Title: Love me fully

Pairing: Dan/Serena

Summary: Everyone thinks that Serena has it all. But, all Serena wants is love. All her life she has craved for people to see her for who she really is.

Tall, blonde, and perfect; that's the image everyone had of Serena Van Der Woodsen. It's the same image that wrapped around Serena's throat like a boa constrictor. No matter what, she would never live up to that image. Even her best friend resented her. Granted, she hadn't been a very good friend to her in the past year. Serena still regretted how she had left Blair behind. One of these days, she would tell her the real reason for her departure. Serena had felt like she was drowning until Dan had come into her life. At first, he only saw the image. The Serena in his fantasies, but slowly they were getting to know each other. Dan was the first person willing to get beyond the surface. With him she was just Serena. She felt like she could be herself. She could let her guard down; let the façade slip. Perfection was a difficult thing to live up to. Everyone expected things to come easy to her. Serena knew that she'd been lucky in life, but she also craved things that her friends took for granted; like love. Her mother was indifferent at best and her father well he was virtually nonexistent. She had seen him 5 times in the last five years. She couldn't even remember what it was like to have him around. The sound o f her mother calling he

"Serena, your father is on the phone," said Lily.

Serena took the phone her phone and said, "hey dad."

"Hey, sweetie. How are you?"

"Fine," she said in a clipped manner.

"Are you still mad about my missing your birthday."

"Not birthday. Birthdays."

"Well, I have to work. You're not going to try and make me feel guilty about that are you?

"No, Daddy."

"Anyways, I sent you a little something, darling."

"Thanks," she said.

Serena had gotten used to his little somethings. They were mostly bribes to make him feel better. She was just so apathetic about her father. It's almost like she didn't have one.

Beautiful, amazing, and precious; that's how he made her feel. His arms wrapped around her shoulders pushing Serena into his chest as he captured her lips with his. She closed her eyes and reveled in this feeling; this new found joy. Serena was no virgin, but Dan made her feel like one. Everything with him was so new; a beautiful discovery. Than she hears that name and it drags her from her reveree.

"No, Serena. Its Serena," she says.

"No, no, no. I mean she's here. Vanessa is here."

Serena looks up and sees the source of her greatest insecurity standing over them with that smug look on her face.

"Oh hey," say Vanessa.

Serena watches them as Dan mutters something. You could cut the awkwardness with a knife. All she wanted to do was run away and drag Dan with her. During the awkward exchange it becomes clear that Vanessa more than just his best friend. She's his confidant. A part of her heart breaks because she'd hope to be that for him. It hits her once again that she's on the outside looking in. Serena was often the center of attention, but somehow people failed to see her. She was an object of envy and desire, but never the object of affection. Boys desired her, but they never wanted to know her or for her to know them. She was the quintessential one night stand.

She stood up and put some cash on the table and said, "I have to go."

Dan looked at Vanessa and raced after his girlfriend.

"Serena wait," he yelled as he attempted to catch up to her.

"What?" she said as she turned to face him. Her eyes were shining, the tears threatening to spill over.

"Hey, whats with the tears?"

"It's nothing," she said as she held her head up high.

"Don't do that. Don't close your self off like that."

"Look dan, its obvious that what we're doing here its not what you want. So, just go to her. Its obvious that she's who you want and not me."

He stood there baffled wondering where this about face had come from. Dan reached for her hand and said, "No, that's not true."

"People don't just stop loving each other."

"It wasn't love. Yes, I know Vanessa. But, she was fantasy."

"So, was I?"

"No, you're more than that."

"How do you know? Maybe I'm just this thing you think you want."

"I don't understand what's going on with you, but its obviously not about me and Vanessa. What's going on, Serena?"

Serena bit her lip and let the tears flow down her cheeks as she debated telling Dan the truth.

"I'm not what you want. I'm not that girl."

"What do you mean?"

"You just think you want me, but tomorrow you're going to wake up and realize it's a mistake and that all I'm good for is fun."

"Hey, hey. Don't say that. First of all, its not true. What asshole made you feel like this? Was it Nate? I'm gonna kill the bastard!"

"Its not him. Its just the way things are. Its my reality."

"Come here," dan said as he wrapped his arms around her. He was beginning to realize exactly how fragile Serena's self-image was. He'd thought that her life was so grand and now he could see that someone had convinced this girl that she was not worthy of love.

Serena cried into his shoulder in the middle of a busy New York city street.

"Why were you crying all over Cabbage Patch?" asked Blair.

Serena fiddled with her dress and said, "It was nothing."

"S, stop it. I know something is bugging you. You've been acting weird for awhile now."

"You wouldn't understand B. We're just different. I just can't explain it."

"But , you can explain it to Dan?" asked Blair. She had a stricken look on her face and Serena once again felt like a horrible friend.

"B don't this. Don't make me feel bad about my issues and the fact that I cried on my boyfriend's shoulder."

"Issues? You don't have issues. You're Serena Van Der Woodsen. You don't have issues. You're gorgeous and everyone loves you."

"Everyone accept for my father. You wouldn't understand at least you know yours."

"When he isn't off with that Roman guy."

"I'm sorry about the stuff with your dad."

"Hey, we're not talking about me. Today is all about you, S."

"I don't want to talk about. I'm starving lets get something to eat."