A/N: Wow, this took way too long. I've been working on this thing for years now, and had several cases of writer's block while making it. Now I'm too sick of it to look it through properly, but hopefully there aren't too many mistakes. This thing is nineteen pages long and it's a monster. I am aware the plot itself is impossible in reality, but I decided to publish it, because it is a cute idea, and I was too deep in when I was finally old enough to realise that. Hopefully, it won't take as long to make the next story I have in mind (look out for it, it's going to be RusAme and Spamano, and it will be love drama and chess, because I couldn't find anything about chess and RusAme), which will be multichapter, and I'll start writing it soon (yeah, right). I have a bunch of unfinished drafts too, that I might pick up again. This one thing kinda just stopped me from doing anything else. That and school – life is tough. But I digress. Please enjoy this way too long and overdue story.
This was inspired by a post I once saw on Tumblr and I don't own the characters or the post.
-Are you an angel?
-What?
-My mum told me that those who have marked wrists are angels.
-I'm not an angel.
-Of course you are. Mum said that only angels harm themselves because they don't like life on earth. This world is destroying them so they try to return to heaven again. They are too sensitive to the pain of others and their own.
-You know, your mum is very wise.
-Thank you. She is also an angel but she has already returned home.
Antonio felt lifeless. He always did. He had had to quit his nice job and promising career, due to his depression and insomnia. He cut himself, starved himself, because nothing felt real or right. He often just sat in his room, crying as he did now, while he didn't own the house he lived in, since he had no money, and lived with his parents, which he hated, because he didn't want to burden them. His two only friends had moved away, one was an ambassador and moved around a lot, while the other worked in a big company, and got promoted and eventually moved away too. All Antonio's reasons to live were already gone. Why did he continue?
He heard a knock on the door.
"Antonio, Gilbert is here to see you~"
It was his madre. He looked up, and put on a long sleeved shirt, to hide the scars he left there. He didn't want his best friends to find out he kept doing it. He didn't want them to find out how shitty he felt.
"Just let him in..." He attempted to sound cheerful, failing miserably.
"I will~" His parents tended to forget that he was there, because they didn't want to think of something sad like his cause. Gilbert, his ambassador friend, entered.
"Yo, Toni, how're you doing? Better than last I saw you?" Antonio looked at him with his dead, dark green eyes.
"Not really..." This time he didn't even try to sound happy. Gilbert looked uncomfortable, and Antonio could see a sad twinge of guilt in his blood red eyes.
"I know we shouldn't have moved away, but me and Franny can't help it. We just don't want to be stuck..." Both of them knew he meant stuck, like Antonio was.
"No, it's fine, I understand..." 'I understand that your best friend through many years wasn't important enough to stay for...' Antonio thought to himself.
"But me and Birdie came up with an awesome plan to help you!"
"Who's Birdie?" Antonio asked, not sounding like he actually cared.
"Birdie is my awesome girlfriend."
"...I'm happy for you..."
'No, no, this wasn't how it was supposed to go, tell him about Lovino instead! He doesn't care about Madeline!' Gilbert inwardly screamed to himself.
"Yeah, but she's not the reason I came here. Remember my brother, Ludwig?" Antonio just nodded. "Well, him and Feliciana are now engaged. You remember her too?"
"A bit..."
"Awesome. The only problem is that her brother has decided to move to here, which is far away from everything. I wondered if you could let him move in, maybe show him around town? He's a very... Sensitive boy. I thought him and you might be able to bond...?"
'I know you want the best for me, but I really can't burden mis padres more than I already do...' He already planned on saying, so why was the words his mouth formed completely different?
"If it's not for too long, I guess it's okay..."
"That's so awesome, thanks! He'll be paying for the stay, I'll talk about the price with your Mutter. He won't stay for too long, just until his house is ready, and he's done moving in. It'll be less than two months."
"I guess it's okay then..."
"Oh, and he doesn't know about your... Condition, do you want me to tell him?"
"... No, please, don't!"
'Finally! Some emotion. I was afraid he was unable to show that the rest of his life...' Gilbert thought, feeling slightly relieved, but still worried about his friend.
"I won't then." He smiled slightly.
'Is it so funny to see your friend this deep down?' Antonio frowned.
Gilbert didn't know what to say to that, and awkwardly said, "I'll see you around then. It was nice talking to you."
Gilbert waved, hoping that the Italian he had sent here might be able to cheer Antonio up. Then he left, and the only thing left in the room was a lonely, crying Spaniard.
"So, how did it go~?" Francis asked Gilbert over the phone.
"Well... It could've been better..."
"Is Lovino gonna move in?"
"Yes..."
"That's wonderful news!"
"But... Franny, I don't know if it's a good idea anymore. He's... So lifeless."
"Shush, Gilbert, you and I both know that he's still the happy-go-lucky guy he always was! We just have to find him! Please, Gil."
