I'm not sure if it's the, ticking of the clock on the wall of the motel or Dean's snoring that's keeping me up. But I'm sure that I can't sleep. I'm trapped, suffocated even, in the usually welcoming embrace of sleep. In this moment, I don't want to be asleep; I want to be free. I pull back the dingy motel comforter and place my feet on the carpet floor. Dean's snoring hasn't paused telling me he was still lost in the realm of the unconscious. Sam, rolls over in his sleep, making me jump. My body is tense, everything stops as I wait for the sign that Sam is asleep. A small snore erupts from his lips and my entire body relaxes. I make it to the door, grateful that the disgusting carpet muffles my steps. I make it to the door, Dean's snoring never once faltering and Sam's movement still as well.

Opening the door became the challenge. Seeing as the motel staff hasn't oiled a single door hinge since 1989 when this place opened. Somehow, I manage to open the door and slip onto the pavement outside without disturbing the boys. The door closes behind me and I can finally release the breath I didn't know I was holding. The moon is full and bright. My eyes catch on stars and the barely-visible pine needles on the trees in front of me. I'm at peace when I'm by myself. I don't get that a lot, what with having two brothers that are the definition of overprotective. I stand still, as still as the sleeping wildlife and the silent cars below the railing of our motel room walkway. I'm tired, but I can't sleep. The moon is too bright for me to not stand outside and enjoy its company.

I'm outside for a while. I only realize the error of my ways when the moon starts to disappear, and the sun peeks its shiny face out of the horizon. I'm confused. The particles of sleep have grown since I walked outside and now my body aches for sleep. I hear the boys moving inside. Moments later panic sets in at the notice of my absence. My phone rings from the inside, there's cussing and then the motel door flies open.

"Rachel..." Dean sighs in relief.

I tense, fear is evident in his tone.

"I stepped out for some fresh air De, I'm okay."

My knuckles are white from gripping the splintering-wood railing.

"It's chilly out here, come inside." Dean poses it as an offer but his tone reveals his desperation.

His hand brushes my waist and the temperature becomes evident to me. It's colder out here than I realized. I follow Dean inside and Sam meets my eyes. Panic dances in his hazel eyes. My heart cracks in my chest.

"I needed some fresh air," I tell Sam.

My voice sounds broken and unused to my own ears. Dean touches my arm. It's ice cold.

"How long were you out there, getting fresh air?" De questions.

"Not long enough," I pause, staring at the boys, tears welling in my eyes.

Deans hands tighten around my waist and I'm wrapped in his comforting embrace. Sam comes up behind me, encompassing Dean and me. I let them hug me, I enjoy it, but all too soon it ends.

"You don't have to talk about it until you're ready" Sam kisses me.

Living on the road almost 24/7 has taken away any sense of control or normalcy in our lives. Our profession doesn't do anything to ease that twinge of weird either. We've grown up together. We've only ever had one another so it's no surprise, to us anyway, that this is how we ended up. The three Winchester siblings are balls-deep in love with one another and there's not a soul who doesn't know it.

It's not the weirdest thing hunters have experienced. So it generally goes unjudged in the hunting world. The real world doesn't need to know our dirty little secret. Especially because every normal person we meet assumes I'm either Sam or Dean's girlfriend or wife. I never questioned the connection because it had always been there.

But I struggle in embracing it.

The irony behind my struggle is that I don't want to fall in love with my brother's for completely normal reasons. I'm not afraid of our love being taboo, I'm afraid of losing my brothers. I'm afraid that our usually cruel hand, dealt by fate, will rip us apart from one another. I don't know a lot about learning to love someone because I've always loved my brothers. I do know a lot about loss, and I can't know what it's like to lose my brothers.

"Sleep peanut, we're gonna be researching all day anyway." Dean's words break me out of my depressing internal narration.

I want to turn to my brothers and confess my internal struggles, but the words never come. Instead, I trudge to Dean's bed, and fall on it, letting sleep consume me.

Dean

She's beautiful. One of her tan legs stretches over the covers. Her shorts are long enough to protect her innocence, but short enough to give the hint of deviance. I'm getting hard just looking at her. Sam notices and smirks. Her body shifts and she's on her stomach. Her round ass now exposed from its previous position, under the covers. We both moan. She moans in her sleep and we fall silent. We both know that it's better to let her sleep then make noises at her sleeping, attractive body. Sam and I turn back to our research on the latest case and listen to her snores and moans in the background.

Rachel

I wake up to the feeling of warm hands on my back and warm hands on my stomach. Lips on my throat and on the back of my neck. Warm hairy legs tangled in mine. I'm in heaven. I open my eyes and meet beautiful green ones.

"Dean" I smile.

I turn.

"Sam" I smile.

Dean's fingertips skid along my waistline. My breath catches. I love it when he touches me like that.

"Dean…" I moan.

Before I register it, a knife is being shoved into my stomach and there's fire running through my body.

I wake up screaming.

"DEAN! NO!" I sob.

My body aches. My lungs are on fire. Dean is by my side and I scream, punching him in panic. Sam is behind me, holding me close and whispering sweet promises in my ear. Dean is farther away from the bed now, holding his cheek. It takes me a minute to calm down. A minute for my heart rate to lower. A minute for me to register that my eldest brother wasn't actually going to stab me in the stomach. Sam's hands massage the knots in my shoulders as

Dean takes a step towards my extended hand. I know it's been months since I've slept with my brothers, sexually or otherwise. I know it's taking a toll on our relationship and their emotional ties with me. Their insecurities heighten, and they feel as though they've driven a wedge between us. I wish I had the guts to tell them that it's all my fault. They miss me, I know, but something is wrong with me. I don't…I'm afraid that if I let them fall in love with me that I'll disappear from their lives by some cruel force of fate. I don't want to break their hearts. Although judging by Dean's expression, I already have.

