A Love Twice Lost

Written by Mina Ren, inspired by Tolkien's "The Lord of the Rings".

Prologue –

I remember it like it was yesterday. I was out in the garden, sitting on one of the little wooden benches that my father had built. The wind was cool on my face. It was truly a most beautiful day. I sat watching a bluebird bathe in the small pond beside me and I remember thinking that she looked lonely all by herself; that perhaps her lover was nearby watching her. I had no idea that my life was about to change.

My mother sat down on the bench beside me and she had a smile on her face. She began speaking to me about the pies that she had baked and how angry she was with my sister for getting flour all over the new rug that they had purchased. It was after this bit of small talk that she finally broke the news to me. The news that she and my father had been approached a companion of the King. They were informed that his highness wished to betroth me to his youngest son; Prince Legolas.

I was against it with every fiber of my being. It was not that I disliked the Prince, for I had met him a few times in the past at festivals and parties and he was always polite, albeit very quiet and somewhat withdrawn. It was not as though the idea of being a Princess did not appeal to me at all, it was the fact that I knew there could never be a love between us that bothered me. Legolas would be marrying me because his father had ordered it, and I would become his wife… well because his father had ordered it. I was devastated by the news, but it was made very clear to me that there would be no choice in the matter and that I would comply whether I was pleased about it or not.

We were married six months later. It was a beautiful wedding; lavish in every way imaginable. All of Mirkwood attended and I had never felt more out of place in my entire life. Legolas and I remained side by side greeting well wishers, and making merry throughout the eight course meal that was served. It was strange to me that we spoke very little to each other that day. It was almost as though we were both grateful that the other had not much to say. I do remember him telling me that I looked very pretty that day. I smiled and thanked him.

Several weeks after that Legolas was sent on a scouting mission to overlook the outer boarders of the kingdom. He was gone for a few days and every night during that time I cried myself to sleep. My tears were not out of worry for him as they should have been as his wife. I wept because I felt terrible. I felt terrible because I did not miss him for a moment that he was gone.

When we were together I could feel myself pulling away from him whenever he came near to me. He would come to our bed every night and find me facing away from him. I would feel him lay next to me and I would feel his eyes on me for a few moments before he would kiss my cheek, wish me pleasant dreams and inquire whether his reading a book would bother my attempts at sleep. My answer would always be no.

I was miserable. I felt as though I were suffocating in the gorgeous dresses I was outfitted in each day. I wanted to love him, but no matter what he did or said, to me he was always "Prince Legolas" and never just himself. It was because of this I believe that I was never able to feel comfortable around him. I was always self conscious about my appearance or the way I was supposed to behave. My doubts made me forever distant and unapproachable. They made me a terrible wife to him.

He also became distant from me very quickly. We would speak, but it would be only enough to be polite. He would tell me about the things he had done that day, and every now and then he would speak about the growing dangers in the realm. However, he never once spoke about himself. He never shared his hopes or fears. He never let our conversations get personal, and I could not blame him for I was equally as guilty. We were strangers to each other and I could tell that he wanted out as badly as I did. Only, there was no way out. We were married for life; coupled for eternity, or until death do us part.

It was that last thought that led me out of out room that night with tears running down my cheeks. Our façade of a marriage guided me to the top of the tower stairs. I felt in my heart that there was no other choice. I could never be happy in the life I was living, and because of me Legolas would be forever bound to a sulking bride. We were trapped and as I looked down the dark tunnel below me I prayed that I was doing the right thing. I wanted to live happily ever after but it would never happen the way my life was going. And so I would end it. I would end both my suffering and his. We would both be better off. He would no longer have to lay beside a woman that refused to look at him, and I would no longer have to keep myself from crying.

"Forgive me" I whispered, not knowing to whom I spoke before I leaned forward and allowed myself to fall.

Blackness.

The next thing I knew I was laying on a soft bed in a bright room. I felt groggy but I slowly forced myself to my feet. I was in a bedroom, but one that I did not recognize. Further exploring led me to realize that I was in a small cottage. My first thought was that I had died and that I was with Illuvitar, but then I heard the voices outside my door. I went outside to find that to my surprise was in a small village on the outskirts of Mirkwood. Not only that, but everyone I encountered seemed to already know me, but as a girl named Avilia.

I ran back into the cottage I awoke in and paced, certain that this had to be some sort of dream or hallucination. Perhaps I had failed to kill myself and now lay in a coma of some sort. It was then that I saw my reflection in a mirror. I felt my jaw drop. My features had changed dramatically. My golden hair was replaced with shoulder length brunette locks. My eyes had gone from green to hazel and I had shrunk at least 6 inches in height. I was a completely different person; outwardly at least.

That was seven years ago and my life has been dramatically different ever since. Many a time I have traveled back to my family home within the palace walls, but I am no longer known there. My parents do not recognize me and I have learned that they believe their daughter died in an accidental fall. I how can I possibly explain all of this without fully understanding what happened myself?

Every day I expect to wake up back in the life I left behind. Yet, still I remain. No longer am I Princess Miliwen, but instead I now live contently as the village baker in this new existence I awoke within. I am not sure how or why I ended up here. Perhaps Illuvitar has granted me another chance at being happy. Perhaps I am crazy. Perhaps this is a dream. Perhaps I have unfinished business. I do not know, and I am still waiting to find out.

To Be Continued……