. He could pay the rent and Towa's college fee by that, and they could stay for a week or more in that hot spring.
Before he could think more, his phone vibrated with life given by an incoming call. After looking at the numbers on the screen, Kuon merely took it near his ear and kept silent, as usual.
"The Shirahanes... and you can do wherever you want until next year."
*.*
The Shirahanes were orphans.
Their parents were killed, just like Kuon's. The mere difference was that these three siblings inherited their parents' huge construction (construction... again? Satonaka-san surely had a thing for him and constructions) company and the Aikawa brothers inherited their parents' debts. Kuon would never stop wondering when he could pay off those debts so he wouldn't be haunted by anything anymore.
The siblings were called Kimiko, the oldest; Nanao, the middle child; and Mikado, the youngest who went to college nearby to Towa's. They were three cold people, Kuon could see that. Posing formally with posh, expensive clothes... totally stereotypical rich kids without much parental affection.
By killing them, he could go wherever he wanted 'till next year... the payment surely was good. Kuon curled his fists in anticipation as he kept reading the Shirahanes' files. Maybe it'd be enough to pay all the remaining debts...?
Kuon didn't dare to hope, so he continued reading.
One thing that differentiated this task with the others was that Satonaka specifically asked for Kuon instead of the others, including Kuon's closest 'friends', Izumi and Aragaki. From the way his caretaker spoke when they met the day after the call, Kuon knew it was for a personal reason. Kuon didn't know why, and he didn't want to. Less reason, less passion, Izumi had said, which was ironic because Izumi was rather nosy. After all, all he needed to do was to get rid of those siblings and add three more stars in his book.
"After their parents died, they had quite a tight supervision. But now, since Kimiko and Nanao are adults," Kuon nearly missed the affectionate tone when Satonaka said their names, "they're rather free to go around, but they're pretty unsociable, as far as I know. Just be friends with them. I can wait, and I know I can count on you."
Then, without Kuon actually agreeing, he enrolled the young man into the same college as Nanao for the sake of 'being friends'. Not to mention with a fake name and ID. That irritated Kuon to no end, and that was what he told Satonaka when they met again in the same room he took this dangerous job for the first time.
"You said you won't interfere."
"When did I say that, actually?" Satonaka replied as he sipped his tea. "I told you I'd wait. And besides, I just gave you a hand."
"I can do it myself."
Satonaka simply smiled, and Kuon knew he was right. Kuon had to be grateful for it, whether he wanted it or not. Nanao Shirahane, one of his targets—his 'new star'—was a straight-A student with lack of social skills among friends his age. It was almost effortless for Kuon to find him if he was another student. He always stayed in the library after class, doing assignments or simply reading.
Well... other than that, Kuon could go to college. Not to mention being in the Economics Department, his all-time favourite.
Playing a role (he had to give some credit to Izumi for his mediocre acting skill) as a junior looking for a tutor, he slowly approached the bespectacled man. He was reading, and Kuon at first didn't want to disturb him. He knew how annoying it was to be bothered while reading. But instead of that, he spoke. "Shirahane-senpai?"
Nanao looked up, and Kuon could see recognition in those purple—weird—eyes. "You're the kid who always sits in front. Natsuki Yamamura?"
Kuon remembered the joint classes with Nanao's class year, then nodded. "My friend told me," he started as he sat next to Nanao, "you're good in solving this kind of problem."
"Which one?"
Not long after, they were busy. A one-way teaching quickly turned into a methodical discussion, and Kuon would be a lying bastard if he said he didn't enjoy it.
"Do you really think the formula goes that way?" Nanao asked disbelievingly, but it was obvious that he was holding a smile. He bent down near Kuon to read the words on the book, not realizing that he was intruding the younger man's personal space. It irritated Kuon so much that he itched to pull out his knife and just got that over with. But at the same time Nanao chuckled, which was a nice sound to hear. Kuon, surprised by that, leant back with a deep frown on his face. "Don't tell me you're going to make a new formula."
The chuckle almost got a smile on Kuon. Almost. The smile was immediately swallowed as his usual common sense and main goal appeared in his mind. "It's not like that. I've tried this formula to solve this taxing problem, and it's more accurate than the one in the book. Just try again, Shirahane-senpai."
Kuon needed a while to convince Nanao as he reworked the same problem, and when he was proved right, the dark-haired man leant against his seat and laughed. Kuon had to admit, it was a sweet, almost adorable laugh, and much, much nicer sound than his earlier chuckle.
