FRANKS POV
The night was heavy over New Jersey once again. I'm sitting there in the darkness, thinking of him. After all those years. He wouldn't come back. He hadn't come back. Why? Was it me? What was wrong with me? I know I'm not perfect. I'm not good at all. But I thought he liked me.. Loved me. My eyes swells with tears as I picture his face, his eyes. I bury my face in my hands. Why would he leave me? It has been 6 years now. Without him. I can't stand it! I bring up my wallet and opens it slowly. I find the picture of him and lifts it slowly and carefully up. Like it was the real person or a very expensive vase. My eyes fills with tears again as I saw his smile. Gerard. I remember once again how he would smile to me, behind his brothers back. How he dragged me into the toilet at school, just to make out. As my tears fall, I smile, a weak smile. After all this, it's still a good memory. But I miss him so much. So, so much. I can't go a day without thinking about him. His beautiful smile, his hair, . Everything. Everything about him was perfect. Me? I was nothing, I wasn't perfect, not even close. Him, he was… An angel. And I still think about that angel. His tender touches. His eyes, full of joy and love. How he would look at me, and make me feel that I'm actually worth it. But obviously, I wasn't. I push my hair out of my face. I stare onto the moon, and remember his last words. «Whenever you feel that I am far too gone, then look up at the moon and remember; We look at the same moon, and we think of each other.» And it makes me smile, while my tears flow heavily down my cheeks. «I will remember you Gee, Always..» I say silently, as I stand up. Time to go home.
«Where have you been Frankie?» Jamia asks as I walk into the house.
«Nowhere special..» I mumble, making my way past her.
«Frankie? You okay?» She asks, concern drowning in her voice.
«Yes» I say grumpily, walking into our room. As I sit down in the bed, I want to cry. Bawl my eyes out. But I can't. Jamia will notice it. I stare emptily at the TV. My eyes threatening to swell in tears. My head wants to explode. I do this every Sunday, hoping he would return. He said he will. He promised. By the big rocks on a Sunday. 8PM. For 6 years, I've waited by that exact place at that exact time. He never shows. I was giving up. Giving up on him, my love. But something inside me is forcing me to go back. To wait.
«Okay frank, I want answers! Now! Every fucking Sunday, you come how from somewhere all fucked up, grumpy and sad!» Jamia says as she walks into the room. Her eyes is angry, but sad. I feel a sudden jolt of pain. I'm hurting her.
«There is nothing to know.» I say. She lifts her eyebrows at me, placing her hands on her hips.
«I don't believe you.» She says, stubbornly.
«I don't care» I say coldly, swiping past her, into the bathroom. I sit down in the shower, groping my hair with my hands. Why? Why do I do this to Jamia? She.. I love her. But not as much as.. Not as much as I love Gee. My eyes swell up again, and I let my tears fall silently. I stand up, taking my clothes of. If I have to get my fucking face wet, then let me have an excuse. I set the shower on and walk in. As I'm washing my hair and my body, I still picture his face. My tears fall slowly as the hot water falls on my body.
Once again I'm outside, waiting. But this time, I try not to cry. This time I won't hurt Jamia as much as I hurt myself. I sit on the same rock and I stare at the same moon. Inside my head I play the same scene, over and over again. Gee walks over to me, smiling. His face as beautiful as ever. He holds me in his arms and kisses me tenderly. No words, just passion. I smile for myself. When suddenly, I hear a noise. My head shoots up, my heart racing with hope. Would I see him again? Would he come out of the bushes, smiling? Will he hold me in his arms once again, smiling and kissing me? Would he never leave me again?
«What the hell is this Frank?» Jamia says, walking up to me. Aw crap.
«Stones?» I say, angry. She had followed me.
«I can see that.» She says, rolling her eyes, «Why are you here?»
«Because i like it here»
«Every fucking Sunday?»
«Yes» I say grumpily. She didn't trust me.
«Am I that bad? Do you really have to hide from me once a week?» She says, obviously hurt.
«No» I say, standing up. «I want to clear my thoughts, that's all.»
«Oh Really?» She says, placing her hands on her hips.
