Ellie studied the dress Ellen was showing her, running her fingers across the collar. "Ellen, it's gorgeous," she said.
The dress was a beautiful, green calico print. It also was the latest style from France that Ellen was learning to make.
Ellen crossed her arms, furrowing her brow. "Yes, I suppose it is. I still have to practice, though. It's not exactly what it needs to be yet."
Ellie glanced at the woman over her shoulder. "Promise to tell me when you do. I can only imagine what it's supposed to look like."
Ellen grinned. "Aye, I will," she paused, walking over to a bolt of fabric sitting on one of her counters, "Ellie, when will I be making baby clothes again?"
She looked at Ellie with a teasing grin.
Ellie stiffened. She knew what Ellen was hinting at. "I'm already planning some for Norris and Myriam, what about you and Connor?" the older woman asked.
Ellie gulped, crossing her arms. She had been meaning to talk to Connor about this subject, but the question would always seem to die in her throat when she felt it was the right time to ask. "We have not had a chance to talk about it," Ellie lied. They had plenty of chances to.
"Well, I just want you to know that I will gladly make you clothes if the need be," Ellen said, cutting along the fabric she picked out.
Ellie nodded. "Thank you Ellen, it's greatly appreciated."
She said her goodbyes, walking out of the shop. Ellie leaned back against the wall beside the door, resting a hand on her forehead. She couldn't avoid this conversation with Connor any longer.
She was finally going to ask him about it tonight.
Connor walked over to the window, unbuckling the belt for his quiver. He set it down, looking out into the night. Ellie seemed…distracted during dinner. He tried to think of all of the possible reasons as to why she could be that way.
He wondered if it was something he did, or if something happened to her among the homesteaders today. He came to the conclusion that it was his fault somehow. It usually was, though it confused him to no end sometimes.
He stiffened when he heard her footsteps coming up the stairs. He continued pulling off his equipment and robes, like he would any other night. He sat on the bed, removing his boots.
Ellie finally opened the door, giving him a small smile before walking over to the mirror. She untied the ribbon holding her hair back, setting it on the dresser. Her hair fell and Connor's breath hitched in his throat. He wished she would not wear her hair back. He liked it when it was loose and free. A warm feeling started to pool in the pit of his stomach as he studied her.
She took a deep breath. "Connor, we need to talk about something."
The warm feeling was sucked away with the tone of her voice. She seemed worried; distressed even.
She turned to him, clasping her hands behind her back.
Connor stood, stepping toward her. "What is it?"
He felt anxious for some reason. He and Ellie have had their quarrels. He had accepted the fact that it was a normal occurrence for them. But he did not know why this statement from her made him so anxious. She did not seem angry or upset.
He did not know what to think.
Ellie reached out, resting a hand on his upper arm before turning around and lifting her hair. Connor pulled at the buttons running up the back of her dress, stopping at the middle of her back. She reached back, pulling at them herself now.
"I visited Ellen today and she brought up something I was meaning to ask you about," she said quietly, pushing the dress off her shoulders.
Connor leaned against one of the bed's posts, nodding. "And what do you want to ask?"
The anxiety from before was fading, a little. He wondered what could cause Ellie to act like this around him. She was usually blunt and straightforward when she spoke to him about many things. He appreciated that about her. But she was not being her usual self; this worried him.
"We somehow got on the subject of baby clothes…" She trailed off, looking at him over her shoulder.
Connor's anxiety flew out the window. The anxiety was replaced with confusion, though. Baby clothes had caused Ellie to act this way?
She cleared her throat, throwing her dress onto a chair nearby. She wrung the fabric of her shift in her hands, biting her lip again. "Anyway, she was talking about how she was making baby clothes for Norris and Myriam…she also told me that she would gladly make some for us when we need her to."
Connor felt light headed. He somewhat got what she was hinting at now. He did not like the fact that she was hinting about such an important matter. "Ellie, do you want to have children?"
The question hung in the air as they looked at each other.
Connor would be lying if he said he had not thought about having a family with Ellie, but he was not sure if he was up to the task of being a father. He never really had a true father figure as a child, not to mention his own father was not the father of anyone's dreams.
"Yes," she said quietly.
Connor slowly sat down on the bed, resting his forearms on his thighs. He clasped his hands together, looking at them. "Ellie, I do too…but," he paused, looking up at her. He knew he should tell her his insecurities. Things usually went smoother when he told her those things.
Ellie walked over, sitting beside him. "But what?" she asked gently.
Connor was grateful that she was not accusing or pushy at the moment. He knew she would understand.
"I…do not know if I am up to the task of being a father," he said, not looking at her.
Her soft chuckle caused him to look at her. She scooted closer to him, wrapping her arms around him. "And what makes you say that, Ratonhnhaké:ton?"
Connor sighed, sitting up straight. "I never had that in my life. I do not know what a father does or what he needs to be. I am scared of…" he trailed off, realizing what he was about to say.
"Scared of being like Haytham?"
Connor stiffened. His stomach felt like it was on the floor and his heart leapt into his mouth. That was his greatest fear. Would he become so consumed with his future Assassin duties that he would leave the child and Ellie behind him? Would they become almost a nuisance like he felt he was to his own father?
He almost started trembling as the thoughts ran through his mind.
A soft touch on his cheek forced him to look at Ellie again. "You are not your father. And you are incapable of becoming him," she said, brushing the pad of her thumb across his cheek.
Connor sighed, leaning into her touch. She pulled back, gently holding his face in her hands. "Do you want to know why I think that?"
He nodded.
"You see and love the good in people. You love helping others more than yourself. Everything that you do is for an unselfish reason. You believe in the good of the world," she said with a smile.
Connor felt weak as she pulled his forehead down to hers. Her hands traveled to the back of his neck. She gave him a small peck on the lips. "That, Love, is the reason why you can never be like him," she whispered.
Connor felt his throat close up when he saw that she believed what she said. He reached up, wrapping his arms around her shoulders. He held her close, burying his face in her hair. She wrapped her arms around his chest, sighing.
After what seemed like hours, they pulled away from each other. Connor looked down at her smiling face, wondering how he managed to convince this woman to be by his side.
"Konnorónhkwa."
"I love you too."