AN: So I've been trying to force myself to write this since the mid-season finale finally after months and watching that sneak peek and listening to this song and crying a bunch, I've finally finished it just in time for the premiere so yeah.
Disclaimer: I obviously don't own ouat because if I did, I'm pretty sure Regina would have a happy ending by now.
What hurts the most was being so close
And having so much to
And watching you walk away
and never knowing what could have been
-What Hurts the Most, Rascal Flatts
Regina's hand falls to the side after his disappears across the town line. He can't see her – that much she knows, but he's somehow still manages to stare straight at her. She forces herself to look away for a moment and when she looks back, he's picking up his son.
She takes a breath. Soon, the three of them will be trust into a new, non-magically world. But it was the only way Regina could think of to save Marian and she couldn't just leave Roland without a mother or trust her into an unknown world alone.
So here she was. And as much as it hurt – there was no other way to go. After all, she knew she wouldn't get a happy ending. After all, what villain did?
She took one last look at Robin's retreating back before she pulls the folded up page from her coat pocket. She looks down at the image of a what if. Something she desired but would never acquire.
Maybe it was never meant to be.
She closes her eyes and rips the paper up, letting the pieces fall from her fingers to the ground.
When she opens her eyes again, the road in front of her is empty. No sign of Robin, Marian or Roland. It's then that she turns on her heel and walks away – not sparing another glance.
The days pass and turn into weeks and she's still standing – still going through the motions of the changing days. She makes it through the days, all the while wondering how she's does it. But she is. It may hurt, but she still standing.
Henry comes to here after finding a library filled with empty storybooks so much like the one he has. Operation Mongoose is still in play but Regina hope slowly dwindles with each passing day. But she still plays the façade in front of Henry because this means so much to him and she doesn't want to rob him of that.
Though, there are still days when she pretends she's okay when she's not. There are time when she needs a breather or a quiet place to let the tears fall. She'll lock herself in her office just for some time alone – away from everyone else.
This is just the consequence of another one of her decision and is something she's going to have to learn to deal with. No matter how much it hurts – she's dealt with pain before, so how is this any different?
With time, it'll dull to a simmering ache just like everything else.
She's in her office one day, staring at one of those blank storybooks, running out of ideas. She doesn't know the first step to trying and find this author – even with Henry and Emma doing whatever it is they're doing in this operation of his.
She sighs and finds herself staring out the window.
After a moment she pushes from her desk and walks over to her door. She grabs her coat, braces herself and leaves her office. She doesn't put much thought into her actions because if she does, she'll talk herself out of it. And she's not sure if that's something she wants.
Once again she finds herself at the town line. Where all of this started.
Regina doesn't know why she's here; standing in the same place she was mere weeks ago, watching as the love of her life walked across that line. When Robin walked away with his family because she told him to since it was the right thing to do. When she took one last look at that page and ripped it up before walking away.
Maybe she needs closure but she knows that she's not going to find that here. But what she did hope to find was that storybook page.
And sure enough, the pieces are still lying on the ground where they fell after she ripped them up. She's almost surprised that they'll still here. But she collects them all the same and places in back into her coat pocket to take back to her office.
Maybe it's all that hope talk that Emma and Snow have been preaching. Maybe she's been spending too much time around them. But whatever it is that lead her back to this spot – there's a part of her that wishes it'd leave her alone but also a part that's glad for it.
The whole situation has made her conflicted and she hates feeling like this. But it's not as if it's not something she's used to.
She stays at the town line longer than she realizes, lost in thought. Lost in the moment when her life changed. It's growing darker by the time she finally leaves and finds herself back in her office standing in front of her desk, spreading the pieces out in front of her.
She reaches into a drawer and pulls out a roll of tape.
Her hands work of their own accord and soon, the storybook page is taped back together and she can't help but stare at it. She reaches down and picks it up – her mind flashing back to that day in the bar where she first saw the man with the lion tattoo.
Even years later, she still wonders how much her life would be different if she hadn't run away. If she had actually done something that night would it have made a difference?
But there's no use worrying about the what ifs or the what-could-have-been's.
When she pulls herself out of her memory, she sees the page in her hand shaking and soon realizes that it's because of her hand. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath to calm her nerves.
As much as it hurts her, she can't seem to break away from that damn page. Or the memories that come with it. Or the rest of these empty storybooks they found. She lets out a breath, letting the page fall from her fingertips to land on her desk once more.
There's a knock on her open door, followed by a simple word. "Mom."
The voice startles her from her thoughts and she looks up to see Henry standing in the doorway.
"Henry, what are you doing here?" she asks.
"Checking up on you," he responds. "You may say you're okay but I know you're not."
He walks further into the room and Regina slips the storybook page underneath the storybook sitting in front of her.
"I'm going to be fine, Henry," she says, more to convince herself than to convince him.
There's a moment of silence before Henry speaks again. "We're going to figure this out. We always do. We'll find this author and get your happy ending."
Regina forces a smile. There's a small part of her that wants to believe that, but there's still that part that knows it's a slim chance. But she'll still play along.
Regina closes the book. "You know what, it's late. Why don't we call it a night? The dead ends will still be there tomorrow." She says the last part more to herself than to Henry.
Henry gives her a look but agrees nonetheless.
She tells him she'll meet him in the hall after she cleans up. She frees the storybook page from its hiding spot under the book and wishes she could have Henry's optimist.
She steals one last look at the page before she walks around her desk and towards the door. Before she steps into the hall, she hides the page away in a three drawer cabinet by the office door. Closing it away from prying eyes.
"I'm not giving up on this," Henry tells her when she closes and locks the door.
She gives him a smile and wraps an arm around his shoulders. "Of course you're not."
As much as she doesn't think this will lead anywhere with how long they've been going at it – she'll give Henry his moment. He'd do anything to make sure she's happy and really, that's one of the only things she needs.
And maybe, just maybe there is something to this. Even if this author or sorcerer or whoever he is doesn't want to be found.