One shot / Brief Skit
I own no trademarks, this is purely a fanwork for laughs.
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It's so hard being a popular Seeker. Everyone wants you or wants to be you.
Take it from me.
There's also lots of mythos, scandal and downright lies about us.
I want to set the record straight by maybe recording some of my anecdotes and experiences with my trine brothers and also, others in our fleet. Even, those weird coneheaded ones.
/ Video Uploaded On Popular Social Media Video Site /
/ Camera shakes as it's placed on a table /
/ Skywarp sits in front of it and waves /
Hey There!
Well, I even filmed my popular Trine brothers and interviewed some of them to film a short messege for you all.
I did ask them to keep it clean. I didn't want any jerkoff footage.
Yes! There are a few candidates capable of that.
I want you to feel free to contact me, on my contact button if any of you have any burning questions you feel the need to have answered.
I got a question earlier directed at me personally. Asking where I saw myself in the future and what my life plan is.
Just to get it out the way, I see myself still in active duty, if the war goes on.
Personally, I'd love to meet a nice femmebot.
It would help if she was sort of pretty, like a girl next door type.
It would just be a nice extra if she was flight capable and also be kind of nice if she was from the same city or area that I came from.
I think it's important to find a significant other, mostly because having a girlfriend is fun.
I prefer the girlfriend experience.
I think, It's nice to know someone's out there thinking about you.
A nice girl to come home to, prep fuel together with, and you get to go places together, give little gifts to and have shared experiences. Having a girlfriend is also very practical.
I guess that's about all I've thought about that, really.
Also, I have millions of years left on my service contract, so... Not retiring anytime soon. Right now, I'm actively saving for my future.
I mean, being a Deception is good for financial reasons, cause unlike Autobots, we don't pay taxes or have any provisions in old age, but we all get a large cut on raids and stuff so you make far more credit, quicker then being salaried.
I mean, Megatrons like, really old, and he's rolling in it. So, if I were in that kind of a position when I'm his age, that would be cool.
Healthcares pretty good too with all the free bodywork cause we're getting shot at all the time.
Though the person in and out of medical the most is definitely Starscream.
I think it's because he's so high profile and comes under such heavy enemy fire...And... a shit-ton of friendly fire too.
I mean, once during a large, confusing skermish, Starscream was shot at near point blank range, without even being that far into enemy lines.
Well, we were all confused by this and Megatron demanded an immediate on the spot analysis of the blast signature and ballistics, because he said it didn't make sense.
He traced it back to Soundwaves plasma weapon. He was in so much trouble.
Poor guy.
There's lots of room for progression, if your strong enough. Lots of people want their own squad or fleet and are on step up battles. Because promotion is based on many things.
One of which, and the quickest, is physical strength and you have to survive all these violent arena fights.
I don't really want to lead, but I've seen Thundercracker enter an arena fight two times to gain the respect needed to be considered for promotion, or at least endorsement, unless you have a strong patron backing you.
Which is brave, because if some guy built like a war robot sees a 'pretty seeker' in the arena... It's ugly.
They do things worse then just kill you, in fact, you're kept alive and toyed with in the most brutal ways for a long time.
Weirdly, Starscream always says he wants to arena fight, but never does, and still gets opportunities to progress. We reckon he's just screwing the system somehow, but he tends to rule more from fear then respect. I've never seen that guy get his hands dirty.
One question I get A LOT is, flying robot form or alt mode. Well, frankly, it depends on a few factors, one is distance. If it's a short trip then go as you are, but it's not fuel economical and you can never attain the type of speed you can in an alt mode. Especially if you have sonic capabilities. Let's not mention the pain in the neck from non-alt flying.
Another question I got was from someone asking how close we are to Conehead bodytypes.
Well, I interact with them a lot. But can't really say I spend much time with them.
I do feel slightly hesitant to say it, but I find they can be quite simple in their thoughts, gruff in their actions and basic in their speech.
Personally, I don't feel that Ramjet, Thrust or Dirge, who wanted to shoot their video together by the way, would have the vocabulary or wit to enter an intellectual battle, for instance, with the likes of my dear hot tempered friend Starscream.