"Argh, I know! Some of his depression must've affected me..." Gilbert shook his head.
"Anyway, I made him show a little emotion."
"That's great! I told you he's still in there!"
"He didn't want Lovino to know about his scars, depression, insomnia, or any of that shit. I think the Carriedo household is going to be hell all throughout his stay."
"Don't be so pessimistic. We should never have left and it's our fault it got as bad as it did. Now we have to make it up to him. This is the best idea we could come up with and you damn well know that. He was there for us, he was there for me when Jean died, and he was there for you when Elizaveta broke up with you. We couldn't even stay with him for long enough to make sure he was slightly okay! We broke him, with the world. Now we need help to fix it, and Feli's alternative psychologist brother is a good idea. All we need is for Toni to open up. That... What he did shocked me! We should've seen it coming! We were his best friends..."
"And now he has none... If we first make him open up to one, we might in time be forgiven by him."
"I hope so. Adieu~"
"Auf Wiedersehen." Francis hung up. Now he just had to give Lovino a rundown on the new details...
A few days went by and one day, an Italian man, with amber eyes and dark brown hair with a curl sticking out to the right was standing outside the door to the Carriedo household, knocking on the door. He had a scowl plastered onto his face, suitcase in his hand.
"Yeah, yeah, I'm on my way..." Antonio was the only one home, since his parents had left for work. He went down and opened up, slightly surprised to see someone there.
"Who're you?" He almost sounded unfriendly. The stranger, unfaced by that answered quickly.
"I'm Lovino Vargas. Gilbert said I could stay here for a while?"
"Oh... Yeah... Mi madre prepared a guest bed for you... We don't have a spareroom, so you have to share with me..."
"Okay." 'Great.'
"I know you probably'd rather have your own, but-... What?" Antonio frowned.
"It's okay, I've shared rooms with people before. It's pretty normal." He smirked slightly.
"I guess..." Antonio, just walked in, and let the visitor decide for himself if he wanted to enter or not. Regrettably for Antonio, he did enter.
"Where's your room?" Antonio just pointed, being on the way to the room anyway. Lovino followed behind him.
"It's quite dark in here..."
"It is? I didn't notice..." Antonio got up from his bed, and opened the curtains, allowing light to come into his grey room for the first time in years. He shielded his eyes with his hand, and looked away.
"Thank you."
Lovino could now see what the man in front of him looked like. Thin, too thin, with dark bags under a pair of gorgeous green eyes. The man had once had a tan, but it was fading. His face looked slightly oblivious, and he had brown, short hair, which looked like a mess. He had a few stubbles to complete the look. 'It'll be quite a job, but I promised I'd do it. And so I will.' Lovino thought to himself.
They sat in silence for some time, Lovino unpacked, while Antonio just looked at him.
"What's your name?"
"U-uh... My name?" Antonio pointed at himself, and Lovino nodded. "I'm Antonio..."
"Nice to fucking know you name."
"I guess..." There was a rather long pause, until Antonio realised it was his turn to talk. "Uh... You... What do you work as?" Lovino was quiet, as if he considered his words carefully before saying them.
"Part time journalist. My writings are quite... Eccentric. I have another full time job, but right now I'm on holiday."
"... Don't you want to tell me? It's okay... I understand..."
"No, it's not that. I just prefer not to talk about work."
"Oh."
"So, I'm guessing you don't work, since you're at home. Do you work?"
"U-uh... No... Not really..."
"Would you then care to show me around town? I haven't been here a lot before..."
"I guess that'd be okay..."
"And over there is the park. I can show it to you some other time."
'Where I'm being forced to show some weird stranger living in my house around in my neighbourhood.' Antonio thought sourly to himself. Luckily, very few people had seen them. They'd judge him instantly, he knew they would.
"So, what's your favourite place, Antonio?"
"I guess that'd be my room..."
"That's good. It's good to have a safe base." Lovino smiled inwardly. 'Nice to know this guy has one place he likes. I hope I won't destroy it too much.'
"Should we go home again?"
"I guess..." Antonio answered.
"Hey, shut down your computer already, Lovino! I'm tired..."
"Just another moment..." Lovino clicked on some buttons, and finally shut it down.
'Finally, sleep!' Antonio thought.
Lovino had opened a profile on Antonio Fernandez Carriedo, without telling the other man in the room, and had written a few of the things he had experienced the man to be today. Since he was a doctor and psychologist, and secretly had Antonio as a patient, he had the right to do so. After some hours Antonio groaned.
"I can't sleep..."
"Why not?"
"I'm not used to other people being in my room, your breathing is disturbing me."
"What do you think would help?"
"... Whenever my friends were over when I was a teenager we shared beds... I'm not sure why... And it's way too much to ask for from someone I met earlier today."
"Would you dislike it?"
