Hello guys!This is my first ever written story. Excuse my eventually grammar/spelling mistakes. I really hope you enjoy it.

He's gone

I enter my room. Without opening the lights, I go straight to the closet. I start to search the one thing that used to make me feel safe when he was around and after a couple of minutes, the grey shirt appears in front of me.I can still feel the soft smell of his warm body. Temptation makes me want to put it on, but the cruel truth I must face tells me otherwise.

He's no longer my Toby, the sweet and caring boy I fell in love with when everybody else considered him a murderer. In fact, he's the murderer of my heart. He's the monster that makes mine and my best friends' life a misery. How could a smart girl like me be so blind? I didn't tell him that there was still someone blackmailing me even after Mona was sent to Radley. I wanted to protect him, but in fact I was the one that needed protection.

When I think about all those times he told me he loved me and about the promises he made, my heart falls to pieces. Our love was a lie, because if he really cared about me, he would never hurt me like that. It's true that at first, I thought that he might had killed Ali, but later, when I decided to help him with school, I found out what was hidden inside of him. It's also true that my friends and I are guilty for hurting Jenna, but she's not blind anymore. And we've changed. I've changed. Then, why has Toby joined the A team? Why does he want revenge?

With tears falling from my eyes and trembling hands, I take the scissors from my drawer. I start to destroy the shirt, thinking that the memory of him would fade away. The sound of my phone wakes me up from my agony. I take it in my left hand, holding the scissors tight in the right one. Unblocking my phone, I expect it's another message from A. This time would be different, though. The fear disappears when I see Hanna's name on the screen.

'How was the dinner? Did he like the heels? We're dying of curiosity here.I hope you at least had some fun tonight.'

'The dinner was great. He had no idea I was planning it. What happened to you girls? Did you manage to reach Aria?' I reply like they've expected me to. I'm not ready to tell them that our enemy was, in fact, my boyfriend.

'Meredith happened. Emily and I ended up locked up in the basement with a drugged Aria. Everything's fine now, but Meredith's gone.'

'I'm really sorry I wasn't there with you. I'm glad you're all ok.' With that, I turn off my phone. I have abandoned my friends to spend the night with the devil. Smart move, Spencer!

I take the ripped shirt and I throw it on the window. I let the cold air hit my red eyes. As I watch the moon illuminate the sky, the image of his big blue eyes, staring blankly at me, when I found him dressed in his black hoodie, searching for the key he had dropped earlier, shows up in my mind. When I slapped his face, he didn't look hurt; he looked like I've just taken his mask off. In that moment, I saw no hint of the Toby I used to know. The Toby I used to love and I still do. But I'm in love with a lie.

I close the window and I break down on my bed. The bed in which we've once made love, the bed in which the devil and the angel have become one. I can still feel his presence here, even if the dark is the only one keeping me company. The only difference is that the angel has lost her wings.

As I sob in silence, I hear someone opening the room.I raise my weak head and I see my mother. She is keeping her head down and I feel that something even worse has happened. She approaches me and puts a cold hand on my cheek.

"I'm so sorry, I've found you crying in the kitchen, I thought that you and Toby had broken up, but when I opened the TV, I found out what had really happened." She tells me.

I look at her and I see teardrops forming in the corners of her eyes. I've never seen her as sad as she is now. She's the strongest woman I know. I feel that something terrible has happened, something even more tragic than my discovery.

"What happened? "I ask her with my shaking voice.

"Oh my God! You haven't found out, have you?" She hugs me tight, while I try not to break out in tears. I feel like a hole starts forming in my chest. I'm not ready for another tragedy."

"Is Melissa ok?"I ask with hope that nothing bad has happened to my older sister.

"Yes, she's fine, but Toby..."

"Toby what, mom? He's not…hurt, right? I cut her words.

In this moment, words are not necessary. The way she looks at me gives me the answer to the question I don't have the strength to put. She's no longer talking to her daughter; she's talking to a ghost.

"He's gone."

My heart stops when she says the word "gone". I look into her eyes with hope that I haven't heard right, that he's somewhere in a hospital and he's going to be ok.

"I'm sorry; Spencer, but he had an accident. He died instantly. If there is something I can do for you..."She says.

"Just…live me alone."

I shut the door behind her and I let myself fall on the ground. I wish I could turn back in time, so I could hear his voice one more time, telling me that everything's going to be ok.I wish I could kiss him one last time and forget about the world around us. I wish he was here with me, holding me in his strong arms. But the cruel destiny has taken him away from me. Toby isn't the only one that lost the battle with death tonight. I lost it too.

"I love you, Toby." I whisper in silence, knowing that his soul hasn't left me.I know he can hear me.I feel his presence more real than I've ever felt it.

"See you soon." I whisper as if he was here, standing right in front of me and giving me his reassuring smile.

And when the window suddenly opens and lets the cold air of the night fill my room, I know that someday, somewhere I'll see him again.

Thank you for spending your time reading my story.

xoxo,

C.