Disclaimer: I am in no way under the impression that I am the owner of the persons I subject to living and enacting in my fanfictions. These rights belong to the rightful owner, whom I adore and whose wrath I fear. The same goes for any song/poem/(short) story I might use to give more life to one of my own creations.

A/N: This one drabble is set after episode 162 – "Forever with Lord Sesshoumaru" and obviously before Naraku-kun is destroyed.

All she could do…

84 - All she could do was stare at the one who'd given her life once more.

Only now, she wasn't admiring him. How could she possibly? His ever solemn face, sometimes with the littlest smiles and feelings close to caring just preserved for her, was now twisted – contorted in a mask of anger, hate… pain. The girl could recall a time before death had claimed her in which she'd seen it before, directed at her for disturbing the immobile daiyoukai as he was recovering from the fight with his accursed half-brother. And then again when those monks tried to purify her caretaker, but not this vitriolic. Rin had never seen her liege that munificent with his emotions. His feral growls ripped through the air, vibrating through her petty form, his frustration tangible. The rumbles of his chest moving closer to her as she watched her lord sink to the ground beneath them, following his every movements with sad eyes.

Sesshoumaru's claws dug the earth while his suppressed inner youkai screeched to be set free, to ruin the lands in chase of the one that clearly harbored a death wish. He could feel his body and mind slowly being taken over, his youki radiating out of him in waves, steadily growing and spilling in every direction. The corners of his eyes turned red, the gold still evident in them. The swirls of youki wafted the scent of fresh blood and death over him, bathing his body in the nauseating smell, hanging thick in the air and burning his lungs.

With his talons desperately gripping the soil to stay in control, however, Sesshoumaru knew it was a lost battle; he was slowly losing himself. Gritting his teeth in an attempt to refine oneself again, he turned his eyes to his human ward. In one millisecond he beheld the sickening image in front of him once more. There she laid on the ground, broken and bloodied. The scattered remains of Ah-Un who'd fruitlessly tried to fend off the enemy encircled her, and Jaken's beheaded body laid limp at her feet, the Staff of Two-Heads clutched tightly in his grasp, and the toad-imp's head was in a death grip, held close to Rin's chest. Her once unstained yukata, Sesshoumaru saw to it that she didn't roam the flower fields in dirty garments, now a dark-red from the absorbed blood. The mighty daiyoukai felt an overwhelming sadness and great amount of loss befall his icy heart. If he didn't know better he'd have said he felt his heart shatter, the icicles piercing his entrails.

Casting his gaze downwards again, his inner youkai now rampaged inside him, clawing fiercely for its release, lusting for a certain despicable half-breed's demise. The Lord of the Western Lands deeply regretted his last actions, and regret had not been a verb in his dictionary before he'd met Rin. Since their encounter he'd learned, a lot. Sesshoumaru winced, the hard truth visible only to him. It was his fault, he'd failed her… again. Had he not revived her with the hated heirloom of his father he'd scorned for so long, she wouldn't even lay there. Had he not let her follow him around, she wouldn't have been scarred by his minion's deaths. Had he not left her alone so much as an open target for his enemies, she wouldn't have gaping gashes at her sides nor would she have broken bones and a punctured lung. Had he not been so slow to react as he heard her blood-curling scream, she wouldn't have to face such an awful death again. Letting his emotions truly take over for the first time and thus setting his inner youkai, that would surely brutally butcher Naraku, free, the daiyoukai lost his composure.

She couldn't make herself fear him, she wasn't afraid as his muzzle showed and his mane began to dance on his youki or when his eyes began to glow a crimson red, the green slits a poison-green. The murderous intent in his scarlet eyes burned with hell's fire and his growls now more beast-like than ever before. Rin didn't know what would happen to her lord when she wasn't around anymore, she only knew that Naraku was one unlucky little bastard for hurting her, and that she couldn't be brought back to life again. It pained her, deeply, not to be able to swarm around the one she loves so dearly, not ever again being able to see her lord's lips turn skywards or the warmth in his eyes he futilely tried to deny. Rin wished she was able to cry, but every intake of breath hurt too much and soon she'd cease to do so, she could feel it. She wished she could cry to her pain, she wished she could mourn her friends' deaths, but most of all she wanted to cry for breaking her promise and leaving Sesshoumaru behind. Her vision blurred and she quickly looked for her caretaker, not wanting to miss him in her final moments. Watching him rise, she couldn't help but feel slightly relieved – her heart began to beat erratically and she gasped, the pain too much to bear.

Sesshoumaru let his gaze wander her way upon hearing her stifled, pained gasp. His eyes a smoldering golden for a split second, displaying everything he felt.

Rin swore she could have seen his eyes flash back to normal and letting her witness his inner turmoil. She felt bliss overcome her, a warm blanket engulfed her and she was content with her wonderings confirmed – he wouldn't forget her. Still regretting she'd leave him so soon, she forced her lips to part, tears finally finding their way out and she ordered her tongue to move. Willing the words out of her dry throat, she tasted the metallic blood, "R-Rin is… so-rry.." She heard him crack his talons and a soft whine escaped her lord's throat, and then he was off in a flash. The leaves still continued to rustle, but Sesshoumaru was nowhere in sight.

All she could do was stare, and now she hadn't even that much strength left…