Kuon rarely heard people laugh, other than Izumi's loud guffaw (Aragaki never really laughed, except after he'd just done poisoning people he was asked to) and Satonaka's quiet snicker and his brothers' mirthful ones, and as much as he wanted to deny it, Nanao's had become one he'd always remember.
"You're much smarter than me and our teacher. You should teach me something else like this sometime, Yamamura."
Kuon only nodded in satisfaction. He knew he had got enough trust from his newest star.
But suddenly there was a sinking feeling inside him and it didn't really feel too satisfying now. He hurriedly shoved the feeling away by the only logical thought in his mind: this economic formula's too easy for me.
*.*
The weird feeling didn't go away.
Instead, it intensified after Kuon and Nanao became closer. In a week of intense amount of meetings, 'Shirahane-senpai' became 'Nanao-san', 'Yamamura' turned to 'Natsuki'. They met quite often, even outside the library.
In the canteen, for example. Or on the rooftop, when they could enjoy their lunch without anyone interfering. That was Nanao's idea to eat there, much to Kuon's delight. He knew if he killed Nanao right there and then, nobody could really know. By the time his body was found, Kuon would be miles away, going around in his real name.
But instead of doing what his mind told, instead of push Nanao down the building or give his famous star mark on his dead body, he talked about taxes and economic graphics as he ate Nagahisa's bento, enjoying Nanao's depth of knowledge of something he always liked, or just enjoying his occasional laugh.
"I told you, you're not normal, Shirahane!"
The shout broke the silence of the corridor that Kuon was walking on. Who's that? At the mention of the name Shirahane, his footsteps became hurried. He approached the source of voice, but still made himself invisible by hiding behind a wall nearby. Kuon hummed in satisfaction as his fingers grazed his pocket and felt the familiar feel of his famous folded knife. That thing would come in handy.
Nobody can touch Nanao-san. He's mine.
His hand dove into his pocket and grabbed the knife, feeling the three stars carved on the handle.
I'll pay off my family's debts in the end.
Before the usual weird feeling could come up and thwarted the logical mind of his, Kuon quickly focused himself at the two forms he could see after a while peeking. He could see two men: Nanao and an unknown one who shared the same height with Kuon. Kuon didn't recognize him, and he knew this guy wasn't in the list of 'Nanao Shirahane's occasional friends'.
"You were the one who invited in, you started all of this. Weren't you the one pushing me down yourself? And I still remembered how eager... how you were much more into it than I was," Nanao answered, and it was the first time Kuon heard his voice that low... that sad. "You're the one to talk. If—"
"Shut up, Shirahane! You forced yourself on me!"
Nanao head snapped as if slapped. He stared at the other with such a pitiful, blank expression that Kuon couldn't bear to see that for much longer. He stepped forward, a step, than two, again and again until he stopped in front of them.
"What's going on here?"
They looked at him, and Nanao blinked as if he were just erasing his tears. Maybe that was what he did. That was when Kuon felt the urge to kill spread in his body like a virus.
"I'm sorry," the man said in an obviously fake politeness. "Do you mind leaving us alone?"
"No." Then Kuon remembered. If he was right, this man's name was Atsushi Kiryu, one of the young teachers that once taught his class. Who would have known he was this rude (and slept) to his student? "I need to talk to Nanao-san."
Kiryu only stared back and forth at Kuon and Nanao, then shrugged. "Go ahead. We're done here." He stared at Nanao deeply, his eyes narrowed.
"Sayonara, Shirahane."
*.*
Maybe for thanking him for the Kiryu incident, Nanao bought him lunch, even though Kuon still had Nagahisa's bento tucked safely inside his bag and he was sure Nanao knew about it. But when Nanao said 'I'll buy you lunch' with that crestfallen expression of his, Kuon just couldn't say anything to decline.
"Who was that?"
"The young teacher, Kiryu-senpai. Acquaintance of mine."
"'Acquaintance'?" It angered Kuon somehow. "It's clear from your earlier conversation that that's not all he was to you."
Nanao's entire face reddened. If only Kuon weren't so angry, he'd be glad to let his mind call the other's face as adorable. Then he looked down, muttering, "It's okay."
Kuon kept his silence. But after realizing that Nanao only played with his food after that awkward confession, he said, "You should tell me later."
"Maybe I will. Thank you, Natsuki."
Kuon wanted to press him, to force him to say 'I will' instead of just 'Maybe' because he surely wasn't satisfied with it. They were back into the usual silence, and this time Kuon wondered where his books were (he left it in class) when he actually needed them. After a while of messing with his food without actually eating it, Nanao broke the silence again.