Tonight I'm going to a popular nightclub with Thundercracker and some of the boys, and I'm getting some footage of him down there.
He's a nice guy, a natural leader, lots of charisma, quick thinker, he can charm like there's no tomorrow, is highly intellectual, is an exceptional flyer, and is highly skilled in combat. but quite tough, can bully and he has a short fuse. If you didn't know him well, you'd think he was unfriendly.
However, if you buy him a drink, make him laugh and take him to a happening place, he'll be your friend.
Often he, myself, Sunstorm or Ionstorm all act wingman for each other when out socially.
/ Video Cuts Out /
/ New Scene Starts : Filmed In Club /
Okay, I have to shout over the music, which I know sounds distorted, but I wanted to get some footage here so you can see what one of the most popular Cybertronian clubs looks like.
Let me see if I can find Dirge again, Ion, Sun or TC. They are here somewhere. .
Okay sorry I know the cameras shaking, and I'm bumping into people but... This is nightlife.
Ohh! Found him!
"Sky, please put that thing down."
Come on TC I'm trying to get some footage.
/ Thundercracker sighs and covers camera lense. Sound is muffled. /
"Nows no time for your bullshit documentary!"
Harsh! It's not bullshit or a documentary.
"Well it's a waste of time! Where are you when I need you!"
I've been at the bar, filming Dirge get drunk.
"I don't give a flying fuck about Dirge. Listen, I've got TWO girls, twinbots... Fucking twins...they're hot, and they're wet for me and wanna go for a ride."
Whoa, twins?!
"Yes! Mother-Fucking-Twins. Why the fuck do you think I'm trying to find you! To big me up. Tell the others I've scored, and take my stuff. I play it right, I can be in all four ports by morning, and you come stick a primus damned camera in my fucking face?! Give it to me now and I'll give you some footage for your dumb video! I tell you. I am in, here."
Ohh no. No footage like that. I want to at least keep this PG. I'm going to have to bleep out all your swearing as it is.
"Just fucking look at them... Not obviously. Not a screw out of place... Yet."
/ Camera swings to two tall, shaply silver femmebot twins waiting by the door, giggling to each other. /
/ Camera falls to floor and is picked back up /
Wow! They're pretty! Though, they're not identical, identical twins. Look the one on the right has light pink paneling on her side, unless she had that refit for fashion.
"Sky! Stop filming them! They'll think your a weirdo!"
Oh yeah, yeah of course.
".. Fuck sake."
Oh that'll be another bleep! Okay, just kidding.
/ Thundercracker pulls hand off camera lense to empty his carry spaces. He starts pulling extra peripherals and items off himself and hands his weapons over to Skywarp /
Give me all your stuff. Where are you three off to?
"Don't know yet. I'll think of someplace. Maybe drinks first. Lots of drinks. I'll see you tomorrow sometime buddy, yeah?"
Yeah. Congratulations and have fun buddy, stay safe, see you tomorrow.
/ Video Films Floor As Skywarp Side Hugs Thundercracker Before He Walks Off /
Take care, man.
Okay, let me find Sunstorm..
Obviously, there he is. Look he's got a lady on his lap,and she's giggling so looks like she has a good sense of humour and is really into him. Looks like he maybe lucky too.
Okay, I've found Dirge, he's passed out in a pool of regurgitated energon. Don't know what's happened there but at least Sunstorm has Dirges stuff.
/ Video Cuts Out /
/ Video Starts Again At Skywarps Home /
/ Video Of Empty Chair That Skywarp Sits In And Waves /
Okay, it's the early hours. I sent Dirge home in a cab. Sun got lucky and a femme took him back to her apartment and they stayed there all night.
Ofcourse that means he has to face the awkward morning.
Sometimes it's not too bad, other times you just want to get the hell out of there.
Sometimes its weird because there are other bots in the house, and worse case scenario, you wake up in a brothel and they've either taken the credit off you or are demanding payment.
