Thoughts IX: Beauty and Love
By Sailor Onyx Pluto
Senshi of light, goddess of love and beauty; add sexuality and fertility to that equation and you've got me, Sailor Venus. I know I'm beautiful, lustful, desirable, and just about every other word that's suppose to inspire love in the end, but it sure as hell doesn't work out that way. The time I'd spent in London was a prime example: I was in love with Alan and I thought he was in love with me, but no, that would've been ideal. He loved Katarina, which was why I faked my own death on my last night as Sailor V.
After moving to Tokyo, I focused my efforts on being a soldier and fighting for my Princess rather than worrying about my love life or lack thereof. However, after fighting for so long, I started to crave a relationship with someone who didn't see me as a goddess of sex and lust, but at a real woman who just wanted to be loved by another human being. I used to have that with Kunzite, but that was a long time ago and by the time I remembered it, he was already dead in this lifetime. So much for rekindling that millennium-old flame.
It probably wouldn't have mattered since he was already brainwashed by Queen Beryl and involved with Zoisite on top of that. Just the thought of it makes me punch the wall in anger while letting a stray tear escape my eye. How could he possibly love a man over me? I practically have men flocking to me, but when I finally realize the one I really want, it doesn't make a bit of difference.
Then the reality hits me like an arrow shot from Eros' bow: Mamoru still has the four stones that Kunzite and the other generals were transformed into when they all died. They protected him from death in this lifetime when he was stabbed with the Silver Crystal Sword. From what Usagi told all of us, he keeps them in his bedroom in a black velvet box on the nightstand. Always nearby if he needs them for any reason. Just like we Senshi are always there for our Princess.
A slow and somewhat devious smile comes to my lips as I start to conjure up a way to get my hands on Kunzite's stone. Either I can sneak into Mamoru's place while he's gone or get Usagi to go get it for me. Of course, there's always the risk that she could grab the wrong one and I could end up with Zoisite instead. I quickly shake that notion off, as she's not that much of a ditz anymore. Whatever I decide to do, I'm going to get him back into my life. I may be Sailor Venus, Senshi of love and beauty, but there's nothing that says that I can't be in love too. Of course, if it's with someone who already knows and will keep my secret, it's just an added bonus.