"I dunno..."
"If it is, I have some sleep pills. I can lend you one a day and we'll see about what will happen?"
"I guess that wouldn't be so horrible..."
"Mmh..." Lovino turned on the lights, and found a pill glass, taking out one.
"Why do you even have those?" 'Are you like me?'
"I just don't want to be without if I need them. Like now." He threw the pill at Antonio, who, to his own surprise, caught it.
"D-don't do that again!"
"Maybe I won't. Do you want me to bring you a glass of water?"
"Mmh..." Lovino walked out and got that, then returned. "Here." Antonio frowned at him, but put the pill in his mouth, and sank both pill and water.
"Mmrh... Thanks, Lovi..."
"L-Lovi? My name is Lovino! Lo-vi-NO!"
"Be quiet, Lovi, it's too late for this..." Antonio buried his head in his pillow, and completely missed Lovino's beet red face.
Antonio woke up the next morning at 10 o'clock, for once feeling well rested.
"Mmh..."
He stretched. He wondered why his madre hadn't woken him up earlier when he looked around and saw... Lovino's things. Oh yeah. Antonio had an unwelcome guest. He had forgotten about that. He could smell something nice, which was weird, since his mother only cooked breakfast in the weekends. Else they just ate cereals and such. He decided to get somewhat properly dressed, and walked downstairs a few minutes later, wearing a long sleeved shirt and a pair of trousers. It smelled more strongly now, and a lot like pancakes. Ah, it felt like it had been ages since Antonio last had eaten a pancake, and now he really wanted to eat one.
"Good morning, sleepyhead." A grumpy Italian greeted him.
"You've cooked?"
"Yeah."
"Can you even cook, I mean, you don't look like you care much about the finer culinary arts?"
"Of course I can cook, are you trying to insult me?"
"Maybe I am, Lovi. Are you sure that pancake has had enough?" He closely inspected the pancake on top of the pancake stack.
"Yes, I am quite sure, if you can't say anything nice, then leave me the fuck alone, idiot." Antonio kept going, not listening.
"And that one on the pan should've been flipped ten seconds earlier, this pancake is a disgrace to all pancakes, I wouldn't ever let it touch anyone's lips, much less let them eat it! If it was my pancakes, I'd stop making pancakes the rest of my life, because I wouldn't improve anyway. Aren't you going to make your own jam?"
"Hey, stop insulting my pancakes. They're probably much better than yours anyway. And I don't have the time, the ingredients or the patience to make jam." Antonio stuck up, because he made great pancakes, and he knew it.
"My pancakes are much better than yours, Lovi! I'll let you know that I once worked as a-..." He looked down, and felt depressed, thinking back at how he had to quit his dream job, and just while he was getting more and more renowned.
"Worked as what?" Antonio thought it was weird that Lovino sounded genuinely interested, and not in a creepy or obnoxious way. Just like he cared about him and his life.
"Nothing..." Lovino took the last pancake off the pan, and shut off the stove.
"Do you want any or what?"
"Urgh, I might as well taste them." He groaned, mostly because he was unable to manage making his own batch. Lovino had already laid the table for two, and sat down, placing the pancakes on the table as well. He took one on his plate, and waited for the other man to do the same. Antonio complied, putting sugar and strawberry jam on his pancake. Lovino put maple syrup on his.
"Don't do that, it'll destroy the taste."
"Before you insulted the taste before you had even given it a chance. And I'm too addicted to that shit to not put it on."
"Why?"
"A girl,"
'Oh, he's straight. Wait, why does that make me feel sad?! I don't even like him!'
"Her name's Madeline, and we're good friends. We shared an apartment once, and she loves her maple syrup."
"Oh..."
"She's dating my brother-in-law's big brother. You know, Gilbert?"
"Oh, yeah, we're... Friends." After that they ate their pancakes in awkward silence, Antonio slowly gaining respect for the other's cooking skills, and even trying them with maple syrup on, which he liked even if he found it a tad too didn't tell Lovino either of those things though, since it was none of his business.
Later that day, Antonio showed Lovino the park and playground.
"Hey, bastard, care to join me?"
It was a bit too late for kids to come around the playground, and Lovino was sitting on a plain rocker, made from a plank of wood with car tires under it, so it got the jumpy effect. Antonio sighed and sat down in the other end, since he didn't have better things to do.
After a quarter they were both playing around on the playground, swinging in the swings, sliding down the slides and jumping around on the play forts. Lovino even saw Antonio smile, which he found to be the most uplifting thing in the whole goddamned universe.
'Damn, I really love my job.' He thought to himself. Lovino himself smiled as well, and had a lot of fun.
'He's pretty cute.' Antonio thought. 'No, what? Brain, stop this, we both now you're a stupid thing with too few braincells left to be loved, so give up already.' When they were both tired from playing, they sat down on a couple of benches.
