Disclaimer: I don't own Alice in Wonderland or the song Without You by Ashes Remain.
Author's Note: this is my very first songfic, so please review! I heard this song Youtube, now it's one of my favorite songs, especially after writing this. I rearranged the lyrics a little bit so that they would match the story better, sorry if this annoys anyone. R&R!
Underneath the cold Underland sky
I wait for you
As the pages of the Orraculum roll by
I wait for you
I'm so desperate just to see your face
meet me in this broken place
It was well into the night, a dark chill clang to the air. There were few stars in the sky, just a few pinpricks in a velvety black fabric, the sliver of silver that was the moon illuminating this eerie night. There was a long table sat in a lawn, well over large enough to fit two dozen people. All sorts of things for tea time were scattered across the table: teapots, crumpets, trays of scones, small silver containers of milk, little sugar and salt servers, teacups and small plates, on and on. But something was odd about this long table. The teatime items were not set up formally. Pots lie on their sides, the tablecloth stained and ripped and frayed, the teacups were chipped and the several small food items were tossed onto to table, not at all near their original trays. And instead of a happy and chatting group that a long table such as this would imply, a singular man sat at the end of the table, his hands held in a peculiar position at his chest. Electric orange hair fizzed out from under a long hat that the man wore on his head, giving him the appearance of being recently electrocuted. His eyes were gazing oddly at a teapot on the table, actually, it was quite impossible to tell where he was looking exactly, for one eye was slightly off from the other. They were both a dull grey, showing his inward emotions. Black shadows outlined his eyes where there were normally bright and cheerful colors. Something had caused the Hatter to be distraught. Something drastic, I'm sure.
The Hatter had been sitting in that same position for weeks, never taking a sip from a teacup, never nibbling on the end of a scone. He was waiting. For what, I know that we're all sure. A certain Alice Kingsleigh, if I have my facts right. And I do believe I do. The Hatter had been sitting there for weeks, as previously stated, not noticing as the moon went down and back up again, signaling that the days of the Oraculum had been passing him by, nor did he seem to care. His friends (peculiar little fellows, I believe his list to contain a mouse, a rabbit, and a smiling cat) had all tried to help him, of course, but after the Hatter had remained motionless, they all carried on with their lives, but pausing every now and again to see if he had moved, then walking away in disappointment.
The Hatter began to mumble something under his breath. He seemed to be saying the same word over and over again. No, not saying, but calling. Calling to a distant, far-away friend.
"Alice… Alice…"
Flashes of a girl with bright blue eyes and tangled blond hair darted in and out of the Hatter's mind. Right when he thought that he finally had a clear picture, she darted away from him again, always evasive to the Hatter, always just barely out of reach. It was driving the Hatter mad, even more mad than he had been before Alice had returned to Underland, only to go back up the rabbit hole again all too soon. If you would have told the Hatter that he would be insanely in love with the little girl that stumbled into Underland all those years ago, he would have called you mad. And when she fell in the second time, grown up and mature, it was absolute love at first sight. Now he knew that he would never lay eyes upon her beautiful face again, never gaze into her curious eyes, never again see her face light up when she saw him walking towards her.
The Hatter's mind had acquired new voices since he last had seen Alice, the most pestering of which was the one that talked negatively to him and slammed him all the time.
Get over it! said the voice. You're no man! She's just some Upperland girl, she should be like gum on the bottom of your shoe! A nuisance! A pest!
"She saved Underland," the Hatter pointed out to the voice.
So what? She picked Upperland over Underland, over you. That should be enough to make you not think about her again! She probably doesn't even remember you! She thought that you were imaginary!
Hold me now
I need to feel you
show me how
to make me sane again
there's nowhere I can run to
and nothing I could ever do
I'm nowhere if I'm here
without you
The Hatter wrapped his arms around himself. There was a empty feeling in his chest and he didn't like it.
"I'm here," said the Hatter, pinching his arm as Alice had many times during her visit to Underland. "I'm real."
Not to her.
But she almost stayed! squeaked another voice.
'Almost.' She almost stayed. said another.
Better than nothing, I guess… muttered another.
As they voices grew in number and in volume, the Hatter began to call out a different name. "Hatter… Hatter… Where is the Hatter among us?"
The Hatter was nowhere to be found in the jumble of voices. One offered the flickering hope that Alice might return someday, another shot down the idea by a grim statement. The Hatter's head filled with contradictions and he began to moan. He wondered if he would ever be sane again, if he would ever be known as Tarrant Hightopp again. Or was he forever to be the Mad Hatter, someone who many loved but no one took seriously?
