She roused unwillingly, her body thrown awake as it was thrust back against the cushions of the train seat, shifting her head from the comfortable pillow of Rhett's shoulder. Her eyes fluttered open to find him watching her with that inscrutable look she'd always wondered about when they were married. Now she understood, and smiled up at him as she attempted to stretch muscles sore from a nap spent contorted between Rhett and the window.
"Are we back at last?" She stifled a yawn as she turned from him to look out over the twilit countryside, slowly disappearing into the outskirts of Galway. Scarlett turned back to face Rhett, taking in Cat curled up asleep on his other side. "How long has she been asleep?"
"Yes, my dear, we are. And Cat's only been asleep half the time you've been. But then, she didn't spend last night riding across half of Ireland, witnessing urban warfare, and seeing her home burned to the ground. I believe she slept through most of that." Laughter danced in his eyes, mingled with admiration. He would never cease to be amazed at the strength this woman had.
Their gazes met for a second, before Scarlett's returned to Cat. "I'm worried she understands more of what happened than she seems to. She's so terribly smart." She reached across Rhett to stroke her daughter's hair, just lightly enough to reassure herself without rousing Cat.
Rhett sighed, and looking up at him, Scarlett could see worry there for one of the first times in her life. It did little to reassure her about Cat, but much to reinforce Rhett's new candor with her. "She takes after her mother in that, I believe. Which would also lead me to believe she's possessed of the mental fortitude to deal with it. Someone very wise once told me that you were always able to bear what the good Lord saw fit to give you. Never once have I doubted that, and I don't doubt it about Cat, either."
Scarlett smiled and kissed him softly on the cheek. "Thank you." She was at a loss, now, unsure of how to proceed once the train stopped back in reality. "Rhett...how do...where do we go now that we're here again?"
"Your things are all still at the hotel aren't they?" Disheveled hair slid farther out of place as she nodded the affirmative. "We'll go back there, then. At least for tonight. All of us are in need of a good night's sleep. I'm sure you of all people will appreciate the desire to put of thinking of all that until tomorrow."
Reacting with mock indignation, she punched him lightly in the arm. "I'll have you know I've gotten much better about that. Its not just my tomorrow I have to worry about anymore."
The train finally ground to a stop at the terminal, with people pouring off and into the city's crowds. Only then did Scarlett's hand wander over her unruly hair and rumpled clothing. "Oh, I really must look as if I've been running back and forth across the country for two days. The hotel does sound like an excellent suggestion, Mr. Butler."
"I've seen you look much worse, Scarlett."
"I don't know if I'm going to like all of this new honesty."
Rhett's laugh was loud enough to awaken a confused Cat, making it easier for the three of them to disembark from the train carriage. They drew a few odd looks as they hastily passed through the hotel lobby on their way to her rooms, but Scarlett was too tired to care. Cat had gone to bed with only one brief story from Rhett. Scarlett had lingered in the doorframe listening to a tale of blockade running she'd never heard him tell before, tears of emotion and exhaustion rising to her eyes. Rhett looked at her with some concern as he made his way out of the room.
"What's wrong, Scarlett?" One of his strong arms wrapped around her waist and drew her out onto a chaise with him.
She met his eyes but shook her head, unsure of her voice.
Rhett pulled her into his arms as he had during her nightmares years before, making no demands and providing the security he knew she needed.
"I-I...You're so wonderful with her, Rhett, just like you were with-with Bonnie." The last two words slipped out sotto voce, belying her fear of revisiting their past.
Rhett remained silent, his hands continuing to caress her back. He could feel her heart racing, and her heaving breaths as she fought for control of suddenly irrational emotions.
Scarlett steeled herself and continued, letting the words she needed to same tumble out, painfully aware of the sore subjects she was broaching. "I'm sorry, Rhett, for the way that I, um, turned you out after Bonnie was born. I shouldn't have, and I'm sorry for it. And then I fell, and lost the first baby I really wanted. I mean, wanted before..." She floundered, unsure of how to voice what she was thinking. Realizing Rhett had never judged her for speaking her mind, she went ahead, sparing the delicacies and letting her tears flow onto Rhett's broad shoulders. "I wanted that baby with you, Rhett, and I lost it. I was even happier when I found out about Cat, because I had one last chance to have something of us. I want more children with you, Rhett, but when Cat was born, there were...I don't know what exactly happened, I was in so much pain, lost so much blood, and had long since passed out before she came, but I can't...they had to cut her out of me, Rhett." She took a breath, trying to collect her thoughts, to tell him the one thing she knew he'd be most upset to hear.