«Yes, so it would be good if you just.. Left.» I say, coldly. I didn't really mean to be that cold, that mean. But she was so ongoing. She had followed me here. And worst of all. She'd given me false hope. But I regret it at once. I see the hurt in her eyes.
«Fine..» She says, her eyes filling with tears, she turns harshly and runs away. I almost run after her, I almost stop her saying "I love you, Jamia" But I'm starting to believe… That it's not true. I'm starting to believe that I have lost faith in us. In me.. And her. And I sit down again. My eyes scanning the environment. Hoping to find Gee. But once again. I don't…
I hadn't realized that I had fell asleep. I wake up slowly, my eyes are sore and the sunlight makes my head hurt.
«Hey there, Sleeping Beauty» I well known voice says, but my head won't take it in. Won't believe it, Though something inside me is racing. Hoping. Believing.
«G-Gerard» I mumble, as I sit up.
«Yes?» The voice says again. I look around, confused. And then I see it. Him. He sits there, behind me. He is smiling, the same smile he would smile back then. His eyes were glowing and they were glowing at me. I stare at him for a long time. Sucking him in. He was taller. Well, he has always been taller than me, but he was taller than he used to. His hair was still black. Black as the darkness. How I loved it. He smiles down at me. And when he talks, I suck his beautiful voice in.
«I said I would be back» He says, smiling. He reaches out and touches my face. I'm speechless. I can't find the words. Because no word is happy enough, or beautiful enough to describe what I am feeling. I must've looked pretty damned miserable cause after a minute he says;
«You're not happy?»
«I am..» I say, silently. My head was exploding, my heart did its best to rip itself out of my chest.
«Really?»
«Yes» I say, smiling. I reach out, and touch is face carefully. And it is just as I remember it was. So soft, and warm.
«I've missed you» He says softly, placing his hand over mine. I smile, was he really back?
«I've missed you too» I say, repeating his words. Sucking it all in.
«Every day..» He smiles while he leans towards me. My heart races, this is it. After all those years, did i love him as much as i did before? And as his lips hit mine, i knew. I don't like him. I love him. His lips is so soft, so warm. I close my eyes, enjoying it all, remembering it. I'm yet again, afraid he will leave me. His tongue separates my lips slowly and starts to search around in my mouth. Moments of hot kissing later I lean back, smiling brightly. My life is complete once again. He was here with me.
«Wow..» Gee says, his eyes glowing blankly.
«Yeah..» I sigh, leaning towards him. Snuggling into him.
«I love you Frank» He says soft, placing his hands around me.
«I love you too Gerard» I say, snuggling closer to him, not getting enough. His hands fits so perfectly around me. His breath tickles my neck, my ears. Everything, and i can feel the butterflies rapidly fly around in my stomach.
«I've fucking missed you» I say a little grumpy, «For 6 years»
«I know..» Gee sighs, tightening his grip around me, «I am so sorry.»
«Kiss me again and I will forget it» I smile. And as he leans around me, kissing my lips softly, my heart races once again. For every touch, every breath take, every kiss, my heart goes wilder. Which, I think, will lead to my heart attack and death. But at least it would be in his arms. Where I fit so perfectly in.
«Happy?» He smiles, hugging me.
«Perfectly» I say, closing my eyes and feeling his warmth. But then a thought ruins the happiness. Jamia. What would I say to her? «Hey, I'm leaving you for Gee, Don't worry, it wasn't you who made me gay, I was it all along.» Wow, how happy she will be.
«Are you okay?» Gee asks, concerned.
«Yeah, I just. I was just thinking about Jamia.»
«You've married her?» Gee asks, his voice is filled with sadness.
«No.. We're just together.»
«Oh» He says, tightening his grip around me. Is he trying not to lose me? Or is he saying goodbye? My heart is debating with my brain. And no one knows the answer. The only thing that is sure is; Gee is here. He is holding me. He had just kissed me. He said that he loved me. And i am the happiest person alive.
GERARDS POV
After all these years, I'm back. I am With him. Frankie. And he is taken. I cannot have him. He is taken. Jamia. My eyes fills with tears. But I won't let Frank see my tears. I tighten my grip, holding him where he is. I can feel that he is relaxing. He is enjoying this. Is there a chance after all? Or am I just imagining this? Tears run slowly down my face as I look up onto the sun. I'm back, and he is taken. Why do I always have the bad luck? But that's what I get for making him wait for 6 years. But.. He was waiting here. After all these years, he was still waiting for me. Maybe, just maybe it is a chance? A slim chance that he actually wants me? And not… Jamia. I bury my face in his hair. Dragging in the scent of it. He still smelled like Frankie. I smile. My Frankie.
