I own nothing.
Brace yourself: This is a very sad headcanon I hold for Luffy.
Luffy was alone.
Standing on the bluff next to Sabo's grave, Luffy stared off into the glittering azure waters that he and his brothers all swore to sail. Far off in the distance, beyond his sight, Ace was starting his pirate adventure. Would it take him two days to find his first crewmate? Three days? A week?
It wouldn't take long – Ace was amazing after all.
And Luffy wanted him to be a great pirate! He really did!
…but Luffy was alone.
Again.
His earliest memories were of living in a big house; Gramps' house. He'd wander around sometimes, hoping that behind every new corner he'd find a person to play with. There was no one.
Makino was his caretaker and he spent a lot of nights with him. She was warm and loving and made Luffy feel like he had a place he belonged. A home and not a house.
And then Shanks came and things got even better! He was never lonely when Shanks was in town. Yasopp would tell him stories about his son, Benn would try to teach him all sorts of things (which were fun to listen to but not fun to try and remember), and Shanks always had time for him.
They'd go out on trips and Luffy would be lonely. But it was ok! They'd come back soon with even more stories!
The village kids didn't like him much. He was weird with no parents, constantly hanging around Makino-nee-san and bothering her.
He wasn't! Makino liked having him around! She said so!
So it was annoying but they could say what they wanted and throw their sticks and stones. It was fine. Then that bandit started insulting Shanks. How dare he?! Shanks was a great pirate, one of the most powerful men on the whole seas! But Luffy was powerless and cost Shanks his arm.
They left after that and Luffy never quite stopped feeling like it was his fault. But he had a promise to keep. One day, when he was a great pirate, he'd give back Shanks' hat. Since Shanks gave up his arm, Luffy had to be the best pirate ever! He had to be the Pirate King!
Gramps came to visit and Luffy was relieved. Gramps was scary and made him fight monkeys and threw him down cliffs but when he was there Luffy wasn't alone. So he told Gramps all about his new friend and how he was going to be King of the Pirates! Gramps' face looked like a storm cloud and the next thing Luffy knew he was under his grandpa's arm being carried up the mountain with Gramps shouting the whole way about what a mistake it was to leave Luffy in the village and how he needed to be a marine instead of a pirate.
Luffy was scared that Gramps was going to leave him on the mountain with no people at all but kept screaming that he was going to be King of the Pirates. Even if he was going to be all alone, Gramps couldn't take his dream from him.
When he was King of the Pirates, he'd never be alone again.
The mountain bandits filled him with both relief and revulsion. He wasn't alone, but it wasn't much better.
And then there was the boy.
Gramps said that Ace was going to be his big brother now and Luffy clung to that connection. He hated mountain bandits and he hated being alone. Having a big brother filled him with wonder so when Ace tried to shake him off, Luffy determinedly followed him.
The first three months were hard. Ace pushed him off cliffs, led him by giant animals, and tried to squish him with fallen trees.
It was a test and Luffy was ready to prove that he was strong enough to stand by Ace and be his friend.
He needed Ace to be his friend.
He would never be friends with mountain bandits and he couldn't go home (to the cold, empty house but warm Makino and loud Mr. Mayor) so Ace was his only choice. He just needed to catch up, that's all.
When Luffy did catch up, he had no doubt that Ace would save him.
Ace and his friend with the weird hat had disappeared when Porchemy had arrived so he made lots of noise so they could find him. When they got back to the Bluejam hideout and Porchemy demanded to know where the treasure was, Luffy put two-and-two together and figured out that telling Ace's secret, betraying him, would mean that Ace would never be his friend.
So Luffy didn't tell them. They hurt him and he was scared but Ace would come save him! He'd passed the test and they were friends now!
One hour.
Two.
Four…
Luffy was tired. Porchemy keeps hitting him with the mean gloves and Ace still hasn't found him yet. He hoped Ace hadn't gotten lost in all the garbage and made sure to yell how he wouldn't tell as loud as possible.
