A/N: No excuses but writer's block and a dying laptop and add that to internet issues. Here is something to tide you over until the next The fall/The mess we made update. Good news is i have 8 chapters written out and sending them to beta real soon.

So This Came About When Boredom struck. Its Just Something

Silence pre-mated from everywhere

Darkness engulfed me

The shadows embraced me like a long lost friend. Beckoning to me to join them. I ignored everything and focused on the reason I was here. The pain crippling me, making me fold in on myself to keep from falling apart. Though I relished in the pain and knew this is what I deserved, I wanted it gone. So here I am looking for an out but fate has other plans.

I watch in astonishment as the dark shadows move into the light, I watch in fear as they take on the faces of people I once knew. People I loved and cared for.

Mom

Dad

Haley

And Lucas?

They circle around me and I want so badly to reach out and touch them but it's the fear of the unknown that stops me. I look away from his face; the one I can't come to terms with. I sit rooted in place waiting, waiting for something to happen. The shadows speak to me

"The pain is not enough?" they hiss.

I shake my head unable to speak.

"You like the pain" they state in confusion.

I nod my head yes and no.

"Then why are you here?" they are curious.

I look around, where is here exactly I start to think.

"Your own personal hell" my unspoken though is answered.

I just want it to stop I think again.

"Would you rather feel your own pain or the pain of others?" they ask the final question.

Would I? Would I Want To Feel Pain At All

Before I have time to consider my answer the shadows converge on me and I'm drowning in darkness. A sudden light appears and I sit back and helplessly watch as one by one they all die. I watch the car crash that killed my parents but this time with me driving and the pain is real. I finally get to see the way Hayley died, choked to death and I mimic her movements fighting for my life. The most painful of all is watching him die again because I was there. I was the cause for it. I just as well pulled the trigger, once. Twice. Three times. Blood drips from my chest and I feel red hot searing pain but the screaming is what gets to me. Screaming and more screaming. I didn't realize it was me.

I'm being shaken roughly and repeatedly

"Peyton!"

"Peyton!"

"What's wrong?"

I Open my eyes and see waves of faces looking on in concern. It all comes rushing back; the shooting, the crying, the funeral, and now the pain.

"Are you okay?" someone ask me.

Am i? What Does being Okay Mean?

"I'm Fine" I lie.

"I thought you went catatonic when they brought his body out. You just went blank and then the screaming started" the person continued. But I'm hardly listening because it wasn't real. What happened wasn't real. None of it was. But the pain, the pain was real. I look around for a distraction and see another face. The face of the monster, the monster who caused all this pain.

I shake my head

"No No!" I say in denial

"It can't be"

Monsters aren't real

There must be some other explanation as to why I see myself staring back at me.