Also there are those times other people don't like the fact they've woken up with a 'con in the house, even worse if they're shouting at the poor girl for her poor life choices in front of you. None of us let them do that.
Very exciting life, yes!
I've not heard from Sun, Ion or TC so I guess things are going well. No-body likes a 'Non-starter' so we all soon hear about it. Also, we like to hear how the awkward morning went. I know some seekers only ever 'Hit & run', then leave for their apartment or back to Base if they're on shift.
Now, a big topic! about the stuff.
I-D, weapons, Credits, Phones, Keys, everything.
If you're one of us, you have to be careful. You're a walking target.
Because, some of these Seeker-Groupies will rob you while you're distracted or white-outted, though most just take selfies for their social media sites.
Seriously though don't #Thrust though.
Some have even found a way to hack your Sub-Space pocket!
Normally the only femmes who do that are only looking to steal, or leave some nasty 'You were crap' notes.
Now, generally ladies LOVE us, heck, men love us too. which will bring me to the next question in a moment.
I don't know if it's because we're air command, or because we're high profile in the Decepticons, but I know we tend to have a lot of Seeker-Groupies.
We've read online that it's a status thing to bang one of us, or as many as possible, either one-on-one or a in a group - yes, it's a thing.
I know some of the fleet who've really taken advantage of that whole situation.
I also read online that some of these girls have like, scratchcards and stuff.
I refuse to be a collectable.
This is just Cybertron youth Celebrity culture, social media kudos, phone charms, glittery stickers, you name it. It's out there.
Others just want us to sign a bodypart, so they can have the signature Art welded over on their bodywork. I've autographed some fans.
Next question I have, are Seekers, nymphomaniacs?
Well, in short, yes.
I've read all the stuff online people write about us and a lot of it is true, some of its just made up.
I'm not going to go into specifics, but we do have fundamental bodywork features that are unique to us, features, functions, extra parts, areas and abilities that lend themselves to what we can do.
These also effect aspects of our behaviours and inclinations. Ofcourse, this commonly comes with massive sex drives and the weaponry to back it up.
However, there was a scandal, just recently, only a few thousand years ago that some Seekers were found to be fitted with processors and logic chips that were more commonly used in femmebot models. No-one knew why.
Maybe for emotional depth, flexible sexual function and repetitive sustainability, cunning... Or bitchiness.
So some wanted to be refit with either neutral or more commonly masculine processors. Others wanted to be left as is.
Either way, it never seemed to make any difference in their lives.
We also carry a strong synthetic pheromone signature, which under the right circumstances could trigger a heat in some susceptible individuals, or even backfire on us. Some seekers, like Starscream, can tweak their pheromones.
They've been fitting some of the same parts in pleasurebots, but can't get the 'Seeker effect yet'.
Well, it's really late now, and I have everyone's stuff right here, they'll each swing around in the morning to collect their personal effects. I dare say I'll hear about all their high jinx tomorrow.
Sooo. That's all for now everyone!
/ Video Cuts Out /
/ Video Starts : Early Morning At Skywarps /
Hey everyone!
I'm up, had an oil shower and shine. Had some morning fuel, the healthly refined stuff, not the over sweet artificial stimulate stuff.
Got texts off the boys this morning. Everyone had an amazing night and had to recharge in late this morning. Good thing they're off shift.
Sunstorm said he got lucky with that smiling girl and actually stayed at hers, which is weird. That may actually go someplace.
Apparently, Thundercracker decimated those pretty twins, Ionstorm got himself a glamourous Model from another planetary system who was here on a shoot. Dirge woke up with his most common partner... A hangover.
They all had some fun downtime there though. I was filming this and was designated 'stuff guy' for everyone.
We all wing for each other if someone sees someone they like.
We're so much more popular then any other guys down there so normally get the pick of the girls.
Yeah, guys don't appreciate that and it often leads to fights.
We can't really function like wingmen for each other when our fleet commander, Starscreams around as the atmosphere changes.
Starscreams our boss. He struts around like a peacock on display, and like he owns the place.
