Am I bad? A question I constantly find myself asking. It's a question that always comes up when I find the bruises on my arms. The cuts on my thighs. When those fingers touch the scar which they created. He's proud. He's always so proud of himself.

"Right here." He mused, tapping my neck with one of his slender fingers. "That is where I'm going to put my name, Soubi."

The sacrifice is the one who's supposed to be injured in battle. So why is it I who gets hurt outside of it? Is it because I'm bad? Not good enough? I must not be listening well enough. I always need to listen to my master. I am nothing without his command.

I am nothing.

Nothing but an object for others to use. To toss around. I need my master to tell me what to do. Without him I am lost. Without him I have no meaning. I'd rather be dead than to leave my master. My Seimei.

I deserved the scar he left me. I needed to be taught a lesson. I was no longer Ritsu's, now I was Seimei's. My master. It hurt, but Ritsu told me 'I would not hurt, I would not feel pain', yet in that moment, where the smooth blade of his knife hit the base of my neck, I felt scared. A fighter is not supposed to feel fear. A fighter is supposed to be brave for their sacrifice. I deserved that scar because I was a coward. A coward to my master. A fighter cannot be a coward.

I'll do better, Seimei.

He did it slowly. The blade only leaving my skin to go onto the next letter. What if he killed me? What would happen then? Seimei would get hurt, a fighter does not let his sacrifice get hurt. I'd be better off dead if Seimei was hurt.

Beloved

A simple word. Only seven letters long, but it felt like an eternity as he slowly carved those words into my neck. I watched his face as he did it. A small smirk was on his lips, his tongue coming out to lick them occasionally. He was so proud of himself. What he could do to me. Seimei could do anything to me. I need him to dominate me. I had to cough, but I knew if I did, the chances of that knife going deeper into my neck, possibly hitting something important, were fairly high. I was being a good fighter. I didn't complain. When he told me to stop watching him, I watched the ceiling. When I felt him lick some of the blood off my collar bone, I didn't ask why. I was a being a good fighter, for my master.

"Ah! I'm all done Soubi." His voice was chipper. Why was he so happy over this? "Do you know what it says?" My vision is blurred at this point. I don't know how much blood i've lost, but it feels like a lot. I feel dizzy, but I shake my head. My fingers come up to touch the bloodied scar, maybe to figure out what letters they are. But I feel nothing but wetness on my finger tips. I'm afraid to cough.

"It says 'Beloved', that's our name." He practically purrs the words, his face close to mine as that smirk returns. "Do you know what that means Soubi?"

I'm afraid to speak. I feel like if I open my mouth I'll taste nothing but blood. I feel like i'm drowning. I manage to nod my head a bit, my eyes shutting for a moment. I'm tired.

"Ah, but do you know why that's my name, Soubi?" That knife blade swipes across my arm, as if the simple way to make me open my eyes. I shake my head again, straining to keep my eyes on him. Master wants me to look at him, I shall look at him.

"It's my name, Soubi, because I am perfect." He holds the blade to my eye level, just to snap it closed. "I'm always right, Soubi. You shall take care to remember that. My word, is always above everyone else's. If I tell you to fight, you fight. If I tell you to kill, you will. You must obey me, Soubi, always. And that is why I am beloved, because everyone knows that I'm perfect." He turns his back to me, and I find myself shutting my eyes again. But then his voice echoes again.

"Soubi. Up." It's a simple command, but I find myself hurt by the words. Such a simple command, I can do better than simple commands. I can be dominated.

My body, though exhausted, forces itself up to follow Seimei, my master. I have to keep my master safe. I begin to run into things as my vision dims, I'm dizzy again.

"Soubi." He's warning me, testing me. I have to stay strong for my master. I swallow, but it only causes a burning pain in my throat. I'm feeling pain, I'm not supposed to feel pain.

"Soubi, come." Another stab as I feel a ragged breath leave my lips. My vision is gone, but I have to go on, I can't disappoint my master. I fall to my knees when they begin to tremble, is this what death feels like? How boring. He's laughing. Why is he laughing? I'm weak, that's why he's laughing. I can't do what he wants. I'm a failure.

"Pathetic." Is that last word I hear before falling into darkness.

Am I bad? I do everything he wants. He's everything to me. I need him.

I don't think he needs me, though.

Am I bad?