Feeling your soulmate's emotions is always trying, whether they're happy, sad or unfeeling at all. Kara always gets frustrated with her soulmate's emotions – they radiate from her wrists and sometimes, when they're angry, it's hard for Kara to control her strength. It's an adrenaline rush, almost, when they get angry. Excited is much easier to deal with, it just adds to her usual buzz, as Alex likes to call it.
But Kara still finds it annoying. Frustrating. Invasive. These are not her emotions and they should not be anywhere near her.
Jeremiah explained it like this: her soulmate is the most biologically compatible being on Earth to be her mate and is Earth's equivalent to the Codex, when it picks and matches Kryptonians- when it picked and matched Kryptonians. Kara still doesn't like it. Kryptonians are taught to shield their mind past all their natural protections and Kara was always top of her class, shielding being the least of her problems. There is no way to shield your soulmate. Trust her, she'd tried.
"Oh, she's pissed," she hears Winn mutter, "Alarm probably didn't go off on time. Wish I could make her feel better." He flinches and at the twist in his wrists, Kara guesses his soulmate doesn't appreciate his pity. Looking at her own wrists, which radiate a prickling of worry, Kara practices feeling calm. Don't worry about me, she thinks in their direction. Kara doesn't want them – however, she knows that the only way that worry will go away is if she stops feeling so focused on being angry. Kara sometimes thinks that it's almost too easy how they understand each other through the bond – Winn and his own soulmate are a prime example on how humans misinterpret their significant other's reactions to their current state.
Not to mention how Alex doesn't even seem to have a soulbond sometimes. According to her sister, Alex's soulmate is unorthodoxly closed off from her. Only when Alex has big, big moments – usually when concerning Kara and her safety – does her soulmate seem to react appropriately, either calm, angry or confused.
"Keira!"
Kara stands, pushing the thought of soulmates away as she comes around her desk to slip into Cat's office. "Yes, Ms Grant?"
Cat is sitting at her desk as per usual, sipping her iced tea, sunglasses pushed up on top of her head. She taps a folder on her desk before making a 'come hither' gesture.
"Would you like to know what I found today?"
"What did you find?" Kara questions nervously, rubbing her wrists even as amusement curls up through her veins, the foreign source causing her annoyance to rise up to equal the level of nervousness.
"It's an old story. Lois Lane covered it before I could, unfortunately, however I was rereading the article page I shoved in there. Poachers from Metropolis holidaying in a little town by the name of Midvale – sound familiar?"
Kara's eyes widen, her heart pulsing in her ears as fear shoots through her heart. What did she find? A trickle of worry filters through the amusement in her wrists.
"Uh- Midvale, uh, yeah, yes, of course. I grew up there."
"I'm aware," Cat lifts the newspaper, but she looks slightly distracted and without the sunglasses hiding her eyes – even though it didn't technically matter – Kara can see her eyes flicker to her own wrists. "The paper I picked up with her story in it wasn't the Daily Planet, though. I took it from a police station, actually, in Midvale itself, when picking up Carter – his nanny had gotten into a car crash and nearly died a few days prior. Carter's father was being an ass. A little girl saved them. Do you know where this is going now, Kara?"
And Kara does, all of a sudden, feeling a great rush of relief, embarrassment and shame. Alex in a cast flashes before her eyes and she swallows, remembering vividly how her sister had sat in hospital getting it x-rayed, stitched and held in place while she cried into Jeremiah's jacket. My fault.
"Your name is given, in the article…are you quite alright, Keira?"
Kara snaps back into focus, meeting Cat's gaze. She rubs her arm, the worry from Cat as palpable as the worry rushing through her wrists.
"My sister got hit by the door, when the car exploded. If I had told her to stay back while- while I was helping, she wouldn't have gotten hurt."
Cat purses her lips together and if Kara hadn't thought better of it, she would have sworn her wrists were matching Cat right now, spot of guilt and minor feeling of low-hearted fear encircling her limbs.
"Did she get admitted into hospital?"
"Her arm was damaged. Stuff happened. She can fire a gun legally though now, at work, so I guess nothing really went wrong with anything."
