The disclaimer telling all of you that I don't own any Archer characters has gone shopping for new clothes. Just more madness from my tiny mind.
Casual Friday Goes Way Too Far
"I'm just saying this agency is becoming even more out of control than it was when we were a spy agency," Cyril whined to Mallory in her office. "And that's a pretty high bar to beat."
"That's because Cyril…" Mallory gave him an annoyed look. "You are a timid little man…"
"Yeah I get it! I'm not you," Cyril interrupted. "But even you have to admit things are getting crazier than usual around here."
"Hey Cyril!" Pam walked in wearing a large American flag draped over her body. "Ray brought in pink cupcakes again! And they're pretty freaking tasty! Hey Ms. Archer, maybe you can have a cheat day and lick the frosting?"
"See what I mean?" Cyril pointed to Pam.
"Pam take that flag off your misshaped and malformed body," Mallory groaned. "The American Flag does not deserve to be disrespected like that!"
"Okay," Pam took it off to reveal that she was fully nude underneath.
"Put the flag back on Pam!" Cyril groaned. "Put it back on!"
"Why are you only wearing an American flag?" Mallory shouted.
"Getting a jump on Flag Day," Pam said cheerfully as she put it back on. "And any other patriotic holiday! I just felt like showing my American pride! Suck it other countries!"
"This is what I fought for in the war," Mallory groaned.
"Ugh! I am sooooooooooooo bored!" Cheryl walked in wearing only her blue underwear and a blue bra. "You ever have a day when you don't feel like burning anything or stabbing anyone?"
"Surprisingly, those days are getting fewer and fewer…" Cyril groaned.
"I'm starting to see your point Cyril," Mallory sighed. "Why are you only wearing your underwear Cheryl?"
"Uh because I feel like it?" Cheryl gave her a look. "Duh!"
"And what would this country be if everybody did what they felt like doing?" Mallory shouted.
"Uh isn't that like the whole point of America?" Cheryl gave her a look.
"She's got you there," Pam agreed.
"Nice flag by the way," Cheryl said.
"Thank you," Pam grinned.
"All right!" Mallory got up from her chair. "I'm calling a meeting! Bullpen! Now!"
"Ugh! Why?" Cheryl whined.
"Because of this!" Mallory pointed to the two women. "That's why!"
Krieger walked by the office wearing nothing but a long brown apron. "And that…" Mallory groaned as he saw Krieger's bare behind.
"Why are you always nude?" Cyril shouted.
"Why are you not?" Krieger asked.
"He has a point, Cyril," Pam said.
"Bullpen now!" Mallory shouted as she led the group into the bullpen. "Emergency meeting! STERLING! LANA! IN HERE! NOW!"
"Uh Mother…" Archer was heard. "Could you wait a second while we…?"
"NOW DAMN IT!" Mallory shouted.
"Okay…" Archer sighed. He walked out and was wearing only his black underwear. Lana was wearing only her black lingerie.
"Oh for the love of…" Cyril groaned.
"In the middle of something we were?" Mallory asked sarcastically. "So sorry to tear you two away from your work!"
"We had an accident," Lana said.
"No kidding," Pam laughed.
"Our stupid breakfast burritos exploded Pam!" Archer barked.
"Is that what the kids are calling it these days?" Mallory groaned.
"No Mother!" Archer snapped. "Actual breakfast burritos. They weren't made right and the contents spilled out all over our clothes…"
"All right!" Mallory shouted. "We are having a meeting right here! Right now! It has become painfully obvious that the dress code…for lack of a better word…has become extremely lax around here!"
"So?" Archer shrugged. "This is California. Ever hear of California Casual?"
"Not this casual!" Cyril shouted.
"Cyril I'm handling this," Mallory let out a breath.
"This place is barely a step up from a nudist colony!" Cyril groaned.
"Oh this from you?" Pam scoffed. "Mister Love Oneself In the Elevator?"
"Don't think we don't know what you do in the elevator," Krieger rolled his eyes.
"That's personal private time!" Cyril snapped. "After hours! I don't do it in the middle of the god damn freaking breakroom like these two!" He pointed to Archer and Lana.
"Actually we haven't done it in here yet," Archer said. "Lana, we totally have to have sex in the break room."
"Eh it's not as sexy as it sounds," Krieger waved.
"Not as good as the copy machine," Pam agreed.
"Totally lame," Cheryl nodded. "Sex in the break room I mean. The copy machine is totally fun."
"Will you people try and remember that we are professionals?" Mallory shouted. "And one of the hallmarks is looking professional!"
"Oh please!" Cheryl scoffed. "Who cares if we look unprofessional? Most of the people who have hired us or worked with us in the past already know this!"
"I hate to say it but she does have a point," Lana shrugged.
"That's why we are trying to get clients that don't know us!" Cyril shouted. "Why do you think we relocated to a state clear across the country? As far away from New York as possible?"
"Well technically we could have gone further with either Hawaii or Alaska," Archer spoke up. "Now it wasn't that I was opposed to go to Hawaii, but let's face it. California is pretty much the same thing only with only half the poverty, fewer volcanoes and more Mexicans."
"Archer…" Cyril groaned.
"Not that I don't like Mexicans," Archer spoke up. "I mean come on. They invented siestas, fajitas and Tequila. What's not to love?"
"Archer…" Cyril's eye twitched.
"And there was no way in hell I was moving to Alaska," Archer went on. "Bikinis or flannel shirts? Hello? California? It's Alaska! You win!"
"Will you please…?" Cyril let out a scream of frustration.
"Cyril I am handling it!" Mallory snapped. "Sterling what Cyril is desperately trying to convey…And quite frankly I understand his frustration…"
"Phrasing! Boom!" Krieger shouted.
"On my…" Pam began.
"SHUT UP!" Mallory shouted. "This is a place of business. We want to show our potential clients that this is a respectable detective agency! NOT A BROTHEL!"
"Respectable? Us?" Cheryl laughed. "That'll be the day!"
"And where the hell is Miss Gillette?" Mallory snapped. "I can't wait to see how she's dressed today! Or should I say undressed?"
"You bellowed?" Ray walked in. He was dressed up to the nines in a black tuxedo, black gloves, top hat, cane and monocle. He looked very dapper.
"Holy suave-snacks!" Pam whistled.
"What?" Ray blinked.
"Never mind," Mallory groaned.
"I give up…" Cyril moaned as he walked out of the room. "I just give up."
"At least he's wearing pants," Mallory groaned. "Which is more than the rest of you."
"I GIVE UP!" Cyril screamed. "I JUST GIVE UP!"
"So what's the problem?" Ray asked.
"The fact that I don't have a drink in my hand," Mallory left the room. "Which I will now rectify."
"You had that in your office and changed into that on purpose didn't you?" Pam laughed.
"Yeah," Ray smirked. "Plus I felt like dressing up today. And my assless chaps are at the cleaners."
"I JUST FREAKING GIVE UP!" Cyril was heard screaming.
"You know one of these days Cyril is going to completely snap again right?" Lana pointed out.
"And this is a problem why?" Archer snorted.