"By the way... do you want to come over tomorrow? I want to teach you a new formula I just got this morning... well, you know... if you don't want to it's okay, but—"
"Nanao-san?"
"I'm not forcing you or—wha?"
"I'd like to, Nanao-san."
And Kuon realized that he indeed liked it.
*.*
"So, what makes Your Highness Kuon Aikawa come to my dirty, unpleasant shack?"
"Shut up, Izumi, he's trying to talk."
"And you're trying to make a new untraceable poison for the son of that shitty socialite you're paid to kill. Good luck, Gakki!"
Aragaki attempted to hit Izumi's shoulder and Izumi—forever a man with good instincts, being the second best sniper after Nagahisa—doubled over and the fist only hit air. He was still laughing as he resumed his standing position. Aragaki only scoffed as he turned back to his book of poisonous plants.
"Anyways, Aikawa, why are you here?" Aragaki finally asked, neutralizing the situation.
Kuon took it as a sign of welcome as he sat on the chair near Izumi's. This was Aragaki's 'workplace', which was a laboratory. Kuon was familiar with this place since Aragaki was taken under Satonaka's wing when Kuon was fifteen. Satonaka had known Aragaki's excellence in medical things, along with his hatred towards socialites who had killed his sister and stamped on his dream of being a doctor. Kuon didn't know what actually happened more than what Satonaka told him, and he didn't really want to.
While Kuon was called The Stargazer Killer, Aragaki was known as the infamous Dr. Poison by gossips only, not officially from the news like Kuon was. He'd sneak into parties or hospitals, pretending to be a guest (Satonaka always provided all the fake IDs, bless him) or a doctor, and slipped some of his untraceable poison somewhere convenient.
"C'mon, Aikawa, just talk!" Izumi exclaimed, circling his arms around Kuon's neck. It was their habit, something Izumi always did to everyone, so Kuon never minded anymore.
Izumi was different than him and Aragaki. He didn't have any murderous grudge towards any people with money. He just didn't know better. He was Satonaka's nephew, and his parents were killed in a car accident. He grew up together with Kuon and Aragaki, for they were the only ones around his age. Being raised by Satonaka surely made him familiar with the world of assassination, where he could kill people and be paid for it.
Who'd have known that beneath the cheery guy there was a good sniper who'd killed seven important people since he was trained?
Kuon knew the other reason Izumi befriended him was because he idolized Nagahisa for being the best, youngest sniper around and Satonaka couldn't stop talking about him. Kuon never told his older brother, though, for he wanted Nagahisa to just go back to school and live normally.
After a night of fighting, Izumi finally got that etched into his mind that Kuon would never let Nagahisa around anymore. It was also the time Kuon told someone else about what happened in his childhood, right there on a shattered couch (his starry knife had something to do with that) and flying papers and a broken TV.
Much to Kuon's surprise, Izumi didn't stop being his friend after that. "Maybe I've attached myself to you," he'd joked, shrugging, and Kuon understood. He appreciated that, and his trust grew from there.
"You're assigned to kill the Shirahanes, right? Those kids from that constructions company?"
The words returned Kuon to the present. He snapped his head at Aragaki, who didn't even look up from his book. "Yeah," he said, cursing Satonaka to hell and back for telling them.
"I'm to blame!" Izumi suddenly lifted his two hands. "Uncle Sazuku told me and I told Gakki and—"
"Don't call me Gakki."
"It's better than Doctor Poison, Gakki!"
"Shut up. Geez, you."
"Admit it, it's better!"
Kuon couldn't help but to shake his head in mixture of delight and exasperation as the two continued to bicker. Izumi was the one who got him and Aragaki closer, and Aragaki, who used to be a grouchy, speccy, smart-ass loner, wasn't that bad once you got to know him. Well, maybe his obsession with poison was pretty off-putting, but Kuon and Izumi trusted him, oddly enough for Kuon.
"Is your new task too hard for you?" Aragaki finally looked at him, positioning his glasses.
"Well, we can help if you want to!" Izumi added, grinning. "Gakki can make a special poison for the three of them and I can spy on their house and use my favourite rifle and—"
"NO!"
Izumi's grin fell, along with Aragaki's glasses. Kuon's eyes widened when he realized he'd just shouted for the first time in his life. He never really raised his voice, not even when Towa was lost in the crowd and was found in an dark alley, crying his heart out. Nagahisa had scolded him all the way home, but Kuon didn't even shout at him.