«Gee?» Frank says.
«Yes?» I say, lifting my head up.
«Why did it take so much time for you to come back?» Frank asks, his voice is filled with hurt.
«It's.. Complicated..»
«Do you love someone else?»
«No.. I've always loved you Frank.»
«I've always loved you too, but I spent my lonely days with Jamia. Gee? Is there something you are hiding from me?» He says, and I can hear the hope shattering his voice.
«Well.. I won't lie to you Frank..»
«Then it is a girl in your life?»
«Yes» I say miserably.
«Do you love her?»
«Not as much as i love you.» I say, tears coming back. And that was the truth. I did love him more than Lyn-Z. She was perfect, beautiful and caring. But Frankie.. He was.. Frankie. An angel fallen from heaven. Beautiful and innocent. Talented and good. He is mine. And I will never love anyone else.
«Are.. You sure? C-Cause I can just. Try to forget you if you'd rather want Jamia…» He says, his voice breaking. And I can hear in his voice, that he is crying.
«No» I say, «No, Frankie. I love you.»
«Are you sure?»
«Yes»
The sun shines on us, warming and soothing us. My hands holding him close. I just want him there, forever. But I know that is not possible. I stare at his hair. Why did i have to go? Why didn't I stay? Jamia wouldn't be here then. She would be with.. Someone else. Not my Frankie. Hot tears flow down my cheeks, dying in my mouth. The taste of salt spreads.
«Oh, Frank. Why are you so perfect?» I sigh, stroking his hair.
«I'm not. You are.» He says, leaning into my touches.
«Yes you are, and no i am not» I say, placing my hand on his cheek.
«I've never been perfect.» He says, the old Frank was showing. Unsure and unable to believe in himself. I kiss his head.
«You trust me right?» I smile.
«Yes» He says.
«Then believe me. You are perfect.» He doesn't answer. My hand finds its way into his shirt. Playing. I can feel his hot skin. So soft and beautiful. I feel the need to just rip off his shirt.
«Gee, have you dreamt of me?» Frankie asks, carefully.
«Yes» I smile, stroking both his chest and cheek.
«If you ever do. Can you do something for me?»
«Anything» I smile.
«You know, in dreams, everything can happen. Even the most impossible things. Can you.. Make me perfect? Can you make me worth you? Cause I am not Gee. You are too perfect, too beautiful. So can you please just dream that I am.. As perfect as you?» I hear the tears in his voice, and my heart brakes. He really thinks he isn't perfect? He really thinks he is not worth me? It's me who's not worth him!
«I-I.. Frank.. You are-..»
«And don't you even try to say that I am Perfect. Cause I am Not» He says, stubbornly. I turn him around, fast. His face is concerned and wondering when I say harshly.
«Frank. Words cannot describe how perfect you are. When I dream of you, I will dream that you are perfect. Cause I will dream of you. And only you.» I say, staring into his eyes. They were red, and tear stained. He smiles miserably and leans his head onto my chest.
«Whatever you say.»
I smile and hold him again. I just can't get enough of him. How perfect can a person be?
It's been hours. But it feels like it had been only minutes. Frankie pulls away from me, saying miserably;
«I.. Have to go home. It.. It's getting closer to wake-up-time and.. Jamia»
Her name made my heart ache. She had more right for him than I have.
«S'okay Frankie.» I smile, «Will you.. Meet me here? Tomorrow? Same time? 8PM?»
«Yes» Frankie says, «I definitively will.»
FRANKS POV
My heart is aching in a very good way as I run home. The feeling of his hands and lips had not left. I was pretty fucking messed up. No, I'm in love. And I love him. My Gerard. But Jamia. I.. Love her too. But not as much, it will never be.
The house is still there, of course. The door is unlocked. I open the door and walk slowly in. It's very quiet in here. No sounds. No sounds at all.