"Shhh, Scarlett, I told you long ago that it was immaterial to me how many children we had. Yes, I loved Bonnie, and I was devastated by your accident, and I love Cat now. I'm sorry for what you had to go through, alone, to bring her into this world. If I had known, I would have been there with you. As wonderful as other children would be, we have Cat, and I'm happy to have her in my life now."
Sniffling, she looked up at him. Concern for her welfare was overshadowed only by love for her and for Cat. "Thank you for understanding, Rhett. I love you, and I'm sorry for this whole terrible mess I made of our lives."
"I love you, too, and will not have you taking all the blame for what went wrong between us. It's as much my fault as it is yours. Let's just put all that behind us for now. You're exhausted and need to sleep."
Rhett lifted her easily into his arms as she wrapped hers tightly around his neck. He made his way carefully around the foreign rooms, laying Scarlett gently on the bed as the nearby church bells struck out the ten o'clock hour.
"You always take such good care of me," she mumbled drowsily, trying to muster up her energy reserves.
"Scarlett, try to find a nightgown. I'm going to put out the lamps and check on Cat. I'll be back in a minute."
She pondered that as she rummaged through her changing room. Finding several, she debated between a new, crisp, lace-trimmed one that was to be for her honeymoon and a comfortable old favorite. One hung in either hand as Rhett stepped into the room, silently raising an eyebrow at the sight of her standing frozen, eyes traveling between what were to him nearly identical pieces of white material.
"Either is fine. I've seen you in and out of nightgowns before." His arms encircled her waist from behind, drawing her back to him as her mouth fell into an "O" of shock.
"Don't act so surprised, Scarlett, it doesn't become you. Besides, we are both far too drained right now to contemplate anything besides simply sleeping. Though I make no promises as to my behavior tomorrow morning."
The lacier gown dropped from her fingers into a heap on the floor as she smiled. "Oh, I think I could stay awake a bit longer if given the right motivation. But right now-" the falsity of her claim was made evident by the yawn that she didn't bother suppressing. "Oh, maybe not. Could you undo the little buttons down my back?"
"At your service, as always." Rhett chuckled as he undid the row of tiny buttons, kissing the nape of her neck as it was revealed. "There. Do you need any other help?" The lilt of his old teasing snuck in, and she smiled.
"No, but thank you so very much for your assistance." The dress pooled at her feet next to the discarded nightgown as Rhett made his way out of the room, glancing back at her revealed form with admiration.
When Scarlett emerged from the dressing room, Rhett was already asleep. She took in his features before she dimmed the lights. Scarlett remembered how much older than she he was, and resolved to stop wearing him out in chasing her around and saving her. Yet in sleep, his features softened, appearing not much older than her own. Smiling, she extinguished the lamp and curled up in bed beside him, snuggling deeper as one of his arms reached out and pulled her closer.
"Scarlett, darling..."
She turned deeper into the pillows, burying her face from the bright morning light and the voice tickling her ear. Her brain, not yet alert, said that the voice was a dream.
"Scarlett. I'm counting to three, then I'm pulling back all the covers. This is much more pleasant."
She made an incomprehensible noise as she rolled onto her back and cracked her eyes open. Rhett was already out of bed and half dressed, leaning down over her. Suddenly, her mind shot awake, remembering last night. He couldn't be leaving her, not now. Could he?
Doubts were dispelled as he kissed her, gently and passionately. "Good morning, Sleeping Beauty. It's nearly nine. I thought you and Cat might like some breakfast."
"That would be just divine, Rhett. I can't believe she's still asleep, she's ever so fond of waking me up in the mornings by jumping on my bed."
"Actually, she came in and woke me up, asking if we could go have breakfast with the big people downstairs. I told her to go pick out a dress and I'd wake you up."