"Ah, Lovi, your face is all red!"
"Hell no, it's not. And even if it was, it was because of all the running and the fresh air!"
"Right." A short silence until:
"Antonio, you seem happier than when I first met you..."
"I... Guess I'm just having a good day..."
"Maybe. I know we only just met yesterday, but I think you seem nice. Can we be friends?"
'You'll desert me the moment I need you, just like the others.' Antonio thought bitterly. "I guess. You don't seem that bad yourself either."
"Thanks."
That was the strange beginning of their friendship, and through the weeks Lovino lived at Antonio's house, they slowly became more and more familiar. Antonio also felt happier, because it seemed as if someone liked him for who he was. They could easily talk about a lot of topics and found out they liked a lot of the same dishes. Even their favourite fruit was the same, as they both loved tomatoes with a passion. One day, after Antonio had taken a shower and came out, only clad in boxers. Lovino sat on his bed, and looked up when the other male entered. He saw his scars. Antonio panicked, and ran back to the bathroom, locking the door.
'No, no, now he'll hate me, he'll realise I never was as good as he thought...'
He found a razor. He had cut minimally while Lovino was there, but now it didn't matter anymore. He heard footsteps, it had to be Lovino. He banged his head against the bathroom door.
"Antonio? Are you in there?!" He sounded worried, Antonio thought through a daze. 'He's probably gonna bully me now. He never liked me. Why should he?'
"Antonio... I understand that you're upset..." Antonio shook his head, to try to listen to his now probably former friend. "I get that you didn't want me to see those scars... I'm guessing you did that to yourself. It makes me sad that someone like you felt the need to do that."
"Why? Because I'm too much of an airhead to be able to punish myself?" He said almost mockingly.
"No... Because you should've been happy... People with scars aren't happy. They can be in time. They need to be healed."
"Yeah? Nobody wanted to fix me." There was a short pause before Lovino replied.
"My mother once told me a story. It was about angels."
"Hm?"
"She said, that those with marked wrists are angels. Do you think you're an angel, Antonio?"
"I'm not an angel, Lovino, you shouldn't ask stupid questions like that." It was a long time ago he had used the other's full name. He usually just said Lovi.
"Of course you are. Mother said that only angels harm themselves because they don't like life on earth. This world is destroying them so they try to return to heaven again. They are too sensitive to the pain of others and their own." Antonio thought about that for a while.
"She sounds very wise..."
"I know. I miss her."
"Why do you miss h-..." Lovino interrupted.
"But, even if they are angels and they are too sensitive to take the life on earth, I'll try to save them." Lovino sounded very serious. "I don't want people to die, and especially not those I care about. So, will you talk about it to me? I'd be eager to help, because I don't want you to end up like her..." He sounded incredibly sad.
'Why did he sound so sad?' Antonio couldn't help but ponder. "I-I guess..."
"You will?" He sounded so happy, excited and relieved, that Antonio couldn't refuse.
"Si, Lovi..."
"Thank you. Will you come out?"
"Si..." He unlocked the door, and opened it, after putting the razor back to it's place.
"Thank you." For some reason Antonio couldn't fully comprehend, Lovino hugged him tightly.
"You really scared me for a moment there, Antonio..."
"I-I did?"
"Si. I don't want you to get hurt..."
So Antonio told Lovino about himself.
"I never had many friends, but the two I had through my school years was my best friends. You said you knew Gilbert, didn't you?"
"Yes, I do."
"Well, him, me and a third guy named Francis was best friends in school. We even got an award on our last school day for being best friends. I was really happy that day. But... Later, things didn't go as well. In school, I never really felt well, I always felt like I was different and left out. I didn't want to trouble my only friends, because I was afraid they'd give up on me, so I never told them until it was too late anyway. I lived for my friends, I smiled only so they could be happy. I heard what they said about me, I was weird, and strange, nobody ever wanted to be in my group except for those two. They were popular, while I always was the nerdy kid."
"Did you want to be popular?"
"Not exactly... I just wanted to be normal."
"Hmm..."
"Well, after we were done with school, Francis, my other friend, and Gilbert both took a year to think about what they wanted to do in their life. I didn't, and looking back, that may have been the problem. I always had had a dream about working in a restaurant in this town, and Francis and Gilbert visiting every day, so I started working in a restaurant. I was hired as a cook, and I really loved it. I felt happy for a while. But then..."
"Then?" Lovino looked caring at him.
"Then Gilbert said that he finally knew what he wanted to be. He wanted to be an ambassador, and instantly moved to a town with an airport. It hurt, but at least I still had Francis I thought. He had started working in a company with their base close by. He quickly got promoted, and after a while got the offer to open a new branch in France. He was ecstatic when he told me. I was just sad, because then I'd be all alone. After he moved, everything went smoothly for a couple of months, until I just felt so tired of it all, so I decided to try to kill myself. Obviously, I wasn't successful, and I got fired shortly afterwards. I had to sell my house, even though I had only just moved in and move back to my parents. I haven't gotten better since that, only worse..."