Five hours stretch into six…
Seven…
And Porchemy was done. The sun was setting, he was getting frantic, and Luffy still wouldn't talk. He picked up the sword and one more time, Luffy refused to tell. It might be the last thing he ever said, and he was terrified, but this way, Ace would be his friend, right? If only at the very end, Ace would know Luffy was a good friend.
The wall shattered with raging screams and Luffy stared in wonder. It really happened. Ace came to save him. The other boy cuts him down and together, Ace and Sabo defeat the mean pirate who had just tortured Luffy for hours on end. They had saved him.
He started crying in happiness. He was so sure (just for a moment) that he was going to die alone.
(And maybe Ace would see what a good friend he was and say good-bye to his grave. Then they'd be friends, right? It was all part of a test, right?)
Sabo helped bandage his wounds and was kind in the face of Ace's crude language and brash behavior. He was snarky and Luffy liked him a lot.
They became more than friends; Best Friends. Luffy had never had a best friend before! (He'd never really had friends but that wasn't important.) They took him on fun adventures and taught him all sorts of things. Like hunting and foraging and finding the best junk and building and cooking and mugging people.
Then they became brothers.
Gramps had said Ace was going to be his brother and he had been right.
That first night Luffy couldn't stop smiling and looked over every few minutes to make sure it hadn't been a dream.
Being with his brothers was the best time of Luffy's life. He was cared for and protected. The tree house was home in the way Gramps' stupid, empty house never could be. He loved his brothers and was loved in return. It was paradise.
Until Sabo was taken away.
It was agony and Ace said to forget. Luffy didn't want to forget; he wanted his brother back.
Things got worse after the fire. Luffy didn't have either of his brothers. Sabo was locked away in High Town and Ace was missing.
Ace wasn't dead.
No matter what the bandits said when they thought he couldn't hear them.
Luffy still doubted though and when Ace finally came back, he made sure to hit Luffy hard for doubting him. Luffy smiled at the familiar action. Now they could go get Sabo back! Everything would be perfect again!
Until Dogra came back just an hour later.
It couldn't be true. It just couldn't! Sabo was like Ace, he was unbeatable!
Ace flew into a rage that lasted days, constantly yelling at Luffy to shut up but, he couldn't help it. Even though he tried.
Sabo was gone.
Not in the 'I'll visit at some point' or 'Come find me when you're strong' kind of ways, but in the forever way. Being alone before was like sitting in a cold rain in the middle of the night unable to find shelter – having Sabo ripped away from him was like a gaping cavern had just crumbled out of his heart. He wanted to put it back together. He wanted to go back.
Luffy had never felt this lonely and Ace wouldn't pay attention to him. He was angry all the time but Luffy knew that wasn't true. Ace was sad; he just didn't know how to say it. He felt like a horrible brother every day he couldn't help Ace.
So he held tight. He clung onto the last family he had, scared that if he turned away Ace would be taken from him too. Or even worse, he would walk away to go join Sabo. Luffy didn't want that to happen.
He needed his big brother! He couldn't lose them both!
Ace got sick of him and blew up. He called Luffy selfish and useless, told him what a burden he was and that if Luffy had never come there, he and Sabo would have been just fine. He told Luffy all about how he was annoying and a whiny baby that Ace couldn't stand babysitting. He yelled at Luffy to just go away and leave him alone.
His heart broke and he ran. Ace was a dunderhead!
Luffy ran straight into a bear. He thought it was the end and a small smile graced his lips. At least he'd see Sabo. And knowing Ace, they'd all be together again soon.
Except Ace saved him and for the first time in weeks: Luffy didn't feel alone.
Years go by, just him and Ace against the world. Ace was his teacher, his mentor, his best friend; his Brother. For seven years, he was everything to Luffy.
But Ace set sail, and Luffy was alone.
Being with the mountain bandits and visiting Fuusha took the edge off, but it wasn't the same.
When he sets off on his own pirate adventure, he's sure that he'll have the best crew ever.
When he meets Zoro, he knows this is the start of something beautiful. He's a little like Ace, used to fighting alone but, Luffy can see beyond that. He's a loyal friend and the future best swordsman in the world. He's perfect for the Pirate King's crew!
