The soft drumming of rain awakens you from your sleepless daydream. It was near noon, but the sunless sky made it appear to be later than it was. You think maybe it was time to get out of bed, even though now half the day has gone. Recently you have little energy to do half the things you used to, and it didn't have to be a world war 3 just getting out of bed. You lay there more snuggled up in your comforter, and think nothing bad can happen here. Not in your bed, with the soft cotton of your shroud to keep you safe.

Your phone's buzzing shatters that innocent illusion, and you are propelled back into your reality of 'A'. But you realize that not every ding,and buzz is 'A', and you remember that you do have a sort of normal life. A life with friends, and family, and school being your kingdom, even if 'A' alters each one they still are apart of you.

You check your phone no messages from 'A', but a lot from your friends, and mother, and even surprisingly Melissa. You respond to each text in their own special way. Your mom warns you to not spend another day in bed being a lazy puss, your sister wants to do some catching up. Which you find humor in, giving since when has she ever wanted that. You assume your mother to be behind that wonder, maybe it would be enough to put some spirit back into your dull life.

A smile comes across your face in through a text you can feel your friends love, as they all wonder and worrying for you. You feel selfish, and angry at yourself for making them worry about you, and soon enough you'll let them in. You'll let them back into your heart once you figure it all out for yourself.

The rain begins to fall harder, and you think to just at least get out of bed to take care of all the essentials of life. A shower, brush teeth, coffee, and more coffee. Getting out of bed you try to remember if Emily ever left that bag of coffee beans at your house the other night.

Hot water running down your back has to be the best feeling in the world, a shower was what you definitely needed. You feel cleansed, and refreshed. Maybe, just maybe you might do something out of the ordinary today, something the old Spencer would usually do.

Coming out the bathroom you pass by the empty bottle of pills you downed the night before, and your left eye twitches at the thought of them. You couldn't wait till Monday when you could buy another round from Brenda again. A few more wouldn't hurt but you needed the extra push, you needed it only for a little while longer.

You stash the bottle away, out of mind and out of sight, until Monday morning, from the darkness of your nightstand it couldn't taunt you, and for some strange reason you feel okay with that.

A knock breaks your thoughts, and you instinctively tighten your towel around your body. You wonder who it could be since your mother and father went out of town a few days ago, and Melissa was away as well.

You grab you field hockey stick that leaned in the back of your closet, and tiptoed to the door. Another knock hits the wooden surface, and you raise the stick high above your head.

"Spence, you in there?"

Hanna!

You seem to loose your voice for a minute, as you try to catch your breath, and ease your racing heart. Of course its Hanna, its always Hanna. Hanna, the only one after Ali's supposed death that you kept in touch with, and the Hanna who realized something was more off about you than anyone else, and tried to come for your rescue. Your backbone, and you think where would you be without her. A smile breaks across face, as you can't believe she actually came out into the pouring rain all the way to your house.

"Yeah, I'm here."

Your voice is hoarse from little use, but you try to make it sound brighter for Hanna. Just to let her know you appreciate her coming to see you. You unlock the door, and open it to find Hanna cradling a tray with two steamy cups of coffee, and a bag of what you hoped for were warm buttery croissants.

Even though she claims, that she was cutting off your supply of caffeinated drinks, mainly coffee, she brought you some anyways. Its things like that, that makes her so special to you.

"Of course you're here where else would you be most days? If you're not locked up in your room playing Detective Spencer, then you're out Scooby searching for clues."

Hanna shrugs at you as she tries to read questions as if they were written all over your body in black ink.

"I'm just trying to figure out where I, and the others fit in that crazy schedule of yours. You don't seem to have time for any of us anymore."

You want so desperately to tell her everything, everything about your theories, assumptions, and you wonder what she would think of it all. In your heart you think its better to carry the weight of secrets if you have someone else to share the weight with you. All the ones you have are starting to weigh you down, but you just keep your mouth shut. Passing up another opportunity to spill your guts, you swing and miss...on purpose.

You lean on the hockey stick you still hold, unsure of how to respond to Hanna, she gives you a caution look. You don't blame her really, she can read you like a book, better than your own self most times, but lately you've been unpredictable, and she wonders what to expect next from you.

Will you slam the door in her face? Never! Will you yell at her again? Never again! Will you tell her to back off? Not unless you can help it, not unless you can keep your sporadic emotions under control, because you really don't want to hurt her again.

You drop the stick and rush in to hug her, she nearly looses her balance while trying to carry your extra added weight, and that of the coffee she brought.

"Well damn, maybe I should bring you coffee more often then."

You chuckled into the crook of her neck and feel calm as you softly in hale her perfume.

"I love coffee, but I love you just a little bit more. I'm glad you're here."

You pull back from her, and her smile was big enough that her dimples really showed, and you knew it was genuine. You usher her into your room to wait, while you went into the bathroom to change into your clothes.

When you return she's laying across your bed on her stomach flipping through a fashion magazine. You stay in the door a moment longer just taking in the sight of her. She's dressed warmly, her hair up in a ponytail, a style you remember telling you liked on her, and she even wore that light teal and pink scarf you bought her once, just because you thought it would look only good on her. You try to think back on when you started having these isolated thoughts about Hanna, as if she was the light of your world. That position was always Toby's, but you think where is he now when you need him most.

Hanna's here, she's here with you now, and nothing else seems to matter. You feel okay with that, and join your friend on the bed. She lays against your side, and it also feels okay.

She offers you your coffee, and you take it with fingers lightly brushing hers. Her blue eyes catches yours and you can't help but to wonder, what does all this mean? You can feel something beginning to happen, something you fear and welcome, and you're certain that she can feel it to. This didn't just happen over night, no, it makes since to say that maybe it was always there waiting to break through.

She doesn't have Caleb anymore, and Toby, who always skips town when you need him, but always comes back at the right times when you need him. He leaves you with feelings of ups and downs, but Hanna is starting to keep you grounded again.

You take a small sip of your coffee, it was made the way you liked. You wonder when she ever knew how you took your coffee, and the croissants she brought were heaven backed into perfection...

"H-hanna, will you stay with me tonight?"

You don't know why just asking something that used to be so simple, become so hard too say to her. She caresses your arm, and slip a little bit more closely to you than she normally would.

"You didn't really even have to ask, I was going to do just that anyways."

Her words warmed you and sent a kind of excitement that you haven't felt in so long, and it felt okay, she seems to make everything good and bad okay. Even if it was just for a moment, a second, a minute, a hour, or possibly forever, you promise to let go of any of this. You crush her in a tight hug intent on keeping at least one promise without breaking it. Literally anyways.

You had to loosen your hold just so she could breathe, but you pull her down on the bed and lay her atop your body like it was what you both did all the time. It wasn't but somewhere down the road your friendship took a different turn, and so this was okay for now.

"Spence? What is this? Do you feel it too?"

You pull her even closer to you, and think that of course you feel all those things. It feels good, it feels right. Why change it, and more importantly why try to give it a name?

"Let's just lay here Han, I'm too tired to play Detective Spencer right now."