Scarlett smiled, knowing how impatient Cat would be once she was ready. "You really do spoil me, Rhett Butler. And I'm sorry she's awake to prevent me from giving me the proper good morning you deserve." Her eyes sparkled as she tumbled out of bed towards the dressing room, glancing back at him with a pout. "Oh, I haven't been this hungry in years. It must be since lunch yesterday that we had anything to eat."
"We'll have whatever you'd like at breakfast. I hear this hotel is well known for its food."
"Don't let Cat hear you say that. She'll have nothing but a big plate of pastries if you let her."
Rhett's hearty laugh was like music to her and she dug through the clothing discarded in the dressing room, wishing it had been a bit more organized before she'd gone to bed. "I'm willing to let her if you are, my dear. Can you button yourself up more easily than you can undo them, while I get our daughter ready?"
"I'd much rather have you button them." She batted her eyes at him, flirting as she had at half this age before growing serious. "But things would go much faster if you got Cat ready. Heaven knows what sort of thing she's picked out. And I suppose you'll have to go get the rest of your clothing today. Not that I'd mind you being without clothing, but it would make going out for food difficult."
The day passed rapidly for them, as Scarlett realized calling off a wedding to one man while simultaneously arranging marriage to another was quite an affair. She sent a telegram to Fenton calling their wedding off; in her mind, the faster she was out of Ireland with Rhett, the better. Rhett had retrieved his baggage and contacted Bart Morland, asking him to stand up for them at a quiet civil service the next day. He'd been more than willing, if a bit shocked at the news. Cat was simply pleased with the new mint green silk frock purchased for her appearance the next day. Scarlett and Rhett had been hard pressed to find a moment alone in the hustle until dinner was over and Cat was settled into bed.
Scarlett quietly wrapped her arms around Rhett as he stood at the window, looking at the moonlit rooftops of Galway. "It's been a long day again." She scanned his face, deeply contrasted in moonlight and shadow. Perhaps she should've left more lamps on.
"Yes it has, Scarlett. And it will be again tomorrow, and the next day." There was something resigned in his voice, a tone she wasn't used to hearing from him. She pulled back slightly, massaging his back with her hands.
"Tomorrow will be a happier sort of busy, though. Not tying up old loose ends, like today. We'll finally be back on track where we should be-together."
He turned to her, his back leaning against the window frame. "This optimism is a new leaf for you. It will take getting used to, but I think I like it very much."
"I like it, too. Except I don't know that it's optimism. I'd say more realism, but also trusting myself for the first time in a long time. Maybe ever. It started slowly, after Cat came, and I started putting my life back together. After so long feeling lost, I realized that I could do what you knew I could do all along-stand on my own two feet and make something of myself. Having you here makes it easier, though. Better." She stretched up and kissed him softly on the cheek.
"I'm glad. I may end up loving this new you even more than I loved the old you."
"Do you really think I've changed so much?"
Rhett pulled back and met her gaze. "You have changed very much. Maybe it's who you would have been if the War hadn't come into your life. Or maybe it's that we needed to go through all of this separately so we could end up being on the same page at last."
She shook her head slowly. "I wouldn't have been this way without the War, and all the other terrible things that have happened and that I've done. I don't love what it did to me, but I'd have never grown up without it. I'd have married a boy from the County, raised a family, and ended up unhappy without ever realizing why."
"Have you developed some sort of psychic gift of which I'm unaware, my dear?" Rhett laughed and kissed her then, drowning out all her solemn thoughts of what might have been with a blissful realization of her reality. They parted reluctantly, panting to catch their breaths.
"Shall we adjourn to the bedroom?"
"Yes." Scarlett wasn't sure if she spoke or just sighed, but she was propelled tenderly there by Rhett's strong embrace.
His hands felt warm even through the layers of her dress, teasing at her sides and the edges of her breasts. Silver moonlight filled the room as they fell back onto the bed and Rhett began teasing open the dress's buttons in a manner that left no doubt that he was not simply being the helpful gentleman of the night before.
"I'd been meaning to tell you," he paused dramatically as he pulled Scarlett's dress away, leaving her exposed in undergarments, glowing in the pale light. "I love that you've given up those foolish corsets. This has to feel even better for you than it does to me." His hands ran over her torso, toying with the buttons and ties still holding a layer of fabric around her body.
