I do not own South Park, any of it's characters, or settings and am making no money from this story.

Based on the episode "Britney's New Look" season12 episode 5. Just something that came to mind when I was watching it. Can be considered AU.

"We build them up, adore them, and then, sacrifice them. For the harvest."

It wasn't so strange to hear crying in Hell. Actually, when there wasn't any was when you needed to worried. And hide. Preferable with a weapon.

But normally you could tell when the crying was from torture or being faked. He hadn't heard it like this before though. This was quiet. Soft. Genuine. It didn't have the tone that came from torture. It wasn't overdone, like the fakers sounded. He considered moving on, but, honestly, what was there to do? And he was curious.

The source was just around the corner, a small bundle of orange and green cloth. It was dark and out of the way. The soul glowed still, as the all did in the beginning. You weren't supposed to mess with new souls, not till they had a change to settle down. New souls cried a lot too, but still, not like this. They had a tendency to wail. Thankfully, this was not wailing. He hated wailing. It tended to get old very fast.

"Hello?"

The bundle moved revealed red, scared, green eyes.

"Err, right. Welcome to Hell. I'm Kenny."

More staring. Wonderful, Kenny really wanted more awkward around.

"Do you have a name, new guy?"

"Kyle. Nice…nice to meet you, Kenny."

"Oh….manners…" Not an amazing response, but it's not like he'd been expecting an answer. The boy –with the face in view the soul was very obviously male – was clearly scared and scared souls in hell didn't tend to talk to others. They tended to run. Not answer badly timed questions with good manners. "Umm...so. You seem upset." Yes, Kenneth McCormick: smooth talker.

The orange and green boy –Kyle, he reminded himself- rubbed at his eyes. "Sorry if I bothered you."

"No, you didn't. I was just passing by and, uh, got curious." Now that he thought about it, Satan probably wouldn't be thrilled if he was late again. "I should probably get going."

"NO!"

Kenny looked down in surprise. Kyle had moved fast and managed to get a hand clutched to his own orange parka. The boy didn't seem to know what to do from there though, and somehow looked more lost than he had curled up and crying.

"S-sorry. I just…I didn't mean to. You have to go." Kyle took back his hand, moving back, carefully, as if not to startle himself. "I'll figure it out, there has to be a reason. There has to."

Kenny only just heard the last words, whispered as they were to the floor. He really should go. Satan wouldn't hurt him or anything, but when you pissed off the overlord of Hell, others tended to take the punishment. And Kenny had enough enemies as it was.

"Dude, are you going to be ok? I know being in Hell can be tough, at first. But it gets better. Honestly, it's not that bad. The really bad people are kept separate."

"Ok."

God fucking damn it. Satan was going to be pissed because something about the green hat and green eyes and crying and 'ok' got him. Kenny looked at Kyle, with this wet face and desolate look and scared posture and wondered if he, the great Kenneth McCormick has looked like this on his first visit to Hell. It was so long ago….he remembered being confused but that was about it.

"Ok my ass. Get up. We have things to do, or people if you want, though I recommend you wait a bit before jumping anyone. You can be rude, make mistakes, and look like an idiot all you want, but fuck one wrong person and it stays with you for eternity."

He got a blush from that one, at least. Though Kyle still looked scared and lost as Kenny pulled him along the roads and buildings. "I'll show you somewhere nice, how about that?"

Kyle nodded, "Umm...isn't hell, you know, bad? For bad people? Shouldn't you be, I don't know, trying to kill me? Or something…."

"That's not really my thing," Oh thanks god. The puppy dog look was leaving. "I kinda…come and go, but I've been here plenty. Honestly, it's a lot like Earth. But yeah, bad people come here. Used to be anyone not Mormon, but that seems to have changed recently."

"Revelation 21:8 - But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death."

Kenny stopped walking. "You can quote the Bible?"

"Yeah. I was brought up in a religious town. I know the whole thing."

"Damn, dude. I can't even remember y mom's birthday, let alone a whole book." Kenny thought for a moment. "So where do you fall on that list?"

He watched Kyle open his mouth. And close it. Open it again. Chew on his lip some, and finally say, "I'm not sure. Maybe they missed a category: the people that don't do anything bad or good."

"That's…strange. Not many kids make it down here. The ones that do are cursed – like me-, violent, or drug using whores. Oh and Satan worshippers. Though we haven't gotten many of those recently."

"I didn't so any of that."