"I'm so sorry to hear that. I... I promise to at least try and help. I want to help you. You're my dear friend and I truly want to help you."
"Mh..."
"Can I hug you? My sister always said a hug can help a lot."
"I guess it'd be okay..." Lovino hugged him, and Antonio slowly hugged back. 'Cute.'
"Lovi, why do you always spend so much time on your computer?"
"It's nothing, it's for my part-time job."
"I thought you were on a vacation?"
"I am, but the journalistic part only goes on holiday when it itself decides to. That's another reason as to why it's only part-time."
"What is your other job then?"
"I'll tell you another time, okay? I'm done for now." He saved the document about how Antonio was doing, and shut down the laptop.
"Lovi... Uh... My friends always slept in bed with me, n-not sexually, okay? Just... shared..." 'Because another person was the only thing which helped against my insomnia...'
"Mhm?"
"And since you're my friend, I wondered if you'd do that... I-if you do, I owe you a big favour..."
"I don't see anything wrong with it, so why the fuck not? We can move the beds together."
"No need for that, Lovi, my bed is bigger than yours... It's made for two people." Antonio blushed slightly, and was looking down, and missed Lovino's deep red face.
"U-uh... Okay. I'll just bring my duvet and pillow then-n..."
"S-si... Do that..." So Lovino took those things, and put them on Antonio's bed. Then he flopped down onto it himself.
"No funny business, okay?" He warned him sternly.
"Of course not... Can I hug you though?"
"Si..." Lovino laid down under his covers, and moved slightly closer to Antonio, who greeted him with an warm embrace.
"Thanks, Lovi." He breathed into his hair, and then fell asleep. Lovino lay awake for a bit longer, but fell asleep as well.
They kept on going like that, talking about things, mostly Antonio's life, having fun, and sharing bed every night. In the last week before Lovino moved out to his new house, Antonio realised something. He had feelings for the Italian, the Italian who knew so much about him, but he almost knew nothing about the other. He wanted to know. And he wanted to be more than just friends to Lovino. He wanted to be his happiness, his partner, his love. But how would he ever tell him that? What if he laughed his feelings off? Those were the troubles Antonio tumbled with.
In the meantime, Lovino had some very alike problems. The day he realised that he had fallen for Antonio, was actually the same day Antonio realised his feelings. Lovino was standing in the bathroom, shaving, when he found himself having naughty thoughts of the Spaniard, who was sitting in their shared bedroom. Naughty thoughts, which included the other being naked and fucking Lovino, while he was talking in a deep, husky voice.
"What the fuck happened to 'true professionals would never fall for a patient'?" He chuckled darkly, thinking out loud about the words he had written in one of his journals, when people accused his methods of being 'dangerous to professionalism, because he as a private person got too invested in his patients' private problems'. He had always thought he was strong enough to stop himself from doing something he deemed dumb, like falling for a patient, but that was before he met Antonio.
The man was too fucking perfect for his own good, and he couldn't even see it himself. It was good that he'd move out so soon. That way it'd be a tiny bit easier when he had to give up on this man he had fallen in love with. Yet he'd still see him, because he was going to tell him about his job in a few days. His job, which almost forced him to keep talking with Antonio. He was the first person who had ever gotten this much from him. He wanted Antonio to be okay, he really did. And maybe his own feelings and professionalism could be merged anyway? If Antonio wouldn't hate him for not telling him about his job, then a lot was already won. And fuck what his colleagues thought anyway. After his many successes where they had given up, they still wouldn't even consider trying any of his methods. So after an short inner debate, he gave himself over to the thoughts of the sweet Spaniard lisping hot words into his ears and slowly started jerking off.
A couple of days passed quite uneventfully, except for a lot of awkward moments, blushing and misunderstandings. Then one day, Lovino asked Antonio a question.
"How do I get to the hospital?"
"Why, are you sick?"
"No, but I'm starting up at work in some days. I'm going to work at the hospital."
"Oh, yeah, you never told me your job..."
"I'm a doctor, and a psychologist."
"W-what...?" Antonio frowned.
"And... I'm sorry to say it, but you're my patient..."
"What?! You lied to me?! I thought you actually cared about me! I thought you were different!" Antonio felt betrayed, betrayed by his friends, betrayed by Lovino, betrayed by his heart, even betrayed by his own eyes, who threatened to spill tears.
"I didn't lie to you, except about me being on holiday. I do care about you... And I hope I am different from whoever you think it is I'm alike."
"Why didn't you then tell me? I'd never have told you anything if you had told me!"