«FRANK!» Jamia squeals, giving me a hard hug.
«Jamia» I say surprised, I place my hands around her, not feeling the same as I felt when I was with Gee.
«Oh god, I am so sorry!» she cries, «I shouldn't have followed you to that place. It was respectless and.. And… Oh Frank, I love you!»
«I..» I try, but I have no words. I can't say anything. I had cheated on her, in a way. I had been with Gee. And not her. I mean, we hadn't had Sex. Yet.
«Please Please Please, Forgive me!»
«I.. You were never unforgiven Jamia» I say miserably, hugging her.
«Really?» She says, looking up at me, «So you're, like. Not mad at all?»
«No»
«Oh Frank!» She smiles, kissing me. But once again, I feel it is not the same.
«I am so happy that you're not mad! God, if you hadn't have come home i would've seriously bawled my eyes out! Oh Frankie, I did a big mistake! And i will never do it again!»
«Jamia, relax!» I say, stroking her hair. She is totally hysterical when I'm not mad at her, at all. Then what if i leave her? Will that crush her? Or will she just… Get over it?
«Where were you all night anyways?» She asks, kissing me one more time before she walks over to the kitchen. I follow her in silence.
«Frankie?» She says, turning, «Where. Were. You. ?»
«Nowhere special» I say, putting up my best fake smile.
«Oh, okay.» She says, starting to make breakfast.
The next day at 8PM I'm standing at the same spot, Waiting for him. My mind is racing as I stare at the moon. Will he come? What if he left me again? What if he is far away? My eyes wouldn't leave the moon. Remember; We're looking at the same moon. Me and Gee.
«Oh god, you're here!» Gee exhales, hugging me, «I was afraid you wouldn't show up!»
«Why wouldn't i show up?» I smile, hugging him back.
«Err.. I don't know. Maybe you love Jamia more than me..»
«Nope..» I sigh.
«Then it's settled then» Gee smiles, bending down to kiss me. His lips hitting mine perfectly once again.
20 minutes later, I was lying on top of him. Well, halfway, just on his chest. His arm was resting on my back. I smelled in his scent. So good. So Gee.
«Gee?» I say carefully, not wanting to ruin the feeling og calmness.
«Yes?» He sighs happily, stroking my back with gentle moves. Up, Down. Up, down.
«You can't stay forever can you?»
Up, down. Up, down.
«Who says I can't?»
«You have.. That girl right?»
Up and down. Gently up and down.
«What if she's with me.. Here, in New Jersey?»
«Is she?»
Up and down, the movements paralyzing me.
«Well… No.»
«Then what-» I try, but he places his finger over my lips.
«Shhhhh» He says, stroking my back, «If you believe, everything can happen.»
Up and down.
«I.. I guess..»
Up and down.
Gently Up and down.
The movements is making me crazy. I just want to.. Kiss him. Hard.
Up and down.
Oh god. Why am I so in love? It hurts! And when he has.. Another one. A girl.
Up and down.
But I have Jamia. Maybe that hurts a lot for Gee too? Maybe I'm hurting him? AM I hurting him?
«You okay Frank? You're so.. Stiff.»
«Just thinking..»
«Oh..» He says, stopping his movement, «Err. Frank? I was wondering..»
«What?» I say hopeful.
«I was wondering if you maybe could join my band.»
«What?»
«You know. You are a great guitar player. So gifted. You could join my band. And we will never be apart for long again!»
I sit up and stare at him. My thoughts goes wild. This IS a good opportunity. But, sill I just leave Jamia? Or just say that.. I am joining a band. Will i take her with me?
«And maybe it's smart that we keep this hidden. For a while.» He says. Is he ashamed of me?
«I- Okay.» I say, staring at him.
«So you'll join hen?»
«Who's in it?» I ask.
«Some guys. Ray, Bob, Mikey… And me.»
«Ray eh? I think I remember him.» I say, thinking hard.
«You probably do. But Frank..» He says, «You have to be sure. And make yourself sure pretty fast. I'm leaving tomorrow.»
The words hits me like a baseball bat. He is leaving again? But he did say that I should come whit him. Forever, hopefully. But is this really good? Maybe I should just… Stay. Stay with Pencey Prep. No. No i want Gerard. Forever.