"De…" I whimper and pull him close to me.

He obliges and pulls me into him so he's holding me in his lap while Sam massages my lower back.

"Rachel…it's been months. Please, tell us what's going on." Sam croaks, his voice wracked with worry.

I know I need to tell them. If I don't I could ruin everything we've been building together for years.

"I'm afraid…that I'm in love with you. I'm afraid that because I'm in love with you, fate will rip us apart." I speak, my voice equally wrecked.

"I'm afraid of being happy. I'm afraid of what fate would do to Dean and you. I'm afraid that what we're doing…our relationship… that it's fodder for fate to fuck up." I continue, my body shaking with fear of the unknown.

Dean holds me tighter, his arms holding me close to him while his fingers rub soothing circles on my arms. Sam presses a kiss on my shoulder blade and peppers them across to my other shoulder blade, causing me to shiver.

"You are safe with us. You're not going anywhere. We won't leave your side. I promise you peanut" Dean murmurs in my ear, slowly soothing away my anxiety and fear.

Sam continues pressing kisses on my shoulder blades, all the way up the back of my neck and to the right side. I whimper as Sam gets to the left side of my neck and starts to suck. Dean continues to rub circles on my skin as Sam forms a pretty large hickey. Sam detaches his mouth and blows cool air on my skin, causing me to whimper from the sensation. Dean follows in suit, but on my right side. By the end of it, my panties are a little wetter and my neck has a large hickey on either side of it. The whimpering I was doing on Dean's lap made him chuckle.

"Rachel. Sweetheart. You're ours. That will never change. We love you and we will protect you always. Fuck fate. Fuck what the world thinks we should do. You know we've never been good at following rules anyway. We're both already in love with you and you're in love with us too. So let it happen and whatever happens, as a result, happens." Sam says, moving his arms around my waist and pulling me into him.

I smile and nuzzle my face into Sam's. He hasn't shaven since yesterday, so the stubble scratches my face and I scrunch up my nose. Dean chuckles and kisses my scrunched nose.

"Alright, whatever happens, happens," I mutter, enjoying both my boys.

"That's right," Dean smiles and kisses me, grunting when I let out a happy sigh.

I find myself growing tired. The nightmares and my self-inflicted mental torture finally catching up with me. Tears slip from my eyes out of pure exhaustion and my body falls limp. It occurs to me that I've been going too hard for too long.

Of course, Dean notices and his protective instincts rise.

"Alright princess, it's time for you to get some sleep. Sammy and I will be right at the table, you get some shut eye." Dean presses a kiss to my temple and smooths my hair away from my face.

Sammy gets up to leave and more tears come to my eyes. Neither of my brother's notice. Dean moves to stand, and I panic. Due to my insecurity it's been weeks since I've cuddled with my brothers. The combined heat they bring is enough to make the world's most energetic morning person stay in bed.

"No! Stay!" I whine, flaying my hands out to grab the hems of their shirts.

Sam and Dean look at me, surprised. I can tell my petulance is bringing up old dominant feelings in the boys. Feelings that probably made them want to coddle me and punish me for telling them no at the same time. I roll out of Dean's lap and onto the bed, giggling. Sam smiles at me from the end of the bed, teeth and all.

"You want us to stay with you sweet girl?" Sam asks, placing the heated palms of his hands on my ankles.

I smile and nod, looping my legs around Sam's torso and pulling him forward on top of me. His warm palms pressed into the cheap motel bedding on either side of my head. His mouth immediately connects with mine. Sam groans and moves his mouth slowly, softly against mine. Our tongues meld together. I bring my hands up into Sam's hair and tug, eliciting a growl from his throat. He pulls away hard and presses his forehead against mine, panting lightly.

"I always forget the power your mouth has over me sweet girl" Sam husks.

I smile and lift to connect our mouths once more, but my lips meet the rough palm of Dean's hand.

"As much as Sam and I would love to worship your body right now, we know you're exhausted, sweetheart. Also, we haven't slept together since August, your tiny body isn't ready for us to go in like we used too. We gotta get you ready first." Dean winks, making me shiver.

Sam sends Dean a look of annoyance tinged with understanding and rolls off me, settling at my side. I immediately become the little spoon to Sam's very large one and face Dean.

"Since you're barring my sexual adventures the least you can do is lay with us," I tease, hitting him with doe eyes.

I know Sam is above me sending Dean his famous puppy-dog eyes. Dean doesn't stand a chance.

"Alright, alright, I'm comin' you two. Kill the sad eyes." Dean smiles and rolls over to us.

He wraps an arm around my lower back, pressing my stomach against his and his lips against mine. He tastes like whiskey, coffee, and toothpaste. I smile and wrap one of my hands in his hair, tugging lightly. Dean grunts and has to physically restrain himself from copying the motion on me.

"You're a little grabby today huh?" Sam notes.

I giggle, hiding my red face in Dean's chest. The boys' laugh resounds throughout the room. The need to sleep becomes more clear as the warmth radiating from my boys grows stronger. Sam's knee comes up between my legs and I'm safe, enclosed in the warmth of my boys. Soon darkness takes over and I'm asleep.