"Exactly. And I'm not the usual kind of psychologist. I only take cases others have given up on, because I have a different approach. Where others try to meddle in their past and present, I try to be a friend."
"Oh, yeah, what a great friend you are. You probably wrote all kinds of things about me, was that why you always sat at your computer?!"
"Yes, but the things I've written about you are locked, I'm the only one who can read it or change it, because I don't have your approval. I am friends with my patients. All of them. They all have my number, and if they call me, I'd answer it even in the middle of the night. I truly care for them. I often send small encouraging messages to them, the content depending on who they are. They're my friends."
"W-wow... But... Why didn't you tell me that a long time ago?" 'Before I fell for you?'
"I'm sorry, I should've. I just... I was afraid of your reaction."
"You were afraid? Of me?"
"Si. You mean more to me than my other patients ever has..." He blushed.
"I-I do?" Now they were both blushing. Lovino nodded.
"U-uh..." There was an awkward silence, until Antonio shyly spoke up.
"I'll show you where the h-hospital is, okay?"
"Thank you."
Antonio thought about what he had said. He was more important to someone than all of that person's friends? That sounded so unlikely, and impossible. Yet he still knew very little about Lovino, the person who had stolen his heart in the timespan of a few weeks. So the day before Lovino was moving out of his house, and into his new one, he decided to ask him.
The last couple of days, Lovino had let Antonio read through the papers Lovino had written about him, with permission to delete anything he didn't want to share. Every night before they went to bed, Lovino started writing, and Antonio corrected it while he was writing, so he wouldn't upset the other. The night before Lovino would leave, Antonio asked him.
"So... Will you ever tell me about yourself?"
"Hmm... I guess I owe you that, don't I?"
Antonio nodded.
"I will then. You said you knew Feliciana, right? She's my sister, and marrying Gilbert's brother pretty soon. But, it was me, not her it was going to be about. So, me and Feli are divorce children. Our parents didn't work that well together, and they ended up breaking it off when I was around five. This will probably sound really weird, but I went with my mother, and Feli with our father. They wanted it to happen that way, because they were both playing favourites.
I lived many happy years with my mother, and I thought she was happy too. When I was eight, I saw her marked wrists for the first time. I didn't know what it meant back then, but she told me that story. I asked her if the angels couldn't just try to ask the people around them, but she said that an angel should only reveal her identity to other angels. She always thought I was like her. I'm still not sure if she was right.
Well, some years after that, when I was eleven, I came home to something terrifying. Some days before I had asked her if the scars on her wrists were a problem, because some other kids in school had said scars was a bad thing. When I came home that fateful day, there was an ambulance outside my house, I ran over, and couldn't understand what had happened, because except for the scars, there was nothing wrong with my mother as far as I knew. I got wiser, much, much wiser. She was depressed, had anxieties and was a complete mess. It was amazing she was able to get custody of a child. When I was told those things I broke down." He made a short pause before continuing.
"I was sent back to my father's, and supposed to go to school with Feli, but I never actually was there. I went down with a depression myself, because I had really loved my mother, even if everyone said that she hadn't taken proper care of me. I got a psychologist assigned to me, and, honestly, I hated him. He really got under my skin and made me feel uncomfortable. I had to talk to him for over two years, before people finally got that he didn't actually talk to me, just asked me questions, made me feel uncomfortable, and told me to get over it. Since I didn't go to yours and Feli's school, I went to a boarding school to catch up with what I was missing. That's where I met Madeline, and some of my other friends. They were the ones who helped me to get over my mother's death. Of course I love her and miss her, but now I can live with it and I no longer have a depression.
But, in my teens, when I had to decide on a career, I thought about what my mother had said, about the psychologist who only made matter's worse, and about what had helped me. So I made the decision to become a psych myself, because I wanted to change the way patients were treated. I wanted to treat my patients like my friends. Because, how can you know that much about a person without being their friend? I also thought about what my mother had said about angels and I made the decision, that even if it's true, I'd still try to save those angels. Even if they are too sensitive, then they still deserve a proper life on earth."
Antonio thought he looked so sincere and solemn, and that it looked very handsome on the other. Lovino snapped out of his daze, and continued. "After that decision, I studied, until I had a degree in medicine and was a certified psychologist. Since that, I've treated patients. It's a very nice job, because I can meet new people, and even hold the contact. My job is something I'm proud of."
"Hm. I guess that's a good thing."
"Si, it is."
"So, I guess you really are moving out now..."
"Yeah, happy to see me go?"
"Well..."
"Because you won't. We're still friends, and you're still my important patient. So we'll see each other in a couple of days."
"But, Lovi, I don't want to see you in a couple of days..." Antonio blushed and looked away. "I want to keep seeing you all the time..."
"W-what?"
"Uh... Lovi, don't make this harder than it already is... What I'm saying is-... Argh!" Antonio smacked his own face, because he felt so dumb for even thinking of asking him this. 'He might be looser about the whole psychologist-thing, because of his ways, but that doesn't mean he'd ever be more than a friend.'