«Fine» I say, leaning down to him, «Tomorrow , we will go back. To wherever your band is.» I lean down and kiss him softly. When i pull back, he has a big smile on his face.
«That's great!»
«You're leaving?» Jamia asks. Hurt filling her eyes with tears.
"Listen." I say, remembering Gerards words about keeping this quiet, «I am not leaving you. I am leaving town.»
«But what will I do when you're not here» She says, hugging me.
«I-I don't know..» I say. Hoping she would let go of me.
«Will you come back sometimes?» She asks, smiling up to me.
«I-…» I hesitate, looking into her beautiful eyes. So full of hope and love. Am I really hurting her too much? «I Will..» I say after a while and turns my back on her.
«Good, Frank. Remember. I Love you!»
I don't answer, just keep on packing it all.
«What kind of band is it?» She asks.
«A friend of mines.»
«Which friend?»
«Gerard. Gerard Way.»
«Oh I remember him!» Jamia smiles, helping me with the bag packing. She was so happy for me. But that's because she doesn't know what my intention is. What I will do… When I'm alone with Gee.
«When are you leaving?»
«Tomorrow.»
«Oh.. I better throw you a goodbye party then.» She smiles and I know immediately what that party will be. I have a nagging, evil feeling that says that I would never make it. I would just back out. But I'll give it a try. I have to, Its Jamia. And I love her.
GERARDS POV
I'm just standing here. Waiting. Nothing special. I turn the volume on my Mp3 player louder. I close the world out. I stare at the entrance door. Will he come? Has he changed his mind? Maybe he found out he didn't love me anymore. My eyes search for his. I just want him to go through that door. So I can see him again. My Frankie. I turn the volume louder. Caging me into my own sorrow.
«Gee?» A well known voice says. I turn around quickly, looking straight into his beautiful eyes.
«Frank!» I sigh, relieved, «I tought you'd never come!»
«I wouldn't leave you Gee» Frank says softly, hugging me. My heart skips a beat. I left him. For 6 years. Does he hate me for that? Or has h eforgiven me? 6 years…
«When's the flight?» Frank asks, lifting his bags to a standing position.
«Soon.» I say, staring into his eyes. Had i hurt him? For 6 years?
«I'm hungry» Frank says, taking my hand and dragging me towards the closest food shop.
«I'm not. You eat» I smile, standing aside for him to order.
«You sure?»
«Yes»
I watch him when he orders his non-meat food. He has always been a vegetarian. And i respect him for that. He cares. I care about him. I watch him step aside so the other customers can order. Damn, he looks good. I think, smiling.
«What're you smiling at?» Frank asks, walking towards me with a salad in his hands.
«Nothing» I smile, guiding him to a table.
We sit there. For an hour. Talking. The plain isn't leaving for another hour.
«I have to go to the bathroom.» Frank says, smiling. He stands up and walks into the bathroom. I get an urge to follow him. And so, I do. I close the door behind me. I look into the mirror. What was i doing? Frank came out of the bathroom stall and almost crashed right into me.
«Oh Gee. I didn't see you there.» Frank says, washing his hands.
«Neither did I» I say, staring at him.
«Huh?»
«Nothing..»
I watch him dry his hands. Straighten up. I watch him og past me, trying to open the door.
«Err.. It's locked..» He says, trying to open it again.
«I know» I smile.
«What're you-» Frankie starts to say, but before he can do or say anything i kiss him. Hard. More demanding than last time. I just.. Never want to let og of him. Not again. I press him gainst the wall. Hoping he will not push me away. And he doesn't, he just places his arms around me, joining the game.
30 minutes later, we walk out of the bathroom. Frank is kinda red. And I, Well. I am happy. Nothing more.. Well yes, Much more than happy. I am extatic.. I am.. Words aren't strong enough. I carefully take Franks hand and gets his go-bags. And then, it's on the plain. And back to the old life. With Frankie. Like we used to.
FRANKS POV
Oh god, did me and Gee just do what i thought we did? Did we just have-. Oh god. That was just. Just amazing. Oh how I love him. Love my Gee. The plain lands in LA. We walk out of the plain, with no words. Wash e regretting it? Maybe he'll just.. Send me back.