"Oh, it does. Much less restrictive. I've been learning to free myself over the past few years." She batted her eyes at him mischievously, as both of them grinned like Cheshire cats. "Of course, it now appears that the clothing situation is unequal, and I won't stand for that." She began toying with the buttons of his shirt, taking her time exposing the well-defined chest beneath.
Garments were shed like the wrappings of well appreciated gifts, strewing shirts and petticoats around the periphery of the massive bed. They were consumed with a fervor long suppressed and ignored, out of pride and fear. Those barriers were at last breaking down, crumbling as the inhibitions of once-foreign bedmates became the tender lovemaking of equals. They took their time exploring one another, examining old familiar bodies from new perspectives. One new mark stood out from the rest as Rhett pulled away Scarlett's chemise.
The scar had faded with time. It was no longer the raised, angry red it had once been. A few years had faded it to a soft pink, so that it almost blended into the flushed flesh of her abdomen. Rhett's index finger traced slowly along the silky line, his eyes coming back to meet Scarlett's, filled with questions he didn't dare to ask.
She nodded, barely trusting her voice, overcome with passion and a sudden rush of emotion. "Yes. Cat." Scarlett couldn't explain, barely knowing herself. What she had told Rhett the night before was as much as she knew of Cat's birth.
He accepted the answer, dropping his lips down to place a row of kisses along the scar. Her hands tangled in his dark hair as his lips roamed lower. For all her sentiments towards Rhett, she still knew very little about how much pleasure was to be given and received. Shadowed memories of a drunken night and a shipwrecked beach flickered through her mind, even as she realized there had been reservations even in those moments.
Scarlett found herself amazed at the feelings Rhett appeared instinctively able to tease out of her. As they collapsed together in bed, he surrounded her with his presence, both of them nearly spent, her brain struggled back to coherence, memories of their time together flitting past. She knew he'd been with other women, much more experienced women than herself. For while Scarlett had been with more men in the course of her several marriages than other proper women she knew, no proper woman she knew had any desire to reciprocate the pleasure her husband gave her as she did.
Rhett's fingers trailed down the cooling flesh of her arm. "How are you feeling, my love?"
She hesitated, turning to face him to buy time as she formulated a response. "Rhett, that was...was...thank you." She kissed him tenderly, unsure of how she should respond in this new situation.
He chuckled as they broke the kiss. "I'm glad you enjoyed yourself as much as I did."
"Did you really?" She peered up at his shadowed face above her, shocked at her own bluntness.
"What makes you ask that? Of course I enjoyed making love with the woman I love."
"Well, I mean, you've...There have been other women in your life, women who-who knew what they were doing in bed." Suddenly she was glad for the dimness, hoping that the redness of her cheeks would be less apparent. "And while I admit that our time together before was better than with either of my previous husbands, I never much cared if you enjoyed it. I just assumed men did, always. But...should I...is there something else that I..." She floundered, at a loss for words and ashamed at how embarrassed she was to be discussing this with the one man on earth who wouldn't think badly of her for asking.
Rhett let out a hearty laugh until he saw the trepidation in her features. "Scarlett, I assure you that was better that anything I've ever done with any woman, if for no other reason than the fact that it was with you, and you were enjoying it." He paused, watching worry change to relief on her face. "But I'm sure both of us could...improve our techniques. And that only happens with plenty of practice."
"Oh, you are incorrigible!" She slapped him lightly on the arm.
"We'll have plenty of that, I'm sure. But go to sleep now, dream of where you would like to go. We can go buy tickets tomorrow. I'm sure Cat will love the idea of a trip."
"She will, very much. She was always so jealous of me, running off every weekend to parties and hunts. Going on so many trips is fun for her. I just don't know how to tell her this isn't a weekend house party, but goodbye." Without meeting his gaze, Scarlett rested her head against his chest, lost in thought.
"We'll figure out how to tell her together, once we figure out where it is we're going. Cat won't mind very much so long as she's going with the both of us." His hands tangled in her hair, grown longer over the past few years.
"You know her so well after so little time. You always knew me so well, too."
"I know her because she's so very much like you were. And now you're constantly surprising me."
"We'll keep you on your toes, Mr. Butler."
"I have no doubt of that. In fact, I'm looking forward to it."
They fell comfortably asleep in each other's arms. Neither of them heard the chiming bells, signaling the passing of another day as the world moved once more from night to morning.