It was the longest silence Kuon'd ever had with his friends.
"Well." Aragaki was the first one to recover from his shock. "Sorry then. We know you're used to work alone—"
"Aikawa! Me and Gakki just want to help, okay? Do you remember how you helped me with that old guy? I just want to—"
"It's okay," Kuon said, finally got hold of himself. "It's just... nothing. I'm a bit screwed up this time."
Aragaki nodded, looking as composed as ever. Sometimes Kuon wondered if he ever smiled the way Izumi did. "If something happened, me and Izumi are here. We'll hear you out. And remember, no feelings."
Kuon remembered the first time Aragaki said (strangely comforting) things like this. It was when Izumi shot his first victim; an old, greedy woman people detested. It had left him quite shaken, and Aragaki had said that as he walked past them in the empty corridor, intending it as a passing comment to reassure and then forget. But a shocked Izumi had chased him and he ended up being their friend.
"Thank you."
Nanao's laughing face floated in his mind as he said that, and this time he couldn't push it away.
*.*
Kuon was happy to visit the Shirahane household, and not only because he could see what kind of house his stars lived in so he could know them better before getting rid of them. He hurriedly shoved the thought to the back of his mind and put his main goal on front instead.
Remember what Aragaki said: no feelings.
He continuously repeated the thought in his mind as he walked out the apartment building towards Nanao's car, but it vanished by the time he saw Nanao wearing Kuon's scarf he'd borrowed two days ago. He looked surprisingly good with that.
No... he was beautiful. He looked beautiful and vulnerable at the same time, and Kuon's hands itched. Not to take his knife out, much to his shock, but to pull the shorter senior of his into his arms.
My scarf.
Mine.
My family's debts.
Kuon recoiled.
My Nanao-san.
Mine.
*.*
For Kuon, who used to collect his stars from rich people's lives, the Shirahane household wasn't too impressive. The first thing Kuon noticed was the lack of servants in this house, which surprised him a bit. Even so, the house still held the luxurious and clean air inside it. Second, the house was as cold as its owners, and Kuon wasn't surprised this time.
Nanao smiled as he opened his study room, and Kuon wondered why. But when he walked in, following the dark-haired man, he immediately understood as he looked around in awe. It was the biggest study room Kuon had ever seen, not like he ever saw much, with all those bookshelves stacked with the economic books he always dreamed of having. He stared at them, couldn't get enough, as he wished those are his...
Nanao's usual sweet laugh suddenly rang in his hearing, making him flinch. "Are you going to help me study or just drooling over my books like that?"
"Alright." Kuon felt his face got hotter.
No. This shouldn't be happening.
And not long after, they were busy with their assignments; counting and studying all those theories. It was fun for Kuon, and it was good that he didn't need to think about the burden of his for a while. He didn't feel any urge to take his knife and did a certain something with it, which made Kuon wonder if that was a good or a bad thing.
But he didn't have much time to think about it if he didn't want to get lost in Nanao's explanation. He was a good teacher and friend, and Kuon really liked his depth of knowledge along with his serious, frowning face. The way he repositioned his glasses was nice to see as well.
Stop thinking silly things like that.
They were back into their usual discussion when the door opened.
"Nanao? Who's that?"
Kuon looked up and saw a young woman. She was beautiful, but coldness sparked from her, one kind that could make people fear him.
"Aneki, this is Natsuki Yamamura. My kouhai in the uni."
My second star. Is sometimes protective over Nanao-san.
"Hm." The woman—Kimiko, Kuon knew her name—merely introduced herself before leaving them alone. Her stare at Kuon was sharp, as if she were looking through him, but Kuon was so used to it he didn't care.
"Nanao," she said, re-entering the room ten minutes later. "Dinner's ready."
"Where are you going, Aneki?"
"It's not your business," Kimiko responded, although not rudely. She glanced at Kuon then walked out, again.
"Would you like some dinner, Natsuki?" Nanao asked after the door was closed. Kuon only shrugged.
"Enough studying for today, I guess," Nanao continued before putting down his glasses and stood. Kuon's eyes followed every single move of his, noticing that his eyes looked naked without his familiar square glasses. "Do you want to eat in the backyard? And... I'm not holding you here, aren't I?"
Kuon shook his head and made a mental note to tell Nagahisa that he'd come home late.
"Good. Phew! It's 7 PM already, and we don't even realize it."
They took their dinner and walked to the backyard. Much to Kuon's surprise, Nanao asked him to sit on the grass. "It's okay for you, right?"
