Title: Seeking Salvation

Rating: PG
Word Count: 1,016
Pairing and/or Characters: Teal'c
Warning/spoilers: "Cor'ai"
Synopsis: A glimpse into Teal'c's mind during the Cor'ai; he seeks justice for himself and Hanno and comes to the realization that finding justice does not necessarily give him salvation from the acts he committed as the First Prime of Apophis.
Disclaimer: Not mine, I just like to play with them

"Have you completely lost your mind, T?" O'Neill rages at me. I let him rant and pace until he exhausts himself; I am not going anywhere anytime soon, no matter how badly O'Neill wants to break me out.

I am guilty of the crime Hanno has accused me of. I did indeed kill his father, on Apophis' order but it was my staff weapon that caused his death.

I know that O'Neill understands following orders; I know he too has done things he is not proud of. I know too that he will eventually understand why I had to plead guilty. Hanno deserves to seek justice for his father. I can only hope that my testimony will shed more light on the event before my fate is decided.

I knew then that killing Hanno's father was the only way to ensure that more of their people would make it to their dwellings in the caves safely. As much as I abhorred the idea of taking another man's life, felt that it was the lesser of two evils; taking that one man's life to save hundreds of other lives.

Now, I need to find a way to make O'Neill understand that.

I watch as he paces; as Captain Carter watches him, wide eyed and unsure what, if anything to say. I watch Daniel Jackson look on from his corner, brow furrowed as he considers how best to defend me.

None of them will listen when I tell them that there is no need to do so.

I will take my punishment like a soldier. I will go down with honor. I will die free if that is to be my fate here.

"…exactly do you expect to accomplish!?" O'Neill stops pacing and turns to face me; he finally seems to have exhausted himself.

"O'Neill, Hanno deserves the opportunity to seek justice for his father's death. A death I am responsible for. "I raise an eyebrow at O'Neill, silently imploring him to understand.

"Teal'c, " Captain Carter starts softly, coming forward to stand in front of me, "you were following orders. We all understand that. And we know that in following those orders, you did kill Hanno's father. But we just don't understand how your death will make it better. Hanno may find justice for his father's death; you may find vindication in that justice; but it will not offer you salvation." she finishes with a whisper.

I am surprised to find that Captain Carter understands more quickly than the rest why I've made my guilty plea.

And she is right.

Justice for Hanno, his father, myself, does not mean that I will find salvation. That my soul will be saved. That I will find peace after so many years of committing such atrocities as those I did for Apophis; in his name.

"Is that what this is about, Teal'c?" Daniel Jackson comes forward from his corner, pushes his glasses up on his nose. "About finding salvation?"

I look at the young archeologist who has lost so much already to Apophis . . . by my hand. The young man who has forgiven me for the part I played in his wife becoming the host to Apophis' queen. . He, more than anyone but Hanno, deserves to put me on trial for justice from my actions.

He, more than the others, understands my desire for salvation.

"Indeed, Daniel Jackson, I do seek salvation. I know that this is not the day I will find it, but I believe that it will bring me one step closer."

He meets my eyes and I can see the moment when he truly understands. He nods and turns to O'Neill and Captain Carter.

"Jack, we need to let him see this through. We need to plead his case and let Hanno make his peace finally…. Regardless of the outcome for Teal'c." he adds the last quietly, sadly. There is no resignation in his tone, only understanding and acceptance of my choice.

"Daniel, I am NOT going to sit by and watch them grill him for things he did under orders. We have laws that protect soldiers from that…" O'Neill starts his ranting again.

"Sir, we have laws that protect soldiers, yes. But we're not on Earth, in the United States, where those laws apply. We have to follow their rules and go through with the Cor'ai. "Captain Carter winces when O'Neill turns and glares at her. "I'm sorry, Colonel, but I'm with Daniel and Teal'c on this one. I don't like it any more than you do, but I think we have to do this their way. For Teal'c's sake…and well….for Hanno too…" she moves to join Daniel Jackson who is standing next to me.

O'Neill sighs. He paces. He sighs again.

"Fine, we'll do it your way. But so help me, Teal'c, if you end up being killed over this, I'm bringing you back and killing you again!"

I raise an eyebrow at O'Neill, fairly certain that this is another one of our misunderstandings.

"Okay Teal'c, we need you to explain to us exactly what happened that day, to the best of your memory. I'm going to go talk to the townspeople and see if I can find any information that might be able to help us make your case better." Daniel Jackson nods at O'Neill and leaves. O'Neill shakes his head at the younger man but does not try to call him back. We have all come to learn that sometimes you can't stop Daniel Jackson once he's gotten an idea in his head.

I take a deep breath and collect my thoughts. Justice will be served before this is all said and done; I may not find salvation today, but justice here will bring me one step closer.

Grateful to have a team…to have friends…who will be there with me, for me, regardless of Hanno's decision gives me the strength to start to forgive myself and allows me to seek that justice.

I turn to O'Neill and Captain Carter and recount the details of that day so long ago.