Archive: Dolphin Haven.
Feedback: For this? "I'm not worthy!"
Author's notes: Okay, this is Märrie's fault. Damn her visual plotbunny even though the lyrics quoted with it is more to blame for this...and I am deliberately stealing from Fish's lyrics in this one (with a few alterations...)...not only from the song the title's stolen from.Anyhow, on with the show. Okay, okay. I should be ashamed of myself for posting this because quite frankly it sucks.
Where did everything go so wrong? A darn good question that and one he had no good answer too and if he was brutally honest with himself he wasn't so sure he wanted one. He was too afraid it would come down to his own failures. Or was it just not meant to be?
"We were so happy once" he thought to himself "or am I just fooling myself?"
Upon reflecting on it some more he knew that he hadn't been as brutually honest with himself that he had wanted to. He knew where he had gone wrong and brutally so. He had just been an asshole that couldn't think straight and that couldn't take care of something precious even if his life depended on it.
"It's not like I can blame anyone but myself either, is there? No, you brought this on yourself so stop wallowing in selfmisery and could-have-beens and get on with your life."
As usual when he's feeling that way, that annoying little voice in the back of his head feels the need to interfere. "What life, Logan? Aren't you giving yourself way too much credit here? You had no life before her and you know it. You just existed and nothing more."
A conscience can be a bitch to live with, especially when you know it's speaking the truth. And as always when that part of him made itself known, he couldn't help asking questions. Questions that he didn't expect anyone to ever answer but that he couldn't help asking nonetheless.
Is it too late to say I'm sorry?
Do you remember barefoot on the lawn with shooting stars?
Do you remember loving on the floor in the boathouse?
Do you remember you never understood I had to go?
"What's wrong with me? Of course she remembers all of that! It's not like she will forgive what I did, no matter how many good times we had before that. Simple as that."
Logan was too immersed in his own thoughts and feelings of regrets he didn't much notice where he was going and before he knew it he had ended up in a park he knew all too well. A park he and Marie had visited whenever they had had the chance to, back in happier times. "Am I such a sucker for punishment I had to get my sorry ass down here?"
His enhanced senses picks up the scents all around him, the scents that now always reminds him of Marie. It's almost as if the scents of the water sprinkling the lawn, the newly mowed grass and the scent of trees, leaves and what not is just there to taunt him. Not to mention the laughter and the singing of children having a good time. It's like they were singing the lovesong he would have written if he had the words for that kind of thing. No matter if the words are fitting or not, that's what it feels like in his current state of mind.
Lavenders blue, dilly dilly, lavenders green.
When I am King, dilly dilly, you will be Queen.
A penny for your thoughts my dear,
A penny for your thoughts my dear,
I.O.U. for your love, I.O.U. for your love.
The most fitting about the song is probably the colours he thinks. The way she could look stunning in whatever she felt like dressing in. Blue, green, yellow, red, whatever. Not like her two friends that he more often than not pictured in blue and yellow respectively. They too, of course, wanted nothing to do with him anymore despite that they had been pretty close as well.
"I really am a glutton for punishment" he thinks and remembers the message he almost got around to record on Marie's answering machine. He still had it memorized even after all these months.
"Marie, I just wanted to say I'm sorry but I'm too scared to pick up the phone to find out that you've found another lover to patch up our broken home. I'm still trying to write that lovesong, it's more important to me now that you're gone. Maybe it'll prove that we were right or it we'll prove that I was wrong".
He knows perfectly well why he never wrote that song, even if he had been a songwriter. Because it would prove that he had been wrong. So very wrong.