Either he kills the atmosphere cause he's in a bad mood, or makes it all about him and steals all the attention by acting up like he does.
I know that it's frowned upon for him to go to these clubs and Lord Megatron often sends Soundwave down with him, to keep an eye on him. I don't know why, maybe because he's so out of control, but he often tries to give Soundwave the slip. That rarely works because of Ravage.
I know Megatron tolerates Starscreams insistence to keep going out at night for a 'good time'. It's totally lost on him and he questions what exactly the 'good time' is, cause he points out that screamer can drink himself to oblivion on the Base. But Starscream maintains that the fun is the going out.
But I don't dare question Starscream cause he's the boss.
I guess I have to spare a few words about our boss.
Our air commander is a very complex and flamboyant individual with multiple facets and flaws to his character.
He's a fruity guy who is highly emotionally unstable, but is certainly the most cunning and manipulative of all of us. He is highly driven, highly strung and more often then not gets everything he wants.
He always tells me that the ends justify the means.
At first meeting, he can come off as just an asshole, but you have to get to know him.
I get on with him quite well, most of the time.
He has strong leadership straits, is a decent strategist, a truly brilliant scientist and an excellent politician.
He's a quick thinker and if your in a jam, he can always do something to get you out of it, perticularly if there's something in it for him.
Now I have to be fair and list the bad aswell as the good.
He does have a massive pull factor but is completely morally bankrupt and is into all kinds of shady stuff like extortion, exhibitionism, gross excess, hypersexuality, common criminality and Base instincts.
He can also be quite selfish, greedy, egotistical, a pathological liar and generally power-hungry. Sometimes he's not so sound in mind and get be a bit flaky.
He's the biggest caricature of us seekers and enjoys all our benefits and suffers all our flaws.
I'm not even going to try to touch on his tenuous and fluid sexuality as that's a mess.
He is largely, and purposefully androgynous in appearance and behaviour, and displays strong masculine and feminine traits and this serves him to great effect.
Let's meet the man.
/ Video Cuts Out /
/ Video Starts : Starscreams Berth Chambers /
/ Starscream is Sat up on his berth holding a highly refined energon cocktail /
Okay, and... we're on.
"You recording this?"
Yes
"Is this for you privately or is it for the public?"
Well I'm uploading it to my social media.
"Ahh! right, okay. Go!"
I'm going already.
"Hello everyone! I'm Starscream, supreme leader of Decepticon air command..."
Hold on, hold on. Can you tone it down a bit?
You don't have to shout and this is informal. Can you also stop touching yourself like that, cause this is going to be PG.
"Oh. Fuck me this is going to be a long night."
Yes just be natural, be yourself! Tell the viewers something about you.
"Well, I like the finer things in life, as you can see.
Like this fine highly refined Energon drink. Mmmmm it finishes sooooo well. A little like me."
Hmm Screamer, a little less with the innuendo, and it may be wise to stop drinking.
"I detest the gutterwater they push here that local peasants toss down their necks."
Nice bit of elitism there, Screamer.
"If someone can keep me to the standard, and style, that I am a custom to, then they have earned me, and they deserve me as their consort."
Oh! You're as Savage as ever Screamer! I love it!
"What do you mean, savage?"
It's a compliment buddy.
"Okay. For a moment there I thought you were having a go at me."
What?! No. I'm just getting some footage of you for my little social media project.
"Good. Okay. I didn't think you'd start on me like that cunt, Soundwave."
Whoa! You just totally dropped a C-bomb. Calm down man.
Hey, speaking of which, Soundwave said Megatron gave you all this stuff, is that right?
"Yes he did. It's lovely... Do you want it?"
Nah I'm good.
"Okay. "
/ Starscream throws item over his shoulder and it smashes something /
"I like nice things. I like esthetics, luxury, precious metals and stones. I appreciate things and how Hard they are to get and retain."
Yes but you don't get all this stuff yourself do you?
"Not all of it. Why spend mine, when I can spend his?"
Hey! I got some questions that fans wanted me to ask you.
"Go for it."
You get all the weird ones though.
