Title: the girl who terrifies you
Pairing(s): Zutara. Mentions of Sukka, Kataang
Rating: T
Author's Notes: Its sort of a companion to The End of a Dream. It took me longer than a month to finish this and now I'm too lazy to edit this story because my mind is filled with another story. I apologize if this fic is sorta shitty
Disclaimer: I don't own Avatar: the Last Airbender
She won't break you like those other girls will
That's exactly why you're terrified of her
She can make you happy
And you know being happy is the most terrifying thing in the world
Once you've happy
It can be taken from you
Zuko knew the moment they set out for the Southern Raiders it meant trouble. His relationship with Katara would change. He knew the moment he asked Sokka about their mother. Even if Katara had killed Yon Rha, he wouldn't judge her because she needed the closure. She had that bitterness in her.
It doesn't suit her, Zuko realized. A girl like her shouldn't have that bitterness in her. That was when he decided to help her - he owed her that much after what had happened in Ba Seng Se.
"Zuko."
He turned to the person who called his name and the person knocked him out of his breath. Literally.
Katara rushed towards him and kissed him, leaving him stupefied. He stared at her, lips unmoving against her and slowly he closed his eyes. He deepen the kiss and felt himself being pushed to his sleeping mat. Their teeth gnashing.
A sharp gasp escape from her lips as his teeth scrape along the length of her neck before placing a kiss on the base of her neck. Her fingers tangled in his ebony tresses. He stared into her azure eyes.
She was drowning him. He gave in to her as she embraced him, bringing him deeper into the bottomless pit of the ocean. She was like a siren.
And he was always sinking, down, down, down.
He let her use him for his own selfish reason for wanting her. She was his marionette and he was her puppet.
They understood each other. He had seen her dark and she had seen his light. They balanced each other. He knew her better than anyone. She entrusted her secrets and he entrusted his.
"I'm sorry for using you," he heard her apologizing against his chest. She was sincere.
He opened his eyes and stopped caressing her side. After a beat he continued. "Am not complaining," he heard himself saying, absent mindly. "I'm using you too."
Katara lifted her head to look at him. Her face twisted in anger but her eyes betrayed their playfulness. "Oh? Is that supposed to make me feel better?"
His lips twitched into a smile slightly. "In a way. You wouldn't seek for me in the middle of the night like this. I know you," he answered truthfully, gazing at her. His heart constricted as he saw an emotion flashed in her azure eyes. "Besides I still am a banished prince with his honour stripped from him. I'm probably worse than my father. And you, Katara, are too pure for me. Maybe it's my destiny to meet you."
She giggled, leaning against him once again. "You're such a sap, Zuko."
"I blame Uncle." He really does.
Katara hummed before she resumed their previous conversation. "You're not like your father, Zuko. You're a better man than him and you do have your honour with you from the start. No one could ever take that from you."
He sighed. "And here I thought that I'm supposed to make you better."
Her laugh sounded like wind chimes to his ears. "You need to work more with that," she commented, straddling him, eyes shining with mischief. "You did say that you're bad at being good. I could teach you if you want."
"Well then, Sifu Katara. Teach me."
And he was falling.
Zuko wasn't surprised that their relationship remained as a secret. None of his friends knew that he was her distraction. None of them noticed how his eyes would soften whenever he looked at her. None of them knew that his heart skipped a beat whenever her hand brushed against his.
He shook his head. You're here to help the Avatar to restore balance not romancing with the Water Tribe girl, he reminded himself.
He shouldn't bother himself with these kinds of things. It only serves as a distraction. He was only there to teach the Avatar firebending and free the nation from his father's reign. That was it. Period.
Then why did you bother yourself with her?
Because - because he wants to know what love is. He wants to know how does being loved felt like. He wants to experience it. It was foreign to him.
He craved for it.
But at the same time he doesn't want to experience love.
Zuko wasn't blind. He had seen the way Iroh had looked at the pictures of his wife and his son, Lu Ten. The longing in his eyes.
That look in his eyes haunted him.
It was the same look Sokka had when he told him about Yue, the Northern Water Tribe princess that he had fallen for.
It seemed ridiculous that someone younger than him had that look. It made Sokka look older.
But Sokka still have feelings for the Water Tribe Princess despite loving Suki. Zuko had no doubt that he loves her equally – if not, more. He wouldn't want to lose someone he cared deeply for – again. Sokka would do anything to keep her safe even though she was capable of keeping herself safe.
