When I opened my eyes, everything still looked exactly the same and for a moment, I wanted to start throwing things, I wanted to yell and kick and scream at yet another failed attempt. I decided to wait, though, because there was no way to be sure. I looked around in the living room of the Salvatore mansion, that had been my home for God only knew how many days. I lost count after Damon made it back and Kai betrayed me. It seemed as if there were a few slight changes. A sweater over the couch that had not been there before I started the spell. An empty liquor glass on the coffee table. A painting on the wall that didn't look familiar. But I couldn't trust just these signs, I was scared to hope it worked. I needed more proof, so after a few minutes of careful consideration, I slowly turned around and left the house.
I walked the same road I must have walked thousands of times during the months I was stuck in the hell my grams sent me to in an attempt to save me. Again, there were changes. A sign I never saw before now marked the road. Trees had been cut down. There were tire tracks in the dirt. A rabbit crossed the road and disappeared into a meadow. Suddenly I felt hopeful. My pace quickened until I was running, running towards the center of Mystic Falls.
There were people.
Oh dear God, I wasn't alone anymore.
I needed a few seconds to come to terms with that and then I walked up to a man across the street, who was standing still, trying to light a cigarette. "Excuse me, sir, could you tell me what day it is, please?" I asked, trembling lightly.
He looked at me with surprise, but politely answered my question. "Today's January 15."
I nodded, feeling more hopeful than ever. "Of what year?"
His eyes narrowed in suspicion and he took a step back, probably thinking I was a nut case, and maybe I was, but all that mattered was his answer. "2014."
I closed my eyes and sunk to my knees, with tears streaming down my face. "I made it. I'm back," I whispered, finally realizing it now. I was home. I didn't have to be afraid anymore.
The man walked away from me, but I didn't care. I had my information, I didn't need him anymore. There was plenty of time for some company later. Damon's company, for instance… Now I really just wanted to breathe the fresh air and enjoy knowing I was home. I made it back, all on my own.
After a few minutes I got up and I started walking again, immediately choosing to go to my old house. My mother was off somewhere being a vampire, my father was brutally murdered by Silas and my grams passed away years ago, so I was the only one who still came there and now I hadn't come home in months. I was sure the place could use a good clean-up.
When I was finally happy with the way things looked, I took a shower and then changed into my own clothes again. Being stuck in 1994 had forced me to look like a nineties girl every day and though I did manage to find a few cute outfits – and I had secretly enjoyed Damon's playful compliments – I still preferred my own clothes. I could finally start feeling like myself again.
I grabbed my phone from the desk in left it on and played with it for a while, considering who I'd give a call first, but after a few minutes, I just put it back. I had been gone for months, I sent Damon back to them, giving up the only friendly face I had to keep me going, so they had known there was hope for me, too, and yet I was still the one who had to save myself. Why would I let them know I was back? What the hell did I still owe them? I saved their lives without blinking, but they never saved me.
That thought made me feel miserable, but it also caused me to straighten my back. I was Bonnie Bennett, I had my witch powers back and those powers were all I was going to need from now on.
And food. I was hungry. I wanted food.
I slammed the front door shut behind me, felt a pinch of joy at the sight of a car passing by and then walked towards my own car. "I missed you, old friend," I mumbled, getting in. "You and I are going to the store, how about that?" The sound the engine made was almost approving and I smiled. It was probably going to take me a while to stop talking to inanimate objects, something I started doing after I helped Damon to go home.
"Bonnie! Bon, is that you?"
I recognized Matt's voice immediately and turned around to face him. Jeremy was with him, I could now see him, but seeing him didn't do much to me.
It seemed to be doing a lot to him, though. He just stood there, staring at me, his eyes wide with shock and disbelief. What, so he never believed I'd get myself home? Great.
Matt ran towards me and wrapped his arms around me. "I can't believe you're alive, Bon. I can't believe you're back. How long have you been back? Why didn't you call us? How did you make it back?"
"Magic," I said stiffly, choosing to answer only one of his questions. "Can you please let go of me now?"
"What? Oh, of course, you want to go hug your boyfriend now," he smiled.
Not really. The only one I would have wanted to hug was Damon, and he was probably happily back together with Elena by now, a thought that almost made choke on my jealousy. "Actually, I just want to be left alone."
"Bonnie…" Matt said, confused.
I raised my hand. "No. I want to be left alone." I hadn't even realized it until I saw the two of them standing in front of me. I didn't need them. I would never need them again.
"Bonnie, I missed you so much," Jeremy said softly.
The look in his sad puppy dog eyes and the relief on his beautiful, innocent face softened my heart and I nodded. Jeremy was still such a boy and I had loved him so much, once. I couldn't be mad at him. "I know you did, Jer," I sighed. "I listened to your voicemails. All 183 of them."
A smile lit up his eyes. "You're exaggerating."
"Hardly." It had been a lot. Though the one voicemail Damon left me was the only one that had made me smile.
He stretched his hand out. "Come here, you…"
I hesitated for a moment and then I shook my head. "No. I need time. To adjust. So I'm going to go home now. But I'm back. At least you know I'm back and I'm safe." I didn't give them any time to respond to that, I just turned around and left. I didn't want to be angry at them, they were my friends and I guessed Jeremy was still my boyfriend, but I was. They didn't come for me. None of them came to save me.
The doorbell rang and I sighed. Now who wanted to bothering me? I got up from the cozy spot I had created for myself – which I used to binge-watch the episodes I missed of Game of Thrones – and went to open the door.
"Holy hell, it's true!" Caroline squealed.
At least, I assumed it was Caroline, since she didn't even give me enough time to recognize her, she had her arms around me as soon as I opened the door.
