Chapter 1. Foot in Mouth

Emmett

Nessie and I had gone out bear hunting while the family was away. Bella and Edward were on a week long vacation in Alaska enjoying some alone time at their private cabin. Carlisle had accompanied Esme to an interior design convention where they planned to spend some special time together as well. Jasper had driven Alice and Rosalie into town to do some shopping for Alice's latest wedding to Jasper. It was probably wedding number twelve for them. Alice liked to get married and Jasper loves to humor her with whatever she wants. So here I was spending me a little Uncle-Niece bonding time hunting grizzly bear with Renesmee. Yeah! So how did it go from a happy family moment to the catastrophe of now? Three words come to mind - Foot in mouth.

"Ahhhh Nessie, Come on! Your folks are gonna kill me! Let's just take a minute and cool off okay?" I pleaded with a very irate Renesmee.

"You can go and cool off yourself, Uncle Emmett! If you won't answer my question; then I will find someone who will!" she retorted as we ran back to the house together.

Great! How am I going to explain this one? Rose is always telling me to watch my mouth. This is going to cause a world of hurt. Probably to me, knowing my little brother. How do I get myself into these things? Oh, crap. Who is she calling?

" Jakey-Poo, I need you could you come right over after your meeting tonight?"

"Sure Nessie. What's up?"

"I miss you, that's all. Can't a girl call for her favorite pup without being questioned?"

"Ah, yeah. Nessie, you sound funny. What's wrong baby? Do you need me to come over now? Is something wrong? Where's your uncle?"

"Honestly Jacob, you act like I've never invited you over before. Just get here when you can."

"Sure. Sure. See you later."

Okay, okay. I got a minute. What should I do? What would Eddie do? Nah, I can't lock her in her room. Besides he would just read her mind and know all the right things to say to calm her down. Alice would already see what is supposed to happen and do it. Rosalie would think of something clever and make me do it. Esme would just love her through this. Soooo, what would Carlisle do? I can handle this. I am older and at least smarter that she is right now. Oh God, Bella is gonna kill me!

"Nessie, I need you to understand. What I meant to say was…

"You said exactly what you meant to say! MY JACOB had the hots for MY MOM!"

"That is NOT WHAT I SAID AND YOU KNOW IT!" Look Nessie, This is all past history. Water under the bridge. You completely misunderstood what I was trying to say. When you hit your hand I just remembered how your mom broke her hand when she punched Jacob in the face. Then you asked me why she hit him and I said he tried to kiss her. That was before you were born!"

Actually it was kinda cute. Nessie trying out some of my moves tried to uppercut the bear at the same time he launched at her. She accidentally hit the cave wall and bounced around and yelped. Then she stalked off in a huff. She looked just like Bella did that day she stormed into the garage after she returned from La Push. Pissed off and determined to get even.

I was in the garage helping Rose work on my jeep. I was basically her personal jack, holding the car up for her as she worked underneath it. When Bella stormed in with her hand wrapped up in an obvious injury, I asked her if she fell down again. Bella was really clumsy to a fault. I was constantly laughing at her episodes much to Edward's chagrin. "No," she seethed, "I punched a werewolf in the face". So I laughed at the memory again. That's when the trouble started. I think even Rose may kill me for this one.

"Where was my dad when all this was happening? What did he say to all this? I thought you guys said mom and Jacob were best friends."

"What! Friends don't kiss! It was perfectly innocent." Was that my voice going up two octaves? Sheesh, even I would have trouble believing me. Maybe she should know the whole story so it would make better sense.

"Look, Sweetie, it was an innocent attempt at furthering a friendship that was a bit one-sided because your mom was so not interested but the mongrel would not listen so he figured if he kissed her she would realize she felt the same way and then she would pick him over Edward. But your mom wasn't interested and so she punched him in the face so hard she broke her hand. But, when you think about it, that's not too hard to do considering your mom was human at the time."

"So you are telling me that MY BOYFRIEND TRIED TO MOLEST MY MOM WHEN SHE WAS OBVIOUSLY ALREADY INVOLVED WITH MY DAD! HE TRIED TO BREAK MY PARENTS UP!"

Yikes, if her voice goes up any higher my ears are gonna pop.

"Okay maybe I didn't paint the picture right. See after your parents broke up, and your dad left, your mom sort of had a nervous breakdown and became catatonic. So Jacob and Bella became…"

"Daddy broke up with mom! Why? Oh my God, I was almost never born. What if they had never gotten back together? I would never exist!

"Nessie, you've got to calm down! Your parents did get back together; you were born and you do exist! Now let me think here. In that brief time your parents were apart, Jacob and your mom became best friends."

"How long were they apart, Uncle Emmett?"

"I don't know, about eight months. Jacob just figured he had a chance because he had some time invested in their friendship so he kept trying to convince Bella she loved him and should pick him instead. But, as you can see, nothing happened."

"Eight Months! They dated for eight months!" Nessie screeched. You know what gets me is that this is not something new, but here it is 6 years later and I am just now hearing about this. You all knew about it. What were you doing? Laughing about it behind my back?"

"No! We just thought the timing was all wrong to talk about this stuff. You may be mentally 15 or 16 years old but you are still only six. Now look, we have this species in the mix to deal with, the age discrepancies and the protectiveness of all the family involved. There is a lot going on to sort out. I am impressed that I can even list it all.

Nessie, Nessie are you listing to me?"

I wonder if Rose would be interested in a long vacation for about a year. I am so not going to survive this. I am so dead. Okay, I am already dead technically but when this come out I will be deader. I know when I am over my head. I need help.