"It's fine," Kuon replied as he crouched on the grass next to Nanao.
"Every time I'm alone, I eat my dinner here. I have a routine to do, one that my siblings don't know of."
Kuon needed a minute to know what Nanao usually did when he was alone in the backyard. "You see that, Natsuki?" he asked, pointing at a small, shiny dot in the sky. "That's the North Star. Okay, it mightn't be." He laughed and shrugged and Kuon felt the weird feeling increased tenfold inside him. "Astronomy isn't my thing, but I always call the first star I see a North Star."
Kuon couldn't hold a smile at that. Nanao smiled back, and suddenly pointed at the sky again. "A falling star!" he exclaimed. He sounded so much like a little boy who'd just got his new toy for Christmas. "Make your wish!"
It felt like a hit of childhood for Kuon. How silly that sounded, Kuon still believed in some things like these. It felt like an anchor for him, keeping him sane. The memories suddenly exploded in his mind; his brothers' laughs, his mother's slim hand pointing to the sky, his parents' deaths, Aniki's teary smile, Towa's cries...
Stop.
In his heart he recounted his wishes to distract himself: his freedom, both from his job and his debts, his brothers' happiness—
His thoughts were cut off when something warm landed on his lips. It was quick, but it felt surprising and nice at the same time.
"What was that?" he asked, even though he'd known what it was. Good, I didn't sound surprised. Even though it was indeed surprising. Shocking, even.
So Nanao Shirahane swings that way? Not that I mind, but—
Nanao cringed, his face turned beet red. "Well, have to say I'm sorry, Natsuki. You looked... gorgeous, and I lost control... so I..."
Kuon didn't have the chance to hear Nanao's entire sentence, and it was obvious that he didn't want to as he leaned down and pulled Nanao into another kiss.
*.*
It was surely laughable, and Kuon probably wouldn't want to admit it, but Nanao stole his virginity. And Kuon had absolutely nothing to complain about.
Well, let's be logical. If you spend all your life seeking money from killing people, along with making sure a smile was always grazing your brothers' faces and thinking about the continuous appearance of debt collectors on your doorstep, you surely wouldn't have time to get laid. Kuon slapped the weird thought away after he saw Nanao's pale, naked back facing him.
"You're awake," he rasped out. He wondered how his voice could get that hoarse, and he certainly didn't want to remember kinds of noises both of them had let out last night.
I've been blushing much more these days than in my entire life.
"Natsuki," Nanao called, not even facing Kuon. "I'm sorry."
That wasn't something Kuon expected coming from his mouth. He slowly sat up, slowly uncomfortable with himself so he pulled the blanket over his body. "What for, Nanao-san?"
"I guess... I kind of misstepped." Nanao shrugged before continuing, a strange smile on his lips. "You... you didn't really look like you were into that kind of thing. I just... I just know that."
The tone was broken and reminds Kuon of the day he encountered Nanao fighting with Kiryu and he didn't like it. No, he didn't like it at all. "Who actually gives you the right to decide what kind of...thing I like or dislike?"
It was one of the longest questions he'd ever asked anyone, and it left him a bit breathless. This Nanao... he broke his stoic demeanour and Kuon wouldn't be a bastard if he said he didn't like it.
And the silence Nanao gave was the longest Kuon'd ever got.
"I guess... you won't call me abnormal, then?"
The question was so honest and scared and sounded close to tears. Kuon didn't say anything for a while, but he circled his arms around Nanao's bare stomach and hugged him from behind, something his brothers usually did to him when he had a nightmare. He nuzzled onto his back, inhaling the unique scent that only belonged to Nanao.
"One thing, Nanao-san," he whispered as he trailed kisses from his back to his nape, "Nobody can speak badly about you, not even yourself. You're killing yourself that way."
"I hate how my mind speaks to me sometimes, Natsuki." Nanao squirmed a bit, but Kuon could feel him leaning against his chest. "I sometimes wonder... how death will be like. If only my siblings aren't around, I'd be long dead right now. I am my own worst enemy and I don't like living with it."
That statement brought Kuon to his knife. He'd put it inside his bag, and he glanced at it to make sure it was still zipped tight.
"You don't want to die, Nanao-san," he said, because he knew how much people begging for live at the sight of him and his starry knives. "You have many things not to give up on."
People beg when dying. The closer they get to death, the more they struggle to live. Believe me, Nanao-san, I know.
Nanao sighed. "I guess you're right," he said slowly. "Can we stay like this a bit longer?"
