I'm standing outside the UCOS office, its dark in the hall but there's faint lights coming from inside. It's late but I know you'll still be here and that's why I've come to ask you to go to dinner with me. As I get closer to the door I begin to here giggles and as I look through the window I see you sitting on the sofa facing in my direction but not seeing me as you kisses Gerry.
It feels like someone has cut my heart in two and then ripped it out my chest, my eyes sting; I haven't felt this pain before. I feel like I'm going to be sick. I've loved you as long as I've known you, how could I not?! You're gorgeous, smart, funny and quite frankly perfect. I've always known Gerry loved you too and if I'm being honest with myself I knew there was something between the two of you but I never even imagined anything would happen between you both.
I can't bear to watch you kissing him, and giggling as you fall into each other arms and he pulls you to your feet and dances around with you like you did years ago. Somehow though I can't move, I can't make my feet move or tear my eyes away, the smile on your face is the thing stopping me. The smile that has been on your face a lot the last month or so, the smile that makes me stop and stare and melt inside. I now realise this smile is solely down to him and you feel nothing for me.
The tears fall as I realise this is it for you, he's the one that makes you smile, he's the one that loves you and always will do and he's the one that you love. As much as I hoped it would be me who did all those things for you I know its Gerry. I know that I can't interfere or say a word about this because then I risk losing the only thing that means I am even slightly coping with this, your smile.
There's no chance for me with you so now I'll have to just be your boss and try distance myself from you until I can figure out how the hell to move on from you, although right now it hurts so much.