Alice didn't love you. said the voice.
Nor did she take you seriously. said another.
She didn't even like you.
"But she said that she'd miss me." whispered the Hatter. "She said that she would be back before I knew it."
She just said that to get you off of her back. Can't you see that? She didn't think twice before she drank the Jabberwocky's blood. She couldn't wait to get away from you.
"You're lying!" cried the Hatter angrily, his grey eyes turning orange.
You can't run away from the truth, Hatter. You know this from experience.
"I ran for miles." muttered the Hatter.
Yes. And how foolish did you feel afterwards?
The Hatter didn't reply to the question. "What if I went to Upperland and found her? I could go by a different name and get to know her… and maybe she would fall in love with me then…"
Hatter! Wake up! There's nothing that you could ever do to make her love you! Plus, you know that for natives to Underland it's almost impossible to go to Upperland.
The Hatter sighed. "I'd rather be with her when she hates me than be down here without her."
Even if the rest if Underland goes away
I'll wait for you
even when the light begins to fade
I'll wait for you
I'm so desperate calling out your name
meet me in this broken place
The Hatter sagged in his seat. "Fine." he said. "I'll wait here forever if I have to. Even if the rest of Underland crumbles to the ground and all that's left is me and this tea table. Even when the rest of my mind withers away, I'll be waiting right here for Alice."
The Hatter looked around him and realized how broken his life truly was. Then he began to look frantically around him, as if he had lost something that was priceless. He looked around so viciously that his hat wobbled dangerously on his head until it flopped off. "Alice!" he cried. "Alice! Where are you? Alice!"
She's not here. She'll never be here! the voice hissed.
"Alice…" the Hatter whimpered, his lips quivering. "Alice…"
I'm tired of running
and wrestling with these voices
I confess my love and
I surrender.
Hold me now
I need to feel you
Show me how
To make me sane again
There's nowhere I could run to
And nothing I could ever do
I'm nowhere if I'm here
Without you.
You'll never see her again!
"No!" the Hatter shouted. "NO! I won't listen to you any more! No more! I'm tired of wrestling with you! NO MORE!"
The voice was silent, and Hatter realized that he had stood up in his fury, and slowly sat back down. He placed his hands on the table, his fingertips gliding on the fabric of the tablecloth. He was resolved, he knew what he was going to do. He was going to stay there forever, awaiting the day that Alice returned.
"Hatter!"
The Hatter looked wildly around him. That wasn't the voice. It was the voice of a female, the voice of an angel.
The voice of Alice.
Alice was standing at the end of the table, her blue eyes looking at him. The Hatter blinked. Was it possible? Was she really back after all this time?
"Alice?" the Hatter whispered.
Alice nodded, a wide smile spreading across her face that would have given Cheshire a run for his money as a single tear ran down Alice's face. She ran to the Hatter as fast as she could, diving into his embrace, burying her face in his chest. The Hatter wrapped his arms tightly around Alice, determined never to let her go. Tears of joy squeezed from underneath the Hatter's shut eyes and his lip continued to quiver. She was back. She was really back.
Alice slightly pulled away to look at the Hatter's face. His eyes were electric green again, the shadows around his eyes the most bright and vivid that they had ever been. He was smiling, revealing the cute gap between his two front teeth to Alice. She wiped the tears away from the Hatter's face.
"I thought that I would never see you again." said Alice.
Tears continued to pour from the Hatter's eyes. His Alice was back. "Don't leave again. Please."
Alice smiled. "I wasn't planning on it."
She laid her head on his chest again, and the Hatter wrapped his arms more tightly around her.
"Alice?" the Hatter asked.
"Yes?" replied Alice, not removing her head from the Hatter's chest.
"I-well, you know that I-um..." he whispered.
"I know, Hatter. I love you, too," Alice whispered back.
The Hatter put his face into Alice's tangled mess of hair. This was the happiest moment of his life, to hold Alice close to him, to hear her say that she loved him.
"Hatter?"
"Yes?"
"Where's your hat?"
The Hatter bent down and picked up his hat, placing it back on top of his head.
"There," said Alice, wrapping her arms around his neck. "There's the Hatter I know."
She lightly pressed her lips to the Hatter's. When she broke away and looked into the Hatter's eyes, she saw that they were even, both of them focused on her face. The Hatter was sane, even if just for a moment.
"I'll stay down her forever with you." said Alice.
"You promise?" asked the Hatter.
Alice smiled. "I'm nowhere if I'm here without you."