"Antonio, what is it you're trying to ask?"
"U-urgh... What I'm trying to ask is... If... You'd go... Forget it."
"No, please tell me."
"I just wanted to know if you'd go on a date with me, okay?! I don't even know if you're into guys, but I really like you!" Antonio looked up, and found a slightly baffled, and very red Lovino in front of him.
"U-uh... Si..."
Antonio didn't believe his own ears. "W-what? You'd really do that? Are you sick, Lovi?" He pressed his hand against the other's forehead, who quickly pulled it away.
"No, I'm not sick, Antonio. But I do want to try to go on a date with you..."
"This... This better not be a part of your psychologist strategy..." He said weakly.
"Of course it's not, I wouldn't play with someone's feeling's like that..." Lovino pouted.
"Then, I really want to go on a date with you!" Antonio smiled brightly, and Lovino felt his face grow even hotter than it already was.
"So, when and where?"
"Uh... What?"
"You know... When is our date, and where do we meet?"
"Uhh... I didn't think about that." Lovino sighed overbearing.
"Of course you didn't. Let's make a deal: I decide when and you find out where."
"I guess that's an okay deal... When is it then?"
"Hmm... It's Saturday today, and I need to find out where I want everything... What about Friday, at seven? I should be free there."
"Friday at seven sounds great!" Antonio smiled, but quickly hid the smile. "... I-I'll find out where we go later, we can just meet at your house..."
"That sounds great. I'll see you Tuesday as well for our meeting, and don't you dare forget."
"I won't, Lovi, I promise I won't."
Antonio rang the doorbell to Lovino's new house, right on time. He was wearing nicer clothes than he usually wore and had put hair gel in his hair to make it look flat and nice. He was clean and had done his best to look good, but he was still nervous, because what if their date didn't go well? It'd obviously be his fault he thought.
"Yeah, I'm fucking coming..." Lovino opened the door, he didn't look ready at all. He was wearing a suit, like he did most of the time, but he hadn't tied his tie, or gotten the jacket straightened out yet. He was still combing his hair through, and scowled slightly. "You're early."
"No... I'm right on time." Antonio got nervous, had he already fucked it all up? Lovino looked at his watch.
"Fuck, yeah, you are, sorry. I... I thought I had more time." He blushed a little.
"I can always come back in half an hour if that's better?"
"No, Antonio, it's fine. I'm the idiot who's not ready." He stepped aside so Antonio could walk in, but the other man didn't understand the gesture. After a short time span, Lovino looked at him a little confused. "Come in? I can't stand out here forever."
"... Oh, sorry, Lovi." Antonio quickly got inside, with a self conscious, oblivious face.
Lovino quickly went after him, and got all his things ready. "So, where are we going?"
"... About that... I thought that we could... Go to... The... There's this little restaurant which just opened, it's very small and very secret, and nobody can know about it yet, okay? So you can't tell others you've been there."
"That sounds good, Antonio. I'm sure it'll be great." He straightened his clothes. "There. So, where is this mystery restaurant?"
"It's a secret too. I won't mess your hair up, but you have to have this on before we get there." He held up a blindfold.
"I guess that's fair. Somehow. I will mess your hair up though." He smiled mischievously, and reached out to make the usual mop of curls turn back to their natural form.
"Lovi! It took me hours to straighten it!"
"It looks better like this. More you. And it's fucking sweet when your curls are just everywhere."
"But..."
"Hey, trust me on this, it looks good. Also, I don't want to go on a date with some strange guy with straight hair, when I was going to have fun with a lovely spaniard with the best curls I've ever seen."
Antonio sighed. "Fine. Come here, we'll go to the park, and from there you have to wear the blindfold."
Lovino just smiled and walked with him. After a while they reached their destination.
"You can take off the blindfold now." Lovino did so.
And was amazed at how different Antonio's garden looked.
"It's... Your garden...?" Lovino was awestruck. The usually plain garden, with a few flowers here and a couple of useful plants like tomatoes and oregano there, was now a charming and fantastic place, with plants and flowers everywhere. There was also a little table in the middle and two chairs.
"Yes... And the new 'restaurant' is... Well, there isn't any..." Antonio hoped Lovino wouldn't think it was a stupid idea. He really wanted it to be a good one.
"What are we then gonna eat?"
"I cooked."
Lovino's eyes widened. "Y-you did?" He sounded incredibly hopeful.
"Yes." Antonio sounded more sure and felt as if Lovino maybe didn't think it was a bad idea.
"That's fucking great!" Lovino smiled a little and Antonio couldn't help but smile too.
