Katniss decided to keep living in district 13 until things are settled in panem , her mom came back to help with the patients , especially now since so many were injured after the end of this horrible war. It seemed to make her mom better , katniss knew she was hurt from the death of prim but she handled it far more than she had expected , or maybe spending alot of time in the district 13 hospital doesn't give her a lot of time to think , whatever it was katniss was glad her mother was dealing with things like this. They planned to stay in 13 until patients decreased so they could settle down somewhere else. She wanted to go back to twelve , her childhood home full of bittersweet memories but her mother wanted to go to the Capitol , katniss knew she couldn't bear to stay in twelve , she couldn't even talk of it anymore she understood this time though , the last of her mother's friends and family died there and after the bombing, after everything that had happened there katniss knew her mother wouldn't take it so she didn't try to convince her otherwise , it's been a few months since the war has ended and as soon as paylor took over katniss came back , the real 17 year old confused victor started coming back but she was growing wiser now
Katniss lay on her bed at night and thought about everyone and where they have decided to go. Effie went back to the Capitol with haymitch , everyone she knew was gone except for a few people , she checked on Annie cresta almost daily , she'd handled the death of finnick almost better than everyone and her baby was beginning to form in her tummy now , she trained with johanna mason which was forced to stay in thirteen until the doctors allowed her to go back to her home district , she was good company One of the few remaining victors who actually understood katniss she felt like a bigger sister to her somehow , her hair was almost to her shoulders now , and her rude comments returning , it made katniss smile thinking if her. Pollux and cressida were coming back from district 8 next weekend , and suddenly katniss remembered something. When they were on their mission cressida lied for katniss about coin's secret misson , she never knew anything about it she hadn't even known katniss for a long time. Most of their conversations were about propos anyways, she made a mental note to check up on her as soon as she could
She knocked softly at the door and waited for a few minutes until a familiar voice called her in , "cressida ?" she was picking a plain grey jacket "katniss ? Hello dear how are you doing , I haven't expected a visit from you" she smiled and katniss played with her hands nervously "sorry about not telling you before I came , I just needed to talk about something with you if you have the time". now she was putting on a familiar black necklace Katniss remembered it from the first time she'd seen her in district eight , she always wore it. "I'm sorry katniss I really can't , I have some business with Plutarch but if it's necessary you can accompany me their Im sure it won't take a lot of time" she started walking to the door and katniss followed
"Yes sorry to keep you waiting , what is it that you wanted to discuss ?" They headed toward the gates , cressida suggested a walk outside would be good for both of them , katniss swallowed the lump In her throat , she didn't understand why she was nervous "well, you remember back in the Capitol ? I- I tried to kill snow by myself. 'Coin's secret misson' , Jackson knew I wasn't saying the truth but you lied for me, twice. And it's been bugging my mind ever since , we barely knew each other but you still lied I know it's not a big deal , I also know it's not because of what I did in the arena or that I was a victor. So Why ?" Cressida stopped walking for a second , katniss saw something in the older woman's eyes she didn't recognise , she could see the wheels turning in her head but as soon as she blinked it was gone as fast as it came and a mask of false cheerfulness came back and she resumed walking "I simply didn't want the squad to split. There was already enough trouble we couldn't handle. More pointless things wouldn't have helped now would it ?" Katniss nodded , she knew it wasn't the truth but she decided to let it go the subject changed and they chatted about how their lives have been since the last time they saw each other , how the districts are , paylor , the Capitol. Small fake conversations to avoid reality , the misery their lives have become
"It's been nice talking to you katniss , I'm staying here for about a month and some weeks then heading to eight. Come in and chat every now and then , I enjoy your company" and they parted their own ways , katniss headed to Annie's apartment
Life was dragging on slower than she could have ever imagined , helping her mom with some patients , visiting annie , training with johanna , hello' and goodbyes to old neighbours from the seam , occasional chats with Plutarch , she was bored but that also meant she was safe . And she was thankful for the safety although it was rumoured that some of snow's minions are still alive and on the hunt for her but she didn't believe that , what would he want ? He's in his grave now , no poison no games no wars. she kept repeating the same things Until one day a soldier dressed in thirteens military clothes came to her "ms everdeen , commander Jeff was wondering if you would like to accompany a search party for some missing people between the districts seeing as you have nothing particular to do , it's even rumoured that a couple hundreds of run away rebels gathered during the war between districts twelve and six you would be of help , and it will do us a great honour" for a second she forgot everything and wondered how people could think of her like that , the soldier was a couple years older than her and had probably gone through twice as half as she did. She gave him the best smile she could manage "I'll think about it" it was the best answer she could give , she wasn't sure she could just leave her mother like that , he nodded "were heading to district eight in a week's time"
She confronted her mother about it that night , their dinners were always silent so her mother barely hid a gasp when katniss started talking "mother , this soldier today asked if I can go with some sear party around the districts , I know it's dangerous and that you think I'm not ready but I really want to go and it could make me better please let me go" if it was the old katniss she wouldn't have asked , but now since she knew what her mother had been going through and how strong shes been acting since the quarter queen katniss thought she deserved this surprisingly she insisted katniss should go saying "it's your own choice.. I can't say it's completely safe but the people your staying with will be responsible for any harm and you will come back immediately if anything happens I'll also need to talk to commander jeff if he's the one with the idea , those are my rules." Katniss smiled and they embraced for some moments "I'll miss you" her mother said through tears , she held katniss tightly to he, they weren't used to this closeness , but katniss admitted to herself that she needed some warmth from someone. " I know I let you down all those years , your father would have been disappointed in me and how alone I left you but you kept our family strong , alive. Your were the mother I should have been to prim" and then the tears rolled down katniss's cheek " I felt worthless , and I was I've let you down once but I'm not going to let that happen again"
They slept together that night , katniss wrapped up in her mothers strong arms like a little child , it was one of those nights the stars shone brightly in the sky and her mind was empty of dreams
she reported back to the commander a few nights later and started packing some stuff , her fathers leather jacket , old bow and some arrows and other garments along with peeta's pearl.