And Zuko would do anything to keep her safe from his father, his sister – and him.
"Is this the part where tear your clothes off to bind my wounds?" she asked hazily, her eyes were heavy lidded, fighting to stay conscious.
He pressed his lips into a thin line, suppressing a laugh. His face felt hot all of the sudden. "If you wanted me to take my clothes off, you should have said so," Zuko answered as he cleaned the wound.
Not far away from them, Toph exclaimed, her arms in the air. "Oma save us all! Even when you're horribly wounded you still manage to flirt!"
Suki muffled a laugh and continued making their dinner. Toph was gagging at the sidelines. Sokka glared daggers at him but nonetheless, Zuko remained at her side cleaning and binding the wound with Aang hovering over them trying to help every now and then. He was worried,Zuko can see that and he wasn't stupid not to ignore the Avatar's feelings for her.
It pained him for some reason.
Oh, Zuzu. Did you really think you'll be happy with her? Azula's voice rang in his mind, mocking him. It's only the matter of time until she gets hurt like Uncle. She will abandon you like Mother abandoned you.
And Zuko would close his eyes, shutting everything from his mind and meditate. Ever hoping that she would remain by his side.
"Zuko, I think it's best if we stop," was the first thing she said when they were alone. "We both know that they won't accept me. We should just face reality."
He closed their distance and cupped her face in his hands, turning her gaze to him. "They can accept you," he reasoned. "We can make it happen. Believe me as I believe you."
She stepped away from him, his heart tugging. He watched as her expression turned indifference. "What happened between us was just a dream. We wanted to escape from reality and we were desperate for love in this world full of hate."
He pressed his lips into a thin line and narrowed his eyes, looking into those beautiful azure eyes that he learned to love. "Are you saying that what we had meant nothing to you?"
She locked her eyes with his. "Yes."
He felt hollow. His chest was hurting but it wasn't because of the lighting wound. It was something else.
"I see. Forgive me for thinking that the sun and moon could share the sky." His voice sounded hollow in his ears as he spoke. His words were cryptic, it almost doesn't make sense to him like when his uncle spouted advice.
Without giving a chance for Katara to speak, he turned around and walked out of the room, swiftly. He needed to get out of there fast. Slamming the door was a dramatic move in his part but none of it registered in his mind until he saw a certain blind earthbender.
Zuko noticed Toph curled into a ball near the room that he had just exited. He approached her, his steps were careful and sat beside her silently. His removed his robes, leaving him with a simple tunic he wore underneath and placed it beside him, probably crumpling it but he didn't give a damn at the moment.
"You heard, didn't you?"
Toph nodded. "She was lying when she said it was nothing," she offered. "Did you regret it? What happened between you and Katara, I meant."
"I don't," he replied, pulling out the crown and holding it in his hands. He felt like himself for the first time that day without all those ceremonial clothes and the crown. "If I was given the chance, I would do it again in a heartbeat." Silence. "How did you find out about us?"
The earthbender grinned. "I'm awesome that way. Also I have keen ears, some places echoes you know and the vibrations was kinda hard to miss." Her grin faltered and she frowned, her head tilted to the side slightly as if she was listening to something. "But it hurts doesn't it? It makes you so vulnerable and you could feel your own heart shattering." Her pale green eyes turned to face him. "Because that's what I heard just now. It makes me wonder why we have these feelings."
"If anything its terrifying, really," Zuko started, raking his hair with his free hand. "I don't know how to explain this but Uncle told me once that it is better to loved and lost than never to love at all."
She scrunched her nose. "That's stupid. It's better to never love."
Zuko shrugged. "Most of my family probably never felt what love was before and look at what happened to them. I think I agree with Uncle," he said sadly. He raised his hand to touched the lightning scar on his chest, hidden beneath his clothes. "I love Katara. I'll probably always love her."
Toph faced ahead and leaned her head against the wall, laughing humourlessly as she gazed at something that only she could see. "Ironic, really. The Avatar who was supposed to keep the balance of the world and without knowing, he tipped the scales."
"Avatar or not, it doesn't matter," Zuko reasoned. "As long as he can keep her safe, it doesn't matter." I don't want to have the same look Uncle has. "Agni, I need a drink."
Toph placed a firm punch on his arm. "Honestly, both of you are idiots."