Usopp is more like Luffy. He just wants someone to stay.
Sanji is funny. He loves the funny mustache ojii-san but his whole family (and the chefs are all clearly family) tell him to get lost and go be a pirate. It's like the mountain bandits telling Ace not to come back. They must love Sanji lots.
Nami is the one most like Ace. She thinks she has to do everything alone and that they won't come after her because she's not really their friend. That's stupid. They're nakama. People hurt when they can't fight for their friends; especially when their friends won't let them. So Luffy doesn't listen. Nami is his friend and he's going to fight for her. She's stubborn but like Ace, she'll learn what it's like not to be alone.
Chopper is exactly like Luffy. He was alone, lost someone and was alone again, and now he found nakama. And once you're nakama, you're never alone.
Robin is like Sabo. She thinks that leaving will keep them safe. But Luffy isn't seven anymore and Ace isn't here to tell him to forget. He storms Enie's Lobby just like he should have stormed High Town and rescues her. She wants to live. She wants freedom and adventure and to be with her friends.
Sabo did too.
Franky knows the value of the family you choose. He hasn't been alone in a very long time but he still remembers. He fits right in and none of them are alone.
Brook is sad. Very sad and very happy. He was alone for so long. Too long. All his friends are gone and his music mourns the years that have passed and the hundreds of people he'll never see again. His new songs though, those are full of hope. The joy of being accepted as a living skeleton and having new nakama brightens every note and Luffy basks in the happiness. He knows that Brook is grateful for every minute he's on the ship and is happy he could give the gift of friendship.
Then Kuma throws his nakama away like discarded chicken bones.
Luffy is alone and he is a failure.
When he was a kid, he wasn't strong enough to save Shanks' arm or Sabo's life. But he's the captain now. He's supposed to protect his nakama and make sure they're never sad again. It's his duty to keep them together. And he failed.
Then Ace is captured.
It doesn't matter that he has to fight his way into an impossible prison. It doesn't matter when he almost dies and has to fight his way back out. It doesn't matter when he drops into a warzone outnumbered and outclassed.
All that matters is Ace. His brother. His best friend. His everything.
But Luffy is still weak and Ace is too stubborn.
In the dense forests of Amazon Lily, Luffy falls to his knees, throws his head back in agony, and wails his injustice.
Ace has died, and Luffy is alone.
.
.
.
"The loneliest people are the kindest. The saddest people smile the brightest. The most damaged people are the wisest. All because they do not wish to see anyone else suffer the way they do." ~Anonymous
I know this may seem like I put Luffy as the 'lonely' one, but I always think of him as the sad one. It may stem from loneliness but, for me, that's always been Ace. Luffy is sad when he's alone – Ace had less than a dozen people in his entire life who ever made him feel like he wasn't alone. Sabo is obviously the wisest. (Which isn't hard with these two idiots.) Huh? Did you hear something? *innocent whistling*
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Personal matters:
I know this is irrelevant to this work, but I had a hard time posting this.
It made me feel ashamed. I felt like this was a pathetic cry to the world over my own depression. I felt like I was the epitome of teenage angst (I'm in my twenties!) and was sickened by the thought.
This is a headcanon of mine. It is not meant to represent my emotional state and I couldn't stand the thought of the two being conflated. I can't deny that my mental state influenced it however I WANT THIS WORK TAKEN ON ITS OWN MERITS.
I, like many people who suffer from depression, have good days and bad days. I wrotethis at the start of a bad streak and it hasn't gone away at the time of posting. Finals went well (enough) and I'm on break now but… It's just not coming. I have so many works half finished that I want to publish but this is the only one done.
I KNOW THIS SOUNDS IMMATURE BUT REVIEWS INSPIRE ME TO KEEP WRITING. I REPLY BECAUSE TALKING ABOUT MY WORK OR EVEN JUST THE FANDOM THAT I LOVE MAKES MY DAY.
Please share your own thoughts and opinions. I love hearing them even if they disagree with my own.