A spike of amusement. "Indeed. Well, in any case, thank-you for what you did when you were a child." Cat takes the folder, sticking it in one of her drawers. "Now, back to work, unless you have anything else to add."
Kara hesitates only for a brief moment before shaking her head, twisting and walking back towards her desk. Chancing a glance, Kara briefly wonders, then shakes her head, glaring briefly at her wrists, which pulse in sedate happiness.
There's no way that Cat Grant is my soulmate, anyway.
It's a freak accident. Kara finds an alien bar deep in the city, one that's just starting out and she gets completely smashed – which is when, of course, a Daxammite leans against the bar beside her and tugs her plait, flirting with horrible, sexist words. Kara immediately punches him in the face, breaking his pretty little nose as she glares, skin around her eyes beginning to go red as her eyes heat up. The Daxammite immediately hisses out Kryptonian as if it's a curse and even drunk, Kara recognises the torn badge on his lapel, declaring him a member of the Daxam Royal Family.
Therefore: there's a Daxammite in front of her.
They spit toxic words and only toxic words for what seems like an hour but is only apparently fifty seconds, Kara's eyes red the entire time. She doesn't think about it much until she punches him with super-strength, knocking him out cold just as she starts to feel a sudden drain. The pain from it causes her to let out a whine, red disappearing as she wobbles and sways, falling back into M'gann's arms as she starts crying.
What the hell? She hears in her head, so very familiar – Cat! she replies in her head, as if she's right there to say hello to – as M'gann sets her on the floor, slapping her face lightly.
"Kara? Kara, what's wrong?"
Kara is like a yo-yo, bouncing back between hurt and happy, giggling as Cat's voice fills her head again. What is happening? Why does my apartment suddenly smell like a bar? M'gann's poke to her shoulder causes a ripple of pain, reminding Kara of the loss she feels, a burning in her eyes as she whimpers.
"I want Alex," she says, almost choking on her own words.
"Kara, I don't know who Alex is-"
Kara? Cat sounds incredulous. Kara, is that you?
Kara brightens, looking at M'gann. "Cat's in my head! I can hear her! You're a Martian – can you hear her too?"
Martian? Kara, where are you? I'm coming to pick you up.
M'gann looks at her in confusion, "No, I can't hear her."
Kara smiles brightly, rubbing her eyes under her glasses. "She's coming to get me, she says. I've got to tell her where we are though."
M'gann immediately protests. "No, don't do that."
Kara's heart drops. "But why? Cat's amazing. So's Carter – Carter's her son. I saved his life when I was a kid," she leans in, as if telling a secret. "I used super-speed to get to the car and super-strength to get the door off. I saved him and his nanny. He was only a baby, he was so cute, you should have seen him." Kara leans against M'gann slightly, sighing and thinking to Cat. I'm at an alien bar. We're having fun. I'm on the floor. A stupid Daxammite was being really rude. She looks to the unconscious Daxammite at that, glaring. I hate him.
That sounds wonderful, Kara, but you haven't exactly told me where this bar is. In her minds eye, Kara can see Cat grabbing a coat and a set of keys, pale golden skin glowing slightly under yellow lightbulbs. Distinct worry flows through her wrists and Kara looks to M'gann.
"Can I go outside? I think she'll be able to see where I am when we're at the road. Everything's funny."
M'gann looks at her worriedly, but nods, standing her up on shaky feet. Kara giggles a little at her funny balance, walking towards the door, banging into the frame as she does. To her own surprise, it doesn't break on impact and instead, she's the one feeling it. Gasping, Kara hits her hand off the doorframe, revelling at the experience of proper pain.
"I'm not invulnerable! Oh Rao, I haven't been like this since I was last on Krypton! M'gann, look! I'm not breaking everything!" Kara exclaims, looking to the bartender, who stares in a mixture of shock and surprise.
Kara. Tell. Me. Where. You. Are. Cat demands suddenly. Kara blinks. "Sorry Cat." Twisting back to the door, she walks out, stumbling a little and even falling to the ground before she gets up again, fumbling for her phone. Taking it out, she finds her way to google maps. I'm waiting, Kara.
Kara reads out the address precisely aloud, saying it in her head to Cat as well, humming happily when Cat thinks finally.
