A/N: I blame the Ig Nobel prizes.
Disclaimer: I can't remember the last time I did one of these… I'd never write fanfiction for my own series, therefore I don't own Harry Potter.
Draco was sitting by the lake, happily (or as happy as a Malfoy can get, anyway) enjoying a bowl of gelato when a dreamy-looking girl walked up and sat next to him. She was kind of creepy… He was just starting to edge away when she spoke.
"Did you know that wand length is proportional to penis size?"
Okay, definitely time to leave. He all but ran away, but her words kept echoing through his head…
Harry was having a crappy day, but that was about to change.
"Harry, Luna just told me that wand length is proportional to a man's size!" said Hermione enthusiastically. "Isn't that strange?"
Ron turned a brilliant shade of red and turned away, thinking about the stubby little wand he had just gotten and resolving to return it as soon as possible.
"My wand is a perfectly respectable eleven inches, thank you very much!" Harry said defensively. Hermione and Ron left, not wanting to hear the potential upcoming rant.
"Is that all, Potter?" Draco drawled, entering the area. At his side, he held his wand, which looked to be around two feet long. It was impressive, but…
"Draco… Is that duct tape?"
Yes, his wand had a foot-long stick taped on to the end of it, but he wasn't about to let Harry know that.
Suddenly Harry was standing alarmingly close.
"Well then, shall we see if what they say about proportions is true?"
It was. Minus the duct taped portion, of course.
A/N: This was inspired by the 1998 Ig Nobel award for statistics, which went to some Canadians who published a study "The Relationship Among Height, Penile Length, and Foot Size." Anyone who hasn't heard of the Ig Nobel awards should check out the list of winners on wikipedia. It's hilarious…
Please review!