Instead of taking his famous starry knife and granting Nanao's silly wish of death, instead of stabbing Nanao's neck or chest or carving a star on his shoulder or something, Kuon reached out for the older's pale hand and kissed it. The hand felt warm and Kuon liked it.
"Alright."
*.*
"I guess it works."
"Everything works when I'm the one's responsible."
"Well, I'm not really worried if it's him. He can take care of himself with that odd guy. If only it's—" The face automatically shone in mixture of love and intense worry.
"You know nothing about him. But I guess you're right, boy, I really should let him go."
"Why is that?"
"He's like my son, and he should see the stars and be happy again. I can see how much he loathes what he's doing right now."
"You're so nice." The first person's voice was filled with total happiness and adoration. "I always want to stargaze with him again. I found his stars collection, you know. I don't want him to think about the stars the way he does now. I know you're not that cruel."
"You know nothing about me," the second person repeated.
The other smiled bitterly. "Maybe. But at least I know you still have a heart deep inside you."
*.*
"He sleeps with every teachers, no wonder he always passes with flying colours."
"Nanao Shirahane. I've seen him flirting with two guys at once."
"He changes boyfriends the way he changes his shirt."
Kuon wanted to laugh a bitter one since he remembered Nanao's wonderful sense of fashion. Instead, his eyes narrowed as he listened to all those gossips around. Every sentence felt like a knife—oh the irony—that tore his heart, if he still had one. His hands curled into fists, gripping his seat as the group of students walked past him.
He'd known about it, of course. Those kinds of gossips had been whispered around since he first stepped his foot in this college. But now... it felt sickening.
He surely had the guts to flirt with me.
Then another thought came, just as quickly as the former one.
But you kissed him. You slept with him and stayed in the morning.
He shoved the thought to the back of his mind, attempting to replace it with a logical one.
I don't like him. I'll kill him. It's my main goal. I have to kill him.
"Natsuki."
Kuon looked up, and the call took away his last logical thought. Thethought totally disappeared when he saw Nanao standing before him with a serious expression and shaking hands. It reminded Kuon so much of their first morning after. The first thing Kuon wanted to do was to hug him and never let him go, until his hands accidentally grazed his knife in his pocket through the denims of his jeans.
What the hell is wrong with me?! What's the good from a guy who always sleeps with teachers? He should've been my twentieth star! Am I crazy or something?
"Natsuki."
Kuon's questioning thoughts immediately vanished to nowhere. "What is it, Nanao-san?"
"Can I sit beside you?"
Kuon only shrugged. "Sure."
Nanao sat down. "I... I have something to tell you."
"Go ahead." Kuon noticed Nanao's hands, which now were closed in a praying fashion, became even shakier, but he didn't touch it. He didn't touch Nanao in general. Nanao looked like a fragile porcelain statue, which would break if touched. His face was pale, and it was clear that he was nervous. Kuon just didn't know why.
Had he always left such a fragile impression on people? With looks like these, those glossy red lips and that dark hair and slightly downcast eyes... just by merely looking, he surely gives one the urge to do immoral things. It's no wonder that all eyes always converge on him.
Tch! If Kuon could slap himself, he surely would do so. What on earth was I thinking about...?
Nanao was silent for a long time, even longer than their morning after, until Kuon couldn't bear it anymore. He should speak before silly thoughts could ruin him again like they did earlier. "You aren't supposed to have class today."
"I need to see someone."
"Kiryu?"
Nanao flinched, and Kuon knew he was right. It made blood rushed towards his head in pure, total annoyance. No, not annoyance. Anger. "After what happened?"
"It wasn't like that."
"Really?" Kuon couldn't see anything but red, literally. And before he could lose his control, he hurriedly grazed the knife inside his pocket, trying to calm himself down. "Tell me about it."
"It's not your business."
"He's not a good man, Nanao-san."
"He's not as cruel as you think."
Kuon lost his patience. In his unusual fit of anger, he pulled Nanao's arm with his hand and pulled out his famous folded knife from his pocket with the other. He looked like he was going to rob or threaten Nanao, and he was lucky that nobody was around to see his reckless behaviour. Next to them was a glass door, and he could be easily caught. Tch! I never act like this before. "Listen to me."
Oddly enough, Nanao didn't say anything, as if he'd been ready for being assaulted. He only looked at the knife and his eyes finally widened when he saw three stars carved on the knife's handle. Three stars that symbolized the Aikawa brothers. "You—"
"I don't know what kind of trick you've used to... seduce me, but I don't want to kill you," Kuon declared. "I really don't."
