You've never really trusted me.

You've always made all the right noises, but when it counted, really meant something, you showed your true colours.

It's funny, how we can live up to a name, without ever meaning to.

Actually, it's not funny at all, even for you.

I know it isn't what I should be thinking about, after everything we've lost, and everything we've gained back, but why, why did you have to lose faith in me?

Why then?

More importantly, why can't I ask you myself?

Sometimes it feels like we're still having that argument, I'm not sure whose winning any more, I don't think its me, and I'm more than certain, its not you.

I've always been a hypocrite, I know that.

I can't ask you this question, because when it was my turn, I too believed the lie.

I thought the worst of you, I mourned for the man I thought never excited, and I loathed the one who I learned had.

If it's possible, I hated myself more, than I have ever hated you.

I've known since the start, I was the only one who was ever really in love.

You loved him, you still love him, you'll always love him, I see that fact whenever you look at Harry.

You could never have him, so you had me instead.

That's alright, I am not trying to ring any guilt out of you, I knew then like I know now, and having half of you, some of you, any of you, was better than nothing.

I am so lonely, but when I'm with you, even now, I forget that.

In my defence, there was a hell of a lot of circumstantial evidence.

But, I should have known, just like you, that they can't turn us against our better natures.

I suppose in the end, we were always fated to destroy ourselves.

The threat was on the inside, but we were all so busy looking out we never noticed.

I just read that back to myself, and I can hear your bark of laughter in my head.

Its true, however you like to dress it up, whatever denials you spin, he was our friend, and through our own weaknesses, we never spotted his.

Well...

No, that's not fair, the blame is still being shifted, first from me, then to you, now on him.

Listen, I am not trying to justify, or excuse, but you should listen to me for once.

We use to pretend we were equals, but you know, deep down, I know you do, we were never equals.

I am tying myself up in knots.

Do you ever think about what might happen after the war?

I don't, and I would like to.

I believe in Harry, I think he has the best chance of any of us, so I want to start imagining my future.

Even if it never happens.

More than anything, I'd like to grow up.

See, I can hear you laughing again, actually wait that is you, I can hear you in the next room.

I'd like you to grow up to.

I think you might come in...

This note, I don't want you to see it, I wanted it to make more sense than this, time has never been on our side.

I'm going away, again.

I think its for the best.

I never dared to dream, I'd have you back in my life, but now I do, we don't fit.

I want us to start fitting together, so I'm going away.

It won't be for long, and I promise to try not to die, as long as you promise me the same thing.

Good luck old friend...

Remus.