«Oh Gee! You're back!» A voice says, i look up and a guy with very curly hair smiles to Gee, «Oh.. And you're Frank! From Pencey Prep!»
«Yeah» I smile.
«Oh goodie! We really needed another guitar player.» He smiles reaching his hand out, before stopping, «Wait.. Haven't i met you before?»
«Yes you have» I smile.
«Oh.. I am so sorry! I easily forget people!» Ray says, apologizing.
«Oookey, let's go now!» Gerard says, taking my hand and dragging me away.
Half an hour later, we arrive outside a house. A.. Kinda big house. But not too big. I look up at the house. Wondering if this is where i am going to live. And Gee automaticly answers my questions, by taking my Go-bags inside.
«You don't have to do that» I say, trying to take the bags from him.
«Oh yes i do» Gerard smiles, placing them in the hallway. I stare at his arms. So. Hot.
«Come on. I'll show you your room» He smiles, taking my hand again. In my silent mind, i pray that it will be right next to his.
«Right next to mine!» He says, right after the thoughts were thought. He gives me a sexy smirk and helps me place the luggage inside the room.
«Remember. I won't mind at all, if you come and.. Err.. Bother me.. In the middle of the night. I will be happy to help» He smirks, touching my chest for a slim second. The touch sends a warm feeling straight into my heart. I smile at him, nodding.
«Now.. To meet my Lil' Bro'» Gee smiles, dragging me back down. Hee seems so happy. So. Very happy, now. Was it really because of me?
«Hey Mikey!» Gee yells into the kitchen.
«Yeaaah?» A well known voice says. And out of the kitchen door, comes Mikey. Gerards little brother. He hadn't changed too much. I smile at him.
«Heya Mikey»
His surprised eyes stares straight into mine, «Oh.. Frankie!» He says, smiling, «I didn't know that you were here!»
«Gee took me here»
«The knew guitar player» Gee smiles.
«Oh yes! I remember you were good at guitar playing Frank! You and Gee was in Gees room like.. Forever!» Mikey smiles. And i immediatley have to fight the blushing. Both me and Gee knows that we did NOT play music in Gees room.
«Oh yes. My room» Gee smiles, walking past mikey, «You hungry Frank?»
«Noo, not really!» I smile, walking in after him.
«Well.. NOW I am» She grins, starting to make a sandwich. I watch him make it. I watch him eat it. All the time, thinking about how fucking hot he is.
«Okey, first night sleeping here. You scared Frank?» Gee grins, when bedtime closes up.
«Should i be?» I say playfully, raising my eyebrows.
«You two. Are so weird.» Ray says, standing up, «I'm going to bed.»
«Yeah. Me too» Mikey says, doing the same.
The two of them leaves the room and walks up the stairs. I can hear the doors getting locked. I stare at Gee for a long time.
«Heya Frank» Gee smiles, scooting closer to me. I look at him. For a moment. Before i throw myself on him. Kissing him hard. When i pull away, Gee is breathing pretty fast.
«I almost choked you didn't I?» I say concerned, beggining to pull away.
«No!» Gee says, gripping my shirt. «I don't care. At all.» He says, dragging me to him again. He kisses me. Passionate and hard. But at the same time soft. And demanding. Very demanding. I feel my heart pumping faster and faster. I wanted him. Now. I take his hand, and drag him up the stairs. Fast. No time for waiting. His smile is big when i press him against the wall. Gee slides my shirt off. Slowly. I kiss his neck and smell the scent of him. So good. I slowly start to unbotton his pants. Feeling his heavy brathing to my forehead. Gee harshly, takes off my pants. I smile to him and kisses him once again. Demanding. Gee pushes me gently, but harshly onto the bed, climbing ontop of me. Kissing my stomach, my chest, my neck, my cheek, and finally, my mouth. We are both panting. I run my fingers through Gerards hair before rolling him over so I'm on the top. I Start kissing gerards neck. Gerards hands wraps around my neck. I kiss him again, harder. Even more demanding. Getting wilder and wilder. Gerard wraps his legs around my waist, moaning slightly trough the kiss. I press my lips against mine, never wanting to let go. My hands slides over his body. Feeling his warmth. Gerard keeps on moaning slightly to my touches.