"Natsuki, you're The Stargazer Killer. I found that knife in your bag, in our first night together." Nanao's face became even whiter, and Kuon almost pulled his knife back in both surprise and pity. What surprised him even more was that Nanao didn't even stutter.
"My real name is Kuon Aikawa. And help me, Nanao-san, please," he said, ignoring Nanao's earlier words. His voice sounded so much like pleading and it was obvious that Nanao noticed it as well, for his eyes blinked in surprise. "I've never begged to anyone but my brothers... and you. Please, just leave him before I do something we both don't like to him."
"Nobody pays you to kill him." Nanao sounded tired, as if he were ready if Kuon stabbed him right there. A silly thought, really, for Kuon was a serious, honest person and when he said he wouldn't kill anyone, he wouldn't. "You're paid to kill. I know about that. You aren't a killer who kills randomly. You're paid, and nobody pays to to kill him."
"I don't care."
Nanao blinked. His hand slowly grasped Kuon's, the one that was still holding the knife. Kuon frowned at the sight. Since when does my hand tremble like that? "Natsuki—no... Aikawa—I'm sorry."
Kuon was stunned and utterly baffled, letting Nanao fill in the gaps.
"There are many people who want to get rid of us since our parents died—me and my siblings. They become our friends, but they always got caught before they could do anything. I used to have a feeling that you would do the same, but I... you know." He shrugged; an unhappy smile on his lips. "You really shocked me by your confession. I'm sorry for screwing your mind."
"Why did you do that?" Kuon asked gruffly.
"I like you, okay?" Nanao's tone laced with desperation now. "Since the first time I saw you in the joint classes, I've liked you."
Kuon remembered their first meeting, the way Nanao's eyes shone when Kuon asked about the difficult economic problem. That wasn't because he was flattered when I asked, he thought, unable to hold the strange happiness that practically exploded inside him. It was the second time he felt like this, the first one being their night together, when Kuon saw Nanao's pale, sweaty face smiling under him, his eyes shone like thousands stars.
Nanao slowly but surely lifted Kuon's hand, together with his knife, and kissed the curled palm. "I heard you like stargazing, Aikawa. Want to come over tonight?"
Weird guy. Sweet, but weird, Kuon thought. "Aren't you afraid I'll attack you?"
Nanao's eyes shone mischievously. "I won't mind," he replied, smiling.
"Not like that, Nanao-san." Kuon sighed at the suggestive answer.
Nanao laughed; a voice Kuon always loved. He didn't know any other voice that could sound that sweet. His face wasn't so pale anymore, and his dark eyes shone like thousand stars Kuon used to see in his dreams, along with his mother's slim hand, pointing them one by one.
"You could've attacked me from the start, Aikawa," Nanao said. He pulled his bag to his lap and showed Kuon a glimpse of something Kuon would never thought ever existed inside Nanao's bag.
A gun.
Nanao was still smiling as he looked back at Kuon's surprised face. "I'm not that stupid. But I trusted you, and I still do. You promised me, after all."
The weird feeling exploded inside Kuon, flooding him with warmth. Putting all those logical minds aside, he put down his knife before pulling Nanao closer and kissed the warmth on his lips.
'Satonaka. Main goal: kill the Shirahanes.'
What does that mean, when your heart has thwarted all logical thoughts aside and chose someone whose blood should've covered your knife? Who cares of killing and sadness and blood, when his living eyes can shine like the stars of your innocent childhood?
*.*
"I'll die, boy."
"I know. Here, I brought you your favourite soup."
"It's been a while. You were sixteen when you last made it. I remembered you going into a frenzy when you spilled it." A chuckle, then followed by a series of long, harsh coughs echoing in the room. Those coughs, followed by blood on a handkerchief, had become as normal as day and night. "How's he, Aikawa-kun?"
"Fine." Nagahisa Aikawa put down the bowl of warm soup on the table. It pained him so much to see his former caretaker in the verge of death, especially after not seeing him for years, but he couldn't do anything about it. "I'm a bit lonely nowadays, when he sleeps over in Shirahane-kun's house."
"You'll find your own love in a while."
Nagahisa laughed a weak one. He'd sounded like that since he rushed into this room after almost ten years not to, five months ago, begging for his little brother's mercy and freedom. So Kuon-kun could live his life again.
That was the first time Satonaka saw the usually gentle, worrywart Nagahisa stood straight, his face showed mixture of total love and stubbornness. He seemed like he were taking Kuon's place, offering himself to replace his brother to kill people by request, just like Kuon replaced him years ago.
