Author's Note
This is a tag to episode 12 in season 8 called Zugzwang in Criminal Minds to how I would have liked to see more of Reid's emotions. I love this episode and how they did it, I just love the extra emotions in everything, to know how they feel. So this is a one shot dedicated to hopefully doing that.
All rights go to the writers and creators of Criminal Minds, I'm just merely putting my own spin on things.
Oh, and second fanfic written! Yay! Hopefully I didn't do to badly.
"Zugzwang"-Death is all Consuming
"Noooo!" Spencer calls, with it echoing in everyone's ears as the gunshot goes.
Boom
Diane and Maeve, both on the ground, bleeding, and dead.
Emotions, swirling emotions fill the very core of Spencer's existence as he collapses to his knees by the scene.
No one can talk, or they just don't know what to say. Sure they know what to do, if this was a normal case, but it's not. This was a girl who Reid loved. A girl who was perfect to him in every single way, and she was dead.
Spencer can't think, can't breathe, can't do anything but stare at her lifeless body and cry. The first time he got to see her and she had been killed.
Boom boom, boom boom, boom boom goes his heartbeat. It's all he can hear, other than the ringing in his ears.
Through his crying, a faint no is said, and again, and again. Reid, he, he cannot do anything but feel. Feel all of the emotions. The hatred, the guilt, and the all consuming sadness.
Hotch, being the unit chief and knowing that something had to be done, radioed to the police officers at the bottom of the building.
"Both the suspect and victim are dead. Get an ambulance here, there's an agent with a gun shot wound to the arm."
"On it, sending required assistance."
JJ, not knowing what else to do, goes to Reid.
"Spence." she says softly. "Spence?"
No answer
Reid can just barely hear his name being said through the ringing in his ears and heartbeat rushing through his body. On his knees still, with Maeve's blood inching ever so slightly towards him, he doesn't know what to do.
"Reid?" Says Morgan now, taking a step towards him.
Again, Reid can only hear the faint muffle of their voices through his own heartbeat and ringing in his ears.
He can't move.
He can't speak.
He can't do anything but feel.
JJ kneels next to him, putting her hand on his shoulder. "Spence, we need to move. You need to stand."
Reid doesn't register any of this. He can't. Not right now. He's not crying anymore, only staring at her body. Her lifeless body that's still bleeding. Everything he hears is muffled, everything but the sound of his heartbeat that makes it impossible to think.
JJ tries again, "Spence, come on. We need to move you, you need to stand for me. You need to hear me." She tries to grab his attention by shaking his shoulder slightly, the one that isn't connected to the arm with a bullet wound in it that she knows needs to be tended to.
Spencer only sways with the movement. Sways with no other signs of him being connected to reality.
"He's in shock." Says Morgan.
"Yea, definitely. We need those paramedics." Says Blake.
JJ, now starting to tear up from the scene before her, shakes him a little more. "Spencer please, come on you have to do something, say something. Anything." She says becoming more upset with every action. Morgan reaches for JJ to try and remove her from Spencer, since this isn't working and won't work.
"Jayje, come on. It's not helping" he says. She gets up, and backs away with Morgan, walking towards the team.
Spencer just kneels there, staring with silent tears rolling down his face. How could this….. how could this happen? What did I do to make this happen? WHY? WHY HER? I…..I... I can't, I don't k know how to fix this. I can't fix this. What do I do? What can I do Maeve? I never go to… I never got to hold you. These thoughts start consuming him as the paramedics run up to the room, seeing the scene before them.
As Reid starts to hyperventilate, the paramedics quickly try to calm him, but he won't budge. He won't turn away from the scene, he can't. They know there's a gunshot wound that needs treating and that they have a man who has witnessed a tragic incident and gone through a great trauma, beginning to face the affects of these events.
"Can we get some help?" calls one of the paramedics to the team.
Morgan and Hotch go over to help tear Reid from the scene.
"No! No, I can't leave her! I can't leave! No! Maeve, I can't!" cries a struggling Reid, breathing with increased trouble.
"Reid! You have to relax! Breathe. Calm down, you have to lay down." Says Morgan, trying to soothe his friend who is going through an experience he would wish on no one.
Reid, knowing that he is right, and that he cannot over power Morgan or Hotch, let alone them combined, complies. A paramedic puts an oxygen mask on his face to help him calm down. Another one comes up the stairs with a stretcher. The other paramedic must have radioed explaining the situation. They are able to get Reid onto the stretcher and the paramedics take him down the stairs.
Tears swell Reid's eyes, because now, even if he is not directly looking at her, his eidetic memory recalls Maeve's death over and over again. If he had not been wearing that oxygen mask he would have passed out from the pain and suffering.
The team, still in the room, has only half processed the situation. They know what they should do, but they don't how if they can do it. Hotch radios down, saying that he needs crime scene cleanup to the police officer in charge. "JJ, you should go with Reid. He needs someone, even if he doesn't know it yet. He can't process this alone and I know he will try to." Says Hotch.
"Ya, ya, that's, um, I'll go do that." Replies JJ.
And with that, there still lie Diane and Maeve, with their blood in a puddle with drops of Reid's own blood here and there. With the way this all went down, the blood curdling scream, the blood, and the tears, no one is sure of anything more than that Reid will need a lot of help and time to get over this one.