(This is set a few months after the war with Gaea)
As much as Percy loved time with Annabeth, these days it felt like there was always a ghost between them, a ghost that wouldn't go away until they spoke about it. Some days, like this one, they hardly spoke at all. Annabeth just rested her head on his chest, and she read or looked at Daedalus's laptop, and Percy played with her hair or listened to music. Today it was the former for both of them, and the usual silence hung over them. Percy had something he had been hiding for a while, but he wouldn't tell Annabeth because he knew she would look at him differently. The only person who knew was Nico, and only because Nico had caught Percy in the act. Percy was full of anger and grief, and he found a dangerous way to channel it. He had started using blood-bending against many of the monsters who had escaped Tartarus before the Doors were closed. Percy made them scream in agony, begging for mercy, all without using Riptide, before finally killing them. He let his anger out through this, but unfortunately, the despair still churned inside him, contributing to his hatred.
Percy didn't let a single bit of his worrisome thoughts show on his face, in case Annabeth decided to look up from her book. To distract himself, he played with the water in the glass on his nightstand. He would've tried to read over Annabeth's shoulder if it wouldn't be murder on his dyslexic mind. "Do you think Harry had PTSD after his war?"
Percy was so surprised by the question he nearly knocked Annabeth off him. "Harry Potter?" He felt Annabeth's head nod against his chest without looking. At Annabeth's demand- although she preferred the word request- he had listed to the Harry Potter audiobooks and watched the movies. "Probably. He watched his friends and family die. He had to sacrifice himself. He killed someone." Percy didn't answer the question Annabeth was really asking, mostly because every time he thought about it, he thought of the look in her eyes when he tortured Akhyls.
Annabeth sighed, neither of them entirely wanting to broach what they had avoided for months, even though she knew it was destroying both of them. "Do you think Harry would talk about his nightmares with Ginny?" On more than one occasion one of them had woken the other up from a nightmare with an excuse, neither of them admitting the truth.
"I don't know. Do you think that if Harry shared his nightmares, it would make them go away?" Annabeth felt Percy's shrug as he replied, although she could hear the sadness inflected in his voice that he tried to disguise.
Annabeth had put her book down on her stomach, "I don't think it would make them go away. I think if Harry and Ginny shared their nightmares with each other, knowing that the other understands, would help them confront the nightmares and make them easier to bear."
Percy longed to stay silent, but he knew that wasn't healthy for him. When he let his grief, despair, and insecurities stay pent up inside, over time they turned into the anger that longed for control. "What if Ginny's nightmares were about Harry?"
Annabeth turned her head to look up at him. "Well, why would Ginny's nightmares be about Harry?"
Percy shrugged again, but he looked into her eyes and found the strength to answer the question. "Harry cast some unforgivable curses, and Harry has done some things he regrets. What if, on some level, Harry blames himself for the deaths of everyone who gave their lives because they put their faith in Harry, like B-" Percy stopped himself before telling his truth, "like Dobby?"
Annabeth looked up at Percy with a quiet courage in her eyes that drowned in grief. "Dobby gave his life for more than just Harry. Dobby died saving Harry's friends too. By that logic, you're blaming Harry and his friend for Dobby's death, instead of Bellatrix."
"Dobby showed up in the first place because Harry was in trouble. What if Harry knows it was all his fault? What if everything was Harry's fault? Without Harry's blood, Voldemort wouldn't have risen again, at least not for a while, and Cedric certainly would have lived. What if all this means Harry isn't good enough for Ginny? Ginny's innocent. She never hurt anyone that didn't deserve it. Harry used the Cruciatus curse on that Carrow guy and- and he might have enjoyed it. Just because the guy said something to McGonagall that Harry didn't like. What if that makes Harry as twisted as any Death Eater? Wouldn't thst give Ginny nightmares?"
"I think if Ginny felt scared because of that, it wouldn't be that she was scared of Harry."
"Really?"
"I think she would be scared for him. I believe that it might have reminded Ginny of Peter Pettigrew. A boy who betrayed his friends out of fear and anger, because he let it control him and because of that Voldemort manipulated Peter. I think Ginny would be terrified of the same thing happening to Harry."
"Would Ginny still be unafraid of Harry, even when all the Death Eaters were? Even if Harry hunted down the last Death Eaters as an Auror in unorthodox ways?"
"How unorthodox are we talking?" Annabeth's eyebrows raised, exactly what Percy was afraid of.
Percy struggled to keep his voice calm, and it cracked a little as he spoke. "Unorthodox enough that someone else who would understand what Harry is going through considers it unnatural and tells Harry he needs to stop before it consumes him,"
Annabeth seemed to understand and spoke without a metaphor or any defenses this time. "Percy, you can talk to me. I know we've been avoiding certain topics, but if you're in danger, I don't care if it's difficult. I'm going to do my best to help you work through it. As long as we're being honest, I've talked to Nico too, but he had a different experience in Tartarus. He went through it alone, and it didn't affect him in the same ways. It made him quieter and depressed, but you- Tartarus ignited something in you."
