INSIDE THE PERVERTED MIND OF DOUGIE POYNTER
AUTHOR NOTE: I DO NOT OWN MCFLY, OR ANY OF THE MEMBERS. (TOO BAD) THIS IS JUST A FANFICTION PIECE, PLEASE REVIEW AND ENJOY. MUCH LOVE TO ALL WHO READS THIS.
MONDAY
I never know how to start off a journal? Is there a correct way to do it? Anyhow, I had just opened you up when Harry glances over and sees me writing in my notebook. "Why are you writing in purple pen, Dougie? You know that purple is for girls." I look up and shoot him a dirty look. "Yeah? Why do you have a dildo in your mouth? Dildos are for girls." I shoot back. Danny hears this and the soda that he was drinking came out his nose. "That was sick!" He sputtered as Tom walked into the door. "Nothing!" I snarl at him as I dash to my room. Can't I guy write in his jounral in peace? Not in this fuckin' house.
.......
Damn, I just can't think today. All I can think about is dippin' my wick. I don't see that happening anytime soon. Harry and Tom have gone to see a film and Danny is outside gardening.... Gardening?! I rush to the window and peer out. Sure enough, Danny is outside in the garden with his ass up in the air. That's driving me crazy. I can't take this any more. I've gotta jerk it before I explode. I've got plenty of time before those two get back and Danny is totally into his planting.
I grab my favorite lotion out of the night table and toss it onto my bed. Now to select a film of my own to enjoy. Hmmm. Cafe Vagina or Cum Academy. I'm really in the mood for some hard-core shit, so I pull out The Crotch-A-Teria and pop it into the player. I take off my pants and drop my boxers by the bed. Yeah...About ten minutes into the film I hear footsteps coming up the stairs. What the fuck? Can't write in peace, can't get myself off in peace. I need my own apartment. I hear Danny calling my name and him approaching my door. I can't stop coming! It feels so good; almost done. Before I can finish the door swings open and Danny stands in my doorway. Even through all the dirty on his face, I can still see the look of shock. "I-it's...It's not what you think!" Danny grins at me and comes in and jumps on my bed. "Having a single huh?" He asks me with an eyebrow raised. "Get the fuck out of here! I don't come in and join you when you are petting the weasel." Danny grabs the lotion off of my nightstand not listening to me. "Is this stuff any good?" He asks. "Yeah it is!" I say forgetting that I'm pissed at him. Danny takes the lotion and stands up. "Hurry up! I wanna go out for coffee, but I don't want to go alone." I shoot him a dirty look, but then give in. "Okay, give me about five minutes and I'll be ready to go." Danny hugs me. "You are the best, Dougie!" He says. Danny kisses me on the cheek and vacates the room. Hurried out of my pleasure and now I have to buy a new bottle of lotion. Motherfucker.
.....
Coffee with Danny is an event, but getting there is even more of an event. Danny has to be the worst driver in all of England. This year so far we have gone through four cars and I have ended up in the hospital eight times. I think that he should have his license taken away before I get killed. He drives with his ipod on, blackberry in one hand, cell phone in the other and the radio is blasting over everything that he has going. He drives with his knees and hardly looks at the road. No need to wonder why Tom does most of the driving. Thankfully we make it to the cafe with no accidents. Even though we almost hit 12 kids, a school bus and a dog, we get there safely. He pulls up on the side of the curb and turns off the radio. As soon as Danny gets out of the car I grab the keys from him. "I'm driving on the way home. I would like to make it home in one piece." Danny dangles the keys out of my reach. "We made it hear and you are still breathing." I give up and head into the cafe.
I'm in the mood for tea so I get my cup and sit down at a booth. Danny joins me a few minutes later with his coffee. He takes his sunglasses off and puts on of the earpieces in his mouth. "You fuckin' hungry or something?" I ask him. "Nah, uh." He says not taking his eyes off what he is looking at. He moans and takes a sip of his coffee. "Are you having an orgasm over there? Don't be jerking it under the table. If you have to do it, go out to the car. Have some fuckin' decency." I turn around to see what he is looking at and I stare too. The hottest girl that I have ever seen is sitting at one of the tables by the window reading a book. Her cleavage is winking me in the face and I whip around before I start to get hard.
"Damn, she is f-i-n-e FINE." Danny says, his attention back on me. "Yeah she is. I wonder if she would fancy a go." Without missing a beat Danny says, "You already had a go earlier." I turn beat red and sip my tea. "I should poke her in the whiskers if I get the chance." I nearly swallow the lid to my tea. I cough and sputter for a moment and then look up at him. "Poke who where?" I wheeze out. Before he can get up and try to hit her up, her boyfriend comes over and sits down with her. "Well isn't that bloody rotten?" He looks really depressed over this. After a moment he looks up at me and says, "Let's get back. I've got to water my sunflowers." He picks up his coffee and pulls me out of the booth. I hate being smaller than him. That reminds me! This one time I had a dream I was able to knock the shit out of him when he held my old diary over my head. That was one of the best dreams that I ever had.
I am knocked out of my dream world as Danny starts the car. "I thought that I was going to drive." Danny ignores me and turns on the radio. Please God let me make it home alive. Backing up he runs over a post box, but doesn't stop. He pulls away with the flattened post box caught under the bumper. He wheels into the driveway and nearly hits Tom's car. I am still clutching the seat belt long after Danny is out of the car. I see him go around out back with a watering can. The mud out back is really thick and I wonder how Danny is going to get through all of that. My curiosity gets the best of me and I pull my nails out of the seat belt and get out of the car to go and see how Danny is doing. Too bad I don't have that clear of a view from here.
By the time that I get to Danny in the backyard he is up to his knees in the thick mud. I swear that he is as thick as the mud that he is stuck in. I lean over to help him out of the mud, forgetting that he is a little bit bigger than me. Maybe if I was a better student and attended my physics class, I would have known that I would have landed in the mud too. I land in the mud and knock Danny over on my way down. My head is in Danny's crotch and before I have the time to move Tom and Harry pull up in Harry's car. FUCK! Tom sees us in this position and nearly explodes with laughter. Then that pompous asshole calls Harry around to see us. My arm is stuck in the mud and I can't move. Danny is flat on his back and both of us have mud all over. Harry comes around with the video camera and gets the mud moment on DVD. Why did I even bother getting out of bed today?
…….
At least my bubbly bath is wonderful. Soaking in the warm soapy water I finally am able to relax. Just as I sink down into the water I hear someone pounding on the door. "Dougie!!" The door slams open and I inhale a whole bunch of the water. "What do you want Tom? I am kind of in the middle of something here." "Oh right. What did I come in here for? Well, at least I didn't walk in on you playing with yourself!" Tom laughs at his own joke and I sink down to the bottom of the bathtub. Tom sees me and blushes. "Sorry. I didn't know about that. I'm not going to ask either…. maybe tonight. Anyway, I wanted to ask you how to make and erotic cake." I feel all the knowledge that I have drain out of my head and into my bath water. "A what cake?" "An erotic cake." So my ears were not deceiving me, I did hear what I thought that I heard. "How the fuck should I know?! Go ask Danny!" Tom gets his dick in a knot and snorts at me. "Humph. You don't have to act like an asshole about it." Tom leaves and I finally have the peace.
"Just smash open his house!" I hear Danny yell and my peace is blown to shit. Maybe tomorrow I will get run over by the post truck. Or I will get into a car with Danny again. A guy can dream can't he?
THE BELOVED DRAMA QUEEN DOUGIE