*Shrugs* "Try me."
/ Video Shakes As Skywarp Gets Out Questions Paper /
"None of these better be from the Insecticons again..."
No, no. I made sure. Especially when I got an E-mail from an account called 'WeAreNotTheInsecticons'
"Idiots. I reserve the right to pass on any question I choose though."
Ofcourse!
"Okay, this is a great big waste of my valuable time, GO!"
Question 1,Where do you see yourself In the future?
"In a position of power. Maybe in politics or in a international diplomactic role."
Question 2, Are you dating?
"No."
Question 3, Do you like Earth?
"No."
Are you enjoying these questions?
"No. These are dumb questions."
Question 4, What do you look for in a significant other?
"Power, common values, independence, superiority, appreciation of the fine arts, ability to crochet ...Dumb question"
Question 5, Do you watch porno?
"Every day... Dumb question."
Question 6, Are you Gay?
"No."
Question 7, Do you have any bad traits or habbits?
"No."
Question 8, Are you in love with Skyfire AKA Jetfire?
"Dumb Question. Next."
Question 9, How come sometimes your voice has such a shrill and is so high?
"it doesn't, and it's not.
Question 10, You and Megatron have a strange dynamic, what do you think about that?
"I don't. Another dumb question. Next."
Well, actually that was my question.
"Well that's cheating. Anyway, tell your fans to come up with better questions for me and I may talk some more, but just not now I have a meeting to attend."
Okay! Well Thankyou for your time man :)
"It's OK. Pay the lady on the way out. Good for you that you get a concession and not my full hourly rate."
Oh yeah! Okay thanks. See you later yeah?
"Yep."
/ Skywarp Whispers To Camera /
One of these days I have to get someone to interview Skyfire or ask him to upload a reaction vid to questions put to him. That would be epic.
/ Camera Shakes / Turns To Floor And Cuts /
/ Video Comes On In Ramjet, Dirge And Thrusts Quarters /
Dudes!
"Hey Sky!"
Okay, don't all shout at once, but can you give the people at home a wave and tell them something about yourselves?
D "Well I do the cooking for us three."
T "I do a lot of the cleaning."
R "I watch the most TV... Starscream said I could."
Do you guys go out socially much?
R "We do, but not Dirge cause he's always informing Soundwave."
D "That ain't true."
Okay, how do you boys feel about us jets?
T "Is that a fuckin leading question?"
R "Yeah, because you guys are so fucking good looking with your cosmetic surgerywork and bullshit."
No! No! I meant about how you work with us. Not all that image fan stuff.
T "Look you. Tell the fans. In fact we'll tell them!"
D "Yeah, girls love us more then the fucking Constructicons. And we always do the fanservice."
R "Yeah. Please try and fuck us."
T & D "Man, shut the fuck up."
D "Everyone loves us."
R "Until you guys show up. Ionstorm and Sunstorm keep stealing my girlfriends."
D "They're not your girlfriends. They're women at the nightclubs."
R "Yeah but they would be my girlfriends if these guys didn't show up."
T "Can we continue the interview after throwing him out?"
Ahh no. This is brilliant.
R "You guys always tell me I say the wrong things!"
D "Cause you fucking do!"
T "Yeah man. You always embarrass us!"
R "No I don't you fucking piece of shit."
D "You fucking shithead."
T "I'll fucking shut him up!"
Guys please no fighting.
/ Camera Shakes As A Firearm Goes Off / Then Signal Cuts /
/ Camera Comes Back On At Skywarps Quarters / Aimed At Chair /
Hey! Ahh there was a bit of an insident with Ramjet and he had to go to medical.
Megatrons demanded my footage, to see what happened, I couldn't make out any more because Starscream was screeching in the background.
Then Starscream called and demanded that I hand over the footage to him first so he can pull his segment. I'm also worried he'll see what I've said about him.
Love ya Starscream!
So I'm just going to keep filming my project till they're happy with whatever they need in their investigation.
I asked Megatron if he would answer some questions, but he said he answers to no-one, so I guess that's a no.
The End