And Satonaka realized he couldn't bear looking at that pleading face.
"Besides," the older man continued. "My nephew likes you."
Nagahisa snorted. "I just met him yesterday and I almost shot him, okay? He scared me. It was good that you didn't fill that gun with bullets or he'd be dead. I guess your training still leaves my instincts quite sharp. And why on earth did you give me that gun before I left?"
"I told him you'd be coming, and he was excited, so I gave you that to 'show' him how you did that." Satonaka laughed softly."Izumi-kun's always like that. He's close to Kuon-kun, you know."
"That, I know. But his 'notice-me-senpai' behaviour almost cost him his life!" Nagahisa responded worriedly with a sigh. "He really likes me and it's kind of scary."
"You should train him sometimes. He dreams of doing a shooting practice with you, that you're not around to kill people anymore."
"I haven't shot anything for years!"
"It's okay," Satonaka assured. "Even so, you still have better aim than he does."
Nagahisa sighed. He'd sighed too much today, Satonaka's remarks always exasperated him, even since he was young. "Alright. I'll try."
Satonaka laughed again. "I told you, you'll find your own love in a while."
"How do you know that, Satonaka-san? I'm not interested in falling in love right now." Nagahisa rebutted, obviously missing what Satonaka meant. "Besides, my little brothers are my top priority. Our family debts are still too much, and now you're tricking Kuon! For years he doesn't know that I have a feeling about this, especially because you suddenly dropped me out and told me to go back to school by force. I'm still wondering how he could balance school and... his job. But that's not the point!" His face clouded dangerously, he looked so much like Kuon right now. "You deceive him like this... I don't like it. I don't like it at all."
"I only said he could go wherever he wanted 'till next year. I didn't say I'd pay his debts."
Nagahisa repositioned his glasses and sat down, his face apprehensive as usual. "What if he made it? Killing them, I mean."
"He wouldn't."
"Why?"
"The Shirahanes are the siblings of seduction." Satonaka picked his teacup and inhaled the sweet scent from the warm drink. The tea's scent would never be forgotten 'till the time of his death. "Your youngest brother—what's his name? Towa?—has dated Mikado-kun for a long time. I guess it began since he enrolled in that Teacher College."
Nagahisa stared at him for a minute, then screamed and ran outside. "NOBODY CAN TOUCH OUR ADORABLE LITTLE TOWA!"
Satonaka chuckled and coughed, staring at the wide open door as he wiped the flooding blood from his lips. Nagahisa-kun would never change. His youngest brother would always be his main concern. He closed his eyes and remembered something else.
The Shirahanes.
They were the siblings of seduction indeed. The thought resided in his mind, playing a past memory. The Shirahanes are the siblings of seduction. With those dark hair, pale skin, and red, full lips, they certainly can entice everyone with the special beauty which only belonged to them.
'Everyone' included himself, when Amano Shirahane died in his arms, years ago, his wife followed five minutes later. Mikado Shirahane's baby cries filled the room, Satonaka still remembered.
Regret flooded him, especially when his masochistic mind played the memory of a smiling Amano and his invitation to stargaze in the newly-established planetarium.
Then the disaster happened.
Satonaka was paid to get rid of the entire family. To shoot, stab, strangle, do anything to kill them, and then burn their house down. Using the 'cops have come' reason, he'd let his lover's children alive.
Nanao wasn't like Amano. And Kuon wasn't like himself.
Maybe Nagahisa-kun was right, he thought. Maybe I still have a heart. Or maybe because it's Kuon-kun? I always have a soft spot on that cold kid.
Satonaka pulled out a piece of paper, the draft of his will, and wrote 'Kuon Aikawa and his brothers' next to the words 'I will gladly inherit the rest of my fortune to...', right under the words 'I will gladly inherit half of my fortune to Izumi Satonaka'.
Half is enough for their debts, he thought happily as he folded the paper and put it inside the drawer again.
Who knows? But at least, there was one Sazuku Satonaka knew.
Before he died, he wanted his 'adopted son' a.k.a his beloved 'Stargazer' to have his happiness because he surely deserved it.
FIN.
A/N: Voilà ! Finally! Took me forever to translate this, oh man. Hope you like! I actually wanted to add an additional scene but I forgot so yeah D:
The Izumi/Nagahisa was a kind of pun, actually. Ha. It came on a whim, actually, since it doesn't even exist in the original fic. ;)