"Are you sure you're okay?" M'gann questions as Kara sits on the sidewalk a way out from the bar entrance. Kara looks back to the Martian.
"Yeah. Cat's coming."
"Are you sure?"
Kara looks to her phone as it receives a text-message from Cat, confirming her location more concretely. Replying, Kara nods vacantly for M'gann, before turning her attention to her wrists, which are filled with exasperation, sadness, confusion, anger and flummox.
My soulmate's feeling weird, she informs her boss, her wrists taking a sharp turn into surprise and self-consciousness. Tracing her veins, she continues. What do you think they're doing, Ms Grant?
I…Cat starts, breathing almost audible in Kara's ear, except it's not – it's in her head. I think your soulmate is in a car. I think she's confused.
Kara smiles brightly at her comment. You're right! She is confused! You're really good at this, Ms Grant! Happiness, startled wonder.
I'm ten minutes away. With this traffic, I can push it to five, if I break a few traffic regulations.
Kara frowns. You really shouldn't break the law, Ms Grant, it's not very nice.
Not very nice? Cat's laugh echoes through her head, wrists warming with nice, light happy. You are one of a kind, Kara. So special.
Remembering their very first conversation, Kara giggles, shaking her head. No, no, I'm not special, remember – not worthwhile.
Yet.
Yet, Kara repeats, looking up to the night sky, frowning slightly at the orange glow she could usually see through. Cat?
Yes, Kara?
I think I've lost my powers. Emotions kind of pause, briefly, in her wrists, before a truck-load rush through, a swear coming from Cat as Kara picks up a nearby rock, squeezing it to dust with zero success.
Don't swear. What if you accidentally do it in front of Carter?
Don't tell me how to raise my son. I'm going to be there quicker. Be ready to jump in the car. What powers do you think you've lost, then?
Kara wrinkles her nose, standing after a little wobble, feeling an odd sensation in her stomach. Invulnerability, super-senses, super-strength…she tries to run and jump to fly and while she knows it's been years, she can't feel the potential – she just feels like a body, a stringy piece of flesh. Flight and super-speed. Probably freeze-breath and solar flare too. I don't want to do solar flare again.
Don't do it, Cat orders, Kara rubbing her wrists in annoyance at the emotions radiating from them. What has you so angry now?
Soulmate, Kara replies shortly. We don't have them on Krypton. I didn't understand, when I came here – it's not right. Not even my mind shields could stop them from coming through. She feels them become angry and hurt but she doesn't really care right now. I don't want a soulmate.
…really? You don't think about what they want?
I don't care. Kara glares at the ground her feet are standing on, wrapping her arms around herself. There's a difference.
What if I was your soulmate?
Well, that's obviously different, too, Kara kicks a cigarette stub, frowning. If you were my soulmate, I suppose I wouldn't mind. You're nice and I know you. You understand me. If I knew your emotions, then I'd know what coffee to get, too.
What coffee- oh, Kara. A car turns a corner, silver and sleek, driving down the road to stop in front of her. Cat peers at her, motioning for her to open the door and come in. Kara does, buckling in with only a few seconds pause.
"We're taking the day off tomorrow," Cat says to her, "Until you get your powers back."
And all of a sudden, Kara becomes acutely aware of what she's said to Cat, flushing and shrinking into the seat as Cat pulls away from the kerb. Half-formed sentences in her head make their way to Cat before she sends her a withering glare, shush quieting her.
The drive to Cat's apartment is quiet and the sounds of the city are surprisingly calming to Kara, now she can't hear every tiny little detail. This is what Alex means. She thinks of Midvale and the continual ocean tide and the birds, the sound of the house creaking around them in the wind. This – the hum and all its tiny zooms and the lights, oh the lights, Kara can see its beauty now – this is why Alex loves living her.
It reminds her of Argo City.
"When you're sober, I doubt you'll not realise, but in case you don't, I figured it out – we're soulmates, Kara, as unfortunate as you might believe that to be." Cat says. "At least it explains your silence. Krypton exploded years ago. I've heard Superman's testimony. Unless your people age oddly, then you must have been trapped, somehow."
"I was," Kara whispers.
Out the window, the city rolls on by.