"Yes, yes, I'm back," I mumbled, gently trying to get her to let go of the tight grip she had around me. She was making it rather difficult to breathe and I very much wanted to avoid dying again, so soon after I finally managed to find my way back to the land of the living.
"Bonnie, why didn't you call us?" Elena asked.
"No," Caroline cut off any response, "not now, now we're going to celebrate, girl, I brought alcohol!"
That immediately warmed me up and I smiled at them, inviting them into my house. Alcohol was always good.
"So there was something I wanted to ask you."
I looked at Elena, smiling, relaxed, happy. The alcohol was a big reason for that, of course, but I also finally found myself at ease with my friends, I could stop thinking constantly about why they didn't fight to save my life and just enjoy their presence in my house, especially after they had filled me in on Elena's partial amnesia and her unwillingness to rekindle her relationship with Damon because of that. Suddenly I was having fun again. It was almost like old times. "What is it?"
"Damon."
My heart skipped a beat and I tensed, narrowing my eyes ever so slightly. Hearing Damon's name made me both incredibly defensive and unbelievably pissed off. "What about 'm?"
She took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a second. "Ever since I asked Rick to compel my memories of him away, he's been trying to get me back."
I fought back a growl and nodded. Actually, she had her memories compelled away long before Damon started trying, but I didn't want to start a fight, so I swallowed the snarky comeback. "Sounds like Damon. Go on." The jealousy left a bitter taste on my tongue. Of course Damon wanted her back, I had known that, it shouldn't even hurt me, but God, it did. I was so focused on not letting them see that, that I almost didn't see how Caroline made a weird face at Elena's words.
"And now I wanted to ask you what you think I should do with that. I told him I was going to trust your opinion about it, since you spent four months with him in… wherever you were."
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I couldn't believe she actually said that. And more than that, I couldn't believe she didn't even realize how hurtful her words were. She just sat there, looking at me, with her doe eyes and her innocent smile, a glass of liquor between her fingers, so graceful and so beautiful I could just punch her.
"So what do you think?" she asked, smiling at me, completely unaware of the fire that was raging through my body.
"I think you need to get the fuck out of my house," I finally snapped. "I can't believe you. Get out! And don't you fucking dare to come back, because your pathetic problems are about the least interesting thing I've heard in my entire life."
She looked startled and hesitantly bit her lower lip. "But…"
I reached for the magic inside of me and the next moment, I had her pinned against the wall without even touching her. I loved how powerful I was, I had almost forgotten how good it could feel to force people to listen to me. "Don't make me tell you again, Elena."
That was all she needed and she bolted out the door, quickly followed by a pale, shocked looking Caroline. I slowly let go of the anger and closed my eyes. Didn't need them. Didn't need them, didn't need them, didn't need them.
"Hey witchy, what are you doing?" He was standing in my bedroom door opening, grinning, looking at me with those piercing blue eyes.
I jumped up and clenched my fists. "I'm figuring out where I want to go to start over."
He raised one eyebrow. "You're leaving?"
"Yes," I said firmly. "There's nothing left for me here." That was clear to me now. None of them tried to find me, not even after everything I did for them, everything I sacrificed for them. None of them even apologized for not trying to find me and all Elena had wanted me back for, was to find out whether or not I thought Damon was worthy of her. I was done with all of them. I was done with just hanging around to fix their stupid problems. I wanted more. I deserved more.
"Not even… me?" The grin was back, he was so sure he had found my weak spot. During the months we spent together, I learned to appreciate Damon, I learned to appreciate his silly jokes and his annoying arrogance and his frustrating inability to be positive and his stupid, stupid grin, but right now, I wanted to forget about all of that.
I tilted my head for a second and then I walked up to him. I looked him in the eye, raised one hand and punched him in the face. Hard.
Although he saw it coming and he could easily have stopped me from hitting him, he just stood there and took it like a man, which took a part of my anger and frustration away. "Okay, I guess I deserved that," he admitted.
"Why didn't you come back for me?" I whispered, fighting back the tears. "I saved your life and I was left there all alone, with no one to save me. Why didn't you save me, Damon?"
The grin was long gone and his fingers closed around mine, pulling me closer to him. "BonBon, I tried everything I could, I swear to God. I read every book I could find, I begged witches to help me find you, I got your grimoire, but nothing worked. I know you went through hell and I am so, so sorry. I owed you more. I owed you everything. I wanted to save you more than I wanted Elena back, you were constantly on my mind."
"Elena said you've been trying non-stop to get her back," I grumbled.
"Then she's lying. I wanted to at first, because I thought I had lost you forever, but then I found your stupid teddy bear and all of a sudden, getting Elena back became so much less interesting than getting you back, witchy. We're a team, you and me."
I bit my lip, unwilling to believe him. "Really?" I asked, sounding almost childlike.
One tear made its way down my cheek and he caught it with his fingertips. "Really," he murmured. "I'm so sorry…"
He pulled me into his arms and gently started stroking my hair, while I finally let go of the tears I had been holding back for so long.
After about a decade of crying, I lifted my head and caught his eyes. "I never thought I'd say this, but I think that by now, you're probably the only person I can actually count on."
"I never thought I'd say this, but I'm glad I'm the one you're counting on," he murmured.
I didn't know how it happened, but one moment we were looking into each other's eyes and the next, he had me pressed against the wall of my bedroom, his lips hungrily on mine, my shirt torn apart somewhere on the floor.
"Damon," I gasped, "you shouldn't…"
He muffled the words with another kiss. "Do you realize," he mumbled, "how much fun we could have had," his lips were now in my neck, "doing this every fucking day while we were stuck together?"
"But then I wouldn't have been able to send you back," I managed to get out. "To Elena…"
His answer was fast and determined. "I would've gladly stayed with you forever, Bonnie Bennett."