"Than what did you do?"

"Studied, mostly. Prayed with my family. Played games in the woods some. A few times I kicked my little brother. That was our game. Maybe it was that? Though, it may be wrong, I haven't had any burning in lakes of fire and brimstone."

Kenny highly doubted it and said so. He hadn't met anyone in Hell that didn't belong there. If Kyle weren't so bad at hiding how he felt, Kenny might think he was lying. "Hmm…let me see something. Sit here, look at me, and don't move."

He'd been told he could do this, but never had. Putting his hand on either side of Kyle's head, he looked into his eyes, and then past them. Accessing someone's soul was supposed to be pretty straight forward. Contact, then look through their eyes into the soul, and then read it. Sins were usually written in scars all over, pushing to the front to be seen.

But he didn't see that here. Here he saw flashes of color; green, blue, white. A snowy field. Evergreens. Clear skies. And then he heard something. A droning, no, a chanting. Was that Latin? The sound grew louder. He saw another field, this time filled with people. Stones of all sizes in their hands. More chanting. A large woman with red hair stepped away, shaking her head sadly. The chanting grew louder still. The stones….everything went black.

Kyle had pulled away and was on the ground, panting, his hat still in Kenny's hands. Red hair –like the woman, Kenny noted- curled around his head.

"What- what was that?"

"That was your life. Well, and your death. I think….I think you were sacrificed."

There was silence as they walked back. Well, from them at least. Hell was busy as always around them. Kenny wasn't really sure what to do here. He'd by long missed his ride back to Earth for today and while he died a lot, this whole sacrifice thing was fucked up, even by his standards.

"Oh. Well, that sort of makes sense."

Kenny rolled his eyes, "No, no it doesn't. Humans haven't done sacrifice in forever, not since science came around."

"And yet, our population is higher than ever." A new voice jumped in from behind them. "So, Kenny, you didn't show up today. What's up with that?"

"Hello, Damien. Kyle meet, Antichrist Damien. Antichrist Damien, meet Kyle."

Kyle shuffled awkwardly when Damien looked him over.

"Yes, our newest sacrificed soul. My apologies what whatever you were promised not being here."

"I wasn't promised anything."

"Yeah," Kenny spoke up, "he only just found out he was a sacrifice."

"Oh, unwilling sacrifice. Nice, we haven't had one of those in a long time! Mostly now-days it's just kids offing themselves in the name of Dad or some retired God. Completely worthless."

"I don't think I follow, but what do I know," Kenny sighed, "I try not to hang out with the sacrifice peoples." Catching a slightly insulted look from Kyle he quickly added, "The, uh, willing ones. Their kind of…."

"Pathetic?" Damien offered.

"Yeah."

Kyle thought for a moment. "But, they offed themselves, right? So they knew they'd be here." He looked to Damien who just shrugged.

"You'd think that, but mostly their just greedy and want things they aren't going to get. Dad calls them self-glorified suicides. Here, I'll show you." Somewhere in the distance, there was a rumble and what sounded a lot like a mud slide if the mud was people. "But first we should drop Kenny off before he misses another ride up."

"Ride up?" But before he could get an answer the world swam around them and suddenly, they were somewhere else. The tall buildings and red sky. Instead there was a soft carpet under them, black and white marbled walls, and a large desk. Satan –Kyle had to assume so because, really, who else would that be- was sitting behind it, doing his best to look calm.

"Kenny." Satan rumbled.

"Sorry I'm late. Got distracted."

Kyle looked between the two, wondered if he could maybe leave or hide somewhere, and quickly gave up the thought. He wasn't in trouble (he hoped) and this was Hell. It was most likely impossible to hide from Satan in his own office. Instead he settled from a mumbled, "I'm confused." No one seemed to hear him.

"Kenny," Satan continued, "You have got to find better things to do than hang around in Hell all day. Just because you can't stay dead doesn't give you a pass to Hell for fun."

"Awe," Kenny feigned hurt, "But it's so much more interesting down here."

"You get your butt back up to Earth and live! If I see you down here again for at least a month, young man, or you will be in so much trouble!"

Kenny just snickered, completely failing to hide it behind his hand. "Ok, ok. Let me say bye to Kyle." He turned to the confused boy. "Seems like I'm getting kicked out again."

"Do you, uh, come here often?"