Percy spoke so quietly that Annabeth subconsciously held her breath to listen. "I'm scared." He let his words hang in the air, not bothering to elaborate. He didn't need to. Annabeth would take it to her grave if it were anyone else, but she knew exactly how he felt. She was scared of losing Percy the same way she lost Luke. And lose a love to worse than death. She was scared that she and Percy would avoid the ghost for so long they became ghosts themselves. She was scared of so much, so much that she didn't want to tell anyone. But this wasn't just anyone. This was her Seaweed Brain. He once told her his one weakness, when he still had the Achilles curse, because he knew he could trust her, and he wanted to trust her with that burden. Now they were so afraid to lose each other they weren't as honest as they should be, as they used to be. Annabeth let her pride get in the way, and Percy let his fear keep him from telling Annabeth the truth. Neither of them wanted to add to the other's burden, so they let their fatal flaws change the nature of their relationship for worse. The time had come to fix it.
"Me too," An unspoken agreement passed between them, an agreement that they would try harder to be honest with each other, that they wouldn't hide behind anything else, especially fear.
"Tell me about your nightmares, Wise Girl," Percy needed to know if he was the monster she dreamt about. If every time he woke her up because she had a bad dream, if she woke up to the beast that had caused them.
"I have different dreams. In some dreams, it's like when the arai attacked, and I can't see you, and I feel like you've left me. You always promise me we'll never be separated again and then you abandon me. I keep looking for you, but you're not there, and it scares me half to death. Other times I dream about Arachne. That she's crawled her way out of Tartarus after reforming, and she finds me. I can't outsmart her and she overpowers me, and I can't call out for help. You always wake me up before I die, though." Percy clutched tightly to Annabeth as if he was trying to shield her from her own mind.
"Do you ever dream about me being a monster?"
Annabeth hesitated before speaking again. "Truthfully? Yes. I dream that you get so angry at the gods, because of what they've done, what they've always done. I dream that you take on Olympus and vow to tear it down brick by brick, and I can't stop you. I dream that you rally so many people to your cause, and it looks like you might actually win because your heart is filled will anger, and your mind is filled with darkness. Percy, you're always joking, sometimes I wonder if it's actually a joke or if you really think that negatively about your life. I love you, Seaweed Brain, and I can't let you go down this path. With the way you act, especially recently, I worry that my nightmares aren't just my subconscious, they're the omens we all dream about before something terrible happens."
Annabeth had begun crying silent tears as she curled up to Percy's chest, listening to his heartbeat and feeling his chest rise and fall with each breath. His fingers still absentmindedly combed through her curls lovingly, and his other hand held hers. Percy's anxiety caused the water he had been playing with earlier to tremble slightly, which went unnoticed by both of them. "I am angry. I try to control it, but it affects me. I'm scared one day I'll hurt one of my friends, or my mom, or Paul. I think that's why I try to hurt the monsters the way I do. I think I do it because I want control over something. I want something to acknowledge my power; I want to feel it crackle down my spine. If I can't be mad at the gods for everything that's happened, if I can't protect my friends, if I can't control anything about my life, I can control these monsters. That feeling of control over something that would eat the people I love at the first chance they get gives me my power back, I guess. I know you once told be some things aren't meant to be controlled, but I can't help it. All I hear is the gods mocking me, sending me to do their dirty work and to clean up their messes." The water formed a fist. Annabeth reached up with her free hand to cup his cheek. At her touch, the water fell back into the cup as if it had never happened.
"I won't pretend I understand how that kind of anger feels, but I do know how it feels to be powerless. I don't know if this darkness will ever go away, but I can promise you I'll be there to help you through it. When we were twelve I told you I'd fight next to you because you're my friend, Seaweed Brain. That was true then and it's true now. I'll fight next to you as you battle your scars." Annabeth had once been terrified of the darker side of Percy. It still scared her, but now she knew her Percy was still in there, and he needed her support, and that required courage. "I don't know what Nico caught you doing, but if it scared the Ghost King, there are better ways to work through your grief and anger. You can talk to me." Percy stayed silent, but they both could tell they were a bit better now. Neither of their healing would happen overnight nor in a single conversation, but it helped.
"I knew Ginny was too good for Harry," Percy replied, but this time, his humor wasn't a shield or disguise, it was a step towards something better. Annabeth was about to argue until she looked up once more and saw the playfulness in his eyes, that this joke was made out of joy, not pessimistic sarcasm. They held each other tightly, listening for each breath until they fell asleep, and for the first time in months, neither of them had to be woken from a nightmare.