"Sit down, sit down, I'll bring the first dish." Antonio went inside and left Lovino in this paradise he had created. Lovino sat down and looked around. On the table he could see that it was going to be a three course dinner and he was very excited to find out what those three courses would be and even more excited to taste Antonio's cooking. He also saw a wine on the table, and poured up for the two of them. Shortly after, Antonio came back with the appetiser, crab cakes and bruschetta with extra tomatoes.
"This looks great, Antonio." Lovino smiled softly at how his boyfriend had outdone himself.
"Hopefully you'll think it actually tastes good too." Antonio tried to make it sound like a joke, but found that he sounded too serious. He hoped that Lovino would disregard it.
"I'm sure I will, but let's test it." And so they did. Lovino tried to look a little stern, like he really was testing it. He loved it though. Antonio felt like everything was crashing down. He didn't feel good about it at all and was certain that at least some of it was over or undercooked. He couldn't believe that Lovino would actually like his cooking. As they finished, Lovino cleared his throat a little.
"That was amazing. I almost wish there was more, but then I'd have less space for the other courses." Another soft smile from the Italian. Antonio felt slightly more sure.
'Come on, Antonio, he said he liked it.' He couldn't help but not take the words to heart though. "That's great, Lovi. I'll just take out the dishes and come back with the next meal."
He cleaned the table of the unnecessary parts, and left to come back with a spanish rice dish, called a caldoso. The main dish contained rice, onions, some meat, mushrooms and a few things Antonio liked to call his secret ingredients. This was a dish the Spaniard had always been proud to serve, since he was certain that his was at the very least the best in town. Lovino ate it with him, creating small talk every now and then, mostly talking about their childhoods. After the dish, Lovino said he liked it as well.
The last meal was the one Antonio worried the most about. Because unlike the two others, this one was not Spanish cuisine, but Italian. His adorable boyfriend was Italian too. So unlike the two other dishes, he knew Lovino actually had something to compare Antonio's version with, and he was scared the Italian would dislike his version. He had made tiramisu often, it wasn't that he was unfamiliar with the dish, but his boyfriend would be a harsh judge on it. Antonio spent ten extra minutes, just pulling himself together before going out with the dessert to present for Lovino.
"What took you so long?" Lovino seemed completely calm, unlike his patient who was on the verge of a breakdown.
"Why, nothing, cutie. I just wanted to make the dessert extra perfect~" Antonio wanted to slap himself. Hard. 'You just had to tell him you tried to make it extra good, so now he'll expect something even better than before, and you're not even close to be able to make anything good, much less perfect.'
This time they ate in silence, Antonio trying to hide his inner turmoil and Lovino trying to hide how impressed he was with the tiramisu. He already had an idea about how great Antonio was at cooking, but he had not at all expected this. It was like coming home after a long time, and finally getting to relax. It was like tasting his mother's cooking, a thing he never thought would happen again. When the last bit was gone, he almost felt a little sad.
"How… How did you do that?"
"Do what? Fail terribly at making tiramisu? I'm sorry, Lovi, this was supposed to go well…"
"You just made the best tiramisu I've tasted for years. How did you do that?"
"I just made it… Wait, does that mean you actually liked it?" The Spaniard got a hopeful look in his eyes, and the psychologist nodded.
"I loved it. I'd say that you're a keeper alone for that tiramisu, but I can't get away from the fact that I actually like you. Antonio, would you want to be my boyfriend?" Antonio beamed with joy.
"There's nothing I'd rather do, Lovinito."
Months passed by and Lovino truly helped Antonio. Antonio opened up, and seemed more vibrant and a lot more happy. After two months, he got a job, and he really did his best to keep it, talking or writing to Lovino whenever things got too hard to deal with. After half a year, and since half their closets were at the other one's as well, they decided to move in together at Lovino's place. Then Gilbert and Francis announced that they'd come and visit, and Gilbert would bring his girlfriend Madeline. Everything turned into chaos then.
"Antonio, you only have to say the word, and I can say that they have to sleep at a hotel or something, so you don't have to be so worried." Lovino would be lying if he said that he wasn't worried for his boyfriend, because even though they'd made major steps forward, both psychologically and as a couple, Antonio was still incredible fragile. The slightest thing would get him out of it and Lovino always had to hug him tightly and convince him that he shouldn't worry for a long time. Of course he didn't mind, but it worried him, since he truly cared about the guy.
"I'm fine, Lovinito. I'll be fine." Antonio was decidedly not fine. He was freaking out.
"If you're sure. But I'm serious, you don't have to worry. Everyone wants you to keep getting better, not worse. If you feel anything, tell me, pull me aside, what the fuck ever, just don't keep it bottled up."
"I won't."
Gilbert and Madeline arrived, and everything went surprisingly well. Everyone adored the food Antonio had prepared with love and care. They ended up all getting a little drunk, and slept on the floor and couches, instead of in the neatly prepared beds.
Antonio had had no reason to worry.