"More often than not. It's a curse of mine for some reason. Maybe one day they'll keep me, but for now…" he waved vaguely in Satan's direction. "He insists that my education on Earth is important, but I'll be back, Kyle, so stop looking so worried. I'm sure Damien here will look out for you!"

"Will I?" Damien droned contemplatively, "Hmm, well I suppose I could. Just a little."

Kenny laughed, "That's the closest you'll get to a love declaration from that guy."

"Yeah. And, Kenny, thanks. You know? For stopping and…you're my first Hell friend." Kyle pulled at his hat nervously, but was smiling non-the-less. "Die soon will ya?"

"I'll do my best. Damien, you keep my Hell buddy safe. I'll see you all later." He waved. Satan pressed a button. And Kenny was gone.

"Somehow I was excepting flashier." Kyle said.

Damien nodded, "Everyone does that first time. Now come-on, Dad has work to do and I want to show you some things. Kenny will find us when he gets back." The world spun, and they were somewhere else.

"This is really depressing."

And indeed it was. Damien had brought them to what must be the outskirts of Hell. There were a few naked looking trees speckled across what was mostly just a stone outcropping hanging over an endless looking lake. Thinking about it, Kyle thought it probably was endless. Even Hell needs barriers. Everything was grey except for the red sky and the black lake.

"Is this the edge of Hell by any chance?" he asked.

"In a way. Hell is actually about 80% imagination based. So it changes depending on the people who come here." Damien explained. "Not many people come over here. Well, except for them." He pointed to the people lying about. "These are the sacrifices I mentioned. They just, sort of, give up when they realize their not getting anything special."

Kyle didn't like it here. A few of the people had their eyes open, but there was a glazed, far-away look to them. They really did look like they'd given up. "I don't want to end up like them. I mean, yeah I didn't live long, but I was killed for something, right?"

"Harvest."

"What?"

"Harvest," Damien repeated, "I may have stolen a peek at my Dad's paperwork. You were sacrificed for the promise of a good harvest this year."

"Oh, that's kinda….I-"

"Excepted something flashier?"

"Well, I would have preferred that, yeah. Between Cthulhu, and the Imaginationland War, and all the other crazy shit going on I guess I'd assume world peace would be a priority. It's not like our harvests were bad!"

"Nope. Harvest. People are just like that."

"So, will it work?" Kyle was wondering. Maybe the whole dying thing wouldn't be so bad if it did something good; Even if that something was as freaking stupid as a better harvest. Greedy bastards. Damien nodded and Kyle got an idea. These people around him, ones killed for something or other which never happened, they'd all been forgotten about. Hell they'd even seemed to forget themselves. He didn't want that, to be forgotten. Even if the harvest was amazing, it would only be till next year, next harvest, that people forgot and would start to complain again. Maybe even kill someone else off.

"You're the son of Satan, so I assume you make deal too. If I wanted something, what would you want in return?"

Damien considered him closely for a few minutes before answering. "I think I wouldn't want you to end up here and I'm certain I would want to pin someone else with the job of Kenny-sitting whenever he's down here. I'm busy; I have better things to do. But hasn't anyone ever told you not to make deals with devils?"

"I'm already in Hell so it's not like you could drag me…well, here. And anyways, I have a plan, which will keep me from ending up forgotten and left to rot out here."

It was just over a month when Kenny came back. Long enough to keep Satan off his back, but short enough stick with his usual habits of death.

"Kyle! You're not crying in an alley, we've already improved form are last meeting." And it really was. Kyle had settled into an small house in what Kenny called rural-Hell. There was even a garden and the sky was lighter. The whole "Hell vibe" greatly diminished by both.

"Haha, Kenny. I'm your new sitter so you really should be nicer to me."

"I'm all kinds of nice, dude. Even if you can't threaten me with demonic prince powers. So, listen, something really fucking weird happened up in Life.

I kept an ear out for anything that might have to do with your death, and less than a week later, with the first crops, there were reports everywhere. Apparently, there was an overage of corn so all the farmers had to sell really cheap and ended up losing money."

"They probably deserved that-"

"That's not the part though. All the corn was orange…with green tops." Kenny finished dramatically, pointedly looking at Kyle's orange jacket and green hat. "And even though no one knows why, the farmers who grew it are calling it Kyle-cursed corn."

Kyle did his best to look innocent, really, he did. But the laughing on the floor gave him away.

"What the fuck did you do, dude?" Kenny begged.

It took a while for Kyle to settle down and mange to answer, "I made a deal with a devil."